ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 2)

resentful??
I’M NOT RESENTFUL!

That’s all in the past, right?

PREVIOUS: ACoAs- What about anger (#1)

BOOK: Strategies for Survival in an Angry World”  ~ Dr Eva Bell


DEFINITIONS

☁︎Anger – A temporary & episodic emotional reaction to a frustrating situation. It’s ‘rational’, because the cortex is still functioning, so the person can think & decide actions
▸ A strong, uncomfortable emotional response to something unwanted & not fitting with our values, beliefs or rights (triggered)

☔︎ Irritability –
 A milder feeling in reaction to minor annoyances that happen as part of our daily routine
➤Aggression – An intentional desire to harm someone or something

♨️ Rage – An “irrational” emotion – the un-reasoned, automatic, instinctive protection used to roughly push away danger to self or someone/ something vital & loved.
Often in the form of an explosion, sometime as completely irrational behavior (no conscious thought), sometimes very deliberate!

🚯Hostility 
– An emotional feeling of distrust + a negative mental opinion of everyone (chronic antagonism), causing a person to indiscriminately harm or want to harm others.

🛑 Hate
 (internal)
• extreme hurt which has hardened into cold rage.
In childhood it accumulates from being powerless to stop repeated & relentless abuse & neglect.
As adults, it’s
a. from persistently blaming others for our problems, instead of finding & using valid ways out of bad situations
b. as Self-Hate – turning our legitimate rage at family & environment back on ourself
🎴
BIG PICTURE T.E.A.
Psychologists consider the 2 most basic human emotions to be love & fear (Es), which colors our thinking (Ts) & so our actions (As). All other emotions are seen as nuances & variations.

😍 LOVE generates: caring, compassion, contentment, happiness, honesty, enjoyment, satisfaction, trust….  (Diagrams in Part 5)
❖ Unconditional LOVE is the only source of self-esteem!
(see Posts: “Being Loved“).  Healthy Love is what make a child feel safe, & Love is the all-powerful healer of wounds.

BUT – ACoAs did not experience a genuine sense of being loved, even if our parents said it or thought they did.
How do we know this? Because of the intense fear under everything we think, feel & do – seen in our S-H, FoA, PP….

🥶 FEAR generates : anger, anxiety, confusion, control, depression, guilt, hurt, inadequacy, loneliness, sadness, shame….

All ACoAs are fear-based, having been thru so much abuse, chaos, controlling, denial, judgement, lies, narcissism & neglect – to ever feel totally safe – without healing

And sooner or later – fear always generates ANGER. Being constantly scared – with no comfort, no relief, no explanations…. will pile up & turn into RAGE.
NOTE : counter-phobia & addiction-to-excitement are defenses, not lack of fear.
⬆️  Emotion GRAPHS – computer models from the Atlas of Emotions

★ Normally, all emotions are short-term, in-&-out reactions to some immediate event, & in this form – anger is not a problem. In fact, modern psychologists view anger as a mature emotion experienced by everyone at times, having survival value. When understood & accepted, it can often be used to correct life’s imbalances, although it’s not possible in every situation.

But when painful EMOs persist for days, months or years – from living in harmful situations – they got stockpiled, without having:
✦ permission to be experienced as true emotional responses to abuse & losses
✦ anyone to listen to us, identify them (give them words) or comfort us
✦ an opportunity to process the events, so we wouldn’t have to suppress or deny them

NOW, painful emotions are being held in place by toxic T.E.A.s:
◽️(T) The WIC / PP’s thinking in the form of CDs, mental obsessions about something unpleasant/ unacceptable, without understanding our interaction or participation in the problem

◽️(E) mountains of unprocessed pain accumulated from old hurts & unmet needs, suppressed awareness of all that hurt, in order to keep going (denial)

range of Es◽️(A) staying in harmful or inappropriate situations we know are not good for us, and continuing to live in self-deprivation (not enough company, education, finances, fun, love, rest, self-reflection, sex, support….)

REMINDER – Thoughts & Actions can be either Positive, Negative or Neutral,
 but EMOTIONS are never negative!
They can range from :
                most
Joyful <—–> to most Painful (+/- 100)
       with the calmest, pleasantest in the mid-range (+/- 20).

NEXT: What about anger – Part 2

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 1)

frustrationI’M SO FRUSTRATED
I don’t know what to do with myself

PREVIOUS: New Year Celebration

BOOK: Metaphor & Emotion, seeing the body as container for emotions: “She unleashed her anger, his anger is smoldering, you make by blood boil…..”

