MBTI – STACKS Basics (Part 2)

PREVIOUS: MBTI Basics (3b)

SITE: Guide to becoming awesome : MBTI edition


STACK levels
❤️ Dominant (DOM) = largest oval – the ego’s strongest orientation, which is in the driver’s seat of our personality (function & attitude). It’s what we rely on & use regularly, the most trusted part of our Self. When engrossed in any activity which fully uses our Dominant, we feel alert, alive – what we were “born to do”

• For Is, it will be hidden, while Auxiliary is what others see first until better acquainted – so they may be mis-typed
• For Es, it’s reversed – their DOM is immediately visible, while the Auxiliary is hidden – at first
(Dominant P & Dominant Js)

💛 Auxiliary (AUX) = #2 position – tends to show up once Dominant is clear, developing in the teens & early 20s. We rely on these 2 functions to grow skills & learn who we are – if allowed!  To fully use our MBTI type we need a well-developed Auxiliary that can support Dominant.

NOTE: Since each stack level alternates on the E or I side, then if the DOM is a P function, the AUX will be a J – or vice-versa, & the opposite attitude of the dominant.  This is for the sake of cognitive balance – to provide data for or “informing” the Dom’s J choice, or organizing the Dom’s P choice with rational assessments, keeping us in touch with both inner & outer experience

Auxiliary is in the ‘passenger seat’ of our personality, needed to determine how we use the DOM, serving as support & equalizer. At its best it can be fully available to us & therefore easy to use, such as only having to learn something once

💚  Tertiary (TER) = 3rd, the Helper Function, a somewhat reliable resource to be called on, ‘though each of us will vary on how often we use it. In some stacks it will work hand in hand with Auxiliary, while in others 2 & 3 will bicker, wanting different things. Auxiliary usually wins, since it carries more weight.

Tertiary doesn’t control or lead, but can offer strength & support to the 2 above it. It’s like having a teenager in the back of the vehicle, who’s growing up but not there yet, so sometimes it’ll rise to the occasion, but not dependably
• can serve as brakes, reminding us of past stressors & warning of similar problems in future
• can provide relief from mistakes, to let us psychologically off the hook, or suggest a ‘way out’, encouraging new ways of living
• isn’t that easy to access unless it’s deliberately developed – which can happen for some people, but usually not until middle age

💜 Inferior (INF) = the 4th is often called a “weakness”, which is a misinterpretation of what MBTI describes. It should be identified as a lower conscious function.
SO: the Dom is always on, 2nd is the creative (can be switched on), 3rd is the relief function (used for feeling better) AND the inferior is your subconscious driving force. (CHART of preference order by Type)

• Normally our brain will actively avoid it, but when forced to be engaged, it’ll feel unpleasant, stressful & very draining. For most of us – like the baby in the back of the vehicle – it’s what we’re weakest at, because it’s (usually) the least developed

• It can emerge as part of a developmental stage but undeveloped, so Dom tends to think Inferior gets in the way, shoving it aside as often as possible.

• It’s also called the ‘Danger’ Function, because under pressure it can pop up at the wrong time & misbehave, with negative consequences. It can start ‘crying’ when we’re stressed & tired, seen as childish, so we tend to shy away from using it.
If we spend too much time in the Danger zone (in a Loop), our Primary & Helper functions will step aside or burn out, leaving us at the mercy of the lesser ones

• However, Inferior is an under-estimated powerful Personality Factor. It can indeed be cultivated – usually in middle age – making us better off. Discovering Inferior’s gifts can provide positive opportunities & adventures (More in future posts)

NEXT: MBTI Stack Basics #3

MASLOW – Transcendence, Level #8 (Part 1)


PREVIOUS: Additional Levels

POSTs: ‘Spiritual Resilience – 1 & 2′


To rise above or go beyond the limits of a situation
▪︎ To triumph over negative or restrictive aspects of something
▪︎ A state of being or existence above & beyond material experience

Most Self-actualization traits involve making everyday life more enjoyable.
Self transcendence (SC),
on the other hand, is not about competing with others for basic (B) needs, but a personal journey of self-discovery. It requires personal effort – the willingness to change – with an awareness that succeeding is a combination of the personal “little I” & the bigger, universal “I”. Mystical experience is a particularly advanced state of self-transcendence, in which the sense of a separate self is temporarily abandoned altogether

As one of the developers of Humanistic Psychology, Maslow had an extremely positive view of humanity – valuing man’s goodness, dignity & intelligence. Spirituality is then mainly about personal development, connecting with other people & the world of nature.

