ACoAs – fear of EMPTY TIME

PREVIOUS : Enneagram WINGS Types 8, 9

SITE: ☼ “Weekend anxiety: Are you dreading time off?

 ☼ 7 Exercises to Heal You Inner Child

:  many ACoAs notice that when there is no action-goal in sight – the WIC gets panicked. This blank-time can be early mornings, evenings after work, but more likely non-workdays, usually weekends. (POSTS :  ACoAs & TIME )

We don’t know what to do with free time.  We may sleep too much, or
— wander around the apartment / house empty-minded
— endlessly obsess about something trivial or worrisome
— find some activity to distract (internet / social media / movies….)
— act out some addiction (shop, overeat, sleep around….)

If someone asks us “What do you want to do with this open time?” The most often response is “I don’t know.” This is in spite of the fact that on other occasions we’ve said – “I’d like to learn a language / go to the gym / take a walk / read some books / practice my guitar…..”

Yet when we have the time – we don’t. We waste many precious hours not really accomplishing anything worthwhile, which includes putting off things we say we want to do. AND then we give ourself a hard time about procrastinating – again!

1. Lack of “Identity”
Many ACoA say “I don’t know who I am”, this in spite of the fact that we may have actual tangible accomplishments. Again, this plaint is the WIC’s very real feeling-sense – when looking inside all we see is either a ‘monster’ or a blanks. (Post: “Abandonment pain“). 

This comes from : a lack of legitimate mirroring (parents reflecting back to us who we are) so we can’t see ourself,
AND not having our human needs & personality needs identified, much less allowed to express & have provided

2. Fear of painful emotions
We bring with us into adulthood an enormous backlog of unresolved childhood pain. When things are too quiet – we may feel – which we don’t know how to cope with. (Posts : “What about Emotions?”)
And vagueness about taking actions includes trying to escape a deep inner loneliness which is not about being physically by ourself, since we can also feel disconnected & isolated in groups.

Rather, it’s the WIC’s aloneness we still carry – from the trauma of our parents not being able to connect to us/ with us in PMES ways, no matter how it seemed on the surface. They ignored & invalidated our emotions, punished us when we expressed any (excited, loving, hurt, angry….), and didn’t comforted us when we were in pain.

So now we’re terrified of experiencing any emotion, assuming all are ‘heavy’. We miss out on the pleasurable & joyful ones we can have from  finding & expressing our True Self  (Posts : “Being Confident“)

3. Lack of self-motivation
The ability to determine our own actions is based on having a fundamental sense of who we are (point 1), what our needs (point 2) & our rights are.

No matter how talented & accomplished many of us are, unrecovered ACoA are almost totally driven by external requirements, while still thinking we’re frauds!

This means we can & will do what is required or demanded of us from others – whether family, friends, work or religious community. (Posts: Co-dependence)
SO – when there’s nothing or no one else who needs our attention – we don’t know what to do. Like a stalled car, we’re going nowhere!

4. Wrong choices
It’s true that over the years we’ve accumulated a personal history of dysfunctional decisions that have turned out badly – because they were based on our S-H. & obeying the Toxic family Rules.

Without FoO work, we still don’t know how to pick any better, as long as our weak decision-making style is run by the PigParent & the WIC. We’re afraid to make yet another mistake, so are paralyzed.

5. Perfectionism
Our WIC (listing to the PP) is convinced that whatever we do must be done exactly right! It’s the WIC’s uncontested belief, & this supposed requirement leaves us feeling overwhelmed, beyond our ability. So there doesn’t seem to be any point in even trying.

ERROR: In some “recovery” setting there’s a phrase that many people use – “I don’t have to be perfect” – thinking they’re relieving the pressure.

Q : What’s wrong with this statement? Why is the soooo harmful?
ANS: It implies that you could be perfect – if you just wanted to. WRONG, wrong, wrong! NO ONE is!
The belief in perfection prevents us from taking actions we’re very capable of.

❤️ To counter perfectionism, we must develop & apply the UNIT every day – by unconditionally loving our WIC, consistently disobeying the Toxic Rules, and actively providing our needs – to the best of our ability. (Posts : “Set goals to meet needs“)

NEXT : Attachment, Intro #1

Enneagram WINGS for Types 8, 9

PREVIOUS : Ennea-Wings for 6, 7

Radar charts show the dimensions profile of statistically average Types 8, 9 (2022)
⬆️ This chart shows how a Type 8 scores on 14 key traits. EXP : High on Assertive & Industrious, but Low on Cooperative.
↗️ This chart shows how Type 9s score on the 14 traits – in the Average range for most traits, with a slightly Below-Average score on Need-for-achievement, & slightly Above-Average score for Team-oriented.

