Enneagram : MIS-USING Strengths (#2)


 PREVIOUS : Misusing Strengths #1

SITE : Learn About Your Enneagram Type”

IMAGES : ” I Don’t Know What I Don’t Know, but I DO Know This” (2019) ⤵️

☀︎ I dismiss others’ opinions because they’re supported by intuition or emotions rather than factual analysis

☀︎ I get so content that I miss out on good things that I may really enjoy
☀︎ I get so comfortable observing – that I don’t put myself in the ring (even if it can benefit me)

☀︎ I focus so intently on planning – that it’s all consuming – so there’s no room for spontaneity
☀︎ I keep researching to the point that I can’t make a decision – because I’ve just uncovered so many more things I don’t know
☀︎ I only rely on data – without considering how decisions or perspectives will affect my emotional state

☀︎ I cling so tightly to my set of plans that I can’t enjoy them
☀︎ I feel overly responsible for all the little details, & for making sure things go well
☀︎ I’m so aware of what might happen – that I forget to acknowledge all of the good that’s currently happening in my life

☀︎ I overthink everything – to the point that I’m stuck in analysis loops
☀︎ I stay fully committed to a situation that is no longer serving me – because I’m loyal, & am more comfortable with white-knuckling my way through – than with stepping into the unknown
☀︎ I take on tremendous worry and concern for those I truly care about

☀︎ I choose to only see what’s going well, & overlook important problems that need to be addressed
☀︎ I consistently chase the next jolt of excitement – so I miss the chance to cultivate something I already love doing
☀︎ I make everything into a positive – even when it would actually help to look at the big picture, including the minuses

☀︎ I over-focus on an exciting solution to a problem / task / situation – to the point that I forget to consider the practical action-steps that are needed
☀︎ I pressure myself to be the cheerful & supportive person in the room, even when it feels like too much for me to do
☀︎ I recognize that I’m doing too much & running myself into the ground, but continue full speed ahead – because I assume I can handle it all

☀︎ I focus so intently on being competent – that I have *negative* patience for people who work slowly or don’t know what they’re doing
☀︎ I get over-zealous toward others when trying to get them to apply my helpful suggestions
☀︎ I’m so focused on reaching the end goal of a project or plan – that I overlook others’ opinions or feelings about it

☀︎ I over-work & “push through” – way past the point of exhaustion
☀︎ I take on too much of the workload (because I’m so capable) & miss an opportunity to empower someone else to us their talents
☀︎ I take on the responsibility of fighting others’ battles, sometimes without their permission or need

☀︎ I get so focused on not offending others – that it’s hard to get my point across, even though I sometimes feel it’s really important to let others know I disagree
☀︎ I over-emphasize my understanding of others – that I blur the lines between empathy & enabling.
☀︎ I often sacrifice my own needs or wants – because it’s easier to go with the flow

☀︎ I prioritize supporting others – to the point that I leave myself behind
☀︎ I’m so good at making my own “comfy space” inside – that I mentally live there instead of engaging in the real world
☀︎ I’m so understanding of everyone’s perspective – that it’s hard to identify my own opinions


Enneagram MISTYPING (Part 1)



SITEs: “36 Mis-Types

☀︎ Comments, tests & Criticisms


Why Mistyping Happens
▪︎ The Enneagram is not simple
While the basics of the Enneagram are easy to learn, it also makes room for the complexity of human personality.  Learn more about it here.

▪︎ You don’t know the 9 Enneagram types well
People new to the Enneagram can easily confuse some types if they’re not yet know what type others are that you’re meet in real life. Learn about each type here.