Maslow’s systematic works, like The Psychology of Being, didn’t focus on the treatment of various pathologies (as Freud did), but rather on understanding & defining humans in their optimal state, especially regarding ‘peak’ experiences & self-fulfillment. Ordinary human unhappiness was ‘too easy’ to find. He wanted to encourage the healthy core of people achieve self-actualization, with which the highest spiritual good is realized.

“The fully developed (& very fortunate) human being, working under the best conditions, tends to be motivated by values which transcend his Self…. My satisfaction with achieving or allowing justice…. is equally outside & inside: therefore, it has transcended the geographical limitations of the self.” (1969)

Maslow believed striving for these highest needs is instinctive – beyond self-interest, considering wider holistic principles for the greater good, in service to others, & the pursuit of causes bigger than any individual

He thought Transcenders would be highly religious – regardless of which type, indicating his theory had a broad social application: “Culture is absolutely needed for their actualization, but it can also fail to actualize them, & indeed this is just what most known cultures actually seem to do, & have done throughout history.”

He pointed out that, if successful, self-trancenders often crave peak experiences. Beyond the routine of fulfilling deprivation (D) needs (#1-6), some people have extraordinary deep moments of understanding, love, even rapture, making then feel more alive, whole & empowered, yet a part of the world. They’re more aware of goodness, harmony, justice, truth….

Peaks are exciting & elaborate situations which become the most important things in their lives – the most precious & validating – their high spots. It could explain why some people gravitate to jobs such as policeman or firefighter, putting their lives at risk for others. (“PEAK” in biz)

Maslow believed such states are mostly emotional & temporary but not always flukes – there are people who can access them easily. He also thought that some self-trancenders may be saddened by realizing that others don’t have such hight moments. While he said that mature people (self-actualized) are most likely to have peak experiences, he felt everyone had the potential.

From Students’ Peak Experiences (1985), James Polyson found that most :
— occurred during athletic, artistic, religious or nature experiences
— during intimate moments with a friend or family member….
— when students achieved an important personal or collective goal….
— overcame some adversity or danger — or by helping someone in need

💙 However, Maslow eventually noted that with age, the intensity of the highs gives way to a gentler, more lasting state of quiet between the “orgasmic peaks of the mystic gone wild”. This he called high plateau experiences (more mental), which can be cultivated through conscious, diligent effort.

At the end of his life he cautioned against the ‘‘Big-Bang’’ theory of self-actualization, recognizing the need to value ‘patience for the awesome elements in ordinary existence’, combining miraculous & normal consciousness (Maslow, 1970), a state said to be the true & final goal of the mystic’s endeavors

“With today’s ‘fast food spirituality’ there is a pressing need to understand both the positive & negative poles of self-transcendence. Ferrer (2002) points out that Western transpersonal psychology’s emphasis on experiential processes & peak states…. have often neglected the proper preparations, maturity, & ethical scaffolding long-standing spiritual traditions usually provide” (Nicole Gruel, AU)

NEXT: Transcendence  #2






👠 👠 👠

INFJThe PROTECTOR/ Confidant / Counselor

❤︎ Most Contemplative, reflective

(1.5% world-wide) (1.3% ♂︎  // 1.6% ♀︎)  The Perfectionistic humanitarian // Muse

NATURAL: An inspiration to others
GOAL: to Analyze.

INFJs are sensitive, original & quietly forceful, more likely to be individualistic, rather than a leader or follower. They’re able to develop a clear vision of how to best serve the common good, then are organized and decisive in how they choose to implement this vision, tending to stick to things until they’re done.

They’re conscientious, with a well-developed value systems which they’re strictly committed to, & are well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing.

They’re curious to understand other people’s motives, & generally have great insight into them.They look for meaning in the connections between people, ideas & things.  INFJs are idealistic, wanting to inspiring others, who often try to find a shared vision for everyone & come up with new ways to achieve the vision.  (More…)

They’re : anxious, compassionate, complicated, creative, empathetic, idealistic, introspective, an eloquent speaker/ writer, quietly caring, paradoxical, patient, sensitive, a visionary, understanding

Hidden side : While their NF ‘righteousness’ usually compels them to be open & honest, they can be surprisingly clever & manipulative, from a knack for knowing what people want (& don’t want) to hear. They’re masters at keeping their friends close & enemies closer.