⭐️ 8 w 7 : The Maverick
Headstrong & confident self-starter, these 8s work & plays hard – with a fearless attitude. The are ambitious, assertive, & likely to take risks, a natural determination & leadership combines with some of the 7’s charisma & social skills.

The extroverted, playful, life-affirming 7-wing gives 8s more vitality, so they find it easier to enjoy things, & often want to invest their energy into causes that have a positive impact. It helps them be more easygoing rather than intimidating.

Setting clear boundaries & showing their authority gives them confidence, & the advantage to prepare themself for difficult situations. However, they also struggle for love & support. They need a safe environment they can trust which provides care & reassurance.

These 8s are more experimental at work & in their personal life because they find that trying out new people, situations & things are fun & exciting.

Stressful situations can make them addictive, impulsive, reactive, or materialistic. To feel safe, they become very self-protective & eventually be intensively aggressive.

“ATTITUDE” : i am a plague upon humanity, i burned the crops and poisoned the water supply, and you can’t do anything about it
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎
8 w 9: The Bear
This 8 is a servant-leader, gently taking actions that keep others’ best interests in mind in order to preserve harmony. They’re more family-oriented, with a quiet groundedness to their confidence, lead by protecting rather than intimidating.

The 8’s natural determination meets some of the calm & serenity of the 9, making them more helpful, quiet, reliable, patient & supportive. Less confrontational & more willing to mediate or negotiate, they & lead by protecting rather than intimidating.

They advocate for others & have a sixth sense that detects threats to self & their loved ones.  Being really good listeners, they take the time to listen to others people’s opinions, rather than only sticking to their own opinions.

These 8s are less quick to anger & more empathetic that 8s in general so they’re they’re very welcoming . They like taking on all the responsibility in relationships even though this can become exhausting.

In times of stress, they can become cold & indifferent.

“ATTITUDE” :  If only you’d have realized what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment about me was going to bring down on you, maybe you’d have held your **** tongue

⭐️ 9 w 8: The Comfort Seeker
These types are the independent yet calm vagabond on a (rather quiet) mission to discover what makes society a kinder, more accepting place. They also have better access to their anger & more willing to deal with conflict.

8w gives the 9 with a more forceful nature, so they’re more energetic, confident & practical. This makes them leadership material because they can take charge & be assertive, while still listening to & understanding others’ ideas & needs. Thus wing helps them work quickly & with mental clearly, even under pressure.

They still have their extremely calmness of 9s, but put more trust in their gut when making decisions, so don’t need to plan as much because they know it will all work out in the end.

Under stress they because they can become aggressive, callous & lustful.

“ATTITUDE” : [takes a nap while maintaining an air of aloof morality]
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️ 9 w 1: The Dreamer
A a bit more introverted, these pragmatic ‘savers’ value cooperation & justice, with a more idealistic sense of right & wrong – more refined with good morals.
They want harmony, so can be somewhat utopian, letting their ideals motivate their actions. When they find peace of mind, they can share some of their good feelings.

Highly principled & hardworking, these 9s are often modest, composed, & orderly. A strong 1-wing greatly helps 9s find their own voice, & wanting to stay connected to others in their community are more inclined to share their opinions with the world.

They don’t like asking for permission or giving explanations, preferring to enjoy things without having to defend themself. They can stay focused because they like to pay attention to the fine details of a job or a situation.

As dreamers, they can see the whole picture, able to form conclusions & make decisions. They can’t stand seeing things as commands, but if something’s not good they let people know.

When stressed they can be obsessive-compulsive & self-righteous.

“ATTITUDE” : I’m either decent at confrontation or ___awful at it. Have I ever been truly, rightly pissed off?

NEXT : Empty weekends

Enneagram WINGS for Types 6, 7


Radar charts show the dimensions profile of statistically average Types 6, 7 (2022)
⬆️ This chart shows how Type 6s score on 14 key personality traits. EXP : High on Suspicious & Altruistic, Low on Self-efficacy.
↗️ This chart shows how Type 7s score on 14 traits. EXP : High on Spontaneity, & Low on Need for achievement (nA).

⭐️ 6 w 5 : The Defender
These 6s are resourceful & dutiful team worker who highly value security, with a great passion for knowledge, whether it’s to feel prepared or just for the sake of learning. They value honesty & clarity, fiercely defending their values in order to keep their honor, & give life a clear frame.

Tending to be serious & studious, they can be original thinkers, quiet, private. Defenders not only use common sense when making decisions – they take the effort to find new and more convenient ways to do it, with a low emotional cost.

The rational and detached Type Five wing makes it easier for Sixes to spend time alone & function independently. They’re often outstanding problem-solvers who care less about what other people think of them, while still comfortable inside predictable & rule-based environments.
They often having a great sense of humor.

When under stress, can become arrogant & reclusive workaholics, image-conscience, dismissive of their own thoughts & feelings.