BASICs the more we know about something, the easier it is to understand, deal with & be in charge of it. So it is with anger.

1. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion – created by the physiology of our brain & body. It’s not only universal, but absolutely necessary, and NOT something to be cured as if it were a disease.

Anger is a healthy reaction to a grievance, so one of its positive intentions is to focus our attention – so we can modify or eliminate an aggravation or abuse, wherever possible. The benefits of appropriately expressing it include overcoming our fears, & building confidence to respond to threats, danger & mistreatment.

T.E.A.
The problem is not in having (feeling) the emotion (E),
►but rather in what we’re saying (T) to ourselves about a situation which greatly upsets us,
▶︎and the kind of behavior (A) we use to express it, based on what we learned as kids.
We need to FEEL our anger, but we do not always need to outwardly E. HEAT mapACT it out on others!

2. Like all emotions, anger is actual energy – no matter how intense – scientifically proven, as seen on these scans.
Heat maps of emotions —->

3. Anger is considered one of the secondary emotions – a response to primary Es such as intense FEAR (from being abandoned, attacked, disrespected, forced, offended, pressured, trapped…..). This does not mean it’s unimportant or to be ignored.
It’s secondary because it’s a composite of other more fundamental ones (Plutchik’s 8 Primary Es), AND because it can’t tell us directly what the underlying unmet NEED is, only that something is wrong.

🔹  However, it is a very useful starting point. Instead of being afraid of it, we can successfully use anger, guilt, anxiety…. as helpful indicators of what’s going on in the background (unconscious), giving us the opportunity & choice to ‘fix’ the real lack, which would then make us feel better.
The problem for ACoAs with solving this Q. (‘What’s missing?’) is that we’re not allowed to know what we really feel NOR what we actually need.
So these 2 aspects have to become part of our understanding & daily vocabulary before anger can be a useful tool.

FiveChart24. Anger is part of the Wood Element – which governs the eyes, gallbladder, liver, & tendons. In the short-term, & by itself (without action), the emotion itself is not harmful.
But because it is energy, generated by chemicals in the brain, we can damage ourselves in PMES ways when we suppress the anger / rage, especially for a long time. The chemicals can ‘fester’ inside & cause a variety of problems (headaches, high BP, auto-immune illness…. ).

Denied anger results in lowered quality of life, causing mental & emotional numbness, which can then draw us toward violent situations as a release. It will also negatively effect many parts of the body, such as the:
√ Muscular (tightness) & Immune (over-worked) systems
√ Liver – causing our decision-making abilities to be diminished
√ Gall bladder – causing gallstones (condensed anger) & migraines

✤ At the other extreme is acting out the anger in ways that directly injure ourselves & others – especially when aimed at children.

5. How each person reacts (emotional intensity + behavior patterns) is formed by a combination of : genetic predispositions, cognitive problem solving skills, family / culturally-learned behaviors & past experiences

6. We hear even ‘respected ‘speakers’ talking about “negative emotion”. Wrong!
Es are either degrees of 🔺pleasurable OR degrees of 🔻painful.

NEVER think or talk about anger & other uncomfortable / ‘unacceptable’ / painful emotions AS negatives!
Anything designated as a negative is automatically considered bad – which in this case means we should not be angry, under any circumstances.

NOT so. Without feeling & owning legitimate anger – we are easily abused, frightened & manipulated – & so become or stay victims.

NEXT
: What about anger? – Part 2

To All my READERS – 2015

images-5images-4

HAPPY NEW YEAR from Times Square in NYC!

Thank you to all my faithful readers & a big welcome to all who have joined me this year.

These are some of the figures posted by WordPress that all of you made possible:
“The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people.
This blog was viewed about 60,000 times in 2014.
If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 22 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

The busiest day of the year was March 15th with 559 views. The most popular post that day was ‘List of HEALTHY Boundaries (Part 1)’.

WORLD-WIDE readership: 146 countries in all! Most visitors came from USA. Canada & U.K. were not far behind.”

images-3I wish for each of you : growth, safety & enjoyment on your path to Recovery, in the coming year.
Donna Marie

Fireworks over the Hudson River, NYC

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 9

k13563304I JUST WANT 
everyone to get along!

PREVIOUS: Type 8 levels

SITE: Type 9 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 9 – Peacemakers/Mediators
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Self-remembering : Indomitable (bulletproof). Able to bring people together & heal conflicts.
♦︎ Unhealthy Levels – Self-abandonment: De-personalized behavior. Held back by passivity & stubbornness.

