PREVIOUS : GRIEF & the Body, #1

▲ POEM : also from Melanie, 2017

SITE : ! Grief – and Your Brain’s Ability to Heal a Broken Heart” (Purchase Deck of 50 cards to help students)

PHYSICAL EFFECTS of grief
💟 Aches & pains
It’s common for people to experience generalized muscle aches in grief, sometimes so severe it feels like the flu! You’re experiencing the weight of constant stress, you’re fatigued, you may not be sleeping & your body is tense.  And research has found that grief “aggravates” symptoms of physical pain in older adults.

💟 Appetite Changes, more/less
Digestive problems & weight changes are common symptoms, including IBS. Eating is a common way to soothe ourselves, but the body needs to be relaxed to digest food. So soothing & stress is woven together with yo-yo appetite, including lack of exercise & personal care, overeating & more junk food, eating out more often, eating alone….feeling ravenous one day, nauseated the next

💟 Clumsiness
Personally & socially, grief can be very disorienting, since losses can causing trouble concentrating. Grief sucks up much of our energy, causing trouble concentrating. Something feels a little “off” physically. Being distracted & fatigued affects coordination, depth perception, & sense of personal space.

💟 Difficulty With Daily Activities
Physical symptoms of grief can make it hard to manage routine activities.  Feeling nervous or anxious can show up as fidgeting,  finger tapping, pacing /trouble sitting relaxed for very long, sweaty /clammy hands or feet, tingling or numbness in those extremities. OTHERS:  dry mouth, noise sensitivity, trembling or feeling shaky, throat or chest tightness, shortness of breath, & increased allergy symptoms.

💟  Dizziness & Mental Fog Lightheadedness can follow crying, shallow breathing, dehydration, or standing up too quickly after sitting for a long time. Cognitive fog sits over everything : names evaporate, tasks scatter, & time feels strange. The brain is doing heavy lifting, reconciling a before‑and‑after world, so working memory & focus run short for a while

💟 Fatigue
You feel exhausted all the time, run down, always ready for a nap. This is not laziness – it’s physiology. You swing between bursts of activity & long valleys of exhaustion, which can be disorienting if you expect a straight-line recovery. The brain anticipates a familiar voice, step, or routine but doesn’t find it, causing waves of yearning & crashes of depletion. This “protest‑collapse” rhythm explains why people can feel wired at midnight, then empty by morning

💟 Forgetfulness
In the same vein as “Dizziness”, grief can cause memory loss, particularly short-term. Many people report feeling disoriented, forgetful, or mentally “foggy” in the days, weeks, or even months following a loss. The body floods with cortisol & other stress hormones, which can impair the hippocampus, an area involved in memory & learning. See article Grief and Concentration: 8 Tips for Coping With an Inability to Focus

💟 Headaches
Crying, the tightness of bracing against waves of pain …. pull at the neck, jaw, scalp, & shoulder muscles. Clenching or grinding – especially in sleep – can lead to morning headaches from upper back to the base of the skull. Dehydration & skipped meals are also a cause.

💟 Immune system issues
Similar to physical exhaustion, the body’s resources can be preoccupied with the grieving process, so the immune system could be under-resourced & vulnerable to environmental dangers it would normally fight off with ease

💟  Muscle & body aches
Muscles & physical pain is connected to the body physically carrying out the tasks that grief presents. Tasks could include remembering or talking about the deceased, or internal prompts to sleep, cry, hug, or even clean. This all wears out the body, making it tired.

💟 Sick more often
There is plenty of research showing that stress in general, and grief specifically, can take a toll on the immune system, & this impact on the immune system has the most effect on older adults dealing with loses. (See Post on ‘Senior Grief’)

💟 Sleep Problems
Sleeping is a refuge that helps mourners temporarily escape the pain of grief. Insomnia can deprive them of the needed healing benefits of a good night’s sleep.  It can negatively affect physical coordination, cognitive function & blood pressure. It also shows in one’s appearance, such as puffy face & eyes.
On the other hand, sleeping too many hours at a time (or throughout the day) can actually sap energy, leaving the person lethargic.