▪︎ You’re not looking at the Why
If you only look at the actions of a type without being aware of their deeper motivations (SP, SX, SO….), you can easily mistake one type for another. Different ones may act in almost the same way in certain situations, but their reasons will be very different (See post on Subtypes)

▪︎ You pigeonhole yourself
Confusion can also result when types are seen too narrowly. EXP : Thinking that because #4s are creative, & you’re the creative type, you must be a 4.
While basic traits apply, they’re only a fraction of what each number is, so don’t stop at the summaries.
ALSO – you may misidentify yourself by believing what someone else thinks you are

▪︎ You don’t like what you’re seeing
Many people also mistype themselves because they don’t want to acknowledge the basic ‘flaw / ‘passion‘ which actually identifies their number. Study each types weakness first, then have the courage to admit what you know about yourself- with compassion

▪︎ You didn’t take all factors into account
Enneagram types aren’t one-dimensional or static. Each will be heavily influenced by your arrow, wing, level of maturity & current state of mind. Every type can act differently when under stress vs when they’re at peace.
Mature people can also access various patterns from other types, since they’re no longer fixated on their own. Learn about wings, levels of health and stress/peace behavior

▪︎ You aren’t aware of healthy vs. unhealthy traits of each type
No-one always shows every single characteristic of their type, especially not at the same time.
Very healthy people don’t act out the most unhealthy behaviors of their #, just as very unhealthy types won’t show the healthiest parts of theirs. People aren’t stable and neurotic at the same time. See levels of health in type descriptions.

▪︎ You mistype others
Typing others isn’t magic, but it’s not simple either. This is because you almost never have a full picture of the other person (missing other ‘inventories’), so you’re working with incomplete information. To correctly identify someone’s type is a skill learned carefully – & humbly. See how (not) to use the Enneagram.     ——— (MORE ….details)

3 Most Likely Mistyped
‣ Type Threes invest a lot of energy into projecting an image that allows them to them fit in & be popular – most often in their career. Depending on their chosen facade, they can seem to be another type instead of their own – because that’s the type they want to appear to be. The important Q to ASK :  “Is that really me, or is that merely who I’d like to be?”

‣ Type Sixes often connect very strongly to the values & motivations of the authority figures they look up to, even if those ideas aren’t genuinely their own. Because 6s incorporate multiple sources, their answers on tests aren’t always based on their own Truth, so scores will be all over the place.
ASK:  “Whose voice is answering on this test? My own, or  someone I trust a lot?”

Type Nine is without question the one that mistypes themself most often. This comes from their nature – 9s have the capacity to assume the views of other types because they have the least defined sense of self. They can take on a partner’s characteristics, or try to mold to cultural expectations.
Female 9s may assume they’re a #2 – associating ‘femaleness’ with helping & self-neglecting.
Male 9s often think they’re 5s because they mistake their own restrained or self-effacing attitude with the ‘thinking’ nature of the Five. Review Type Nine.

NEXT : Mistyping #2

Enneagram : MIS-USING Strengths (#1)

PREVIOUS : Mis-typing #2



Intelligence Center DEFENCES
Enneagram coach Chris Heuerz has explored the meaning of the Enneagram Passions, which identify some of the clearest archetypal aspects of the human character.
“I don’t believe the Passions are mainly “sins” nor the shape of one’s tragic flaw, but rather more like Claudio Naranjo’s view as a “thirst for being, ultimately based on a loss of contact with True Self…. because of our original wounds & loss of innocence”.
The Passions are “… our ego’s basic coping tools to reconnect with essence … which we instinctually use in an unconscious attempt to find our way home…. ”

So Heuerz makes use of the 3 Intelligence Centers, the primary ‘organs of perception’ about ourselves, the ways we try to explain our fundamental experiences.
(Body= 8,9,1) (Heart= 2,3,4)(Head= 5,6,7)

ULTIMATE GOAL : To integrate what’s been disassociated from our Center – whatever limits our ability to express True Self – first requires identifying the components :
🔸 Body’s Carnal Hunger + Heart’s Emotional Ache = Head’s Existential Restlessness
🔸 Heart’s Emotional Ache + Head’s Existential Restlessness = Body’s Carnal Hunger
🔸Head’s Existential Restlessness + Body’s Carnal Hunger  = Heart’s Emotional Ache.

