PREVIOUS: Enneagram – CHRISTIAN Perspective (#1)

SITE : “What is the Gospel?”  

REVIEW each Type for basic info

Type 1: Moral Perfectionist : from Anger to SERENITY
Because we live in an imperfect world, 1s often feel assaulted by the flaws they notice wherever they turn. In an attempt to fix this, they feel a personal obligation to correct the errors they encounter in their everyday life. This overwhelming burden leaves them with chronic dissatisfaction, since their task is never finished.

Internally, 1s deal with an harsh critic that’s constantly accusing them. And they’re confused by others who resent them or object to their “helpful advice”, since they’re just trying to be helpful!

They don’t acknowledge their frustration & resulting anger, because that would be “bad”, & their core longing is to be seen as “good”, so it then gets turned into endless resentment.
When trying to satisfy the 1’s longing for everything to be good & right – apart from Christ – they become self-controlling, as well as perfectionistic & critical of others.

Instead, when they learn to take their longings to Christ, they can start letting go of their extremely high, unrealistic standards. Then their principled nature can be used to bring out the best in themselves & others, without having to prove they’re good.

Type 2: Supportive Advisor : from Pride to HUMILITY
The depth of need & suffering in the world is especially burdensome to 2s, who are naturally sensitive & empathetic. They assume it’s their job to alleviate the pain of the people around them, an endless responsibility.

2s try to feel good about themself by being helpful, because deep down they don’t believe they’re loved & wanted by others – apart from the support they offer. The overwhelming burden to care for everyone else’s ‘issues’ is damaging because they ignore their own. In their pride, they assume they know what’s best for others, while denying the care they too need.

Ironically, 2s feel hurt & insecure when they’re not needed, so they double their efforts to win people over, by flattery & gifts. And they don’t understand why others feel crowded by their efforts. Their efforts to fulfill this longing apart from Christ can turn into people-pleasing & being possessive, inserting themselves into other’s lives & violating boundaries.

However, when they learn to take their longings to Christ – 2s start taking care of their own needs, realizing they’re wanted & loved just for themselves.
From that place flows selfless generosity, encouragement, & a  beneficial kindness our world desperately needs.

Type 3: Successful Achiever : from Deceit to TRUTH
The 3’s deep fear of being worthless, a failure or incapable, causes them to put on a false front (deceit), hiding the parts they don’t want others to see, only portraying a successful exterior. In doing so they lose connection with their authentic self & with others.

When trying to satisfy their longing for accomplishment & admiration apart from Christ, 3s can become overly driven & image-conscious.
Believing they’re only as good as their last accomplishment, they’re competitive, self-promoting, constantly comparing themselves to others – running the risk of burnout.

However, when their heart is aligned with the Gospel message, they come to believe they’re already loved & valued for who they really are, not just for their success & productivity.

Then their confidence, enthusiasm & determination can inspire those around them. They become a humble team player & are happy to champion others. Their adaptability, excellence & drive can produce incredible achievements for the greater good.

Type 4: Romantic Individualist : from Envy to EQUANIMITY
Struggling with feeling envy & jealousy, 4s compare themselves to others, believing everyone else has all the things they themselves long for.

When trying to find a unique significance apart from Christ, they can become self-absorbed & temperamental. Painfully self-conscious, they spending a lot of energy ruminating on how different they are from others, turning it into self-hate & shame, wrapped in emptiness & despair.
They feel anxious around others, always wondering what someone thinks about them, forever assuming weakness, never their value.

Because of internal agitation, 4s can get into conflicts with others by being moody, emotionally demanding, withholding, dramatic & volatile, making them self-absorbed & disinterested in others.

However, when the longings of their heart are taken to Christ, 4s are able to step out from under the waterfall of emotions & bring out their gifts in truly extraordinary ways.
They intuit others’ suffering & can support them in their pain without feeling overwhelmed. In fact, it brings them great joy to connect with people on a deep level & comfort them through their sorrows – an amazing gift to the world.

NEXT : Enneagram – CHRISTIAN Perspective (Types 5-8)

PREVIOUS : Christian – Intro

SITE : Read about each Ennea-Type

EnneaStar, developed by Markus Brunner (Salvation Army Switzerland), re-arranges the Enneagram’s 9 types.
Inspired by the Bible’s Fruits of the Spirit, it assigns to each type one quality of God’s character, relating the 9 types to those divine characteristics of : love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, temperance (self-control). (Galatians 5:22‑23)

ROOT SINS
Root Sins (defenses) of the Enneagram represent opposites of the Spiritual Fruits.