NEXT :  Grief —

PREVIOUS : GRIEF & the Body, #1

ARTWORK ⬆️ from Melanie, 2017

SITEs : “Loss of (precious) Objects”
“Grieving Lost Objects: The Copper Kettle”

“The Body Keeps Score”

💔 IMP to remember – while most people think of grief only in terms of death & dying, we also experience loss – & therefore grief – when confronted with other kinds of endings (‘Secondary‘).  There is a lifetime of grieving to be done by us who are living, about current & historical childhood trauma & family abuse, as indicated in the post on Ancestral Grief.
EXP: Grieving the loss of time to our PMES damage.  This chart identifies some of the symptoms that need ‘tending & mending’ :
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❇️  After reading “Brain – #1” you may worry : Can grief permanently damage my brain?
Though grief does have major effects on the brain, the worst changes are temporary for most people. The brain is resilient & good at healing itself. Because of built in redundancy it will rebalance itself over time with proper care, even after very painful experiences. Science reinforces wisdom-knowledge that with compassionate support to restore confidence AND enough time to process, you will be able to adapt to the ‘new norm’. 

*** We know this is possible because of all the people who persistently work at Recovery in therapy & 12 Step Programs, along with a deeply held Spiritual connection – who are slowly undoing much of their old & more recent traumas.

One of those brain redundancies is Neuroplasticity  It can strengthen existing neuronal pathways (& lessen them, when needed), or establish entirely new neurons & connections. Any time you think (obsess ?) about the deceased, work on holding both the love & the pain you feel.

A major sign of neuroplasticity as psychological resilience is that its energy moves in both directions, shifting in response to a traumatic event then changing again in response to restorative experiences. Between loss-related thoughts & sharp mourning pangs ——> to restoration-related thoughts, like planing a special meal, testing out a new role or skill. Fortunately, this allows us to adapt, respond & grow in real time.

Grief is one of life’s great teachers. It presses us to live in the present, appreciate all we have right now, & learn how to be in the world without someone who was precious to us. And some changes are permanent. ** Read these excerpts from Clarissa Moll’s “The Gifts of Grief Brain” after her husband’s death :

❤️‍🩹 “Grief brain is the gift of perspective. It taught me to defer to my brain when it signals that it’s reaching maximum capacity. It taught me that my mind has limited energy & space, & I must choose carefully how to use & fill it. It taught me to spend less time planning for the future & more time focusing on what is before me now. And it has taught me to say “no” to a busy calendar, & “yes” to boundaries in challenging relationships.

My brain regained its capacity as the shock of Rob’s death wore off & my new life began to come into focus……However, my brain was not the same.…… Processes that had once been rote now needed conscious effort….. like at the gas station, when I did everything right – except forgot to start the pump, so drove away again on almost empty….. But no more kicking myself. Grief brain tells me, “Let it go. You’ve got more important things to think about.” That’s one thing I won’t forget.” 💝

Beyond acceptance, taking action can help you tackle some of the hopelessness you might feel when dealing with events out of your control. It’s too easy to stay in bed under the covers, wallowing in despair. But finding the courage to take action can help to get out of your head & connect with others – some who share a similar painful experience, AND some who know how to enjoy life to help lift you out of the pits. With time & ‘work’, the world will seem a little less bleak.
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NEXT: GRIEF – Effects in the BODY , #1

PREVIOUS : GRIEF types (S, T)

SITE: “The Gifts of Grief Brain”

BOOK :  “The Grieving Brain” 

DEFs :  Grief is a natural response to loss, so we’ll feel it forever. It’s as if someone turned up the volume dial all of a sudden,  knocking you off your feet & crashing over you like a wave.
EXP: Anger & grieving can go together. If someone blows up at a dinner party over a small dispute, you think, “What’s happening with them?” And then you remember, “Oh, they’re grieving & everything is amped up a bit.”

Grieving, on the other hand, has a time component, so our relationship to that original grief changes over time, which involve changes in the brain. It happens as we adapt to carrying the absence of the lost one with us.

Some people have the mistaken belief that once they work through the initial grief, they’ll never feel sad or struggle again. Or they secretly know this isn’t true but are determined to never open old wounds. The reality is that although we can heal, the memories & pain may come rushing back when we least expect it if something reminds us of what happened – even many yrs later.
EXP: Even though Mary had time to adjust to her mother having died when she was 10, the grief hit hard again when she was getting married at 20.

Being in a close relationship binds our sense of self with that other person. The ‘we’ is as important as the ‘me‘ or ‘you‘  because the brain really does encode it that way. So when someone says “I feel like I’ve lost part of myself,” it’s for a good reason, since the brain ‘feels’ that way too.

So, what’s happening in our brain ?
We know that grief is tied to all sorts of different brain functions, from recall memories to taking on the perspective of another person, to regulating our heart rate to having the experience of pain & suffering. So many parts orchestrate the feeling of grief.