Then we can understand the whole:
🔹Carnal Hunger + Emotional Ache + Existential Restlessness = the Passion (MORE…. w/ explanations)


I create unattainably high standards for myself & others
☀︎ It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders – because I can see problems all around me & feel responsible to fix them
☀︎ I get attached to a specific routine or structure, & don’t let myself or others step out of the box or be spontaneous

☀︎ I offer solutions & advice even tho’ the recipient may not want or need it
☀︎ I’m so focused on the details that tasks become more complicated or time-consuming than “necessary” – because something could always be better
☀︎ I take on excessive amounts of work – because I’m capable of doing it, even when it can be delegated to someone else

☀︎ I completely take on how others feel (which can get quite heavy) &  pressure myself to take action to help them
☀︎ I connect to others faster or deeper than they may be ready for
☀︎ I give too much thought to how others may be feeling – that it interferes with my decision-making

☀︎ I feel like I know others better than they know themselves, & only lead them in ways I think is best for them
☀︎ I make myself indispensable to the point of exhaustion
☀︎ I taking on the responsibility of keeping the environment positive & happy, even though I may not be

☀︎ I always present a sense of composure, even when occasionally it would benefit me to be somewhat vulnerable
☀︎ I keep striving to make a bigger & better difference, which can lead to feeling like nothing is ever enough
☀︎ I focus so much on solutions & action that I neglect important details, or input from others

I over-focus on external growth & forget to slow down (or even pause)
☀︎ I subconsciously adapt so much – that it becomes hard to identify my sense of True Self
☀︎ I put tremendous pressure on myself (maybe too much?) to get things done & deliver results

☀︎ I get stuck in my emotions after an intense experience
☀︎ I over-emphasize creating an authentic & vulnerable environment for others before they may be ready for it
☀︎ I over-focus on doing what looks & feels the best – even though it may be impractical

☀︎ I prioritize “never done before,” out-of-the-box solutions – to the point that starting the project feels so daunting /overwhelming that I can’t get started
☀︎ I’m so willing to be emotionally vulnerable – that it sometimes leads to regretful over-sharing (TMI)
☀︎ I stay in such a deep state of introspection & overthinking – that I neglect practical tasks

NEXT : MISUSING Strengths (#1)

Enneagram MISTYPINGs (Part 2)


SITEs : Mistyping Podcast

☀︎” Which fictional character embodies your Enneagram Personality Type?”

On the path of self-discovery, it is utterly normal & totally expected that you will mistype yourself.  We might even say that it’s part of the process. Being human means that likely everyone will get it wrong at some point. This can happen for so many different reasons. —->

Here are some things that can be helpful when trying to figure the enneagram-number correctly :

1. LOOK at the number you think you are & research its Disintegration /Tension vs. Development/Growth arrows, and the 18 possible Wings. Become familiar with which behaviors those may exhibit, when healthy & when stressed. Which thought, feeling & doing patterns fit you best? Consider that you might actually be one of the Arrow numbers of the type you originally started with.
🔘 The Advantages of Mistyping in the Enneagram

2. Stances. Stances are the energy planes on which you
unconsciously live, emote & think.  They also relate to how you orient yourself to time.

Aggressive : 3s, 7s & 8s go out to meet the world with lots of
energy & force of will. They tend to do what they want and accomplish things with zest & passion. They’re future-oriented, because their thoughts & feelings often forecast what they think will happen, not what’s happening in the moment.

Sacred Delay – When Aggressives slow down & reflect on their pasts, they let their emotional center catch up with their heads & bodies, so they learn from past mistakes & difficulties, which
helps break out of unhealthy habits & repeating cycles.

Withdrawing : 4s, 5s & 9s find their equilibrium by removing themselves from the world to process or deal with the events that life throws at them. They are past-oriented, tending to dwell on memories or things that have just happened, often filtering the ‘now’ through the ‘then’.

Sacred Presence – When Withdrawers choose embodiment in the here & now, they become more aware of what is, rather than what was or what could be, helping them resist unhealthy retreating tendencies

Compliant (Dependent) :  2s, 6s & 1s move along with the people & events around them, not quite in touch with their own energy. They mold with either what’s expected of them, or what they assume is expected. They are present-oriented, having a grasp of the moment, but little thought goes to the future or remembering the past.

Sacred Vision – When Dependents lift their gaze to see beyond present circumstances, they become more open to a vibrant future beyond the tyranny of the urgent, helping them not be so focused on present tasks.