Studying the types has been a long-standing fascination with the Enneagram. Understanding & accepting them is an important factor in personal development. (MORE…. in posts)

WINGS
On the foundation of the biblical Spiritual Fruits, adjacent Types are combined (WINGS = neighbors) by complimentary characteristics.
EXP : 5w4 = Knowledge , or 5w6 =  Objectivity

TEAMS
a. In business Enneastar examines the dynamics of any group as it reflects each Type’s own behavior within their team :
🟡 Yellows influence the team, but are also ready to go it alone if / when it’s not cohesive (Types 4, 7, 8)
🟦 Greens also exert influence, but place themselves within the team (Types 1, 2, 3)
🟢 Blues can be in charge, without wanting to lead (Types 5, 6, 9)

b. Enneastar assigns the 9 types to 3 impulse groups.
» Group: people who recover in the community (not only family)
» Details: those who have eagle eyes for (creative / practical) details
» Intuition: who act & decide intuitively from gut understanding.

The combination of team behavior and impulse groups (a + b) forms the 2‑Minute Test, which provides surprisingly good results, using only 8 questions. 

Team ROLES
Successful teams are usually heterogeneous. This graphic shows each Enneastar’s typical attitude, based on Belbin Team Roles Theory.

The desired Types or Team Roles will not always be available. So for a work-group (as well as in a family) it’s helpful each person to function from their dominant subtype, but also develop the ability to actively call on their secondary preference – for the sake of the team’s balance. However, if we move too far away from our main type, the more energy it will cost to be a valuable part of the team.

LEARNING From Each Other
Striving for the divine ideal (Fruit of the Spirit) is encouraged by learning from each other.
In the Enneagram, that is developed using the security points,(Growth ARROWs) & the Enneastar recommends a counter-clockwise movement.

NEXT : Christian Perspective (Types1-4)

PREVIOUS: Enneagram type NEEDS

SITE : “What is the Gospel?”  

BOOK :  “The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective“∼ Richard Rohr & Andreas Ebert  “…. their best-seller shows both the basic logic of the Enneagram & its harmony with the core truths of Christian thought, from the time of the early Church forward.”

BACKGROUND – For millennia humans have tried to discover a predictable pattern of grouping people according to personality similarities. The ancient Greeks observed 4 basic types, & believed they were determined by the kind of body fluid you had (red blood, yellow bile, black bile & phlegm).

The Apostle Paul said that we are unique parts of the larger body of Christ. Jung listed 16 types, which were later incorporated into the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator.

TRUE IDENTITY in CHRIST 
The Enneagram is about WHY we do what we do, not just what we do.
❣️“Enneagram types aren’t merely ‘types’ of people – but paths to God (the person God made us) .” – Russ Hudson

❣️ “The Enneagram exposes 9 ways we lie to ourselves about who we think we are, 9 ways we can come clean about those illusions, & 9 ways to find our way back to God.” – Christopher Heuertz, The Sacred Enneagram

Where we are on our spiritual journey can limit our awareness about our relationship with God. Picture the Enneagram as a giant circle of life, with our type as the tiny spot where we stand, representing our limited view of Self, the world & God. If we start from there, we’ll admit how much more there is to see.

Each personality type is based on a wounded message that molds the motivation behind its behavior. On the surface the Enneagram may seem to be just another way to gain self-knowledge, but it can also be used to move us toward the transformation God extends to us in Christ.

But for this tool to work properly we need to know its purpose in the context of the Gospel.
The Gospel is an enthralling invitation to be reconciled to God through the death & resurrection of Jesus Christ. Scripture says to “put off your old self” & “put on the new self created after the likeness of God.”

The Enneagram points out the specific ways we are held captive by our human nature, as well as the unique ways God intends for us – as His ‘image -bearers” – to display His glory & love to the world.
More than offering simple labels, the Enneagram gives us a roadmap that shows where we most need God’s healing in Christ, those exact places sin & wounds make us “fall short of the glory of God”.  (More….)

NOTE: No serious student of both the Gospel & the Enneagram thinks it is the gospel. We know the Enneagram is not the way, the truth & the life. God’s word is the lamp to our feet, & food on the journey to doing God’s will.  But we can think of the Enneagram as our Fitbit, providing some clear markers for the journey. (More…)

This tool provides 9 (actually more) distinct pathways to growth. That doesn’t mean there are only 9 types of people in the world. God made no two exactly alike. Although we identify most closely with one type, we contain traits of ALL 9. We’re a whole person, not just 1/9th.