We know that the death of those close to us is one of greatest human stressors, affecting us emotionally & physically. What we’re not taught is that this intensity can lead to grief brain.
Sorrowing can impact the brain to worsen memory, thinking & concentration. You might feel spacey, forgetful, or not able to make “good” decisions. It might even make it really hard to talk & express your thoughts. Fortunately for most people, the worst of these effects are temporary.

BUT – if intense symptoms last more than 6 months (the ‘norm’) – there’s a greater chance of developing unwanted changes in brain & body. A 2019 research review on neuro-imaging verified this. Brain imaging studies on grieving people show increased activity along a broad network of neurons.  With the severity of emotional distress, the brain starts to rewire its regular nerve connections, creating new pathways,  Chronic stress puts the brain into long-term survival mode. Prolonged grief can change the way you see the world,  replacing long-held beliefs.

EXP: Because of this, many grievers have a tendency to interpret physical symptoms as threatening, especially if they already tend toward hypocondria.
Google gets billions of searches on phrases like “I have a toothache, am I dying?” Before, a headache was a headache, but after a devastating loss, you’re all-too-familiar with the reality that life can turn on a dime. Suddenly that headache is considered a sign of something terrible. SEE : some ‘paranoid’ thoughts .

REASON : Blood is ‘diverted’ away from ——> the prefrontal cortex, the higher thinking regions needed for decision-making, becoming less active ——> to the limbic system which takes over, with its emotional & fear-based areas that are all about survival. And constant reminders of the loved one’s passing, (their favorite shirt or TV show), can keep triggering stress responses, making these new pathways stronger.

Researchers found lower amounts of rumination, excessive cortisol & inflammation in people who are resilient vs. those who are less so.  And the resilient ones had lower depression rates with higher emotional stability.

But for less resilient mourners – besides forming physical ailments, they also have mental health problems – especially if their loved one dies suddenly or violently. Unexpected death is often associated with PTSD & Panic Disorder.

NEXT : Grief – #2

PREVIOUS : GRIEF

SITE : write for a free guide on the comfort found only in Jesus Christ

SECONDARY
See extensive list of effects in INTRO post.

SELF-BLAME
This is another grief that many will be identify as such but is quite common.  It’s accusing yourself harshly for something gone wrong, whether you were responsible or not.
*** Blame implies you’re a bad person rather than having done a ‘bad’ action (or not known something)***
The troubles are usually caused by external factors – like an argument with a loved one or a problem at work….  If it triggers self-hate it will cause depression, anxiety & intense emotional pain.

But if we want to live peacefully in the world – it can start with oneself. Just as we have to accept being mortal, we need to admit we’re human.
Improvement is never fueled by judgements & blame. To move forward, it’s imperative we only take responsibility for our own actions, admitting that we can not be super-human, and believe in our bones that it’s normal to make mistakes or not know everything!

SELF-GRIEVEMENT
Most people are not aware of self-grievement.  But the truth is, most of us experience this grief at one time or another. It’s when you feel sad for yourself, being disappointed where you are in life – compared to the fantasy of your younger self. Or wondering if there’s something’s ‘wrong’ with you, like you’ve ‘lost’ some part of yourself, but can’t figure out why you feel that way. 

Of course it can be painful, & confusing. You wonder “How could this happen?  Why am I so down?….” Having occasional Self-grief is normal, as you periodically take stock of your life.  Just like we all have good days & bad ‘hair’ days, there are times when you’re happy & times when you’re sad.
Maybe you need a course correction, like a new job or relationship.  Maybe you’re outgrowing an old skin, or you’re in transition, or need to pick up some talent or interest you’ve let lapse along the way. Whatever you’re feeling is part of you, so quietly sit with the self-grief & use it to embrace all the part need to be pulled together – to make a whole you.

SENIOR
Older people grieve differently – having unique & often worse effects from loss. Some causes :
♥︎ being at a high risk for severe health problems from increased stress levels & natural aging
♥︎ already having decreased appetite, bereavement makes it more likely they skip meals
♥︎ memory may already be affected, but grief can increase confusion, disorientation & disorganization.  And the cognitive slide can cause increased financial problems

♥︎ Loneliness is already a stressor, so when their peers die, it becomes more intense.  Social isolation drastically increases the risk of premature death, as great as it is from obesity, smoking, inactivity & lack of access to care

♥︎ Isolation : seniors not only suffer more intensely, but also tend to suffer alone.  Unfortunately they were raised with the painful mindset of “Pick yourself up by the bootstraps”- to deal with difficult emotions – without help.  Also, society tends to ignore senior needs, as if they don’t get upset as intensely as the young

People live longer than we did  30 yrs ago.  Now, (2025) seniors who survive longest suffer multiple losses of the important people in their life. This can be devastating, so it’s important for them to cultivate younger relatives & friend to insure ongoing companionship.