3. NOTICE how you move around in the world.
🔹Do you seem like a person who lives & breathes your feelings? Is everything about emotion & relationships? If so, a good place to start is the Heart Triad: Numbers 2, 3 & 4

🔹 Do you think, think, and think some more? Is everything carefully planned or researched? Then investigate the Head Triad: Numbers 5, 6 & 7

🔹Are you a do-er? Is acting from your gut second nature? You just know what to do, & go out and make it happen? Start
with the Body Triad: Numbers 8, 9 &1

SITEs: 3 Reasons You Might be Mistyping Your Ennea-Type

NOTE : Besides the reasons for mistyping listed in Part 1, another is that we may be living in one of our wings, while denying or minimizing the core number.
EXP : A ‘wounded’ insecure 8w7 who is afraid to express their power (8) – may spend so much of their efforts on “fun & distracting” activities (7) to avoiding deep trauma-pain – that they opportunities to develop their 8-strengths.
⬆️ We may be picking up too much of the negative characteristics of our Core-Type’s “Stress Arrow”.
EXP: A depressed type 3’s Stress number is 9. Having trouble standing out in life using their native ambition, they’re more likely to procrastinate & ‘blend in’, to sidestep challenges.

NEXT : Enneagram – 3 SUBTYPES

Enneagram – CONTRASTING Types



SITE : Type Comparisons (extensive)




🔹Our external behaviors can look the same, yet have different internal emotional / energetic underpinnings.

🔸Our internal emotional / energetic underpinnings can be very similar, yet have different external behaviors or manifestations.

Type 1 & Type 5
Same: They’re look-alike types because they’re both intellectual, & can become withdrawn when trying to figure things out. Both deal with internal voices of criticism, so feel they’re not doing enough.

Different: In response, 1s pour endless energy into improving everything around them. 5s pick only a few projects, trying to silence their self-distrust with overzealous mastery.

Type 1 & Type 8
Both are are body center types concerned with rightness, justice, truth and fairness. They have an inner feeling that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.

Different: 1s exert super-control over themselves & the details of their environment.
8s care about the big picture. Their desire for power is to ensure they get what they want, & that everything stays in one piece

Type 2 & Type 4
Same: Both are heart center types attuned to feelings, & are friendly & magnetic. They’re used to others liking them, & seek out relationships that bolster their self-confidence.

Different: 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, to confirm inward image.
4s distrust their relationships, & inwardly distrust that they’re lovable.

Type 2 & Type 6
Same: They can be look alike because both can be externally warm & friendly, sensitive to others, disarming or seductive, & will defer to what others want or need.

Different: Internally, 2s cling to the love in their relationships, which gives them a sense of identity.
6s mistrust others internally, always keeping a watchful eye out for breaks in loyalty.

Type 2 & Type 8
Same: Both show active energy, assertiveness, generosity, intrusiveness, protectiveness toward others and attraction to power. Both feel angry, often because their boundaries or identity are violated in some way.

Different: 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this emotion.  
8s show their anger more easily & consistently, & then move on from it quickly.

Type 3 & Type 4
Same: Both want approval & recognition, with a need to maintain their image. Both are often intense, competitive with a creative, inventive ability

Different: 3s push their true feelings aside to keep up momentum toward a goal.
4s lose external goal-momentum as their fluctuating emotions turn them back to an inward focus

Type 3 & Type 6
Same: Both are personable, practical, & highly active. They’re excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals

Different: 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly & to great success.
6s tend to being pessimistic. They expect all kinds of problems to surface, so they develop a myriad of contingencies, just in case.

Type 4 & Type 7
Same: Both are intense and idealistic, wanting life to be highly stimulating & adventurous. Quickly shift jobs, projects, interests & relationships, often done unconsciously

Different: 4s are searching for a sense of identity with each shift. 7s search for fulfillment & satisfaction with every move.

Type 5 & Type 9
Same: Both can be internal, thoughtful & unobtrusive. They tend to pull back so they won’t be overly influenced by their surroundings. When needing to complete important tasks they externally procrastinate, filling their day with busywork.

Different: Internally 5s fear not being able to handle the task & having to ask for help.
9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance / peace.

Type 7 & Type
Same: Both want life to be pleasant & upbeat. They’re adaptable, inviting, & prefer to avoid conflict. they want to be liked and to get along, internally, want to avoid feeling any pain.