“ATTITUDE” : If my social group isn’t equal and homogenous i will pick it apart, send a letter of resignation and leave
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️ 6 w 7 : The Buddy
These 6s are optimistic & fun-loving explorers of life with a (somewhat contradictory) need for safety & comfort. They thrive on creating interesting plans & options, but they also need to know what the limits are.
They take things more lightly, are optimistic, very observant, open to risk & more comfortable with the unexpected.     

The combination of 6’s honorable manners with 7’s optimism makes them very engaging, being playful, relaxed, & find it easier to connect with others. They know the best way to talk to people to get their needs met, conscientious of including them..

The skeptical or doubting mind is still present, but they’re more likely to engage in spirited discussion of ideas & issues. They’re a mix of outgoing & edgy, inclusive yet critical. They want to work things out with people even if that means agreeing to disagree. Group trips, projects & sports are preferred.

When unhealthy, they can overreact, become impatient & materialistic.

“ATTITUDE” : If people look at me enough maybe it will alleviate my paranoia and anxiety about everything as long as i don’t act TOO out there. wait. wait guys where are you going?

⭐️ 7 w 6: The Entertainer
7’s natural optimism & enthusiasm meet 6’s responsibility & seriousness, the 6 giving them more control so the 7 can act deliberately rather than impulsively. They’re excellent problem-solvers because of excellent observation skills, allowing them to anticipate problems before they even happen.

The 6-w gives them more control so the 7 can act deliberately rather than impulsively. Committed & reliable, they’re also more light-hearted. As happy-go-lucky & humorous experience-junkies, they’re always on the search for new projects, easier for them to carry their child-like wonder into maturity.
The combination is a restless person that looks for new & exciting experiences to lift their spirit while taking care of their obligations.

In stressful situations they cab become anxious, fidgety, hesitant & too sensitive.

“ATTITUDE” : I want to be fun & also be liked, but my self-generated conflict threatens me
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️ 7 w 8: The Realist
These 7s are creative, innovative entrepreneur who enjoys experimenting & creating with new  ideas & mediums. Determined & persistent they often show an almost pure, genuine joy of life, pulled toward more sensate (physical) experiences. 

With the strength-oriented 8-wing, 7s are more assertive  &
ambitious, powerful, & confident.  Their thinking often is strategic & aimed at efficiency, approaching tasks with a more hands-on focus from a desire to make things happen.

The expansiveness of both numbers can take them far in the world. They can be great adventurers, whether in extreme sports, business ventures, travel, partying, or all the above. 

They have to watch out for getting overextended in whatever they do & losing their grounding. They can become self-focused to an extreme, following their own desires or vision of what life should be. While this makes them highly creative, it can also lead to self-absorption.

Under stress, they become impatient, indulgent & narcissistic.

“ATTITUDE” : I am a plague on humanity, burning crops & poisoning the water supply. I’m curious – what are you going to do about it?

NEXT : Wings 8 & 9

Enneagram WINGS for Types 4, 5


Radar charts show the dimensions profile of statistically average Types 4 & 5 (2022)
This chart shows how Type 4s score on 14 traits.
EXP: High on Complexity & Low on Principled
↗️ This chart shows how Type 5s score on 14 traits.
EXP : High on Complexity & Self-efficacy, Low on Team-oriented.

⭐️4 w 3 : The Aristocrat
They are charismatic & individualistic artists with a sense of wonder about the underlying beauty in nature as well as the spectrum of human emotions.

The ambitious, goal-oriented 3-wing makes Fours more willing to put themselves out there, work on their skills, & learn to market them. They’re better at dialing back their emotions in order to be productive & efficient, often having more energy to pursue their ideas.

A 3-wing helps turn their attention to the external world. It tempers the Four’s self-absorption from a desire to prove their specialness through achievement, making these 4s more task-focused. It also tailors their dramatic style to be more socially-acceptable while still being distinctive.

They will put aside much of their individualism to blend in, while keeping some personalized touches in style or presentation. They’re good at “feeling out” & meeting others’ expectations, but with some tension between their public or social image vs their inner life. 

They can be impatient with superficial activities, going after things that offer more depth. This can either make them just complainers, or actively pursue excellence in whatever they do. In stressful situations they may become attention-seeking & elitist.

“ATTITUDE” : I don’t know what I want (sitting in a corner rocking back & forth)
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️4 w 5 : The Bohemian
These intense creators are on a mission to use self-expression to highlight the universality of the human condition. They’re more contemplative, objective, quiet & unconventional, such as artists, writers, musicians & scholars

With a 5-wing, Fours become more analytical & intellectually observant about themself, not getting as quickly overwhelmed by their emotions, so find it easier to stop, focus, listen & concentrate.

