PREVIOUS : Human Nature LAWS (#1)

❗️SITE: Summary & Notes Extended explanations for each ‘law’

“LAWS” of HUMAN NATURE by R. Green (cont)

2. of NARCISSISM: Transform Self-Love into Empathy
Humans have the natural ability to empathize & connect with others. Unfortunately, we get blinded by self-absorption. As children, our sense of self-worth is tied to the attention we receive & the quality of our interactions. As adults, the problem comes when we rely on how well others treat us to feel worthy & alive.

We all have narcissistic tendencies, to varying degrees.
– Deep narcissists (NPDs) lack a cohesive sense of self, so their self-worth comes entirely from others’ attention and validation. In relationships they take everything personally, demand control , everyone’s total focus being on themselves, & are expert manipulators.
– Most of us are functional narcissists in the middle of the spectrum. We may slip into moments of self-absorption, but have a strong-enough sense of self to pull out of it.
– Healthy narcissists have a strong, resilient sense of self. They direct their sensitivity outward – in the form of empathy toward people or focused creativity in their work, instead of only not themselves.

SHIFT Toward HEALTHY NARCISSISM
Recognize deep narcissism in others to avoid being sucked into toxic relationships.  Be honest about your true nature, & work to develop :
a. Analytic empathy: Gather info about the others so you truly to know them (family relationships, values, emotional triggers)

b. Empathetic attitude: Assume you’re ignorant about people so you can be truly curious about their point of view. In your daily conversations :
☼ set aside your judgments / biases
☼ stop your endless inner dialogues, & fully listen
☼ don’t assume they have your same /or similar views
☼ be open to new discoveries.

c. Visceral empathy:
‣ Pay attention to people’s reactions (facial expressions, body language & tone of voice)
‣ Use mirroring to develop a stronger connection (mimic their tone or expression, nod & smile as you listen)

d. Use direct/indirect feedback to develop your empathetic skills: ask about their thoughts / feelings to verify your guesses, then pay attention to their responses & rapport.

“LAWS” – cont.
3. of Role Playing
People tend to wear the mask that shows them off in the best possible light – humble, confident, diligent…. trying to hide their true personality. It’s a form of impression management – wanting to influence other’s perceptions.

If we take this appearance for reality, we never really know their true feelings, & on occasion get blindsided by their sudden resistance, hostility or manipulations.
RESPONSE : See though the masks & become a master at reading body language, as well as presenting yourself optimally.

4. of Compulsive Behavior
People never do something just once. They will inevitably repeat their bad behavior.
RESPONSE : Learn about people’s character types. When choosing who to work / associate with, don’t be mesmerized by their reputation or surface image. Instead, determine their strengths & weaknesses.
Also, assess your own – correcting negative compulsive patterns so you have control of your choices

5. of Covetousness
People continually desire to possess what they don’t have.  Most don’t really want truth & facts, rather wanting their imagination lifted & ego boosted.
RESPONSE : Become an elusive object of desire – a little absence will spark interest, so creating an air of mystery will make you highly desirable.
Also, ‘covet’ a closer connection to reality, accepting what you can & can’t change, and be OK with both, which brings calmness

6. of Shortsightedness
People tend to overreact to present circumstances, & ignore what
will happen in the future. It makes them vulnerable when things take an unexpected turn.
RESPONSE : Surround yourself with those who understand the consequences of their actions & have a bold vision. Elevate your own perspective – learn to focus on the long-term, considering the bigger picture, so you gain the patience & clarity to achieve almost any goal

NEXT : Human Nature  (#3)

PREVIOUS :
Leadership (#4)

SITE :

NEXT : 18 Laws (#1)

PREVIOUS : BOOKENDING (Part 3) Review

SITE : √ “Human Nature” (Psychology Wiki)
√ “What Are We? Three Views on Human Nature”  (2016)  from the Reformed Faith & Practice newsletter

√ 6 Characteristics of Human Nature
These Characteristics are based on a study of human action – what people do, say or intend : Ambition, Greed, Ignorance, Laziness, Self Interest, Vanity.

DEF: Human nature includes the core characteristics (feelings, psychology, behaviors) shared by everyone.
We have different experiences of the people in our life, & we tend to label them – ‘good , bad, predators, capable of great kindness’…… These opinions are colored by our personal experiences with our family, our culture & nationality. The group we’re born into passes on its particular ideas about what makes humans ‘human.’