But we’re not all totally different either. We have more in common with some people than with others. Understanding the types can help us like & love each other more accurately. This inventory encourages us grow spiritually, & cultivate compassion for others. So we can pray for clarity to approach everyone as unique yet related.  

To use the Enneagram for spiritual growth, we start by identify our type. If you’re confused, study each number, & ask God to clarify which one most likely motivates you.
EXP: Why traffic jams stir your anger, why some movie make you cry, why the political climate frustrates you…..
(The most common type, is #6, then #9. Least common are #4 and #8 (More….)

ANATOMY of Ennea-Types
Beth & Jeff Weekly : “The Enneagram is powerful & effective when viewed through the lens of the Gospel.  When we’re out of alignment with Truth, each type’s defects reflects the fall of man. If we’re not resting our true identity in Christ, then struggles & shortcomings lead us to think & act in ways that harm ourselves & others.

When we’re healthy & aligned with the Gospel each Type reflects God’s glory & creativity – although imperfectly. By His grace, we can ask the Holy Spirit to guide us into healthier ways, to find peace & rest despite life’s burdens or trials, & appreciate people of every Type.”

IMP : When you find any tool that helps solidify your core self in Christ – use it. But don’t overvalue the tool. Worship the One who formed you.

NEXT : Enneagram – CHRISTIAN Perspective (#2)

PREVIOUS : Enneagram

TYPE 1
+ Need to hear : “I see goodness in you. I still love you even when you make a mistake”
☼ I Need to be Spontaneous. TO laugh, play, & remember it’s not my job to fix everyone & everything – only somethings.

— Need to own that my critical attitude & irritability make others feel judged & ‘wrong”, like they should walk on eggshells to not raise my anger & recriminations

TYPE 2
+ Need to hear : “You are loved no matter what. It’s ok to express your own needs & desires”
☼ I Need to do something for myself. I can feel empathy without responsibility. I can intuit other’s needs but not have to provide them

— Need to own that my management of others & wanting to get my own way – can make loved ones feel manipulated & smothered

TYPE 3
+ Need to hear : “You don’t have to perform. I want to hear your thoughts & feelings ”
☼ I Need to do something Fun. Remember what I actually care about & stop saying yes to things that aren’t mine to do – even knowing I’d be great at them!

— Need to own that my workaholism & image management – can be alienating to anyone who wants to spend time with the ‘real’ me. Or it makes them feel like just another item on my to-do list

TYPE 4
+ Need to hear : “I am here with you. It’s ok for your emotions to be all over the place”
☼ I Need to take Care of my Body. I can be happy with ‘ordinary’, since there’s beauty even in the mundane. Also, I need to create some rhythm & structure in my life

— Need to own that my moodiness & feeling of exemption – can become tiresome to loved ones who feel they have to cater to my emotional storms & arrogant refusal to regulate my emotions

TYPE 5
+ Need to hear : “It’s ok to have needs. I know you need to retreat into your own space”
☼ I Need to get Out of my Head. Information is not the same as wisdom which comes from applying what I know. To do that I have to engage, moving out of my study into the world

— Need to own that my emotional stinginess & tendency to retreat – can make loved ones feel shut out & abandoned, creating a greater feeling of isolation in me

TYPE 6
+ Need to hear : “Everything’s going to be ok. I’ll support you as you pursue your passions, even if you’re scared”
☼ I Need to be Brave. There is good out there, just as much as there are dangers. I will find whatever I look for, so maybe I can start looking for the positive that’s available everywhere

— Need to own that my reactivity & need to control others & situations – to manage my anxiety – cause loved ones to feel they have to make me comfortable, to avoid my anger, panic or retreat

TYPE 7
+ Need to hear : “You are not a burden to me. Let’s plan a trip together”
☼ I Need to Embrace Negativity in healthy ways. Trust the process of life’s ebb & flow when I get to the messy middle. Grit is just as sexy as chasing the next great idea or running to the next fun location

— Need to own that my hunger for variety & freedom that creates an environment of frenetic restlessness – can make others feel tired, & that their plans & wishes are second to my agenda

TYPE 8
+ Need to hear : “I will never betray you. I’ll be careful when you let your guard down to show your vulnerable side”
☼ I Need to Chill Harder 🤠. Slow down enough to see others for who they truly are, & believe that they actually do want to know & love the Real Me. I can remind myself there’s no monster under the bed