If 4w5s stop chasing the ‘universal Ideal’, they can fall into hopeless defeatism. Despairing of being understood & accepted, they can retreat into themself, appearing almost stoic despite swirling emotions under the surface. If this happens, they come across as aloof, eccentric, or avant-garde.

Under stress, they can detach from themself & be withdrawn or pessimistic.

“ATTITUDE”: I want to stand out by not standing out. Also, I’m a tool ⭐️ 5 w 4: The Iconoclast
 The 4-wing helps these 5s either be artists, doing their ‘normal’ work in creative ways, or generally have an appreciation for the arts. They’re often very interested in unique & creative ways to use their minds, & like to tinker with objects.

Idiosyncratic (& often self-taught) lone rangers, they deeply value autonomy & mastery of a subject. Both 4s & 5s are introverts, so when combined these 5s can easily disconnect from the environment.

However, the emotionally expressive 4-wing does help Fives better identify & communicate emotions, instead of just analyzing them, allowing deeper intimate connections with partners & close friends.

While the 4-wing may support greater interpersonal warmth, it can also lead to a more erratic or disjointed style. Their challenge is to integrate thinking & feeling so they aren’t being pulled in different directions, or creating conflict. 

When unhealthy, they can become moody, melancholic, and self-absorbed.

“ATTITUDE” : See how smart & passionate I am while standing out. But please don’t actually pay attention to me because if you look too hard I’ll shatter. WAIT – why are you looking at me? Stop. Please!
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️5 w 6 : The Problem Solver
These 5s are detached & curious researcher who gather energy from digging into fascinating topics, under the radar. Having scientific or intellectual interests makes them more logical, analytical, & hard-working.

The 6-wing reinforces the activity of the mental center (5,6,7). A strong focus is on technical data, systems of information & knowledge – as a solution to life’s challenges.

Their intuition comes naturally through instant social processing, rather than from intense thinking & information about people & situations. 5s combine their observing skills with the foresight of 6s, while the suspicion & deep observation of 6 is added to the 5’s natural logic.

The 6-wing helps make these 5s excellent team players. They’re more social, finding it easier to contribute to group efforts. Their thinking is practical & problem-oriented, with social instincts that are more family-oriented, on the lookout for stability.

If unhealthy, they can be anxious, skeptical & afraid of intimacy.

“ATTITUDE” : I’m paranoid about being paranoid

NEXT : 6 & 7 Wings

Enneagram WINGS for Types 2, 3


Radar charts show the dimensions-profile of statistically average Types 2, 3 (2022)
This Chart shows how Type 2s score on 14 key traits.
EXP: High on Altruistic & Cooperative, but Low on Suspicious
↗️ This chart shows how Type 3s score on the 14 traits.
EXP:  Very High on Industrious & Competitive.

⭐️ 2 w 1 :  The Servant / Companion
They’re respectful & proper, a little more reserved, quiet & perfectionistic than basic 2s. Also – more reasonable, self-critical & judgmental. While being generous & demonstrative, even self-sacrificing, they can also be possessive & people-pleasing. 

The idealistic 1-wing makes the 2 more disciplined, focused & self-reflective.  2w1s are comfortable holding back in order to improve themself, having high standards for their work ethic, their personal conduct and the behavior of others

Deeply empathetic & caring people, they find fulfillment in others’ happiness & well-being. They can be available to others without forgetting about themself, aware that proper self-care allows them to take better care of others.
These 2s feel less obligated to help everyone, & can focus more on people who actually need help with specific tasks. The 1-wing makes them less afraid to say No.

It’s  important to show them gratitude & attention.
If unhealthy, they can become guilt-ridden, self-critical, controlling, self-righteous & judgmental. 

“ATTITUDE” : I’m a slightly more sensitive moral crusader, existing literally to serve things & causes, rather than to lead.
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️ 2 w 3The Host/Hostess
These 2s tend to be very helpful, caring & attached to people – charming, outgoing, playful & more self-assured than 2s in general, which makes makes it easier for them to share their emotions & opinions.

The 3-wing also makes them ambitious, determined, flattering & more self-centered. They like to be in the spotlight & tell people directly what they want or what they have to offer in return.

Productive organizers, they thrive on connecting people together & being part of groups. These 2s are more comfortable having a leadership role, who find that being respected by others is just as satisfying as being liked.

Their basic fear is to feel adrift without love & acceptance.  To compensate, they constantly work at developing deep & intimate bonds they can rely on, emotionally dependent but ashamed of their needs.

When unhealthy, they can become deceptive, manipulative, & vain – their image being most important (the 3), for what they accomplish themself as well as for others.

“ATTITUDE” : I’m a pathetic slave to others’ opinions ⭐️ 3 w 2The Star / Enchanter
3s with a strong 2-wing are quite warm & engaging, showing better people-skills that average 3s, with the ability to lead & manage large groups. Their aim is to achieve in competitive & energetic ways, while still focusing mainly on individual self-expression. 