HEALTHY 9s: I have a calming effect on others
♦︎ The Stoic: Unshakable, self-possessed, they’re quietly strong, a skilled mediator, wise, unpretentious & put others at ease.

Serenity overcomes the vice of Indifference, allowing 9s to become more in tune with their inner desires & thoughts. Pleasant & modest, at High Performance level they’re accepting, calming, harmonizing, patient, steady & supportive. They build consensus, & can skillfully blend divergent points of view.
«

«
AVERAGE 9s
: I like to go through life unhurriedly, in a relaxed manner.
♦︎ The Monk: agreeable, easy-going, grounded, nice, peaceful, placid
● Life corrupts the ideal of love (appreciating self before others) into believing they should focus their appreciation only on the external world.

This leads to the idea that the 9’s inner world is dull, because the exterior is so complex. They rely on indifference to keep the illusion that their inner concerns aren’t really a problem. Their desire for harmony takes the form of conflict-avoidance, & they can sacrifice their own position for the sake of keeping the peace.
«

«
UNHEALTHY 9s
: I am lazy, overly relaxed
♦︎ The Slacker: They’re irresponsible, lazy, lost, overly compliant, passive, spacey, undeveloped
● They become apathetic, disengaged, procrastinating, passive-aggressive, resistant & stubborn
«

«
INTEGRATION
Type 9 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to find union makes 9s genuinely open up to others & accept them as they are. This acceptance is welcomed & builds strong bonds with others. Thus the 9s’ need is satisfied & balance is reached.
♦︎ Average state: when 9s are less accepting of others or the world, union begin to weaken. This causes the need to increase, which can encourage 9s make the effort to be more accepting & so create balance.

♦︎ Unhealthy loop: Run by the Basic Fear ‘of separation’, 9s delude themself with fantasy unions, sustained by ignoring reality & blindly accommodate others or the world. This insures not achieving true union, which further increases 9s’ basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS you see the world thru: “How can I stay comfortable? Where can I find a sense of harmony?”
GROWTH: To break control of the basic fear 9s must stop indulging in made-up connections, & really accept others as they are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS, they are empathic & inclusive consensus-builders, who provide a low-stress team environment.  Their greatest strengths are seeing multiple perspectives, & making everyone feel valued. 
YOU:
— are inspirational, friendly & non-directive, preferring to operate by consensus
— struggle with indecisiveness, & setting strict boundaries
— can’t bear conflict & try your best to avoid it
— when pressured, you can retreat into stubbornness, inaction, or distraction
— can get torn between opposing views, examining alternative at great length, causing you to miss opportunities
— like to have a thorough picture of a situation or project, & then fill others in on the details later
— are process oriented, rather than being controlling
— will want recommendations from every division or shareholder before making a final decision'average' levels

SUPERVISING Type 9 WORKERS
Look for & recognize your Type 9 employee’s contributions, & ask them for feedback. Don’t misunderstand their silence for agreement. Put your requirements clearly & in writing, focusing on breaks & deadlines. Don’t be controlling or domineering, rather work toward cooperation & collaboration
THEY:
— flourish with positive support, energized by productive routine & other people’s enthusiasm for projects
— want recognition but will not ask for it, avoiding self-promotion
— have a natural desire to be responsive rather than pro-active
— prefer to rely on schedules & consistent guidelines to work toward so they don’t have to make lots of decisions
— will slow down or neglect aspects of their work to show dissatisfaction or unhappiness, rather than speak up.
(From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: 2015  – to all readers

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 8

k13563299I’M ALWAYS IN CHARGE,
& I want to protect the ‘weak’

PREVIOUS: Levels for Type 7

SITE: Type 8 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 8 – Leaders/Challengers
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Self-surrender: Magnanimity. Able to be a powerful & greathearted leader.
♦︎ Unhealthy Levels – Antisocial behavior. Try to control & intimidate others.

HEALTHY 8s: I am a powerful leader.
♦︎ The Leader: Heroic, self-surrendering, they’re assertive, dominant, fearless, powerful

Magnanimity = nobility, willingness to face danger, are beyond petty anger  —> overcomes the vice of lust (to taste/ indulge in everything), having required the 8 to develop as a person, & bring True strength.