— Need to own that my insistence on loyalty & control can be overwhelming & feel bullying to those near me – who become afraid to live freely, lest they rouse my anger or callous indifference

TYPE 9
+ Need to hear : “Your presence matters to me. I love it when you speak up & share your thoughts”
☼ I Need to Express myself! Avoiding a battle I need to fight, & having that looming over my head – drains my energy more than I realize

— Need to own that my avoidance of conflict & painful emotions make others feel neglected & dismissed – & that I’ll accuse them of being ‘dramatic’ If they expressing their emotions
(FROM :  ‘theenneagramworkshop’ + other sources)

NEXT:  Enneagram – Christian Perspective

PREVIOUS : Ennea – CHILDREN & Parents (#1)

CHART ⬆️ : The Enneagram of Personality: Enneagram Type Parenting Styles (the un-described types are mixtures of the two surrounding types – their WINGS)

SITEs: “Better Parenting with the Enneagram”
🔔”Anatomy of the Enneagram Types” – extensive descriptions of each type

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study that appeared in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine in 1998 was ground breaking. Prior to it, few connections were being made between childhood trauma & chronically sick adults.

The ACE study only covered 10 types of childhood trauma, but now we know there are many more (bullying, constant moving, foster care, environmental disasters, multiple loss/ grief, homelessness, loneliness, racism, religious persecution, seeing others abused ….)

However, ACE did succeeded in linking adverse childhood experiences to chronic stress, ill health & social problems in adulthood, providing validation for many more people.

Leonie Ash’s award-winning poster shows some results of physical, mental-emotional & social ill health  CHART  ⬇️

OVERVIEW of each type’s ‘common’ childhood stress-elements
#1 Child : required to take on too much responsibility too soon, pressured to do things “correctly / perfectly” before they were ready

#2 Child : had to choose between their own needs & the other person’s – to stay connected to those they depended on /loved

#3 Child : had well-intentioned parents who praised them for their accomplishments – for what they ‘did’ rather than for who they are

#4 Child : when they experienced actual or perceived loss of love in early life, they blamed themselves for it

#5 Child : their parent / caregiver was rarely responsive to their needs, which (correctly) made them feel neglected

#6 Child : often felt unsafe & unprotected by their parent / caretaker, who actually was unpredictable &/or undependable

#7 Child : may remember childhood as fun or idyllic. But a traumatic event made them aware of being ill-equipped to face life’s challenges

#8 Child : had to grow up too fast. Home was a battleground, where conflict or combat was necessary to survive, so they adopted a tough persona

#9 Child : was overlooked, not heard, not included. So they learned to go along to get along  (MORE…. for each)

EFFECTS of childhood trauma can be obvious or subtle, often expressed as pronounced changes in behavior or mood :
🔻Under-responding or over-reacting to emotional events
🔻Changes in behavior or communication : heightened anxiety, hyper-vigilance, clinginess, chronic worry, or explosive anger

🔻 Painful emotions – depression, despondency, lethargy, inability to focus, isolation, or quietness/ silence
🔻Chronic illness, including irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, lethargy, or being easily injured
🔻Academic under-achievement ( MORE, re Healing….)

For PARENTS (MORE….) : ‘YourEnneagramCoach.com’ has developed some useful guides to help parents identify & understand their child’s type, worldview, core desires & fears.
ASK yourself these Qs to identify how your child is wired:

NEXT : Ennea-type NEEDS

PREVIOUS : Ready, AIM, Fire – centers

SITEs: 🔔Understand All 9 Enneagram Childhood Wounds + How To Heal
🔔Enneagram Childhood Messages

🔔 Enneagram Types as Children’s Books Series: Type 7 as
“IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE” (+ MORE types)

NOTE: The following Ennea-type descriptions will not apply 100%, because we must add other inventories for each child, such as their MBTI, DISC, OCEAN, astrology & numerology charts…. to get a full picture.