They actively form successful relationships with others as part of their overall program for achievement & productivity. Being very gregarious, they can maintain contact with people way beyond what most other  types can tolerate.  

The problem is that both numbers reinforce a dependency on external approval & recognition, which may lead to being superficial. Their biggest desire is to be worthy of others’ love, so the biggest fear is to not have it. This can make 3w2s ‘Charmers’ powerful individuals, but also troublesome.

Their desperate wish to be liked can too easily lead to losing an awareness of they own personal needs. They find it hard to stop constantly showing off & making a scene – even though it’s not a positive strategy in group settings.

“ATTITUDE” : I need to climb the social ladder, but alternate between doormat & hyper competitive jerk, bringing two-facedness to a whole other level
♥︎   ♥︎   ♥︎

⭐️ 3 w 4The Professional
The 4-wing makes these people more subdued, introspective & emotional, with a strong  imagination, with a tendency to dabble in the arts. It also makes the 3 pay more attention to intellectual information, compared to 2-wings.

They’re driven & organized bosses, always on the go with new business ideas & projects, finding great joy in efficiency & rewards, but will also have a personal agenda in off hours.
At times they’ll retreat from constant busyness to regroup or analyze their options, which may seem contradiction to the outgoing & performance-oriented 4.

These 3w4s have better access to their internal states & moods, but don’t like being used as a shoulder to be cried one, preferring two-way beneficial conversations. The4-Wing can make them more vulnerable as they express themselves openly, & so become more ‘introverted’. 

Under stress, they can be moody, arrogant & pretentious, or suffer from depression

“ATTITUDE” : I need to stand out by achieving things, & I am the definition of ‘stomping on people’s faces’ to get what I want

NEXT : Wings of 4 & 5

Enneagram WINGS – Intro (#2) + Type 1 Wings

PREVIOUS : Ennea-wings INTRO (#1)

SITE : The Typology Podcast, hosted by Ian Morgan Cron, 

⬅️ The radar chart shows the dimensional profile of a statistically average Type One re. 14 key personality traits.
All 9 Ennea-scales are derived from “our internal research(2022)
EXP: Ones score high on Perfectionism & low on Spontaneity.

Each Wing influences our core type differently because they’re fluid rather than static, so we can draw from their specific strengths as we become more self-aware & intentional.

Our favorite wing widens the spectrum of possible behaviors for our type, giving us several positive options to act on. When facing a challenging situation or uncomfortable conversation, it will greatly help to draw on what we know about our stronger side-kick to successfully navigate it.
That’s why it’s so important to know the strength & weaknesses of each Ennea-#.

EXPs : 🔹 a 3w2 would focus on getting ahead, aiming to acquire a fanbase or support network // while 3w4 would mainly primarily aim for self-expression & originality.

🔹 Opposites – The 5w6 would place more value on intellectual pursuits, whereas 6w5 focuses actions on trying to eliminate their anxieties.

🔹A Type 7 with a strong 6 Wing will be more caution about making decisions, while those with a strong 8 can be more intense or urgent.
OR – a 7w6 may opt for a career in stand-up comedy to combat anxieties of the Six
AND – a 7w8 could gravitate towards travel blogging & exploring the world while keeping lots of creative freedom.

Because each of us can choose to use specific characteristics of our chosen wing, we may act differently with different people, places or things (PPT) based on whichever one we pick – consistently or at the moment.
☀︎ This helps explain why people who share the same Ennea- type can sometimes seem like different types.

Although wings are commonly referred to as ‘extensions’ or ‘helpers’, they hold great power to unlock our multifaceted personality. By understanding & using them, we can :
☆ form a clearer picture of what our inner motivations look like & how they emerge from our thoughts, emotions & actions
☆ figure out which career paths align well with our interests & talents
☆ explore potential lifestyles & environments / locations we would thrive in, to help achieve long-term career & life goals.
Ennea-Type WINGS

⭐️ 1 w 9: The Idealist / OptimistThey’re practical & meticulous perfectionists, but are kinder to themselves & others (than a ‘straight’ 1) , adding a gentler touch to their need to improve. The peace-seeking 9 wing makes 1s more laid-back & relaxed. They want to be good / right but with a touch of peace.

Also, the 9 wing tends to make 1s more introverted, more objective & more emotionally detached. They find it easier to back down, to listen & explain their ideas, & not be as resentful, but can also be more prone to isolation & procrastination.

They have a knack for catching inconsistencies in others’ reasoning & judgment, but tend to ask others for their opinions about another person before judging them, instead of following their own intuition.

Under stress, they can be impersonal & stubborn. They respond to negativity by either redirecting their feelings or by avoiding them altogether. They may push themself deeper into work (1’s defense) or withdraw from it (9’s protection).