They make sure they’re empowered, as well as empowering those around them. Champions of the underdog, they protect those in their care, are courageous, generous, pragmatic & self-assertive.
They take charge, can stand the heat, & make sure they can make a difference.
«

«
AVERAGE 8s
: If someone angers me, they will hear about it.
♦︎ The Challenger: They’re intimidating, prone to anger, provocative, sarcastic, will not back down

● They can become blaming, boastful, excessive, have black-&-white thinking, & can throw others off balance. Conflict is seen as natural & acceptable, assuming that everyone must understand conflict on some level. Life corrupts the ideal of Truth into the delusion that no one is innocent**, so they rely on lust to give the illusion of survival.

**Innocence : TO approach the world with an open unprotected heart, responding freshly tio each moment – without a preset agenda or judgement. TO not need to force one’s will on reality.
«

«
UNHEALTHY 8s
: I’m a rage-aholic.
♦︎ The Bully: abusive controlling, raging, violent
● They use their considerable strength to protect themself by being combative, intimidating, bullying
«

«
INTEGRATION

Type 8 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to be self-reliant’ makes 8s become stronger & more able to defend others. When 8s are independent, their need is satisfied & balance is reached.

♦︎ Average state: when 8s aren’t building up emotional their emotional / psychological strength enough, they become more dependent on others for those needs. This increases the impulse toward self-reliance, encouraging 8s to work harder to become mentally strong, creating balance.

♦︎ Unhealthy loop: Run by Basic Fear of ‘Submitting to others’ which can cause 8s to lash out & try to control everything & everyone, as a defense. Ironically – this makes them more dependent, increasing the basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS you see the world thru: “Who has the power? Who might be trying to influence me? How can I make an impact?”

GROWTH: To break control of the basic fear 8s have to stop controlling others, & start to strengthen their True Identity instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS an 8 LEADER- you’re direct, direct & assertive – what you see is what you get. You’re fiercely loyal, protective of your team, & highly intolerant of injustice or incompetence. A natural commander, you thrive in high-stakes environments & cut through red tape to deliver results
'average' levelsYOU :
— prefer to be the one in charge instead of delegating, wanting full control
— trust your gut, make swift decisions,  never afraid to take the helm in a crisis
— excel at independent thinking, innovation, & anticipating challenges before they arise
— keep a close eye on everyone under your supervision
— don’t usually give compliments, so ‘no news is good news’ from you
— hate being blindsided by incorrect or incomplete information
— react best to honesty & transparency from co-workers. You don’t demand total agreement, only truth & clarity

SUPERVISING Type 8 WORKERS
Show that you’re in charge – right from the beginning. Type 8 employees can become aggressive or go on the offensive when they feel insecure because things are out of control, or are unjust. If they confront you, make sure you stand up to them. Don’t ever tell an 8 what they can’t do – unless that’s exactly what you want them to !
THEY:
— assume their own opinions & approaches are correct. It’s “My way or the highway”
— expect their boss to take command & be self-assured
— expect competency in a leader, & don’t respect wimps
— will take over leadership if they think no one’s in charge
— react badly to being controlled or treated unfairly
— prefer to be told bluntly when they’re messing up or making you mad
— don’t automatically follow the rules, which they will bend to suit themself, or in order to improve the system – based on their own evaluation
— need clear boundaries from management, & will confront a boss any time they overstep the mark.
(From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: Type 9 LEVELS

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 7

k13563302I’M ALWAYS LOOKING
for the next thrill!

PREVIOUS: Type 6 Levels

SITE: Type 7 Overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 7 – Enthusiasts
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Assimilation: Gratitude. Able to become highly accomplished & spirited
♦︎ Unhealthy levels – Hysteria: Panicked behavior. Misled by impulsiveness & impatience

HEALTHY 7s: I live fully in the moment.
♦︎ The Adventurer: Satisfied, appreciative, they’re curious, endlessly optimistic, fearless, full of energy, improvisational, lives fully in the moment, with excellent fine-motor skills

Sobriety (in all forms) overcomes the vice of gluttony (for every experience), returning to the original awareness of the ‘holy plan’ (the path to tranquility), creating inner peace. Busy & fun-loving, they can take any situation as it comes & find a way to make the best of it. They’re buoyant, charming, enthusiastic, joyous, multi-talented, optimistic, playful, resilient, spontaneous.
«


«
AVERAGE 7s
: “Fun is the most important thing in life”
♦︎ The Thrill Seeker: They’re exciting, exploratory, fun, life of the party, spontaneous, very talkative

● Life perverts the ideal of the Holy Path, which is corrupted into sampling everything in life. They rely on gluttony for the illusion that they’re satisfied with the world, hoping to find a substitute for inner tranquility. Instead – they become chronically unsatisfied, scattered, & have trouble following through on commitments
«


«
UNHEALTHY 7s
: I seek pleasure and avoid responsibility
♦︎ The Hedonist: They avoid responsibility, are escapist, prioritize pleasure-seeking above all else, substance abuse & have health problems as a result of lifestyle
● They tend to be impatient, impulsive, with a short attention span
«

«
INTEGRATION

Type 7 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to be happy’, making Type 7s explore the world & genuinely appreciate what they find. Their great happiness satisfies the need & balance is reached.
♦︎ Average state: when 7s aren’t exploring & appreciating everything, they become restless and unhappy. The the need to be happy increases, which can make them want to reach out & find things to appreciate, creating a balance.