Different: Externally, 7s have a hectic, wild energy, & express their desires.
9s live at a more leisurely pace, are generally mellow, & easily mesh with the desires of others.
(From Melissa Kircher)



PREVIOUS : Improve Communications (#1)

Type 5: Whether you’re communicating verbally or in writing, try to fill it out a bit more by Including feelings as well as facts & information. Try to withdraw less often & stay engaged with coworkers a little more.

For Managers : Give 5s the time & space they need for themselves, but encourage them to communicate openly with others & maintain relationships.

Conflict Resolution : Try to maintain some emotional stability while arguing. 5s like to keep to the facts of a situation and will detach when emotions get too heated. Walk away from the argument if you are to emotional as you will be unlikely to get a response. Tell them that your feelings are hurt without expecting them to do something about it (they become angry when there are emotional expectations). Don’t let them use knowledge or arrogance as a weapon and remind them you are a person not a robot or computer.
Type 6: When you communicate, reduce the number of words that indicate fear, anxiety & worry. When describing or explaining a negative task or event, also include positive options or solutions. Manage your anxiety using tools like meditation, so you can keep the ability to make clear, rational decisions.

For Managers : Encourage 6s to face their fears head-on, or help them relax & see the humor in situations

Conflict Resolution : Admit any ulterior motives. Try to stay calm but don’t dismiss them, Find common ground and allay their fears of abandonment or anger. Do not get lost in their arguing circle, if it feels like a marathon walk away. Hold your opinion but don’t be stubborn about seeing their point of view. Do not insult their intelligence or flatter or appease them. Don’t try to win, this will only escalate the argument. Don’t tell a 6 to calm down.
Type 7: Practice attentive listening, & resist the urge to interrupt. Focus on what others are telling you about themselves. Work on balancing your positive outlook with moderate, realistic, even negative possibilities – to be prepared.

For Managers : Help 7s achieve a balance between idealism & practicality, without dampening their enthusiasm & passion. Encourage them to take their good ideas to completion.

Conflict Resolution : Try to allow them their space but hold them to a time when the conflict can be resolved, 7s will flee at difficulty and let them know how this affects your relationship.

If they try to leave ask them to set aside time for you to discuss it (5s like this too). Don’t harp too much on what they are doing wrong or they’ll shut down. Don’t sugar coat things but try to reframe things so they can take in the information without feeling too threatened.
Type 8: Be a bit warmer & more personal with coworkers, & less formal with supervisors. Start communications with a friendly greeting. Listen more, practice patience & restrain your urge to lead every conversation & meeting.

For Managers : Teach 8s not to use anger as a weapon. Show them constant care in order to teach them empathy by example

Conflict Resolution : Stand your ground and do not waiver in your opinion. They want someone who can hold their own against them. 8s will spar with people they love to test their strength.
Try to set ground rules in an argument with an 8 and don’t be afraid to let them know if they hurt your feelings (this often surprises them). Try not to react to their intimidation tactics but don’t egg them on either.
Type 9: Admit to yourself what you think & feel. Then you can be more direct & take a clear stand on issues. If you disagree or don’t want to do something, say that directly to the relevant person. Learn healthy ways to deal with conflict – as a way to achieve harmony.

For Managers – Help 9s create structure in their life, so they can focus better on their priorities. Encourage them to take healthy risks.

Conflict Resolution : Don’t attack aggressively or take a blaming tone, they will tune you out. Try to acknowledge that they want to find a point of agreement between the two of you.

9s will be afraid of your anger & may become stubborn or withdraw when you begin to show your anger. Assure them that your anger doesn’t mean that you don’t like/love them anymore (unless of course you don’t) but that it’s important to resolve this issue.






Employee communication styles differ a lot based on where a person’s puts their attention. What might make one person impatient & frustrated in a working relationship will be required, even imperative to someone else. It’s important to remember that there is no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ Ennea-type or communication style. Diversity is key, because that helps make the best teams.

How to IMPROVE Your Communication 

Type 1 Try to lead conversations with a positive observation, & close them on a positive note. Practice active listening. Ask others about their ideas & how they get things done – which might be different from how you would. You’ll build trust when you genuinely try to understand & accept others.