THEN – the child’s combined info must be looked at within the family context – since each one will respond to the positive & negative experiences of their upbringing thru the lens of their specific personality. (MORE …. re. childhood wounds ⬇️)

Childhood Scenarios for Ennea-types: Law of Three 
THEORY :  Each of the 9 types is the result of
🔺 Nature / hereditary = the child’s preferred inborn orientation
🔻 Nurture / environment) = interactions with their parents’ style

The concept is that there are 3 major innate orientations of Personality & we’re each born with one of them as strongest :

a. Active: assertive, bossy, demanding, egocentric, expressive, intimidating, outspoken, willful
b. Responsive: affectionate, cooperative, engaging, friendly, supportive, sympathetic
c. Neutral: absent, apathetic, avoidant, ignoring, indifferent, reserved, neglectful, withdrawn

Apparently, each child comes into the world with one of these pre-defined attitudes toward their environment. AND each parent will interact with their children from a their preferred style, which can be, but is not necessarily determined by their Enneagram type.

TYPE 1 – The Active parent is demanding, dominating & critical, so the sensitive Responsive child will try to adjust themself
TYPE 2 – the Responsive child acts in a pleasing, appealing ways, but will be treated with indifference by a Neutral parent
TYPE 3 – The Neutral child’s solitude is encouraged by their parent’s own Neutral withdrawal & indifference, which may not make this child feel openly rejected, but can intrigue & challenge

TYPE 4 – The Active child may react in dramatic, exaggerated ways, trying to grab the attention of an unconcerned caretaker
TYPE 5 – the Responsive parent tends to give a lot of un-asked for / unwanted attention to the Neutral child, who experiences this as smothering
TYPE 6 – The Responsive child will tend to become dependent on the Responsive nurturing, affectionate figure, so will reject conflicts & feel threatened by any lack of stability

TYPE 7 – The demands / concerns of the Active child are usually received with Responsive benevolence, support, encouragement
TYPE 8 – Both Active child & parent experience open conflicts on a regular basis.
TYPE 9 – The Neutral child is often overwhelmed & frightened by the controlling, domineering Active parent

Most often parents stick to their ‘natural’ style. However, any Ennea-Type Parent can shift to another orientation to respond to their children, if : 
– they’re personally under stress, or the environment is harsh
– because theirs isn’t working well to accomplish their goals
– the parent is in Recovery & wants to improve interactions

✔️ What determines the environmental component of a child’s future type is not necessarily the main caretaker’s Ennea-type, but rather their particular approach to relating to the child.
(MORE….. explanations re. each type)

PARENT – CHILD CONVERSATIONS
🔸 Before getting started, parents need to identify their own Ennea-Type & style

🔸When you choosing to love & understand your child based on their specific type it will help them feel seen, heard & validated
Keep the conversation light & fun

🔸For ages 3-5, choose various buzz words from the questions (seen in Part 2) about each type, remembering that children change over time as they grow, so don’t get stuck on a specific Ennea-type

🔸Because their personality is yet un-formed, they may seem like more than one type, & you may not know which arrows & wings to include in your evaluation

🔸Teach them not to use their Enneagram # as an excuse for bad behavior – especially as they get older. They still need to take responsibility for their choices & be reminded there are consequences for their actions.

NEXT: CHILDREN & Parents (#2)

PREVIOUS : Understanding them (Types 8, 9)

NOTE: See posts about Enneagram TRIADS  (centers):
☼ Feeling #s 2,3,4 / ☼ Thinking #s 4,5,7 / ☼ Action #s 8,9,1

In strategy & in life, as in archery, the order of operations is important : Ready – preparing, steadying & grounding yourself
Aim – thinking strategically & taking aim at the intended goal or objective
Fire – taking action to execute the strategy.
While we each have all three Enneagram Centers available to us, we give them different priorities. There are 6 possible ranked or ‘stacked’ combinations how a person is likely to access their Thinking, Feeling & Action Centers.

Stacking the TRIAD Centers
🗯 Fire – Ready – Aim  = 1. Action, 2. Feeling, Thinking-last
This person tends to be intuitive & impulsive, connected to what needs to be done, engaged with the world in an active, energized way. They seem to just ‘know’ what’s happening or what needs to happen, but can’t always explain how they know. 

🗯 Fire – Aim – Ready = 1. Action, 2. Thinking, Feeling-last
These action-oriented people are quite aware of the environment they operate in, especially what’s missing, & sense what could make things better or move things forward.

When grounded & healthy, their drive is balanced by an ability to take a step back to consider the facts & options available – before moving into action.
In a less-healthy state, this ability is reversed – the person prematurely jumps to action, getting mixed or poor results, & only then pausing to think.

🔆 Ready – Aim – Fire = 1. Feeling, 2. Thinking, Action-last
This classic sequence combines emotionally intelligent, self-aware decision-making with collaboration & consultation, in people who prefer to consider all aspects of a challenge along with others, rather than being a lone wolf.