They’re the most cerebral of the Feeling types. So while many INFJs are spiritual, their aptitude for coming to conclusions with little or no evidence doesn’t come from any mystical source. Instead it’s from a constant but unconscious analysis of tiny details that most others completely miss, & which they themselves have trouble explaining

• Life’s Purpose : To guide those who are lost.
• Their Law : You shall always listen to my advice.
• They Comfort others by saying: It’s not your fault, you don’t deserve to feel this way.

• They Say : . These rules don’t benefit me, so I’m making up my own. I want to see my ideas be accepted & applied.  ….it’s fine.
Catchphrase : Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Communication : Advice – We don’t need to talk about every emotion. They won’t start the conversation. They’ll just watch you, from afar

Weaknesses : Extremely private, over-doing sensory activities, convinced they’re right even when evidence proves otherwise, too quiet,
Manipulate : Secretly meddle in your affairs because they know what’s best for you – more than you do

Paradoxes : Confident AND overbearing. Help everyone else BUT can’t help themselves. Strong BUT fragile
Value: soul mates       • Fear : of being hated

Judge people by: their selfishness
Are Judged for : making others feel that their emotions are invalid

Become STRESSED from situations shown in illustration.  They either go all adrenaline rush or total paralysis

Under stress (Melancholy-Phlegmatic) INFJs tend to withdraw from reality into a fantasy world, which gradually gains importance as they become dissatisfied with their real life & the people in it.
While fulfilling the demands of their outer commitments, they’re secretly critical, the feel that their imaginary world & its characters are more important than the anything real.

In these circumstances they’ll feel physically stressed & intensely angry, with an obsessive focus on certain details and a tendency to over-indulge.

They can end up living almost exclusively in their imagination, resist reality with a defensive attitude, feeling like a misfit. They’ll spend enormous amounts of time falling into their deepest hidden fantasies & emotions. In this state, they might be attracted to seriously defective people & environments which they’re convinced will truly understand & appreciate them

Hate : being forced, being misunderstood, unfairness, surrounded by conflict, pretentious people, anyone intentionally limited, going to funerals, being so effected by someone flirting with them, asking for help because it make them feel like they’re burdening others

Don’t argue with an INFJ while they’re holding : a grudge
Never : antagonize them   • Never tell them : “You’ll never do anything meaningful with your life”

Advice : What you think is good for someone isn’t necessarily what they actually need.

INFJs may come across as too individualistic (“different”), private or mysterious, doing their thinking in a vacuum, which results in unrealistic ideas that are hard to verbalize

INFJs ican best help themselves by finding a way to bring their artistic vision & intuitive insights to light. By learning to express their rich imagination in a way that others can understand & appreciate, they become psychologically liberated, as well as integrated into the world. Artistic pursuits bring a great benefit to INFJs, offering an appropriate outlet for their deep emotions

INFJ Relationships
YOU : have a gift to intuitively understand human relationships & complex meanings, as well as emphatically understanding partner’s emotions. Others see you as mysterious since they you tend to share you internal intuitions only with those you truly trust. Your relationship superpower is Sensitivity.

Thrive in any that are: complex & intellectually challenging

• As a friend, you’re always to one reading a book, or listening to everyone’s problems, the one who needs a week ahead of a hang-out to mentally prepare – & then spend all the ‘fun’ time discussing the Universe & meaning of life

Annoyed when: someone acts like you emotions are invalid

INFJ Parent / child of INFJ parent, INFJ child  (ALSO….)