For Managers : Encourage 1s to be less critical of themselves & negative about others. Invite them to share responsibilities or delegate. Teach them to accept what can’t be changed

Conflict Resolution : To prevent escalation, don’t say they’re wrong, incorrect, or bad. Instead – acknowledge you heard their opinion, while holding your ground. Help them see how they’re expressing anger, & being hurtful. Remember that 1s have a fear of their own anger.
Type 2: It’s fine that you love to form personal connections, but don’t lose your objectivity. Stay focused on work topics rather than someone’s personal life. Practice emotional boundaries (disengagement) to make the most of your work time & minimize people-pleasing, as it can lead to mixed messages.

For Managers : Help 2s let go of the need to fix everyone’s problems & sorrows. Encourage them to prioritize their own needs, rather than always putting everyone else first

Conflict Resolution : Assure the 2 that their efforts are valued & appreciate, but their actions are their own choice. Remind the 2 that you want them to take care of themselves, because their anger often comes from the false belief that they have to take care of others in order to deserve love & acceptance. Acknowledge their feelings, but don’t react to tantrums.
Type 3: Slow down! It’s legitimate & beneficial for everyone if you take a few minutes at the beginning of a conversation to connect on a human level. You’ll get more out of meetings if you do. Work on managing your impatience with others, using practical tools like taking long deep breaths, when you start getting frustrated.

For Managers : To help 3s grow, show them that they have value as an individual, not just as a productive employee.

Conflict Resolution : Set aside a pre-determined amount of time to discuss problems. Don’t allow them to smooth things over with a promise to change or apologies for ‘not knowing’. Appreciate the hard work they put in, but emphasize the important of relationships. Encourage expression of emotions rather than “just the facts”, which is the communication tool they us to avoid feeling too much.

Type 4: Practice leaning into logic & rationally based information – to balance your natural alignment with emotions. Try to stay engaged with others – even in activities & conversations you feel are trivial, boring & mundane. Listen attentively. When you speak, try not to use the word “I.”

For Managers : Give 4s a safe space to express their emotions, but teach them to balance extremes. Help them see the impact their actions have on others.

Conflict Resolution : Don’t try to have a completely rational discussion without any emotional content – they won’t be listening. Recognize their intuitive insight, while still sticking to your own personal truth.

4s like to tell other people everything they’re feeling, & they’re usually on the right track. BUT don’t let their histrionics or emotional outbursts drive you away. Take a time-out if necessary so that everyone’s emotions can calm down. Let the 4 know if you’ve been hurt too, & that your feelings are just as important as theirs.

Ennea-type Communication at WORK (Part 2)

PREVIOUS : Communication at WORK (Part 1)



WORK STYLE Communication
Type 1-5 (in Part 1)

Type 6
As a Six – your communication style tends to be caring, compassionate, & engaged – witty & warm. You’re excellent at considering & assessing options which you express thoughtfully to your teammates. It’s also true, however, that you believe you must figure things out on your own.

Carrying the weight of that (unrealistic) responsibility can make you anxious & doubt yourself, so it harder to inspire confidence in others.
The challenge is to remember that you’re not actually alone – you’re a part of a team. Find people you trust to use as an accurate barometer of you ideas, when you need reassurance.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Six, remember that the more secure they feel, the more relaxed their thinking will be. Avoid putting them on the spot without warning or time to prepare (they need to reflect & balance all possibilities). Whenever possible, help them believe that they’re supported by the team, & that it’s not all on them to make things happen.

Type 7
As a Seven – your communication style is often described as energetic, optimistic & enthusiastic! You have a gift for generative thinking, for envisioning & opening up possibilities. Some of your challenges are about needing to follow through & fill in details.

Also, your preference for starting things (projects, ideas…) can frustrate people who are more methodical or who like to go “deep.” To these team members you can seem scattered or unfocused, like a hummingbird.
Watch for signs that you overwhelm others with so many possibilities. Check to see if you’re connected to colleagues even when you each have different responsibilities & strengths. If not, slow down.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Seven, try to embrace the joyful energy of their unbridled curiosity. Look for ways to channel it so it serves the group. Partner a 7 with teammates who are good at putting their ideas into form, rather than expecting the 7 to do it alone. 7s usually shy away from difficult topics, so let them know that negativity isn’t always bad, & when dealt with thoughtfully, it can eventually lead to clarity & agreement.