“ATTITUDE” : My morals are better than your morals, & I’m going to nap instead of listen to your criticism. Goodbye.

⭐️ 1 w 2The Advocate / Lawyer. They’re socially aware activists who work tirelessly behind the scenes to uphold high safety standards for others. Being more vocal, they like to accept challenges & do whatever it takes – sometimes even aggressively – to reach their goals. (↙️ Image – scroll down for all 9)

The 2 wing helps the 1 be a bit warmer & somewhat more selfless, giving them more compassion & empathy than other 1s. But it can also increase their need for control, being more manipulative by trying to turn people into who the 1w2 thinks they should be. In times of stress they can become image-conscience, with a need for approval.

They’re more extroverted, more empathetic, fiery, action-oriented, & more helpful than other 1s. Kinder & more generous toward people they love, they’re not as hard on them because of the 1’s too-high standards & ideals. They want to be good /right with a touch of being lovable /wanted. (More…)

“ATTITUDE” : I’m a self righteous moral crusader

Sources : Enneagram Institute, The Enneagram In Business


Enneagram WINGS – Intro (Part 1)


See All  2014 POSTS : Enneagram Basics, Triads, Strengths & Weaknesses

Within the Enneagram there are two kinds of movements, each with a very different quality.
♥︎ “Dynamic Points“ are the movement inside the diagram toward the two points connected to our own type, by the straight lines. (Arrows)

♦️The “Wing Points” are the movement around the outside of the circle to the points on either side of our personality type.
Our dominant wing (EXP : 6w4 or 6w7) finds its way into our Enneagram type, acting as a sidekick to all of our inner motivations & goals. 

When instinctual variants / SUBTYPES (six possible stackings) are taken into account, this leads to 108 possible combinations  = 18 types with wings x 6 instinctual stackings. (More in future posts)

REMINDER : Everyone has their own unique personality. We’re born with a strong preference for one core type, which gets developed & / or twisted – based on our upbringing.
The description of each is a helpful summary of a person’s True Self, but there will always be variations in how each of us function, even if we share the same basic number with others.  (Free 60 min. class – re shadow side)

Each of the 9 personality types has 2 different possible wings, 18 total.
WINGS are the numbers on each side of your core type. It’s as though they’re our close neighbors, so it doesn’t take much to lean over & adopt their point of view or personal style.
EXP : #5w3 or #5w4 //  #9w8 or #9w1 …. They add nuances to our own style, helping to further understand our complexities.

Wings are like ‘seasoning’ which influences our decision-making, complimenting or contradicting our basic Self. They can affect thinking & behavior – to help or hinder – because we identify with some of their basic qualities. Your ability to monitor how our wings’ motivations impact you is based on how self-aware you are.

A recent study from the American Journal of Psychiatry says that “Individuals are generally more influenced by one wing than the other, although traits from both may emerge in response to different environments.” In that way, wings can be seen as options people can toggle between, depending on their context & health level.

NOTE that whichever wing you usually rely on most can temporarily shift to the other one, based on fluctuating life events.
However, if a person ages or matures, they can gradually move to the opposite wing more permanently – when the earlier number no longer suits their personal development.

EXP : A gentle, insecure 9 who leans too much on a 1 wing – trying to be perfect —> with growth, can drift into using some of the more assertive (not aggressive) qualities of the 8, to a be stronger 9w8.

ALSO –  It’s rare-to-impossible to draw on both sides & be equally balanced, just as it’s hard to find a perfectly balanced ambivert who scores 50/50 on the Introversion–Extraversion scale.

CONFUSION : Wings can make the same Ennea-# seem like a different core type, depending on how much of our wing numbers we pick up, as well as current life circumstances.
Naturally, adding qualities from a wing to our basic Self will affect how we think & act, because the dominant Wing & dominant Type have different motivations. So it’s important to understand them, to maximize or limit the influences coming from each.

EXP: Over time a healthy 4 can use qualities from both the 3 & 5. When in public, they can express the outgoing & entertaining qualities of the 3. And in their own space, they can access the thoughtfulness & focusing qualities of the 5 to get chores done & regenerate.

Enneagram coach Myrna Cervetti suggests that wings can be thought of as using salt & pepper to flavor a dish. The main one doesn’t change, but adding varying degrees of the 2 condiments affects the taste. So too with wings – too much of either number can make even the healthiest type inedible (unbalanced), while the right proportion can significantly enhance our life
Sometimes the dominant wing can have too much influence if:
🌧 you don’t know who you are very well (core #)
🌧 are living mainly in the False Self, or
🌧 don’t YET have internal permission to inhabit & express the person you know you really are & want to be. This will make it hard to be clear about our True Type.