Robert Greene’s 18 “LAWS” : Book Summary  

REVIEW : “Human nature (how we act instinctively) comes from the way our brains are wired. Through his study of psychology, philosophy & literature, Robert Greene extracted 18 laws of human nature to explain why we behave the way we do.

They may help us become a better judge of character, manage our own thought patterns, & empathize with others, interacting with them more effectively.”

For full details, get a copy of the book , or the full summary bundle for an overview of the various ideas & tips.
👁 Each law is detailed with at least 1 long story (re. historical figures like Milton Erickson, Anton Chekhov, Richard Nixon, Mary Shelley, Martin Luther King Jr., Queen Elizabeth I….), with Greene’s interpretation, additional insights on human nature, & strategies to manage them.

NOTE: You may or may not agree with his choices. They’re not based on the Bible’s compilation, but some may overlap.
The Christian understanding of human nature includes many positive traits, but is most commonly expressed in the form of ‘character defects’ (AA 12-Step language), as the 7 deadly sins :
Anger, Avarice, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Pride, Sloth.

Interestingly, the Enneagram has the same basic list, called ‘Vices’ plus 2  –> Personality TYPE 1= Anger / 2= Pride / 3= Vanity / 4= Jealousy / 5= Greed / 6= Doubt / 7= Gluttony / 8= Lust / 9=Sloth.

The LAWS of HUMAN NATURE 
1. Law OF IRRATIONALITY:  Master Your Emotional Self
Humans think we’re rational & in control of our lives, when in reality we’re driven by intense emotions – seeking pleasure, avoiding pain & doing things to soothe our wounded ego.

Emotions & conscious thought are located on opposite sides of the brain – & we feel emotions first before consciously interpret them (often wrongly).
EXP: When feeling hurt – It’s easier to think you’re angry with someone because they’re a jerk, than to admit you’re insecure or jealous of them.
We are indeed emotional creatures, yet often blind to what motivates us. ★ Becoming aware of our own irrationality, we can learn to understand & manage them with introspection & reflection.

Becoming More Rational
a. Recognize biases (“low-grade”) that distort perception & responses. These include the biases :
⚛︎ appearance (assume you can read people but are misled by ‘looks’)
⚛︎ blaming (avoid your own failures, accusing others)
⚛︎ confirmation (think you’re being logical when finding ‘evidence’ to confirm your own opinions)
⚛︎ conviction (defend your views with ‘assurance’ to drown out your doubts)
⚛︎ group (think your ideas are original when just following the herd)
⚛︎ superiority (think you’re better & more rational than others)

b. Beware of inflaming factors (“high-grade”) which trigger certain feelings & intensify them. Step back & consider the underlying sources. These may come from :
✤ childhood memories that trigger strong positive or negative feelings
✤ extreme stress which makes you to get defensive (reactive)
✤ individuals who provoke strong feelings in you or others
✤ infectious emotions picked up from groups you’re in
✤ sudden gains/losses that bring extreme optimism or pessimism

c. Develop your rational self:
☀︎ accept irrationality in people as a fact of life (vs taking things personally)
☀︎ consciously channel your emotional energy instead of being driven by them
☀︎ examine the roots of your feelings & record your observations
☀︎ observe yourself in times of stress
☀︎ wait before you respond (don’t react)

NEXT : Human Nature (#2)

PREVIOUS:
 (Book-ending, #2)

POST: ‘ My Rights’

** PLEASE also read the previous 3 posts in this series 

4 VARIATIONS (written or mental)

1. Identify an activity (A) that makes you anxious just thinking about it! – going to a party, making a cold-call, asking for a need, verbally objecting to mistreatment ….

2. Before taking the action, list as many scary, mean, negative beliefs (T) about the action you can come up with, in 2 categories – ‘About Me’ & ‘About Them’.
These assumptions will come mainly from the WIC – (negative “I” statements), &/or Bad Parent voice (PP), using “You” statements.
🧩 Same CHART as “Why are you Stuck?”