Still single because : you’re tailor-made for the ‘friend-zone’
Unhealthy behavior : stalking your S.O.’s social media at 3am

Show interest by: hiding it – they won’t know & never will!
Show love : empathize, are understanding, offer emotional & moral support

• You want to hear : I’m here for you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : being naturally refined & elegant, you have a peaceful presence, mysterious & wise. People want to get into you head & know what you know

• You should date : someone who cares about you as much as you care about them, will never take you for granted, lets you be yourself even if they don’t get you completely, who you can trust, & will never intentionally hurt you

To attract you : they need to be one big walking paradox. They should look deep into your eyes & say “I need you” to help figure themselves out (Your turn-on)

• Some famous INFJ: Shirley Temple Black, Martin Luther King, Jr, Nelson Mandela, Tom Selleck, Billy Crystal, Mark Harmon

NEXT: Introvert Growth #1




SITE:  Many fun lists of ‘names’ for the 16 types  ++ other info



👠 👠 👠

INFP – The HEALER / Clarifier / Harmonizer

❤︎ Most Idealistic

(4.4% world-wide) (4.1% ♂︎ //  4.6% ♀︎) The Angsty poet

NATURAL: Performing noble service to aid society
GOAL: to Dream.

INFPs are reflective & idealistic, interested in serving humanity, with a well-developed, strongly-held value system which they strive to live up to. They’re adaptable & laid-back unless those values are threatened.

Being highly intuitive about people, they enjoy helping others’ inner development to reach their full potential, & are extremely loyal to people who are important to them.
Mentally quick, able to see possibilities, they like coming up with creative solutions to problems. Usually excellent writers.

Their polite, reserved exterior can make them hard to know – at first. However they do enjoy conversation, taking particular delight in the unusual. When in a sociable mood, their humor & charm shine through. Disposed to like people & avoid conflict, they tend to make pleasant company. (More….)

They’re : contained, creative, flexible, full of wonder, have strong personal values, imaginative, intense, non-directive, opinionated, quirky, reflective, reserved with people, seek inner order & peace

Hidden side : Often regarded as frivolous daydreamers, they can be shockingly practical, seeing the value of using time & resources wisely. So they have no time for anything that’s irrelevant to their causes, projects or ideals. In a society where E-J behavior is the norm, INFPs are just as busy & functional, but their motivation is internal, & projects are usually personal, not social.

They’re not as pleasant as most sites claim. Many INFPs are harshly judgmental towards people & things they experience as violating their values. Though they usually don’t say anything, they’ll easily ignore anyone who doesn’t meet their standards – without giving it a second thought or consider the real reasons others have for their position.

• Life’s Purpose : Heal those who are hurting
• Their Law : You shall always love yourself
• They Comfort others by saying: You’ve got so much potential, just keep your head up!

• They Say : I’m completely unaware that rules exist, & (I’m worried about) don’t know why everyone seems so stressed. Why can’t everyone just get along??!!
Catchphrase : It’s better travel hopefully than to arrive

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about bumblebeesupercumberwho….. They probably won’t start a conversation unless you share their interest – or, unless they’re sure you want to talk to them specifically

Weaknesses : Too idealistic, loss of confidence, martyr attitude, can’t decide what they want,
Manipulate : show high moral standards AND are a proudly victimized emo, timid BUT brave

Paradoxes : Detached dreamer AND hyper-emotional. Tons of dreams BUT no practical realization
Value:       • Fear : of a life without harmony

Judge people by: their values
Are Judged for : seeming to be fake

Become STRESSED from situations shown in illustration. They diligently ignore a problem until it’s too big to manage

Under stress (pure Sanguine or Supine) INFPs usually dislike conflict & trend to be passive-aggressive when experiencing frustration or dissatisfaction. They’re deeply dedicated to being their ‘true self’, in the extreme avoiding anyone or anything that doesn’t fit in with their inner value system, becoming intolerant a& hard to please.

In these circumstances they’ll be cynical, depressed, aggressive & prone to acute self-doubt. As stress increases, they can get extremely whimsical & stubborn, insisting on acting on feelings, while ignoring the logical implications & consequences of their actions. Also, they’re inclined to use their self-focus as a standard for all relationships & situations in their lives, sticking only to what reinforces their self-image, & reject everything else

Hate : stereotypes, feeling overwhelmed, sneaky-amoral-manipulative thinking, being left by a loved one, conflict, feeling invalidated, lack of imagination, having to be too logical & objective, debates that don’t include social justice,  asking for help because they want to do it their way

Don’t argue with an INFP while they’re holding : you hostage
Never :  trap them   • Never tell them : “What you just said doesn’t matter”

Advice : Just act on your passion – nothing’s an excuse unless you make it so.

INFPs may struggle to speak up in meetings, leading others to assume they don’t care or have nothing to contribute, which makes it hard to convince others of the value of their ideas.