Type 8
As an Eight – your communication tends to be honest, direct, & assertive. You have a reputation for being generous & loyal to people on your teams. You can be a fierce advocate, & winning your praise can feel like winning the lottery. It’s also true that your commitment to directness can come across as brusque, demanding, even intimidating, which can make teammates retreat to feel safe.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with an Eight, remember that they value directness & welcome being challenged – because it shows where they stand. They appreciate coworkers who can join with them                                                                                                to debate /discuss/ problem-solve honestly. So, take a risk to be bold & straightforward. Chances are you’ll be met with enthusiasm & find new ways to collaborate.

Type 9
As a Nine, your communication style tends to be calming & inclusive. You naturally avoid conflict & choose your written or spoken words carefully, so you don’t offend anyone. Your gift of seeing all perspectives makes you a natural mediator on any team, smoothing out misunderstandings & building connections.

Your challenge is to prepare how well you communicate needs & ideas, so people are clear about where you stand. If you find yourself running on & on, or accommodating each member of your audience, check in with yourself to make sure you have ‘permission’ to say what you really mean. Are it clear, or just trying to be acceptable to your audience? Take the risk of being declarative: “Here’s what I think.”

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Nine, let them know you really want to understand what they feel or think. Help them “bottom line”it if they’re rambling on about all possible parts of an issue. Gently ask, “What do you think it means?” or, “What do you believe we should do?” Help them trust the creative potential in having courageous conversations about hard topics. Conflict can be very scary, but it doesn’t need be destructive.

NEXT : Improve Communications (#2)

Ennea-type Communication at WORK (Part 1)

PREVIOUS : Communication styles (8, 9)



Type 1
🔊As a One – you value clarity, directness, being fair, & listening to all voices. Your challenge is to not be judgmental, & too quick to share your own opinions – from the belief that they’re always “right”! Pause & check your motives. ASK:
Am I inadvertently shutting others down?
Do I always thinking I know best? Is this true?
Watch the tendency to dominate, & how often you use the word “should.”

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a One, you can lean on them for well-articulated, decisive, clear thinking. If you’re having trouble being heard by a One who thinks s/he is right, try the phrase, “That’s interesting. I see it a bit differently…” & then explain your perspective, inviting the curious One to explore it with you.
Type 2
As a Two – you’re most at ease using warm, generous, caring language. You love to help & freely offer it, great at giving positive reinforcement & encouragement. Your communication challenge is to not slip into being manipulative or needy – when your suggestions are not used.
Watch for insisting that people agree with your ideas. Take a breath & remember how good it feels to give unconditionally & watch others thrive.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Two, you can trust that they genuinely want to be of service. But if their good-intentions become boundary invasive, thank them for their effort, acknowledging that they care. Then ask for their patience and some time – while you try it a different way
Type 3
As a Three – your preference is to be clear, solutions-oriented & pragmatic. You value achievement & reaching goals, which allow you to feel good about yourself. Your challenge is to not come across as impatient, sharp or self-promoting, which can put colleagues off.
Watch that your ability to produce – can be at the expense of listening to others or not bringing them along with you.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Three, you know their amazing gift for getting things done. Let them know you value that & appreciate all they’re doing. If  they push you too hard, invite them to step back & take a breath. Affirm that you share the desire to achieve their goal, but that additional considerations may be required to get there.
Type 4
As a Four – your style reflects your appreciation for being thoughtful, reflective & attuned to others. You have a gift for helping people appreciate subtlety & emotional nuance, with an able to stay with the hard places in a conversation, if needed.