♦︎ 
Unhealthy loop: Run by the Basic Fear of ‘being deprived’ they can compulsively, numbly seek new sensations and adventures without truly appreciating the experiences.They get little happiness from all the highs, increasing 7s’ feeling of emptiness and basic fear, preventing balance.

LENS you see the world thru:  “What’s the next interesting, stimulating, fun thing to do? What can I plan next?”
GROWTH: To break control of the basic fear 7s cannot keep jumping into one activity after another, but rather appreciate deeply what they do experience each moment.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS
At this level visionary 7s tend to lead by wandering around, communicating with charisma. Their strength comes from being able to correlate a variety of info into a coherent pattern.
'average' levelsYOU:
— are at your best in a fast-changing, fast-paced environment that depends on planning & data-synthesis
— are usually good at empowering others, helped by being friendly & fun
— like to have several projects going at one time, or involved with several parts of one larger assignment

SUPERVISING Type 7 WORKERS
Share your business concerns with your type 7 employee – because they like to be a part of things. What you see as a problem they may see as an interesting opportunity, so let them share their vision & enthusiasm. You’ll get the best out of them by encouraging their social skills or inventiveness, so don’t judge them or focus on pesky details. Be sure to put them in a non-boring position & don’t expect a commitment to ‘closure’.
THEY:
— prefer ideas & theories rather than do-ing/implementing them
— will create new ways of doing something out of boredom with routine
— feel supported when others make use of their individuality, creativity & experimentation
— need reasonable & clear deadlines since follow-thru is not their forté
— are hard-working as long as their tasks are stimulating & varied
— need supervision to ensure a project gets finished, since they can easily get distracted & go off in another direction
— can easily get enraged when getting a negative review. They react better if given an opportunity for a ‘fresh start’  (From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: Levels for Type 8

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 6

k13563303I WANT EVERYONE
to make me feel safe

PREVIOUS: Type 5 Levels

SITE: Type 6 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)

TYPE 6 – Troubleshooters
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Inner guidance : Courage. Able to be brave & committed.
♦︎ Unhealthy Levels – Self-abasement : Self-destructive behavior. Struggle with anxiety & rebelliousness.

HEALTHY 6s : “I am skilled at seeing & averting danger.”
♦︎ The Security Expert: Adventurous, intrepid, self-reliant, brave, seeing dangers before others do & skilled at averting it

● Courage overcomes the vice of Fear & Doubt, having realized that fear is conquerable. Committed & security-oriented, at High Performance level they’re trustworthy, dedicated, dutiful & warm. They constructively point out potential problems before those become major issues. They value teamwork, are cooperative, supportive, loyal team players. They often have a quirky, dry sense of humor.
«

«
AVERAGE 6s
: Safety & security are more important to me than to most
♦︎ The Cautioneer: They’re too ‘careful’, predictable, reliable, safe, secure, stable
● Life corrupts the ideal of complete confidence into the delusion that faith is too risky, & instead should be replaced by doubt. This gives the appearance that they’re winning the survival war, but instead become nay-sayers, consistently focused on what might go wrong.
«

UNHEALTHY 6s: I am suspicious, paranoid.
♦︎ The Paranoid: They’re erratic, fearful into conspiracy theories, jealous, unsure, suspicious
● Disliking unpredictability & rapid change, they can become anxious,
blaming, doubting, reactive, suspicious, volatile & worrying.
«

 «
INTEGRATION

Type 6 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to be secure’ which makes 6s loyal to others, especially authority. This increases their sense of safety, which satisfies their need & balance is formed.
♦︎ Average state: when 6s are not so loyal to others, they feel insecure around them. This increases the need which may spur them to seek out authority and become loyal to it, or more loyal to their peers. That will balance the loop so 6s can recover.