NEXT : Intro #2, + Type 1 Wings

Enneagram : Our SOUL CHILD


PREVIOUS: Ennea – Arrows Type 9, + Qs

(Michael SHAHAN, Kansas City, MO for each type)



♥️ The Soul Child theory uses the standard Enneagram teaching about the arrows going out from or toward our core Type, which is about taking on characteristics of the higher side of one number when we’re healthy, & the lower side of another number when stressed.
EXP: 8 takes on the best of a 2 when growing, & the ‘worst’  of a 5 when regressed.

The wounds we received in our most vulnerable early childhood years cause us to developed defenses & coping strategies that pushed us directly across the stress line & landed us permanently at the number we are now.
BUT the Soul Child theory suggests that we *were actually born more like the number we move towards in growth.*

The idea is that as we work at & improve self-development, we actually become more like the Type we were to begin with. So personal growth is both healing the wounded self, & actually reclaiming the True Self! (Michael SHAHAN, Kansas City, MO for each type)

SUGGESTIONS from Sandra Maitri :











NEXT : Enneagram WINGS

Enneagram ARROWS (Type 9 + Qs)

Enneagram ARROWS (TYPEs 7, 8)



💟 Type 9 under STRESS
As 9s experience stress, you start to act more true to your type – withdrawing & trying to numb yourself to the problems. You may distract yourself with fantasies or console yourself with platitudes & proverbs. You hope that if you can numb the pain you’re in you can  survive to soon see the brighter side of life.

If stress continues – when motivated by or pressured to respond to external events –  having to step out of your comfort zone to deal with problems or conflicts you can’t avoid – you’ll disintegrate to the unhealthy version of the 6. You feel anxious, insecure & overwhelmed, even paralyzed – not having enough skill or resources to handle situations well.

Instead of being tolerant & nurturing, you become rigid & over-committed, while doubt your ability to handle anything, which can make you panicky. Shifting from a typically calm demeanor TO unusual displays of temper & resentment (that can feel for you like a volcanic eruption), shocking yourself & others – OR becoming defensive & passive-aggressive.

It gets harder & harder to make decisions, so you hope that others will handle things so you can get back a peace of mind. You complain, blaming other people for you insecurities & trouble. Scrambling for something to hang on to, you may look for security in religion, institutions, authorities or friendships.

Alternatively, picking up on some of the 6’s strength, your perceptions are sharpened – instead of seeing all points of view or screening out information that’s uncomfortable or scary (the 9’s reactions), you could focus on specific trouble spots. That would let you choose between realistic / available alternatives & form a course of action.

♥️ At their best, Type 9s pick up positive characteristics of a healthy 3, moving into a much more active feeling center (2,3,4). This can sometimes be overwhelming, leading you to wonder “Who am I really?” Even so, adding the best of 3 helps you take command of your life, making  better decisions.

You exchange the role of “passive passenger” to “engaged activator”,  motivated & inner-directed. With a stronger sense of their feelings, opinions & desires, you express them regularly rather than shoving them down & then exploding later.

You find energy & drive from inside, wanting to express your interests using natural talents & learned skills, You go after your dreams by setting & achieving goals, greatly benefitting from 3-ish routines that keep you on track & in motion.

You feel more self-confident & autonomous, & take constructive actions. Not selling yourself short, you accept that you can deal with emotional upsets during periods of growth. You know the difference between destructive impulses vs. the healthy ones that can to be trusted – as you develop a steady sense of self-awareness. ⬆️ Full art explanation

Using a tennis metaphor : when you’re connected to 3 energy & you hit the ball to the 9’s side of the court (toward others) – you stop waiting for the return by hang out with it, thinking it over, ‘communing’ with the surrounding environment …. Instead, the ball comes right back because you’re more direct, & so others know who to respond to. There’s less delay & more back & forth in relationship.

Instead of living through other people, you know in your gut (9) that your presence in the world not only matters but is welcomed by others. You have a  quicker, more involved style of relating to others, able to assert yourself properly. With a greater sense of purpose & meaning to your life, you look for ways to inspire self & others. It means you can be a world-changer – connected with your vitality & authentic values.

» GROWTH Inventory :
🔺The 3 arrow-line indicates an unapologetic ambition & intense need to take action leading to results. So as a 9,
— what do you do with your own ambition that slides below the surface
— and how do you fulfill your desire to be recognized for the actions you take?CHECK-IN : Once you’ve read through all the Types & their arrows, answer the following Qs & consider which TYPE fits you the best :


Enneagram ARROWS (Types 7, 8)

PREVIOUS : Enneagram ARROWS (types 5, 6)



💟 Type 7 under STRESS
As you experience stress, you initially act more true to type – excessive pleasure-seeking & looking for distractions – to protect against underlying pain. Anything that stands in the way of your need for a positive outlook is fought against, acting more impulsive, reckless & rebellious.