This person is quite thoughtful, taking the time to make decisions, asking others about their requirements & point of view, looking first for deep insights.
They like to work with others to build strong relationships, which also helps them understand any current problem. But accumulating too much information & too many opinions can prevent them from taking action.

🔆 Ready – Fire – Aim = 1. Feeling, 2. Action, Thinking-last
Open-hearted & responsive to the feelings & needs of others, these people intuitively know what someone wants or requires. They can be a great support to others, taking on the role of coach or facilitator, helping others to deal with their challenges & act on their goals. While emotionally aware, they’re too likely to only respond to their feelings, giving un-needed feedback or over-helping others, in stead of spending that time on analysis.

♻️ Aim – Ready – Fire = 1. Thinking, 2. Feeling, Action-
These thoughtful people excel at seeing the different sides of an issue, including a variety of other points of view, which generate many ideas & options. Their understanding of both facts & people make them powerful systemic thinkers.
Seeing the big picture brings in so much data to be considered for decision-making that there’s a potential risk of ‘analysis paralysis’ leading to procrastination, delaying action in favor of more thinking.
Collecting more information, assessing more risks, or consulting others – is an unconscious attempt to control a complex & uncertain world. In the process, they can miss an opportunity to test their thinking directly.

♻️ Aim – Fire – Ready = 1. Thinking, 2. Action, Feeling-
This profile is often appreciated in corporate environments, because these people show up as rational strategic planners, seeing things clearly & moving from insights to action without being distracted by subjective emotion. They think through the various aspects of an issue, generating ideas & possible actions. These suggestions are based on a solid understanding of facts & practicalities, so are available to make things happen.

The down side is that, with feeling-last, they may neglect the importance of emotions – both their own, their colleagues or customers. As a result, they can find strong resistance to their ideas, genuinely surprised that others don’t appreciate their efforts to create change. Their reaction is to explain why an action makes sense, rather than listening to the concerns of others, & potentially incorporating them. (MORE….)

BALANCE the Centers of Expression by :
✅ moderating your dominant Center if it’s over-expressed, using it intelligently
✅ adjusting your secondary Center to ensure it’s conscious & healthy
✅ compassionately accepting & connecting to the under-expressed or neglected Center, to give it a voice.

NEXT : Enneagram – Children & Parents

PREVIOUS : Ennea-Types Understanding them (6, 7)

Comments FROM Type 8s
〽️ I know I seem tough & strong all the time, but I’m also sensitive, just like anyone else. Even though I don’t always show it, I feel things deeply, & am empathetic

〽️ I’m straightforward, so you always know where you stand with me. You don’t need to guess how I feel, & I appreciate the same in return.

〽️ I don’t often depend on others, & taking on so much responsibility can sometimes be overwhelming. If I depend on you, it means I trust & appreciate you.

〽️ My instincts are pretty good, so I can tell if you’re being manipulative or hiding something, which tells me you’re not trustworthy.

〽️ Sometimes I don’t realize my speaking volume has increased, especially if I’m talking about something I’m really passionate about! Do not tell me to “calm down” – I am calm! My loud = excitement.

〽️ I have a really hard time with others people’s arbitrary or unspoken expectations of me or my time. If you do, I’ll probably push back.

GETTING ALONG with Type 8s
They’re about being assertive, courageous, direct, & intense.
For You :
🔅Acknowledge them but don’t flatter. 8s assume flattery is just manipulation.

🔅Be sure of your ideas & stand firm on your beliefs. 8s respect intensity, strength & a good debate. So you don’t have to be stubborn or ashamed of your point of view when you realize you’re wrong.

🔅If you want 8s to be vulnerable, you’ll need to understand & accept their protective shell. They consider being vulnerable a weakness (the 8’s core fear) so they have to feel extremely comfortable with you before “letting their hair down”.

🔅Encourage them to exercise, which will help them use up some of their excess energy.
With Them :
🔅Just because an 8 is quiet, does not mean they’re upset with you. They’ll let you know when they are, so don’t assume

🔅8s may mistake tenderness for manipulation. You can still be ‘soft’ with them, but realize it’ll take a while for it to earn you enough credit to eliminate their assumption.

✳️  ✳️  ✳️

Comments FROM Type 9s
〽️Communication is key! It’s often important for me to talk through things, but I might not always know where to start or how to open up.