♦︎ Unhealthy loop: Run by the Basic Fear of ‘being abandoned’ which makes 6s suspicious & distrustful of others. This reduces their sense of security, which further increases the basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS you see the world thru: “Where is the danger? What might be the worst-case scenario? How can I/we prepare for it? What are peoples’ underlying motives?”

GROWTH: We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Sixes can refrain from distrusting others, and begin to be more loyal to others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS
6s can come alive under adversity, as they can be clear & strong when facing a known problem. If / when 6s overcome their self-doubt they can be courageous & determined leaders.
'average' levelsYOU:
— are a master at ‘circling the wagons’ to defend against a common enemy
— can become passive & a procrastinator when not challenged or opposed
— have a tendency to focus on flaws & talk in “yes buts… what ifs…..”
— keep refining & improving your work, with great endurance & bravery, over long periods of time
— like to express all negative expectations before considering positive alternatives, so that any potential threats are accounted for.

SUPERVISING Type 6 WORKERS
Keep your word with your type 6 employees – it greatly helps the relationship if you have integrity. Their trust is not given easily – it needs to be earned.
They’re unsettled by too much positive feedback, so mix in some negative comments to prove you’ve considered all angels. To get the best from Average 6s, let them know your reasons for wanting something done, and never order them around.
THEY:
— have strong analytical powers. They understand trouble & will want to help, especially if the boss is the underdog in a work situation
— tend to play devil’s advocate, listing all the things that could go wrong
— are very loyal to those who ‘deserve’ it. Once the boss is on their team they’ll help fight her/his battles as their own
— don’t like surprises, needing security & predictability
— need clear plans with fallback positions, & want backup data with contingencies.   (From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: Type 7 Levels

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 5

k13563297THE MORE I KNOW
the safer I feel

PREVIOUS: Type 4 Levels

SITEs: Type 5 overview
Enneagram Levels & ADDICTION Recovery


LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 5 – Investigators/Observers
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Clarity from Esoteric knowledge. Able to express & show visionary intellect & inventiveness.
♦︎ Unhealthy levels – Psychotic states: Destructive / annihilating behavior. Becomes increasingly eccentric & isolated.

HEALTHY 5s: I like to master knowledge & share it with the world.
♦︎ The Innovator: They’re visionary & participatory. Discover/develop new technologies or systems of thought which are useful to others

● Detachment overcomes the vice of Avarice (the illusion of retention). As they become more confident in their knowledge, they can be bolder & more assertive, like an 8 (one of their Arrows). Intense & intellectual, they’re analytic, insightful, inventive & extremely perceptive. Deeply curious about the world, they find their own answers & explore uncharted territory. They make remarkable mental leaps & connections, & are valued as sources of considerable wisdom.
«

«
AVERAGE 5s
: I find analytical living rewarding.
♦︎ The Intellectual: They enjoy philosophical discussions /debates, endlessly curious, love to learn, thoughtful

● They’ve lost the original knowledge of omniscience (unified, limitless knowledge). This knowledge has been corrupted into the belief that the Self must separate from the world to acquire this knowledge so they won’t “lose themself” existentially. This leads to holding back, & very upset with intrusions on their time & space
«

«
UNHEALTHY 5s
: I struggle with the meaningless of existence.
♦︎ The Nihilist: They’re cold, devoid of feeling,  detached, hermetic, struggle with the life’s pointlessness
● They become arrogant, detached, eccentric. preoccupied, reclusive.
«

«
INTEGRATION

Type 5 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to understand the world’ makes 5s observe & analyze everything. When they’ve reached that understanding their need is satisfied & balance is reached.
♦︎ Average state: When 5s do less observing & analyzing of the world, they have trouble understanding it. This increases their need & may push to study more, creating a balance.
♦︎ Unhealthy loop is run by the Basic Fear of ‘being overwhelmed by the world’,  It can cause the  5 to become detached from the people & world around them, as a defense. This leads to knowing the world even less, increasing the basic fear & preventing balance.