INFPs can help themselves by accepting they don’t need to resist or fight reality to fulfill their unique vision. Instead, it’s better to accept things as they really are & take advantage of opportunities to build the life they dream of. They need to learn to see all the possibilities without trying to filter them as right or wrong – living in reality instead of trying to change it or ignore it.

INFP Relationships
YOU : tends to be selective & reserved about sharing your deepest feelings & values, which can sometimes make you hard to understand. You’re seen by family & friends as sensitive and introspective. Your relationship superpower is Support.

Thrive in any that are: deeply romantic & intimate

• As a friend, you the super quiet one in a group, but crazy with 1 or 2 good friends, always deep & introspective, who’ll listen to someone all day or all night. And when you do give advice, it’s totally on point, like you’re channeling  the person’s inner self

Annoyed with: anyone you think is a fake

INFP Parent / child of INFP parent, INFP child   (ALSO….)

Still single because : you’re the ‘friend’ type
Unhealthy behavior : say ‘I love you’ on the first date

Show interest : you’re confusing & slow. By the time they figure it out, you’ll like someone else
Show love by : coordinating their needs, offer analysis, advice & help

• You want to hear : I believe in you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re full of romance, feel so deeply & passionately. You seem so vulnerable, off in a dream world, & people wish they could be there with you

• You should date : someone who keep you grounded, show you reality, can be your anchor, is completely dependable, can protect you if needed, but also show how to protect yourself, help you modify expectations, & always works to impress you

To attract you : they have to act like they have a deep broody secret they’re too guarded to let out. Then you won’t eat or sleep until you’ve gotten thru their wall (Your turn-on)

• Some famous  INFP: Helen Keller, Carl Rogers, Dick Clark, Neil Diamond, James Taylor, JFK, Lisa Kudrow, Scott Bakula






👠 👠 👠

INTJThe SCIENTIST / Strategist / Mastermind

🛠 Most Independent

( 2.1% world-wide) (3.3% ♂︎ //  0.8% ♀︎)  The Badass mastermind // Iconoclast

NATURAL: Everything has room for improvement
GOAL: to Criticize.

INTJs are independent, determined & competent. They’re natural leaders, although usually keeping to the background until they see a real need to take over, & who will follow another if they trust an existing authority. They place a high value on knowledge & structure, & when committed, are capable of organizing a job & carrying it through to the end.  hey have very high standards for their own performance, & that of others.

Original thinkers, they’re often able to define a compelling, long-range vision, & driven to gather meaning from their ideas, come up with innovative solutions to complex problems. Their analytical mind can easily see patterns in external events & then explain them thoroughly, coupled with an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, usually with little interest in other people’s thoughts or feelings, quick to express judgments. With very evolved intuitions, they’re often convinced they’re right about things. (More…)

They’re : analytical, calculated, caring, driven, efficient, knowledgeable, innovative, skeptical, straightforward, strategic, theoretical, need to be competent, need things ‘my way’, see world as a chessboard

Hidden side : They fiercely believe in free will, but aren’t stubborn. If they learn the value of something they previously resisted, they can do a complete 180 – quite often – because of their tendency to analyze things for a long time. They’re more aesthetically oriented than other Thinking types, & can be quite whimsical, though it may not always show

While they can seem cold, they’ll quickly defrost for a cause or something they relate to. They can be quite compassionate to people & things that are misunderstood, urging others to look beyond biases at facts & circumstances. While their thinking is very independent, they usually don’t mind (even prefer) helping & being helped, because of their keen understanding of everyone’s limitations

• Life’s Purpose : To be objective in a sea of subjectivity.
• Their Law : You shall always be like Newton.
• They Comfort others by saying: Are those….tears? Holy moly!

• They Say : I’ve found all the inconsistencies in the rules, so I consider them void. I look to the future rather than the past. …. just Stop.
Catchphrase : Hope for the best & prepare for the worst

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about you being the smartest. They won’t start a conversation, & may ‘look’ angry. They’re probably not, but still…. approach with caution.