TRAUMATIC
This type comes from extreme experiences which are happening too fast, are too much, too intense or not at the right time in your personal development. It may be the result of crime or medical complications at someone’s death, a rape with violence…. or related to first responders, healthcare, military personnel ….. – huge stresses too big to process at the time, & the aftershocks lasting a lifetime.

With the death of a long-term significant other, grief may include PTSD symptoms – which are the resulting shock & fear.
In other cases, it may be about Moral Injury = a deep psychological distress from some actions or non-action which contradicts a person’s ethical or moral code. This can lead to severe feelings of guilt, shame, & betrayal. ( sciencedirect.com )
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NEXT: GRIEF’s effect on the BODY

PREVIOUS : Grief (Ec -In)

SITE: “11 Ways to Support Someone Who’s Grieving” 

MASKED
This is a grief reactions that prevents or harms normal functioning in life. However, most often, you won’t recognize this limitation as the result of a loss, or even seeing it’s related to it in any way, because the symptoms are masked as either physical problems or maladaptive behaviors  that are wrongly attributed to a different cause (childhood damage, bad marriage….). Past unresolved grief can mix in with current feelings, making it hard to recognize the real source of distress. (MORE….w/ caused & examples)

NORMAL
Normal –  also called Existential grief – is the most common type. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, vulnerable…. at the loss of a loved one, whether they died, OR were taken away for some reason. It includes losing a friend, parent, sibling, spouse, child, or a beloved family pet. Any kind of loss is an important part of your life, affecting your future without the person or animal.

However, the main characteristic is that there’s a slow but definite movement toward acceptance of the loss, & a gradual lessening of symptoms, leading to an increased ability for self-care, & participation in positive daily activities.

💘 PROLONGED GRIEF DISORDER  (PGD)
PGD differs from typical grief,  depression & other mental health problems. And it’s not just the length of grieving. It’s about how disabling it is.
People with PGD yearn for their lost loved one with an urgency that lingers much longer, as they struggle to believe the death has really happened.  Extremely shaken to the core, they can’t imagine ever being happy without this person in it.

1. Event criterion: Bereavement (loss of a loved person).
2. Separation distress
The bereaved person experiences at least one of the 3 following symptoms, daily or to a distressing or disruptive degree :
☹︎ Intense feelings of emotional pain, sorrow, or pangs of grief related to the lost relationship
☹︎ Intrusive thoughts related to the lost relationship
☹︎ Yearning for the lost person

3.  Cognitive, emotional & behavioral symptoms
The bereaved person must have 5 (or more) of the following :
☹︎ Avoid reminders of the reality
☹︎ Bitterness or anger about it
☹︎ Confusion about one’s role in life, or a diminished sense of self  (feel that a part of oneself has died)
☹︎ Difficulty accepting it
☹︎ Difficulty moving on with life (making new friends, pursuing interests….)
☹︎ Feel that life is unfulfilling, empty & meaningless
☹︎ Feel stunned, dazed, or shocked
☹︎ Inability to trust others
☹︎ Numbness (emotional shut-down) after the loss  

4. Duration: Diagnosis should not be made until at least 6 months after the death
5. Impairment : Symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in important social, occupational or domestic areas of functioning

6. Medical exclusion : The disturbance is not due to the physical effects of a substance or from a general medical condition
7. Relation to mental disorders : Not mainly accounted for by Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.  But people with a history of depression or bipolar disorder are at an higher risk.

Disabling grief is treatable
Moving on from disabling grief does not mean forgetting your loved one. We don’t only need to honor their memories with anguish, but also can be with appreciation & gratitude for the time we had together, & by acting on the life lessons we learned with or from them.

SUGGESTIONS for healing:
☆Take self-care seriously. Try to eat well, exercise & keep regular sleep habits. Beware of relying on alcohol, pills or other substances to regulate emotions
☆ Reach out to others. It can be very hard to do, but isolation is worse. Spend time with available family, friends, a spiritual community……
☆ Attend grief support groups. They aren’t right for everyone, but really do help many people. It can be especially useful to connect with others who understands the type of loss you’ve experienced, such as with fellow widows.

NOTE: These tools can apply to healing any form of grief.