LENS you see the world thru: “I’m detached from the situation, & I step back to analyze & comprehend it.”
GROWTH: Breaking control of the basic fear comes from not detaching physically or emotionally & starting to actively observe & analyze all  categories of the real world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS
5s like to be in charge, & at this level can be ambitious, restless & intimidating – in the pursuit of control & rewards. The best 5 leaders make you feel ‘inside’ a group of initiates who have access to special knowledge which you’re responsible for nurturing & refining.
'average' levelsYOU:
— are capable of high-level abstract thinking, easily reducing great amounts of info into a core proposition
— can wait patiently for results, not panicking as long as the basic necessities are on hand
— attract followers because of your knowledge that’s worth having – it’s the most sophisticated, profound or cutting edge, & you know how to use it

SUPERVISING Type 5 WORKERS
Remember that THEY:
— love inside information, looking for that specialized knowledge to give them an edge or provide a useful insight
— love details – what might be too trivial to others may be a central fact for the 5
— like to think about info which has been requested or a problem posed to them, so they can be sure to give the right answer
— like their privacy, generally avoid conflict & value un-emotional decision-making
— usually see thru flattery or charismatic leadership (manipulations)

— respond well to being asked for help in solving problems, since it encourages their self-esteem
— may seem uninterested in their environment because of being quiet but in fact are absorbing everything
— notice all the subtle expressions & characteristics of others in meetings, even as they’re paying attention to any information being presented.
This combination allows them to give a brief but accurate summary of the proceeding.   (From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: EnneaHUMOR

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 4

k13563296I HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT 
or I’ll be boring (& bored)!

PREVIOUS: Type 3 levels

SITE: Type 4 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 4 – INDIVIDUALISTS / Designers
♦︎ Healthy Levels – Are Self-Renewing & Inspirational. Able to model creativity and intuitive power for others
♦︎ Unhealthy Levels – Are Clinically depressed & Suicidal. Held back by moodiness & self-consciousness.

HEALTHY 4s: It’s important to go beyond the limits of convention.
♦︎ The Revolutionary: They’re artistic, aesthetically oriented, creative, edgy, expressive, individualistic, inspired, intuitive, self-aware & sensitive.
Equanimity overcomes envy, giving calmness & composure.  They return to the knowledge of “Origin”, that everything in the universe came from the same origin point, so Beings are fundamentally connected to each other. Embracing & enhancing life, they encourage others to be everything they can be. They break new ground & bring depth to their work life, push the envelope & find ways to put a unique stamp on whatever they do.
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AVERAGE 4s
: Being told “You’re odd / weird” is welcome proof  that I’m staying true to myself.
♦︎ The Unconventionalist: different, experimental, idiosyncratic, open, unique
• Life’s difficulties corrupts the ideal of Unity into the delusion that everyone is fundamentally fragmented & separated. 4s notice what’s wrong in their life, & so envy what others have. They rely on that envy to give themself the illusion of unity, as a way to connect to others in a counter-productive fashion, becoming self-indulgent & alienated.
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UNHEALTHY 4s
: I’ve lost touch with reality (but may not know it)
♦︎ The Stranger: Become progressively moodier, hypersensitive &
withdrawn. Can be bizarre /schizotypal/ schizophrenic, cut off from everyday current reality, delusional, irrational, masochistic
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INTEGRATION
(Loops)
Type 4 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing self-understanding’, they allow emotions to surface & examine them compassionately in order to understand themself. Then the need is satisfied & balance is achieved.

♦︎ Average state: when 4s’ don’t closely examine their emotions, they can’t understand themself, which increases the need to figure out who they are. This can push 4s into a willingness to face their feelings, establishing a balance.

♦︎ Unhealthy loop is run by the Basic Fear of ‘being defective, which can cause 4s to ignore their True Self, allowing their emotions to overwhelm them, so they indulge in wild fantasy about themself. This leads to understanding themself even less, further increases the basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS you see the world thru : “How can I express my creativity and uniqueness in this situation?”
GROWTH: Breaking the grip of the basic fear comes from not indulging in fantasy & starting to examine oneself realistically.

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LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS
At this level Type 4’s authority comes from what they know. Their main strength & weakness as leaders come from the same place – an unwillingness to compromise their vision
'average' levelsYOU:
• are usually a romantic, passionate star
• hold a strong personal vision & inspire with the force of personality
• fervently pursue an elusive goal, so achieving them is a problem
• want to stay emotionally engaged & are attracted to inter-personal ‘drama’
• achieve goals in order to be distinctive – different & unusual
• excel with a business approach where unique presentations count

SUPERVISING Type 4 WORKERS
Honor type 4 employee’s unique way of seeing & doing things. If you want them to work hard, let them know how a project needs their personal touch. The more enthusiastic they are the harder they’ll try. Be emphatic rather than helpful – instead of giving a 4 the answers, give them the opportunity to express themself.
THEY:
• want distinctive work, preferring jobs which call for creativity, even genius
• need to feel respected for their personal vision & ideas
• their efficiency is tied to their mood. When their emotional life is disrupted their attention to work suffers
• like to be connected to ‘special authority’ – people in their field who stand for quality instead of popularity
• feel demeaned by having to perform a task they consider ‘common’, but which is defined by each #4 differently
• want to feel that their creative ides have been received, understood & appreciated.
(From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: Type 5 Level