Your challenge is to not over-use the talent for creative expression – which can frustrate others who need a more direct approach. EXP : You can be long-winded & relying on metaphors, which leaves some to scratch their heads wondering “What do they want me to do?” Watch how you write & talk. Combine your artistic style with clear statements or requests.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Four, know that their sensitivity can sometimes make them moody or withdrawn. Don’t take this personally or judge them, but instead check in to make a connection by asking how they’re doing. Tell them you noticed they’re a little remote at the moment & invite them to share their ideas, without trying to manage their mood
Type 5
As a Five – you have a gift for seeing the big picture in all its complexity. You’re deeply curious, excited by & engaged in learning. Internally – you’re constantly reflecting, wondering, & chewing on things that interest you. Your mental wheels are keep turning, which can take a lot of energy.

Your challenge it to not get too remote & emotionally unavailable. Instead, ask how team members are, what they’re working on or thinking about.
AND – you assume you have to “solve” everything on your own.
Instead, ask for practical suggestions – chances are they’ll gladly offer them.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Five, remember they can self-isolate. Give them space, but also make it easy for them to connect to the group. Invite them to share thoughts on a topic or issue. Note that saying “What are your thoughts on this…. ?” is a better way to approach a Five – rather than “What’s going on with you right now?” which can feel intrusive.
NEXT: WORK Communication (#2)

Enneagram COMMUNICATION STYLES (Types 8,9)

PREVIOUS : Talk Styles (6,7)




Ennea-type 8’s style is commanding & authoritative, often experienced as confrontational or overly assertive. Their talk style is just to say – how things are – & who should be doing what.
Also, they tends to be loud. They have something to say, they know it, & don’t care who hears.
They’re the one in the restaurant who says inappropriate or inflammatory things so loudly that they get looks from other diners.

When they speak, there’s a finality to it. The interesting thing is that it’s so sharp that it almost invites challenge, like they’re daring anyone to call BS. And if you do, you’re just as likely to earn their respect as to earn a loud tongue lashing.

If an 8 wants to initiate a breakup, it’s going to have that same finality. They don’t want their partner to try convincing them to stay. They’ve made up their mind. This is how it’s going to be. By the nature the 8, won’t have a lot of room for the partner’s vulnerability. they might say: “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We’re over.”

No mention of “I think” or “I feel” or “maybe.” Just that they don’t want it, so it’s done. And re. the setting for this conversation, it could be anywhere. Public, private, wedding, funeral. Whatever it is, it won’t be done in a whisper.

IN BIZ : Protector – 8s are good at taking charge of their environment, knowing how to mobilize to get things done. They make good leaders, & will stand up for the people & positions they care about.
CHALLENGE : to moderate forcefulness, become adaptable in different situations, & avoid creating unnecessary conflict.
Ennea-type 9’s style is epic saga or meandering. Not being urgent people, they like to see the big picture & take their time. They’re talented at seeing all elements, which is why they become the social mastermind of whatever group they’re in.

9s hate confrontation, so they’ve learned how to read between the lines. Since they’re very good at picking up on details, when they talk, it can be mostly all details. Going off on tangents can be very frustrating (especially tp 1s & 8s), who may react:  “Can we get back to what you were talking about before?” Or “What’s your point?”

The 9’s talk style is other-focused because that’s where their attention is. Their speech can express indecisiveness, by arguing both sides.  Always see all points of every argument, they have a hard time deciding which side they’re on. Especially since taking a side will lead to disagreement. (Oh no!)

If a 9 wants to initiate a breakup, wish them good luck. They’d rather self-erase than create a confrontation, it takes a LOT before they’re willing to push away from the person they’ve been closest to. Negative feelings have to pile up first – a lot, so in the mean time 9s can be very passive-aggressive, which will come out in the heat of a breakup.

A 9 wanting to initiate a break up will prefer to make themselves very useless. Speaking unpleasant truth in any situation is painful for them. So if they hated something another person did (writing a book), they may say :  “I’m just so impressed you had the discipline to sit & write a whole book. I heard so much of you in those pages, & it was really nice to spend a lot of time in your world.”

Not the most constructive feedback, but entirely ‘nice’. To be direst, a 9 would have to either be at a very healthy level, or lean heavily to their Eight or One wing to get the job done.

IN BIZ : The Mediator – 9s are steady & balanced in their approach to work and relationships. They’re able to bring people together in a spirit of cooperation & harmony.  CHALLENGE : to stay focused on the priorities & to stick up for their own position, even if its uncomfortable.