Weaknesses : Can be arrogant, extreme anger, misanthropy, too apathetic toward others,
Manipulate : Never have time for anything because they’re always ‘busy’ with work (by whatever definition) & don’t argue, because they’re ‘always right’

Paradoxes : Visionary AND arrogant. Everything planned BUT nothing solidified. Confident BUT insecure
Value: Vision           • Fear : of losing their skill

Judge people by: their competence
Are Judged for : being an idiot

STRESSED by situations in illustration. They design a universal procedure that will solve their problem for all time

Under stress (Melancholy-Choleric) INTJs live too much in their mind, mostly disregarding physical & emotional needs. Therefore, love & romantic relationships can take them by surprise, the intensity of their own emotions being what causes their distress.
They may feel out of control, restless & tormented, so respond to these emotions by dismissing them, turning them into abstract, theoretical principles that don’t connect to objective reality

In these circumstances they can feel physically stressed & intensely angry, with an obsessive focus on certain details, & a tendency to over-indulge. Idealizing their own complex concepts & ideas, they fail to recognize the importance of relationships with peers, managing to isolate themselves from their emotional & physical self, as well as world around them. They become ‘misunderstood’ loners, cryptic & enigmatic to everyone else.

Hate : ignorance, misinformation, subjectivity, flippant attitude, overly-dramatic people, being ordered around, being injured or diseased, feeling stupid, someone who keeps making ridiculous jokes while the INTJ is trying to be serious, asking for help because it make them feel incompetent

Don’t argue with an INTJ while they’re holding : all the cards
Never : control them     • Never tell them : “You’re not as smart as you think you are”

Advice : Take time off from work to explore new things, occasionally

When it comes to emotional satisfaction, INTJs simply are out of their element. They can come across as cold and distant when focusing on the task at hand, & miss recognizing or appreciating the contributions of others.  They can find it hard to engage in social conversations, & tend to too reserved, not giving as much praise or intimate support as those around you would like

INTJs need to try to organize their esoteric perceptions and highly intuitive mental constructs, by applying some form of general logic to them and render them comprehensible to the world. They need to become more grounded into reality & start to appreciate & give the proper importance to material practicality as well

INTJ Relationships
YOU : take commitments very seriously, prepared to dedicate substantial energy & time into a relationship to make it work. Instead of falling head over heels, you first look for the qualities you admire. Embracing conflict instead of avoiding it, you can easily move on from a breakup. Your relationship superpower is Healthy Confrontation.

Thrive in any that are: stable & intellectual (What you needscroll down)

As a friend, you’re the MENSA one who sometimes rubs it in everyone’s face, but because you’re so fascinating – they don’t mind, the sarcastic one who’s quiet, but gives occasional death glares

Annoyed with: anyone who’s an idiot

INTJ Parent / child of INTJ parent, INTJ child    (ALSO…)

Still single because : you’re arrogant and socially inept
Unhealthy behavior : plan your wedding on the first date

Show interest by : being stalkerish
Show love : being affectionate, giving time, advice, analysis….

• You want to hear : I’m in awe of you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re observant, meticulous, work hard & play harder. You seem both fully present & other-worldly – & people find your mysterious detachment intriguing

• You should date : someone very smart, who can force you to live in the moment, can force you to accept your emotions without trying to ‘understand’ them, can help you experience passion without logic but will listen to your logic-rants without falling asleep

To attract you : they need to present you with a completely new way of thinking about something you’d already decided on. It’ll shake your foundation but win your admiration (Your turn-on)

• Some famous INTJ : Chevy Chase, Raymond Burr, Richard Gere, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Rudy Giuliani, Stephen Hawking, Ayn Rand, Isaac Asimov, Al Gore, Bill Gates




SITEs: I vs. E BRAINS & their different chemistry



👠 👠 👠

INTP – The THINKER / Engineer / Designer

🛠 Most Conceptual

( 3.3% world-wide) (4.8% ♂︎ //  1.8% ♀︎) The Absentminded professor

NATURAL: A love of problem-solving
GOAL : to Research.

INTPs are original, logical & mentally creative, getting very excited about ideas & theories – valuing logic, knowledge & practical competence. They think strategically, able to build conceptual models to help understand complex problems.

They have an emotionally detached & cognitively concise way of analyzing the world, & often figure out new or innovative approaches to problems. They’re exceptionally capable & driven to turn theories into useful, understandable procedures. They search for the universal law behind everything they see, trying want to understand the unifying themes of life, in all its complexity.