〽️ If you talk over me, I’ll shut down. I’m not going to fight for my voice to be heard.

〽️Ask me questions, but give me ample time to respond. I’m a thinker: I need time to process.

〽️ When I share, don’t dismiss or interrupt my thoughts! I can add a lot of value to the conversation if you’re patient & I have the opportunity to speak.

〽️ If I speak up for someone else’s perspective, I’m not trying to play the devil’s advocate, I just want you to see their side too.

〽️ My independence is important to me: sometimes I withdraw because I need to regain my footing.

〽️I don’t mind going along with majority opinion about some decisions, but don’t take it as permission to boss me around. I don’t like to be told what to do.

GETTING ALONG with Type 9s
They’re about attachment, open-mindedness & peace
For You :
🔅 Encourage 9s to name their own wants & wishes. Their toxic belief is that it’s ‘not ok to be assertive’ – for fear of causing conflict or loss of connection.

🔅 Reassure them that you’ll love them no matter what, & admire them for voicing what’s important to them.

🔅Focus on what they do, instead of what they forget to do.

🔅Don’t interrupt them when they’re talking. It reinforces their toxic belief about being silent, & the feeling that they don’t matter. They may meander, but they will get to the point..

🔅 Give clear, direct instructions about what’s expected of them, so they know what you want them to do, & to realize the priority of a task.
With Them :
🔅 Remember that 9 can easily get distracted easily, jumping to whatever task is right in front of them. You can redirect a distracted 9 by asking them Qs.

🔅 9s need independence & alone time to realize & develop their own needs, as well as time to recharge. Don’t take that as rejection. They’ll be back.

NEXT :

PREVIOUS : Understanding them (5,6)

Comments FROM Type 6s
〽️ When I share my stressors, I want to process them with you, but I don’t need you to fix anything.

〽️ I ask questions because I want to fully understand. I’m not trying to challenge or compete with you.

〽️ I really want the whole truth. Sometimes I just need what I already know to be confirmed.

〽️ When you ask me to make a decision, give me all the information I’ll need. The less I know, the more I overthink. I appreciate it when you let me work through the “what if” statements swirling in my mind.

〽️ I may sometimes seem anxious you, but often I’m just evaluating different possible outcomes. For me, analysis is not anxiety.

〽️ I like consistency & predictability. I also enjoy having fun & can be spontaneous, as long as it’s not coming from chaos.

〽️ If you think I’ve made a good decision, let me know – it helps boost my confidence! I can spend so much time thinking through the implications of every option that I get stuck.

GETTING ALONG with Type 6s
They’re about loyalty, reassurance, honesty & trust.
For You :
🔅Give them lots of reassurance about your commitment to them (verbally & through actions). Answer their questions honestly & thoughtfully.

🔅Listen the them when they’re running worst-case scenarios, & then help them to find the best possible outcome.
At the same time, don’t shut down their concerns. You want them to know you understand their worries but also provide options.

🔅Try to be honest, loyal, & not too needy. It’ll reassure them of your commitment, & give them back what they offer you (being honest, loyal & dependable).

🔅Give examples of the times they did trust themselves – which turned out well – logical concrete proof that the worse doesn’t always happen

🔅Encourage 6s to take some action instead of obsessing or second-guessing themselves, without pushing them to their breaking point

✳️  ✳️  ✳️

Comments FROM Type 7s
〽️ If you ask for a commitment, I might not be able to say yes right away. I’m not totally afraid of it, I just need to think about it for a while.

〽️ I know I need to say “no” more often so that I have space to say “yes” to the things that are truly important to me.

〽️ I get really excited about having interesting ideas & finding new procedures. If you shut them down right away, it’s frustrating & hurtful.

〽️ There are only a few people I’m close to. Just because I’m not always sharing my emotions doesn’t mean I don’t have them!

〽️ I can be sensitive, but I’m not going to let you see that you’ve hurt my feelings if I don’t feel safe with you.

〽️ My mind moves so fast that sometimes it’s hard to explain what I’m thinking. My ideas might seem random to someone ‘looking on’ from the outside, but they’re definitely not!

〽️ When we’re having a conversation, I like to keep things moving! Sometimes I interrupt because I’m excited, not because I wasn’t listening. Don’t dismiss my excitement for naïveté or rudeness.

〽️ The best way to invite my rebellious streak is to tell me what to do. 😏

GETTING ALONG with Type 7s
They’re about flexibility, positivity, adventure & excitement.
For You :
🔅 Listen to their stories. It’s often how they share feelings, used as one or two steps removed from their actual emotions, which make them feel less painful.