NEXT : Grief –

PREVIOUS : Grief  (De-Di)

SITEs:
“Climate Grief”

“Ecological Sorrow – Types of Grief& Loss”  Paper fromHelsinki, Finland

ECOLOGICAL 
For many people, this is a reaction to losses in our planet’s environment – about animals  & plants that have become extinct, are severely diminished & endangered, being neglected or mistreated. It is the deep concern & sadness that comes from learning about environmental & human destruction (mining, deforestation….), the loss of bio-diversity, earthquakes, or the effects of climate changes.
Current observations are reminders of historic heritage locations threatened by past climate crises, such as the ancient cities of Venice, Amsterdam, and Hoi Aen .

Coined Solastalgia – it’s a form of emotional or existential distress caused by ‘negatively perceived’ environmental change. The “homesickness you have when you’re still at home” because your home environment is changing in ways you find distressing & feel powerless to correct.
EXP : Eco-grief can be seen in indigenous communities losing their livelihoods because of ice-melt &  in young people feeling betrayed from lack of environmental action by governments.

This grief has been noted for many years, including by authors in the field of eco-psychology.  Western poet G.H. Hopkins wrote a lament about the felling of trees in “Binsey Poplars”.  Scientists studying the decline of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef reported feeling anxiety, hopelessness & despair.

And ‘eco-anxiety or despair’ – is the worry for or concern about what may happen in the future to our habitat (“PRE-traumatic stress”, rather than psychological POST-traumatic stress).

Uncertainty breeds anxiety, and grieving ambiguous ecological losses can complicate eco-anxiety in a kind of vicious circle. Evidence can be so powerful that it threatens to shatter people’s fundamental beliefs about the world & themself. And severe cases of devastation can have a negative mental health impact on some. Others have reported so much anxiety about future climate change that they’ve chosen to not have children.

One way to combat eco-anxiety is through beliefs about the effectiveness of personal actions. When people learn how their they can impact the environment, they report less fear of climate change. They begin making more sustainable choices, so feeling helpless can be modified by their efficacy. Taking actions reduces anxiety by bringing a sense of personal empowerment,  & a feeling of connection by working with others in their community.

EXAGGERATED
Its formal mental health diagnosis is “Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder”(PCBD), if suffering is experienced every day for at least six months post-loss. It’s very painful, with

being incapacitated in terms of daily functioning, rather than getting some symptom relief over time.

This is an overwhelming intensification of normal grief reactions which may worsen over time. It can include nightmares, self-destructive behaviors, drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, abnormal fears, PTSD, & the development or emergence of psychiatric disorders.

The bereaved person is not ready to process their thoughts & emotions from fear of losing connection with the deceased. They may also feel guilty about processing the loss & letting themself adjusting to a new-normal, as if that was somehow disloyal.

INHIBITED
Similar to Absent grief, the bereaved shows no outward signs of the loss for an extended period. They prevent the feeling from becoming conscious, so they can’t move through the stages of grief.  Eventually this suppression can lead to very real body & mind problems.
A quote: “…. you display physical ailments instead of grief”.
Irony: When you restrain your grief, it has nowhere to go. You won’t be able to move beyond the trauma because you’ve suppressed all that pain. But actually – it has to go somewhere – so “The Body Keeps the Score” (Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma) .  EXP – internally : anxiety, depression, lack of appetite & digestive problems,  insomnia & nightmares….

Inhibited grief has some similarity to Delayed grief, which is not from a decision but a temporary protection for when the bereaved eventually can deal with the pain. The difference with Inhibited is that in this case you are choosing to ignore your loss, & that can go & on, ruining the rest of your life.

NEXT : Grief ( —)

PREVIOUS : GRIEF (B – Cu)

SITE : “105 Quotes to Uplift & Comfort” 

DEATH (our mortality)
We know death is a part of life, but most will agree that it’s one of the most difficult events to accept. Part of growing up is recognizing the many reality in life that we don’t like but ultimately have to deal with, & for many people the hardest is the fact of our mortality. We will try everything we can to avoid

It’s a very grown-up moment when we come to terms with this specific reality – that death can not be overcome. Accepting that life has a finite span focuses the attention, helping us take stock of our life, & think about the possibilities still ahead.  Coming to terms with this inevitability can encourage us to live more fully in the here & now. In fact, staying conscious of our mortality – without cynicism – encourages us to cherish every moment we have.  

Death is a subject most of us avoid discussing, & accepting it can seem insurmountable, because we hate feeling powerless about anything. Yet talking about it may help reconsider how we feel about our mortality.