✶ Include painful experiences you’ve already had with this particular scary person or event, so you’re clear about who or what you’re dealing with
— This can be tricky if you tend to paranoia, as your evaluation may be slanted or incorrect
— However, we often ignore what we DO know about people, places & things that are unpleasant, unsuitable or actually harmful

3. As soon as possible, take the planned action (A)

4. Afterwards, so back to the original list & write down:
• what actually happened – specifically in relation to your negative ‘pre’ list
• how that was the similar to, partly or totally different from the ‘PRE’ list?
• how do you feel now (your emotions)?
• using the Adult ego state, what do you conclude (T) about this event now?
SAMPLE :
#1. Afraid to say NO to someone’s request
#2. “They’ll be mad at me / won’t like me…. if I decline”
#3. I fearfully call or text: “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to —-”

#4. Possible positive results:
• The person says OK & is not upset with me
• I’m relieved & surprised, can’t believe it was so easy
• It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (not bad at all)
🎩

Whenever we think of having to make a choice between options, it’s usually in B&W terms – either Good or Bad. Naturally we want to opt for the good / best option. But what if you only have 2 painful ones, & you’re torn? Which one do you choose?

EXP :  You’re in a ‘love’ relationship (or a job) that means a lot to you but continues to make you unhappy. You know it’s somehow not good for you (even toxic) but it’s so-o-o hard to leave because you’re scared.
Staying hurts, & leaving will hurt.

SO – which ‘negative’ option do you pick? DEFINITELY – it has to be the one that will contribute to your personal growth & self-care.

If you DO want to leave, you’ll have to be fed up enough (“sick & tired of being sick & tired”), but also be able to handle the PMES results, along with the right kind of support!
HELPFUL HINT :
Long-term = the pain never ends, so staying will hurt as long as you’re in that situation
Short-term = the healthy option will hurt for a while (a lot), but will end & eventually be replaced by self-esteem & empowerment.

Use the same 5 points in Part A, but for this version:
1. Write down the event or situation you’re excited about, & exactly how you picture it turning out – fulfilling all your hopes & dreams 😍
2. List all the beliefs, assumptions, projections & expectations you have for the person or event.
If you’ve had previous experience with this particular person / situation, list what happened before (be honest with yourself)
• Continue with  #3 & #4 as above.
🏵
Re. ANY action GOAL – If you tend towards grandiosity, idealization, & over-expecting, you’re likely to exaggerate how something will turn out – for you.
❖ Recovery Tool – FIRST identify :
a. what you automatically think will happen
b. cut that expectation in half
c. then cut that in half 
d. take the action with this modified goal
EXP:
a. I’m going to a party, secretly convinced I’ll meet Mr/Ms. Right & live happily ever after
b. Half : I’ll meet someone, we’ll click & we’ll go home together
c. Half again is: I’ll enjoy the music, talk to & dance with different people, & be happy I went out for the evening. I may or may not meet anyone I like!
d. I explain this to my WIC, & then go, with much less anxiety!
Practice:
• When this tool is new, it’s best to do it in written form, anytime you’re particularly stressed about an action
• Eventually you can also bookend on the run – in your head – any time you need it

REVIEW posts on ‘CDs & the Brain’ to see why it’s so important to re-program the brain by adding new pathways.
Little by little the WIC will be drawn into the present, where life can be much better than when it started out – once our thinking is accurate!

HEALTHY USE :  EVERY time…
❣️….you take a new action (A) that represents your personal growth & /or you’ve converted a self-harming belief into a positive thought (T)
OR when….
🌈 …..something good (that you like) comes your way from the outside & you allow it in!….

….THEN : Anchor it with #4 to reinforce the ‘good stuff’, so it becomes your new norm. Say to the WIC: “See, wasn’t that great?!
Now you can use those accumulated positive experiences when you’ve temporarily slipped back into negativity – TO reminding your Inner Child you’re OK.

NEXT: ACoAs 

PREVIOUS :
Leadership (2b)

NOTE: “POWER / BIZ” posts will continue in JUNE 2022

Editor : The gender of the ‘Shoes’ icons next to each type are strictly my opinion, but realistically all styles can apply to either gender.

A LEADER’S  STYLE can be identified by how they makes decisions, especially the degree to which they involve employees

👞Autocratic (“Authoritarian”)
These people are mainly focused on efficiency & results. They often make decisions alone or with a small, trusted group, expecting employees to do exactly what they’re told to do – as from a military commander.

Autocratic style can be useful in organizations with strict guidelines or in compliance-heavy industries. Also where employees who have little to no experience need a great deal of supervision. In general, it stifles creativity & makes employees feel restricted.

👞Bureaucratic 
Similar to Autocrats, they expect team members to follow rules & procedures precisely as written. The bureaucratic style focuses on fixed duties within a hierarchy where each employee has a set list of responsibilities, with little need for collaboration or creativity. Most effective in highly regulated industries or departments, such as finance, health care or government.