🔅 Be gentle & brief with criticism. 7s prefer to stay up-beat & avoid negatives.

🔅 Be comfortable – or at least accepting – of their spontaneity & flexibility.

🔅 Encourage them to have a full range of emotions. Remind them that you won’t abandon them when they do, & can depend on you to listen & sometimes be soothing.
With Them :
🔅Socializing is very important to 7s, but so is alone time. Allow them to have both. 

🔅A 7 may be will listen to you share difficult or emotions, but they don’t really want to help you process them. However, when they do – it’s usually reserved for close friends & family. On the whole they don’t like dealing with unpleasant topics.

NEXT : Understanding them (Type 8, 9)

PREVIOUS : Understand them (Types 2, 3)

Comments FROM Type 4s
〽️ Reminder to Self & everyone else : My feelings are valid, no matter what triggers them . They’re represent my truth & have merit in this moment.

〽️ I often need time to process before responding. I may throw out an initial reaction (too soon), but then when I really think it through, I may come back with a different answer

〽️ I don’t always want to share my emotions, especially if they’re too private, too deep, too complex, or too hard to explain.

〽️ When I express feeling vulnerable, don’t try to cheer me up or take my mind off of it. Just sit with me & listen.

〽️ I can get ‘intense’, so it helps if you just mirror my feelings (repeat what you hear) or share honestly about your own. If you withdraw, it makes me feel like I’m too much, so I won’t feel safe to share anymore.

〽️ I express al-l-l-l my feelings with emphasis! AND – I’m not sad all the time! I love life!

〽️  I love it when you remember something I’ve shared with you before. It makes me feel heard, & that I matter to you.

〽️ If you think I’m good at doing something, let me know! I honestly may not be aware of it.

GETTING ALONG with Type 4s
They’re about authenticity, emotions, creativity & sensitivity
For you:
Don’t tell a 4 that they’re too sensitive or over-reacting. It triggers a core wound – believing they’re ‘too much’.

🔅 4s continually long for what they don’t have. This is not something for you to fix

🔅 Be authentic with 4s. Being real is their core desire, so naturally they want others to be that way with them.

🔅 Let them know their belief of ‘not being enough’ is their right (they can think that),  but the facts say otherwise.

🔅 Stay grounded when they are moody or suffering. Give them room to experience all their feelings, but be a solid foundation they can hold on to, to keep from spiraling too far down.

🔅 Give them clear parameters for tasks, & creative freedom to do their work. 4s what to know what you expect of them, but also want to use their imagination & emotions.

✳️  ✳️  ✳️

Comments FROM Type 5s
〽️ Being asked, “What are you thinking?” is an intrusive spotlight. Instead : “What are your thoughts about this?” feels more manageable.

〽️ Don’t pressure me to participate! I actually enjoy sitting on the sidelines & observing.

〽️ I don’t always want to share my initial thoughts because I know I’ll want to add or edit later. Be patient while I thoroughly process.

〽️ I genuinely want to understand your point of view, even when I don’t agree!  I equally appreciate it when others ask me the same kinds of questions in return.

〽️  I have emotions too (excited, outraged, sad, happy…) even though I don’t show them in the way you do.

〽️ If I do express an emotion, try not to act shocked or poke fun at at me for “finally showing up”. That really hurts, so I won’t feel safe to share with you again.

〽️ Silence does not imply I’m agreeing with you. I may not be saying anything right now when I’m tired, frustrated, haven’t thought it through, don’t think I’ll be received well…..

GETTING ALONG with Type 5s
They’re about competency, knowledge, logic, & time alone
For you: 
 Be clear & direct with them. Don’t beat around the bush or be vague when having a conversation or giving instructions

🔅 Give them a heads-up about needing to work out an issue. Emotionally hard talks are definitely not what 5s want to have sprung on them.

🔅 If you do bring up concern you have with a 5, tread carefully, as they’re afraid of looking incompetent.

🔅 Don’t insist a 5 socializes. They don’t respond well to being pushed, & since their energy reserves are low, forcing them to socialize can push them beyond their limits.
With them:
🔅 5s have very limited energy reserves, so they need more time to recharge than other types. Accept this about them.

🔅 5s don’t talk just for the fun of it – only when they have something important to say. So when they do talk, make sure you listen.

NEXT : Understanding them (Types 6, 7)