If stress continues, you disintegrate to unhealthy Type 1s.  You flip from being positive & having fun (“I’m OK, you’re OK”)  TO critical & perfectionistic, progressively argumentative, judgmental & resentful, with black-&-white thinking.

Realizing you have to focus your energies if you want to accomplish anything, you impose limits on yourself & others, defending your beliefs, trying to “buckle down” to stay on track & get ‘unpleasant’ thing done. You’re brusque, grim, impatient & rigid. Judging self & others harshly, you scold & nitpick, making condescending, sarcastic comments.

You’ll also force others to get out of your way & just “do what you’re supposed to” so you can get back to the exciting, fun life you crave. You  can’t imagine how anyone would exchange fun for stillness, so you miss the emotional & mental richness of your experiences by constantly rushing from one activity to the next.

However, you might also pick up some of the structure & responsibility of Type One to step out of ‘endless options’ & focus on practical action.

♥️ #7 – At your fullest potential, you exchange an insanely fast pace for a slower, more peaceful one, experience life on a deeper level. You access the 5’s natural ability to be quiet & reflective. This is not always easy for a 7, as you may connect with some fear, or find it boring or lonely at first.

However, you do realize there’s a huge advantage to withdraw, at least temporarily, from your normal busy flow of activity & stimulation, to be able to think clearly & perceptively.

As you center yourself, you stop fearing the loss of happiness & start focusing in-depth on your interests. By sitting with your experiences, you find stability & security – inside. Not satisfied with just being in the world, you want to understand it (5).

You find peacefulness in sometimes being alone with yourself, connecting with a deep gratitude for what you already have, & enjoy living in the present, rather than always looking for future pleasures.
You hang on to meaningful  things, people & events, seeing the world as something to take care of instead of just something to use.

Grounded 7s stop consuming & start contributing more originality to the world around you, like healthy 5s. Rather than shoving more events into your bucket –  hoping it’ll fill a longing for satisfaction – you create space to value & be fascinated by what’s right in front. ⬆️ Full art explanation

» GROWTH Inventory :
a. The 5 arrow line indicates a rich shadow of stillness.
So as a 7,
— how does it feel to be still? what do you do to sill yourself?
b, And what about the 5’s ability to conserve their resources for the future?
— Are you willing ? have you been working on conserving energy, finances, relationships…. for the long term?

💟 Type 8 under STRESS
At first then 8s feel threatened, you  act more true to type – confrontational, direct, & hostile. People have to walk on eggshells so they won’t set off an  explosion.

If stress continues, you disintegrate to a negative 5, withdrawing from the world, becoming even more disconnected from your feelings. Brooding over all the problems & threats you imagine, you get stiff & cold, convinced others are out to get you.

Your big fear is losing power & feeling incompetent. To compensate, you hoard facts & information, looking for answers to protect yourself. You white-knuckle your ‘position’, refusing to entertain differing ideas, & act secretive but high-strung, while at the same time worrying about how you affect the people around you.

8s tend to be over-invested in everything, so some amount of detachment and distance can be helpful. BUT IF you stay too long in the 5’s energy, or are forces into it by overwhelming conflict or upset, you can become very shut down, leading to deep depression.

♥️ As a strong, powerful 8, you have direct access to your emotional center at the arrow-point of the healthy Type 2. At first this can be uncomfortable if you’re worried about being taken advantage of or controlled.

Emotions, even if well hidden, supply energy & create motivation in daily life. Spending time in this heart point makes you more accessible for caring contact, & better at extending empathy (which 2s are so good at). It also provides a different, yet important ‘intelligence’ for making good decisions. Emotions, even if well hidden, supply energy & create motivation in daily life

While many 8s do have a generous & caring side, it’s not easy for you to be vulnerable or receptive (both are 2-ish). Used to being assertive in the face of a world filled with conflict, it takes courage to open up & be seen as having a tender side. At your best, you can reach out to people, because you understand that vulnerability with safe people is courage, not weakness.

Having courage is a great way to use your power. By not always being on the defensive, you learn who’s trustworthy & who isn’t – by their behavior. When needed, you let others take care of you without feeling weak or at risk, which is a gift not only for you but also to those who care about you.

As you use your strength to nurture instead of fight, you influence positively, experiencing the heroism you’ve dreamed of. You relate to others as individuals & equals, being kind, compassionate & forgiving. ⬆️ Full art explanation

When comfortable in your skin, you’re more open & accepting of others’ perspectives, able to give up the need to always be right & in charge. Other’s opinions are simply that – a different opinion – not a betrayal of you.

» GROWTH Inventory :
a. The 2 arrow-line indicates a large capacity for generosity, as well as a deep concern for how others react to & are impacted by you. So as an 8,
— how are with being purely generous – without a reward?
— admit you do care how others experience you & think of you?
— admit you do care a lot about your impact on others ?

NEXT : Arrows for Type 9