👠 Coaching
Leaders using the coach leadership style are skilled at providing clear expectations & creating a positive, motivating environment. They can quickly recognize team members’ motivations, strengths & weaknesses. They can help employees set smart goals, providing regular feedback & challenging projects – so team members can improve & grow. While this is beneficial to both employers & employees, it’s also one of the most under-used, being so time-intensive.

👠 Democratic (“Participative”) 
Leaders using the democratic style combine Autocratic & Laissez-faire. They ask for input & feedback from their team before making decisions. Because members feel heard & that their contributions matter, these leaders are often credited with fostering higher levels of employee engagement & workplace satisfaction.
Excellent for companies focused on creativity & innovation, like the tech industry.

👠Laissez-faire
The Laissez-faire style is the opposite of Autocratic, focused mostly on delegating many tasks to team members, with little or no supervision. Because these leaders don’t spend much time managing employees, they can dedicate their efforts to additional projects.

This style works well if all team members are highly experienced, well-trained & self-directed. However, it can also cause a dip in productivity if some employees are confused about what’s expected of them, or those who need consistent motivation & boundaries in order to function well.

👞Pacesetter
The pacesetting style is one of the most effective for achieving fast results. These leaders focus mainly on performance, setting high standards & holding team members accountable for achieving goals.
While Pacesetting is motivational & helpful in fast-paced environments where members need to be energized, it’s not the best option for those anyone needs mentorship & feedback.

👠Servant
Servant leaders live by a people-first mindset, exceptionally skilled at building employee morale & helping them stay interested in projects. They believe that when members feel personally & professionally fulfilled, they’ll be more effective, & so consistently produce great work. This attitude tends to gain such leaders high respect. Servant style is excellent for any industry or size, but is most often seen in nonprofits.

👞Transactional
Transactional leaders are laser-focused on performance, similar to Pacesetters. They set pre-determined rules & incentives, mainly using monetary reward for success, & disciplinary action for failure. However, unlike Pacesetter, these leaders are also interested in mentorship – providing instruction & training to achieve goals that lead to rewards.
While this style is great for organizations or teams tasked with hitting specific goals, such as sales & revenue, it’s not the best for creativity.

👠Transformatonal
The transformational style is similar to Coaching, since it focuses on clear communication, goal-setting & employee motivation. But these leaders are committed to the organization’s objectives instead of employees’ individual goals.
Because most of their time is focused on the ‘big-picture’, this style is best for teams that can handle delegated tasks without constant supervision.

👞Visionary
Visionary leaders have a powerful ability to drive progress & usher in periods of change – by inspiring employees & earning trust for new ideas. They can create a strong organizational bond, able to foster confidence in both ‘direct reports’ & colleagues for their company projects.
Visionary style is especially useful in small, fast-growing organizations, or larger ones experiencing transformations or corporate restructuring.
(MORE about each style)

NEXT : Human Nature – Overview

 PREVIOUS: Leadership #1

SITE: The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team  

Leadership TACTICS / SKILLS

⚜️Alliances – The executive system is made up of sponsor-protégé relationships. Wise administrators will make it a point to establish such associations with those above & below them

⚜️Communication – Information is an important tactical weapon, so it’s often best to withhold it, or time its release – especially about future plans, information that may create schism or conflict, or which would give an opponent a leg up

⚜️Change-management & Innovation – Organizational changes require forming & communicating a compelling vision to the workforce. Change needs strong leadership to drive it firmly forward, & make it ‘stick’ & to guide it through the process – so the organization won’t revert to old, unproductive ways

⚜️Compromising – Executives need to use compromise as a way of settling differences – with tongue in cheek. While seeming to alter their view, they should continue to press toward a clear set of goals. They can give ground on small matters, to delay, to move off on tangents… but any concessions are more apparent than real

⚜️Desire to Lead – Effective leaders tend to have a strong desire for leadership roles & activities. Although most people are happier to let others the in charge, leaders want to do that themselves

⚜️Drive – Leaders are highly motivated. This inner drive is reflected in great ambition, working with great effort & energy. Striving for achievement, they’re often tenacious, & more likely to take the initiative rather than wait for someone else to push them

⚜️Maneuverability – Wise bosses stay flexible, & never completely commit themselves to any one position or program, & never leave themselves without plenty of escape hatches. They need transferable talents & inter-firm alliances, so they can move elsewhere, if need be

⚜️Negative Timing – When a boss is urged (by their boss) to take an action they doesn’t agree with, but would be unwise to ignore – they’ll start implementing the order, but stretch it out. They’re always in the process of doing something but never finishing, or finally taking a ‘requested / pressured’ action when it’s too late to be valid

⚜️People Management – Company leaders are expected to Motivate & encourage subordinatess. They need tools & skills to work well with others, both one-on-one & in groups.This includes delegating, balancing workloads, & ensuring that everyone is given opportunities to develop. Also how to recruit effectively, & handle ‘normal’ as well as poor work performance. Creating a Motivational Environment .