Death Grief : The thought that ‘each day that you wake up could be your last’ may sound depressing & hopeless, but it doesn’t have to be. The less we deny our limited life-span, the more positively attuned we’ll be to the day-to-day things that are beautiful & precious.
And, regardless of the circumstances, there is nothing more heartbreaking than losing someone close to you. Coming to terms with present or future losses is a challenge faced by everyone, even if only on one’s death-bed.  Emotional maturity means finding our own way to process the reality. Faith is a fundamental support, as can being practical about how we take care of ourself.

DELAYED
This is when grief emotional symptoms & physical reactions are not experienced until long after a persons death, or a much later time than is typical.  The griever, consciously or subconsciously avoids the reality, sorrow & longing for the lost one, suppressing emotional reactions at the time, in the form of dissociation, common when things are too much to bear. To cope, your mind blocks many of the overwhelming thoughts & feelings until you’re ready to face & process them.

DISENFRANCHISED
This when your culture, society, or support group give you a clear message that your loss &/or grief is not valid for their reasons. How you feel in your grief is ignored or shamed.
This can happen if :
✞ ⚑ the death is stigmatized (suicide, overdose, HIV/AIDS, drunk driving)
✞ ⚑ other consider the relationship insignificant or not worth mourning (ex-spouse, co-worker, miscarriage, pet)
✞ ⚑ the relationship is stigmatized by society (same-sex partner, gang member, partner from an extramarital affair)
✞ ⚑ the loss is not a physical death (Dementia, Traumatic Brain Injury, Mental Illness, Substance Abuse).

DISTORTED
It’s expressed as extreme, intense, or atypical reactions to a loss – odd changes in behavior & self-destructive actions A common coping reaction is rage at themself for being abandoned, not being able to prevent the loss & maybe guilt about unfinished business. They may also deny the fact that their loved one has died, & obsessively wish them to come back, even knowing deep inside it’s not possibly.

Also there’s hostility toward others, as a way to mask sadness & loneliness, blaming everyone else for the painful outcome.
This can lead to acting out in ways that damage relationships with family, friends or at work. And there may be unreasonable expectations from others (“just get over it”), leaving them feeling disconnected from everyone & everything.

This type can be expressed thru various other forms of grieving, depending on the bereaved’s personality, family & culture : Chronic, Delayed, Exaggerated, Prolonged &/or Masked.

Distorted grief can affect someone’s life for many years after a loss. Others, trying to be helpful will offer platitudes such as “You have to let go to move on”, which makes no sense to this sufferer. Although Ambivalence is present in many types of grief, which can make it harder to overcome. 

NEXT : Grief – E

PREVIOUS : GRIEF – Types (An – Au)

SITE :  How To Get Over a Breakup
💔  5 Stages of ‘Post-Breakup Grief’

BREAKUP
Breakup grief comes at the ending of a relationship, but may start even before the official close, as you see it coming (Anticipatory). It’s one of the most common type in our culture, especially since divorces have increased over the last 30-50 years. This does not only apply to mates but also with friends, family members (adult-children), even the death of a beloved fur-baby. We may even stretch this grief to the loss of long-term or much valued job/work situation.

Beside feeling the emptiness of the loss, other awarenesses surface when reviewing the relationship, which includes taking a look at your part in it. There can be lots of memories of the good times, which make you long to be back with the ex,  to avoid the heartbreak & loneliness.

If relevant, the review may also highlight the harm you were put through from psychological & physical abuse, alcoholism, infidelity…. This can make the healing take longer, but friends will remind you that you’re better off.

CHRONIC – See “Prolonged Grief Disorder”
This category is about such a strong grief reactions that it never seems to subside. It’s continually experiencing extreme distress over the loss with no progress moving through the grief, towards feeling better or improving functioning. The griever spends much time thinking about the death, longing for reunion, & can’t seem to adjust to life without the diseased.

COLLECTIVE
Grief felt by a group such as a community, society, village, or nation as a result of an event such as natural disaster, terrorist attack, war, the death of a beloved public figure, or any other event leading to mass casualties or national tragedy – that have long-lasting impacts.

Like individual grief, many people will feel powerless, & out of control, since they couldn’t prevent the loss or major change. And when whole communities experience collective & anticipatory grief, feeling out of control becomes even stronger. When we’re usually only in tune with our own mourning, we’re now linked with the grief process of others.

This can feel overwhelming. Since healing for collective grief can be different within the group, it can make us feel even more unprepared. Some ways to encourage healing include Public Mourning ceremonies & Community Actions. But you also have your own needs to tend to, so give yourself space to grieve in private. (MORE….)