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for Type 3

k13563290I WORK HARD &
I want all the attention

PREVIOUS: Type 2 Levels

SITE: Type 3 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 3 – ACHIEVERS
♦︎ Healthy – Have Authenticity & Self-Acceptance. Able to inspire others as an example of personal excellence & emotional honesty.
♦︎ Unhealthy – Psychopathy & Mono-maniacal (obsessive) behavior. Blindly pursue success & status.

HEALTHY 3s: “I can effortlessly handle the spotlight.”
♦︎ The Performer: You are adaptable, attractive, authentic, charming, competent, enthusiastic, inner-directed, a motivator, self-assured

● Truthfulness overcomes 3’s flaw of Deceit, by accurately expressing reality & being down-to-earth. You have grand & successful ideas, but those are earned & reflect reality. You’re open, generous & warm

● Promoter / good communicator : once given a goal you’ll work tirelessly to achieve it, & so can energize those around you with a can-do attitude. You’re a skilled performer/entertainer, effortlessly handling the spotlight, impressive without being arrogant.
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AVERAGE 3s
: “I desire some level of fame in my community.”
♦︎ The Histrionic: You are a chameleon, calculating, career-focused, competitive, goal-oriented, a social-climber.

● You find it hard to value yourself, so are preoccupied with fame, prestige, social status & wanting others to find you impressive. Not truly aware of how you come across, you’re only focused on how attractive or unattractive you are to others. You treat people as objects – either as being helpful to you or as a barrier to getting the job done – both of which people resent.
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UNHEALTHY 3s
: “I will do anything for attention, even horrible things.”
♦︎ The Envier: You are arrogant, deceptive, envious, exploiting, immoral, overly competitive, narcissistic, pushy, self-serving, sleazy, superficial, vain, untrustworthy
● You constantly compare yourself to others more accomplished/ successful, longing for what you don’t have. You’re convinced that being ignored is = to not existing, so will act inappropriately to get attention, chasing an idealized image.
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INTEGRATION
(Loops)
Type 3 LEVELS♦︎ Healthy loop: The Basic Desire of ‘Needing to be admired’ pushes 3s to work hard to improve themself & to succeed, often gaining admiration. Feeling seen & admired, the need is satisfied & balance is reached.

♦︎ Average state
: 3s don’t work hard to improve themself, so others admire them less, which increases 3s’ need to be praised. This can spur 3s to make more of an effort, & then balance is created
♦︎ 
Unhealthy loop : They’re run by the Basic “Fear of being rejected”, causing 3s to be overly competitive & hostile towards others, as a defense, making them even less valued, which increases 3s’ basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS
you see the world thru: “How can I be successful? How can I accomplish the next goal as efficiently as possible?”

GROWTH: Don’t be competitive but focus on self-improvement instead

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LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS – 3s prefer the position of Leadership. Main challenge is balancing a laser-focus on efficiency with the interpersonal, coaching-heavy demands of mid-level management, BY separating Self-worth from performance.
'average' levelsYOU:
— are highly functional, with a huge appetite for hard work
— focused on goals & keeping other moving toward getting results
— thrive on measuring your achievements
— can easily adapt or change their style to fit what’s popular or desired – in whatever environment you’re working in, like a chameleon
— compete for titles, & produce for the bonuses
— are acutely aware of differences in status, & want to climb as high as they can
— only see people by appointment, so get on their list! You’re too busy to schmooze.

SUPERVISING Average Type 3 WORKERS
Don’t waste your type 3 employee ’s time – be well prepared & get to the point.   Give a clear outline for achieving success, being explicit about what’s expected in their performance & the outcome. Don’t interrupt them when they’re going full steam And do what you say you’ll do.
THEY:
— are more likely to focus on quantity rather than quality
— prefer short-range plans & deadlines, or reasonable stopping-points, so they can get the praise they crave
— can do several things at once, using shortcuts & filling in details late
— tend to assume they know more than they do – the ‘instant expert’
— want to be efficient & save time, even of that means cutting corners
— want to know their efforts are valued, & need clear feedback on how well they’re doing
— confuse their real self with their work role of “I am what I do”
— don’t tolerate criticism, & blame others for any failures
(From: Global Leadership Foundation)

NEXT: Type 4 Levels