⚜️Persuasion & Influencing – Leaders need tools to understand the way others behave, so they know how to successfully direct others, through positive interactions. This includes learning about Emotional Intelligence, Transactional Analysis, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicators.

⚜️Planning & Delivery – The best vision in the world is no good without plans to turn it into reality. Along with strategic thinking, organizing & action-planning are essential for reaching goals. Good risk management is also important to help the prevent things going wrong, & being able handle them when they do.  (More…)

⚜️Promoting Healthy Failures – Corporate leaders need to navigate the threat of  constructive destruction – using Disruptive Innovation. Only businesses that can learn fast, fail fast & innovate – will survive. To do this, they need to build an environment that’s safe to make mistakes in & push boundaries, while considering customers’ expectations. How leaders respond to ‘failures’ will make or breaks an innovative culture

Good LEADERS can help CORRECT Team dysfunctions
#1 👍🏽Trust
Leader creates a safe environment for speaking up. Need to be genuine, showing their own vulnerability, sharing challenges & limitations (without self-judgement !!). Encourage members to help each other, using each one’s strengths

#2: 👍🏽 Creative conflict
Leader needs to confront issues quickly but with personal restraint. Model productive conflict resolution techniques & provide practical solutions. Minimize office politics, getting input from all team members

#3: 👍🏽 Commitment
Leader needs to make clear what goals & priorities are expect, making sure to keep the project on schedule. Tap into members’ perspectives & opinions. Help the team make decisions they can stick to, & push for closure about issues

#4: 👍🏽 Accountability
 Leader have ‘uncomfortable’ conversations about conflicts & problems, early & consistently. Encourage members to hold each other accountable for their performance, based on the same standards for everyone, but be the ultimate arbiter of discipline

#5: 👍🏽 Attention to results
Leader focus everyone on successful outcomes of projects, to maintain team unity, being selfless & objective. Work toward team-base results, curtailing any individual’s tendency to advance their personal agenda & needs – rather than the project’s needs. (MORE…..re dysfunctions)

NEXT : LEADERSHIP (#3)

PREVIOUS: Leadership (#1)

LEADERSHIP – The most effective leaders show a high concern for both production (task) & people, as well as depending on their own expertise & experience. Also, a group can have more than one ‘leader’, where all members making contributions.
PERSONAL QUALITIES

⚜️Always the Boss – Creating too much of an atmosphere of social friendship interferes with the efficiency of an operation, limiting the manager’s power.  Executives should never become so committed to a subordinate as friend – that they won’t be detached  enough to deal with the other person objectively in important or stressful situations

⚜️Confidence – Executives always need to have an outward appearance of self-confidence – it adds to their power standing. Once a boss makes a decision, they must look & act sure – even if privately they’re not fully convinced, or find it hard to put into action

⚜️Extraversion – Most leaders are likely to be Extroverts – comfortable with a lot of people & activities, talkative & charming – which helps them be the initiators, especially to connect with & inspire others through relationships. Those who are Introverts have sufficient strengths to compensate for not being as naturally sociable. EXP : Bill Gates of Microsoft & Mark Zuckerberg 

⚜️ High Emotional Intelligence – A fundamental skill, this includes self-awareness, self-management, self-motivation, empathy & social awareness. Effective leaders recognize & validate emotions in themself & others, & can tailor their message to meet the audience’s emotional needs

⚜️Honesty / Integrity – Effective leaders must demonstrate high levels of moral rectitude. It’s essential for inspiring confidence & trust in employees and other followers. Dishonesty may not always be obvious at first, but will show up in time.EXP:  Martin Winterkorn became embroiled in ethical & legal problems after a period of big success as CEO of Volkswagen

⚜️Inspire Confidence – Effective leaders inspire confidence, helping employees & team members sail through crisis. By being confident, there’re open to try out new ways of working, not afraid to take risks (or make mistakes), because they know they can emerge stronger & better with every experience