COMPLICATED /  “Complex Bereavement Syndrome
Complicated grief is a recently recognized condition that occurs in about 7% of bereaved people, a prolonged form of that disrupts daily functioning. When left untreated, it can contribute to never-ending anxiety, depression,  substance use, & an increased risk of suicide.

They are caught up in rumination about the circumstances of the death, continue to worry about its consequences thru waves of intense emotions. Some may have irrational thoughts such as that the person who died might come back to life.
Others unable to wrap their mind around the finality & effects of the loss, go out of their way to avoid any reminders of the person & their life together, thru waves of intense emotion.

This type of grief often stems from unresolved issues related to the deceased, now plagued by feelings of guilt, anger, intrusive thoughts about the lost one & a persistent longing for them. Symptoms may include persistent sadness, difficulty moving on, & are more likely to isolate.  While normal symptoms gradually fade over time, those of complicated grief linger or get worse. It’s being in an ongoing, heightened state of suffering that prevents healing.

CUMULATIVE
It’s when you experience one or more  other deaths while still trying to grieve an earlier one, also called “bereavement overload”. When you have multiple losses in a short time, you may start to wonder how much more pain you can bear – “I just can’t do this anymore,” & wish you were dead too, even if you don’t act on the thought.

If you never make the effort to address those ‘abandonments’ – however long it will take – you’ll be sitting on all that suppressed pain, which can turn into an autoimmune disease, depression, addictions…. If left unprocessed – the accumulation can cause a future emotional & physical explosion if it ever gets released. While this may be one of the harder forms to recover from – with the right help you can.

NEXT : Grief – De

PREVIOUS : Grief == Ab-An

SITE : Hospice & Grieving

💔 ANTICIPATORY Grief
This type is when you feel grief before a loss occurs that you know (or assume) is inevitable. It’s a response to an ending you’re able to anticipate, such as for a person suffering from a long-term illness. As soon as you understand & accept that your loved one is going to die, you begin to grieve.  It can also occur for oneself when waiting for the possibility of – or being assured of – a terminal illness diagnosis.
AND it can overlap with ‘Ambiguous loss’ when there’s a prolonged state of uncertainty about the outcome.

Grief that starts before the actual loss of someone else can be confusing, as you may feel conflicted or guilty for grieving about someone who is still here. You may feel anger, loss of emotional control, & helpless to stop the inevitable.

Supporting someone through anticipatory grief : Avoid saying “at least they’re still here” or “you still have time together”.  Things in that person’s life may already be deteriorating, so it can be really hard for the healthy one to be grateful, which may also cause some guilt.
When the sorrow is for yourself, if you have the strength (& the means) you can choose to make use of the time left to do some of the things you’ve been putting off, whether it’s straightening out a relationship, having as much fun as possible, writing that book,….

If helping someone who is grieving for another, it’s most loving to hold space for them to freely share their feelings & experiences of the love one without being judged. You don’t need to say anything or try to fix their feelings.  If they’d like to know where to find support groups & services, find suggestions on TheSprout’s Grief, Loss and Bereavement Information Page. 

AUTISTIC  (not Like Neuro-typical Grief)
Autistics thrive on sameness & routine, so loss & grief are the most disruptive changes. The complexity of emotions in grief may be amplified for autistics, having increased trouble with social communication & intensified sensory sensitivities .
One person wrote: “Being around non-autistic was exhausting. I had to mask my grief, creatively calibrating responses to meet social expectations while battling overwhelming sadness…… I did not have outward meltdowns in the traditional sense, but instead I had shutdowns whereby I lost actual abilities, as my autistic symptoms worsened. I had less ability to process information and therefore less ability to be social or to do any tasks, as my executive functioning skills were also impacted.”

In the autistic mind, grief doesn’t neatly follow a logical pattern. Instead, it’s a tangled bundle of depression, isolation, sadness & trauma — a heavy knot that resists untangling. Grief for autistics isn’t a straightforward cause-and-effect event. It’s a whirlpool of pent-up emotions, recurring emotional tsunamis, outbursts, & disorientation, any one or all of which can surface at the most unexpected times, seriously affecting the autistic’s daily life in every area.

