UNIT: Healthy Adult/Parent (Part 1)

I can change ‘who’ runs my life!

PREVIOUS: Ego States-Parent #4


ES = ego states // HA = healthy adult //
LP = loving parent //  NC = natural child  //
WIC = Wounded inner child //  PP = pig parent  //  PMES = physical, mental, emotional, spiritual // UNIT = HA + LP
✦    ✦     ✦
Genuine Recovery is marked by internalizing the ‘sane’ information we’re learning, so it becomes an automatic part of us.
As we incorporate new understanding, we’ll consistently respond to the world from a different place, which gives us a sense of safety, mastery & empowerment

This can never be done perfectly or without regressions & digressions – so don’t expect that. The goal is to keep moving forward on the path of Screen Shot 2016-06-18 at 3.37.08 AMhealing. To do this we need to build a healthy ‘UNIT’ (H.A. + L.P.) to be the inner EXECUTIVE.

• All unhealed ACoAs are run by the interaction of  their Bad Parent & Wounded Child ego states (E.S.)
• But so are many people who are in Recovery, before they do family-of-origin work (FoO)

• High-functioning ACoAs have a fairly well-developed Adult E.S. (with some CDs), but are missing the Loving Parent, which can be seen in how they deal with their personal relationships

3 MAJOR TASKS of the ‘UNIT’:
1.To separate the PP & WIC
, to stop the child from having to obey the cruel & unhelpful domination of the BAD PARENT .
Internally, we may only hear one or the other, but without Recovery the PP has all the power, & left on its own, the vulnerable WIC has no choice but to submit

2. To nurture, guide & take care of both the Healthy & the Damaged parts of our Child
• For the WIC – to help it heal from all it’s PMES wounds with unconditional love & nurturing. & let it know it never has to be alone again
• For the N.C. – to help it find it’s voice & develop it’s true potential, which creates our self-esteem

3. To interact efficiently with the rest of the world in order to get ALL our needs met – by developing the skills & attitudes which generate self-care & social ease, given our individual circumstances & abilities, so we can have more comfortable & fulfilled lives

How to BUILD the new UNIT
1. Read & re-read the extensive list of characteristics of each Ego State
• Print 2-3 copies, & keep 1 each where you’ll see it every day – bathroom mirror, bag, tablet, cell….

• Little by little – write something about each characteristic (what you think it means, how you do or don’t use it, how you see others doing it…)
• Pick 1 characteristic of the L.P. & focus on it for a week.  Use the same Qs as in your writing, as you go thru each day432• Take notes about your observations & talk it over with trusted people. Ask for suggestions & feedback on how to improve

2. Actions to develop the ….. ADULT ES :
• learn about your damage (WIC #1 post)
• learn healthy ways of thinking
• catch S-H thoughts & stop them as soon as possible
• read everything about your issues & about growth
write some of your thoughts down every day
• do drawings of how you feel emotionally
• try things you always wanted to do (school, travel, move…)
• listen carefully to kind people & copy them
• talk to smart, sane people regularly
• stick with the winners (others on the same path)

….& the PARENT ES:
• daily dialoguing with the WIC & the NC
• hold your Kid, pat yoself careur chest, sing, say soothing things
• let yourself cry & do rage work as often as needed, but only in safe ways
• do more good things for yourself
• do less bad things to yourself
• practice standing up for yourself, say what you want & don’t want
• stay away from people who consistently cause you pain
• nurture a spiritual life that suits you
✶  If you do your best to follow some or all these suggestions you will see improvement & get lots of satisfaction!

NEXT: Healthy Adult / Loving Parent – #2

3 thoughts on “UNIT: Healthy Adult/Parent (Part 1)

  1. Hi Donna,

    In the “How to build a new UNIT” section, item 1 suggests printing out a list of Ego States from p. 7 of the site map. I’m having a little trouble accessing that page. The link goes to the main site, the site map link is http://web.me.com/torbico/acoaRECOVERY/SITE_MAP.html however p. 7 is about “Narcissists” and appears to be a broken link. I’m very interested in this positive part of recovery!


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