⚜️Intelligence – While leaders are highly intelligence, some have more ‘street smarts’ than book learning. Pure cognitive ability is a “threshold” qualification, important for becoming a leader. However, Relational and Emotional intelligence are also important

⚜️Knowledge of the Business – A key ingredient in the leadership trait mix is knowledge of the business. Even if someone has all the natural personality traits desired of leaders, a lack of accurate knowledge & practical experience is usually a deterrent to success. Leader must be competent in their field, & the most effective ones are experts with deep insight

⚜️Open-Mindedness – Effective leaders tend to be open to new ideas & experiences. They recognize that innovation can be valuable, and are available to consider ideas or suggestions from others. Self-confidence does not have to conflict with this trait

⚜️Maneuverability – Wise bosses stay flexible, & never completely commit themselves to any one position or program, & never leave themselves without plenty of escape hatches. They need transferable talents & inter-firm alliances, so they can move elsewhere, if need be

⚜️Self-dramatization – An important political stratagem is the use the actor’s skill – communication as “artistic” rather than “natural” way.  Executives can choose parts of reality & then arrange them to arouse emotions, to convince, persuade, or change the audience’s behavior – in a planned direction

⚜️Self-Esteem – While some leaders are definitely narcissists (NPDs) successful one must have a strong dose of self-esteem. They have confident that their beliefs, plans & actions are correct – hopefully with good reason. This allows them to stick to their chosen course, even in the face of obstacles & doubts from others

⚜️Strategic Thinking – The best strategic thinkers see the big picture, not distracted by side issues or minor details. All decisions are likely to be broadly based on answering the question ‘Does this edea/ action take me closer to where I want to be?’ And then be able to communicate their ‘vision’ effectively to followers

⚜️Taking Advice – Strong leaders listen to & act on advice only when they want it.
Decisions must come from their own grasp of the situation, only including the views of others when necessary. To do otherwise would make then subject to pressure, or end up vacillating & being inconsistent  (More…)

NEXT : Leadership #2

PREVIOUS : Leadership #2

SITEs : “Relationship between bases of power & job stresses: role of mentoring”

• Top 19 Leadership THEORIES

LEADERSHIP : The Contingency Theory is considered the best form, which states that good leaders are able to evaluate the needs of their followers, take actions & adapt to any situation. By definition, they have all the right qualities – charisma, confidence, intelligence, communication & social skills.

3 Leadership CULTURES : Operate from the belief —-> that:
‣ Dependent – only people in authority are responsible for leadership
‣ Independent – leadership grows out of individual expertise & heroic action
‣ Interdependent – leadership is a collective activity for the benefit of the organization as a whole.

One way to decode a leadership culture is to observe how leaders create shared direction, alignment & commitment (DAC).

COMMUNICATION
Frameworks like the following chart ⬇️ remind leaders that people process things differently, so they shouldn’t all be treated identically. “If you know what quadrant someone fits into, you can deal with them effectively. Understanding leads to compassion & empathy.” (Thought Ensemble)

Behavioral Leadership Styles fall within two broad categories:
🔹 Task-centered, which is about giving group members instructions & directions to accomplish goals more efficiently & effectively. The focus is on the objective analysis of what needs to be done, & the specific course of actions to be taken. Employees are seen as resources used to accomplish goals
OR
🔺Employee-centered (relationship-centered) leaders focus more on building relationships between themselves & employees. By encouraging & supporting them, the leader hopes to make them better qualified, more confident & productive. Attention is on inspiring employees to follow the vision as presented. 

👤 Analyticals – want to know “how” things work, & want to be accurate. They value numbers, statistics & ideas, love details
👤 Amiables – want to know “why”. They want to build relationships, love to give others support & attention, value suggestions from others

👤 Drivers – want to know “what”. They value results, want to save time, love being in control
👤 Expressives – want to know “who”. They value appreciation, love social situations & parties, like to inspire others

STRESS EFFECTS on Leadership
Having & using power comes with several positives – more action, optimism, abstract thinking & goal-directed behavior.