SPD affects people with neuro-developmental & neuro-divergent conditions.  Autistics have sensory processing failure, (SPDisorder) a difference in the way the brain understands & responds to information from our senses. This includes what we see, hear, smell, taste, & touch, & can also affect movement.   (Another personal account).
General ASD Symptoms :
🔒 Difficulty with social interactions &  understanding social cues
🔒 Challenges in maintaining conversations & reciprocal communication
🔒 Restricted interests, or intense focus on specific topics or activities
🔒 Sensitivity to sensory input such as sounds, lights, textures
🔒 Preference for routine & difficulty with changes in schedule
🔒 Emotional regulation challenges, including anxiety or mood swings

HELPING someone in autistic grief  :
✑ Recognize their experience of grief may be expressed differently, often through unique behaviors or communication styles
✑ Some may express grief through intense focus on specific interests or routines
✑ Their emotional responses can be delayed or seem less intense, which does not mean they’re absent
✑ Provide a safe, supportive environment for them to expressing feelings, & allow for non-verbal communication if needed
✑ Encourage open dialogue about loss, using clear & direct language to encourage understanding
✑ Be patient & allow for individual processing time, as each person’s grief journey is unique.

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🤎 ABBREVIATED
 You aren’t showing any of the typical signs of grief , so maybe you’re acting as though no one you know died. This can happen if you’re in complete shock or total denial, & more likely when the death sudden & unexpected.
Other possibilities – √ when you rather quickly replace the diseased with someone or something new in your life, √ or how long ago you knew them, √ or that you were already grieving them a long time before they died (anticipatory grief), √or because you didn’t have a strong connection or attachment to the person lost.

🩶 ABSENT
Similar to Abbreviated Grief, in this case you show absolutely no signs, acting as though nothing ‘bad’ has happened. Again – from shock or denial.  But it’s important to remember that just because you can’t tell someone’s hurting doesn’t mean they aren’t. And it also ok to not be sad or feel deep grief if it was someone you didn’t even know.

If the grief is there but hidden, it can ignored for a while by keeping busy with family & work, &/or by drinking a lot.  But absent grief will usually show up at some point – usually when least expected. Grief in any form will take its toll on your body. This type only becomes a problem if it goes on for too long.

❤️‍🔥 AMBIGUOUS Grief (AG)
This is unresolved pain when circumstances don’t provide clear closure, & can lead to having a different attitude about who or what is ‘gone’. You & others may question whether the person is actually dead, or if you should in fact be grieving. Although grief can take many complicated shapes, it can also be shapeless. In “Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live With Unresolved Grief,”  Pauline Boss described :
Type One – is “physical absence with psychological presence”- when you don’t know for sure if the person you love has died or is just missing, without knowing what’s happened to them. EXP: kidnapping, natural disasters, terrorism, war.
OR –  you know where the person is or what has happened to them, but there’s a loss of contact. EXP : adoption, divorce, incarceration, and the trend toward ghosting .

Type Two – is “psychological absence with physical presence” – there’re still around, but they’ve changed, whether emotionally or cognitively (or both), so you feel the disconnect because they’re emotionally unavailable or mentally gone.
EXP : active addicted parent, Alzheimer’s, put into foster care, from immigration, miscarriage, suicide…

Ambiguous Loss is very hard to handle
In these cases, the situation is hazy, which makes many people uncomfortable.  Closure is an important piece of the complicated puzzle of grief, providing a way to process what’s happened. We crave closure because our brains are wired to analyze information from ourself & our environment. So when we know how &/why someone died, we can move on with our life.
BUT….
….. when we don’t have all the information, we lose a sense of control, & our thoughts fill in the blanks. Those ideas can be terrifying because they’re always the worst scenarios, & there’s nothing to say if what we’re thinking is wrong. That makes us anxious, obsessing about what’s really going on, which can feel like an ongoing trauma. (Solutions….)

A major symptom is that the grieving process is stuck /feels “frozen”, with persistent sadness but unsure why. (Helpful suggestion for recovery)
☀︎ Interesting : One of the most powerful ways humans make meaning out of ambiguous loss is through all the many forms of art.  (Heal with art…..)

❤️‍🩹 ANCESTRAL
Ancestral grief is about the emotional, psychological & biological wounds passed down through generations from the traumatic experiences of your ancestors. When they faced repeated abuse, addiction, chronic illness, or other hardships, their survival instincts led to developing behaviors, beliefs, & coping mechanisms in behaviors & beliefs that helped them endure harsh, unsupported environments.

While these adaptations were crucial for their survival, they can be unconsciously transmitted to you through dysfunctional dynamics, parenting styles, & cultural norms. You might feel the pull of ancestral grief tied to your specific family traumas, shaping how safe or connected you feel in the world. (Many list of signs, may overlap with ACA after-effects)
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