However, Professor Jennifer Jordan points out that stress can be caused :
🔆 by the ever-increasing demands & pressure to meet expectations that often come with powerful positions, OR
⚠️ when an executive (or any other leader) sees their power being threatened – but only if they value hierarchy. So, much of how stress is experiences coms from how they interpret the world around them. It also affect the quality of their leadership.  Reactions include:

a. Risk-taking – In general, powerful people are more likely to resort to risky negotiation tactics. Ignoring potential business dangers & an over-focus on rewards encourage risk-taking. And
research indicates that power-users in an unstable situation (under threat) and have a low tolerance for stress – engage in even riskier behaviors

b. No Power-sharing – When a leader feels at risk of losing their power, they interacts less with their staff, not allowing subordinates to influence or participate in decision making, because don’t trust  most people in the organization

c. Transformational – While some leaders under power-threat are motivated to inspire & motivate the troops, research suggests the greater the threat, the less likely most leaders will use transformational tools (lead by doing, encourage collaboration among team members….).  Instead, they may go into “survivor mode”, & actually stop leading – although this is less likely to happen with the Directive style. (SOLUTIONS…..)

DECISIONS
“All too often, people make the mistake of focusing too much on the content of their point / project-idea / concern…., & not enough on how they deliver their message. Far too many decisions go against the employ or leader because their presentation was ineffective or done poorly.

However, people can greatly improve their chances of having a proposal succeed by identifying who the chief decision-maker is they’re trying to persuade, & then tailoring their arguments to fit that executive’s style.” (More….)

NEXT: Leadership #2a

PREVIOUS: POWER – Manipulation #1

MANIPULATION TACTICS (cont)

⚡️5. The Naked Emperor’s Tailors: These people – like the duplicitous tailors – try to convince you that, of course, someone with your credentials, position & experience can certainly recognize what’s so obvious to everyone – an “unbelievable opportunity,” or a life-changing product – that you can’t pass up! They cite research & experts with “documented proof” of their position.

BUT when examined, the ‘unassailable’ research is flawed or non-existent, & it’s only the con-artist promoting the position or product who gains from your agreement.
Reality: You do have experience & credentials, so trust your gut. Even if there is widespread acceptance of these ‘items’, the mob is not automatically right.

⚡️6. Nuances, implications & innuendoes: This employee always seems to be “in the know.” They casually mention random bits of tantalizing information, implying something’s happening that ‘everyone’ knows – except you, of course. Catch phrases are “Well, of course… It figures…” or a sarcastic, “What a surprise.”
Creating a version of reality, they can convincing you & others, & when confronted, they can “legitimately” claim they never said anything at all.
Your response: Answer with a gentle challenge  “That’s not what I heard. I disagree. That’s not really true.” Neutralize the manipulator.

⚡️ 7. Outrage & intimidation: You start a work discussion & are interrupted by a fist slammed on the table, a stack of papers tossed aside & scattered. This may be followed by the clenched fist, an indignant huff, or a head shake trying to clear away your ‘unbelievable ignorance’. They’re trembling with rage & disbelief. How can you be so oblivious to the truth?
Their goal is to get you to back down, to modify your point, even to apologize, while you anxiously try to calm them down.
Your response: Instead – wait quietly, holding your ground. When the smoke clears & the bully has run out of steam, repeat your position & go on from there.

⚡️8. Projection: The manipulator “only” wants what everyone else has or wants. Their typical argument is : “Well, Joe & the guys are saying that we absolutely need this, or Everyone in other departments gets this benefit….” When you look into it, Joe never said anything of the sort, & only one department made a special exception for an unusual circumstance.
Your response: Check it out. Don’t make promises, & don’t take action on the word of this manipulator.

⚡️9. Redirection: This person is a master of evasion. You approach them to correct a behavior or call out an error, & they quickly alert you to a crisis that requires your immediate attention : another employee is doing something so horrendous that the redirector’s minor flaw pales in comparison. The typical reaction will be: “Well, what about Susie? Are you just going to let that go?”

Of course, if you let yourself get sidetracked – then when you rush to correct the alleged ‘worse’ threat – you find out there’s no such issue! So the redirector has escaped punishment.
Your response: Don’t be misled & stay focused. Even if Susie’s a ‘bad-un’, it can wait until you’ve dealt with the redirector’s transgression.

⚡️10. Stonewalling: This most often occurs between peer managers. You have an assignment or a new project that involves another department, but all requests hit a brick wall – emails aren’t answered, calls or texts never returned.
You try to set up a meeting but their schedule never seems to be open. You see them in the corridor, but they’re rushing off to an important meeting, while assuring you they’ll get back to you soon. But of course, they never do.

As manipulation tactics go, this is one of the most frustrating. While the project at hand is critical to you, your peer sees it as either totally unimportant, or more likely, detrimental to them.
Your response: If there is a benefit to them, remind them of that. If this project is to their detriment, as, for example, if it means they’ll be fired, find an alternative ‘carrot’ for their cooperation. Otherwise, you’ll never get the help you need & may instead be sabotaged.   (FROM: 10 Traps and How to Avoid Them )

STATUS & POWER
Power corrupts when someone has a great deal of power but is not held accountable for its use, & results in using their power exclusively for personal gain. Since Power is it’s own reward, power-wielders often want more, which can have a corrupting influence.

NEXT : Power –

PREVIOUS: POWER – Persuasion

SITE : “8 Family Manipulation Tactics…..“

DEF: Manipulate – to negotiate, control, or influence something or someone cleverly, skillfully or deviously.

Almost all business – indeed almost all of life – includes elements of manipulation. In business, negative tactics can be subtle or blatant, part of cultural norms, or press uncomfortably into the unacceptable.  Sometimes manipulation data to get a point across clearly or using some other version – to influence an outcome for the good of those involved – are effective & acceptable maneuvers.

But when it concerns working relationships, manipulation depends on hidden agendas & is totally harmful to running a business successfully. A scheming boss or co-worker can easily stir a happy, enthusiastic workforce into a group of disconnected people who don’t trust each other, & end up disliking their jobs. Psychologically, aggression is disguised by manipulation as good intentions.

Power-hungry parents, teachers, bosses, CEOs, religious leaders….. choose to use negative behavior to maneuver & massage the system, working to gain more power & stay on top – for as long as they can get away with it.

Managers can get caught up in the drama of mind-games without realizing it. Manipulators having been successful using tactics honed to a fine art – for years if not decades – bend outcomes to suit private goals. Their tools have to be subtle & subversive, since outrageous & immediately obvious ploys are rarely effective.

When line-supervisors are taken in by corporate power-wielders, subordinates who recognize the tactics will become frustrated by the gullibility of management. Morale will sag, taking with it productivity & erosion of the corporate culture.

However, if the arrogant manipulator goes too far, their outrageous games becoming obvious, or there’s some kind of catastrophe – internally or from outside – then the self-serving impact of the puppeteer is exposed. Unfortunately, by that point, the damage is done.

GOOD NEWS : Leaning about the many exploitive tactics can help leaders & subordinates protect themselves – whatever age or position in life! You many notice how these ‘10 Traps….’ from Ellen Huxtable overlap with characteristics of NPDs & Pathological Narcissists.

⚡️1. Hyper-sensitivity: They meet every challenge with extreme ‘regret’ – eyes downcast, shoulders hunched, lower lip quivering, using tears as a tactic. Message : you’ve caused them such emotional grief & you’re the most evil person on earth.
Your response: Pause, hand over the box of tissues, wait for the tears to pass, & proceed with your talk. If there’s an actual problem, direct the individual to get psychological help.

⚡️2. Ingratiating behavior: They’re charming, understanding & supportive. Idealizing – they look at you with stars in their eyes. You can do no wrong – all your decisions are wonderful, so anyone who questions you is jealous or ignorant. They’re your protege or your pet. You obviously have superior insight about things.
So – when they shyly suggest something ‘helpful’ (which they want for themselves but won’t be good for you or the company), naturally they’ll seem to have “your & the organization’s best interests” at heart. Or not. Beware the flatterer.

⚡️3. Influencing the influencer: This employee has an agenda, a new product, service or process they want to promote. And your response is “no,” or “not right now.”
Not deterred, they’ll find someone they know can influence you – a peer, supervisor or customer, and suggest the idea to them instead.
Ideally, the employee gets them to think it was their idea all along. They approach you with it, but you recognize your employee’s fixation.
Your response: Tell both influencer & employee how interesting it is that they both happened to have the same idea at the same time, then repeat your “No.”

⚡️4. Lies, half-truths, evasion & denial: This manipulator  may or may not be deliberately manipulating – maybe just have a fanciful view of reality, living in their own twilight zone.

Regardless, they mix absolute, accurate, truthful statements with biased facts, misinterpretations & outright fabrications. When confronted or questioned, they shift position, or deny they ever said any such thing. They ‘helpfully’ clarify your ‘misunderstanding’ – which indicates deliberate dishonesty.
Your response : Carefully separate their facts from fiction, & be very cautious about taking action based on their claims, without substantiating them through one or more reliable other sources.

NEXT : Manipulation #2