They’re quiet, reserved, & can be hard to get to know well. They spend much of their time focused internally, are individualistic, uninterested in either leading or following others.  (More…)

They : challenge others to think, have a high need for competency, are calm, confident, detached, independent, ingenious, innovative, intellectual, logical, quirky, oblivious, skeptical, socially cautious

Hidden side : Their socially-awkward stereotype comes from over-thinking situations, rather than ‘keeping it simple’. They care a great deal about what others think of them & theirs, & out of all the NTs, they’re probably the best team players.

They’re not wishy-washy, just extremely skilled at picking their battles. They can argue a lot – for its own sake, but it wears them out more than they’ll let on. They may pretend not to care about gossip or “SAP“, but secretly find it irresistible

• Life’s Purpose : To seek out that which is unknown.
• Their Law : You shall always procrastinate.
• They Comfort others by saying: Okay…Okay… How can we fix this?

• They Say : I’ve found a way to bend every rule. I prize intelligence in myself & others. ….but….actually….uh….
Catchphrase : every Why has a Wherefore

Communication : Advice – Meowing doesn’t count as talking. They might start a conversation, although if they’re busy with something, they may not notice others

Weaknesses : Second-guess themselves, forgetting things, slowness, too often lost inside their own head,
Manipulate : Can’t remember anything about anyone because all available space is filled with video-game lore

Paradoxes : Calculating AND uncaring. Brilliant with facts AND stupid about life. Smart BUT naive
Value: intellect          • Fear : of intimacy

Judge people by: their knowledge
Are Judged for : continually asking others why they’re upset

STRESSED by situations in illustration. They never do anything, in spite of understanding the situation.

Under stress  – INTPs are likely to be very critical of other’s expectations & demands, while at the same time unconsciously craving affection & appreciation.

Their thinking can get complicated & speculative, ignoring objective reality, & start living according to their own subjective interpretation of the facts. In extreme circumstances they’ll feel alienated, upset & prone to whingeing & hypersensitivity.

As frustration grows, INTPs may develop various phobias & worrying about their physical health & the effect their environment can have on it – masking unacknowledged emotional neediness. In this state, they might try to limit anything unfamiliar in their lives, as well as making a fuss around their theories & being oversensitive to other people’s attitudes & opinions of them

Hate : lack of intelligence, invalidating their ideas, scientific stagnation, overly serious people, being too emotional, someone who’s offended by everything the INTP says, falling thru the air (skydiving?) asking for help because it make them feel incompetent

Don’t argue with an INTP while they’re holding : you accountable
Never : dismiss them
Never tell them : “Nothing you’ve made is special”

: Having many interest is no excuse for not mastering any

INTPs may struggle to work in teams, especially with others who they see as illogical or insufficiently task-focused. Ironically, they themselves may have no clear sense of direction, overlooking important facts or practical details.

INTPs may benefit from realizing that being impersonal & detached from their circumstances doesn’t mean they’re being objective or realistic. Everyone is dependent on others to a certain extent, & no one can have full control over their life al the time.
Realizing they’re part of a larger scheme of reality – where everything and everyone eventually interconnects – may help INTPs relax, to be open to new possibilities & relationships.

INTP Relationships
YOU : can be tolerant of a wide range of behavior but fail to consider how your style of expressing ideas can effect others. Family & friends   see you as someone who values autonomy & independence.  Your relationship superpower is Bravery.

Thrive in any that are: honest & understanding

• As a friend, you never initiate hanging out but are totally available – as long as someone’s ready to talk science or conspiracy theories, the other sarcastic one (like INTJ) who doesn’t answer any Qs unless there about chemistry

Annoyed when: someone keeps asking you why you look so upset

INTP Parent / child of INTP parent, INTP child   (ALSO….)

Still single because : you prefer blow-up dolls
Unhealthy behavior : only express emotions in text

Show interest by : intense trolling
Show love : being considerate about their needs, offer advice & help

• You want to hear : I’ll leave you alone
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re low-key & dreamy, & something about you independence & aloofness is so intriguing that it makes others want to know what you’re thinking – in anything.

• You should date : someone who can can make you feel valued & smart, keep you grounded & teach you to live in the moment, can help you open up to & be OK with emotions, & keep you from using logic to ‘understand’ them

To attract you : they need to take the initiative, again & again, until you even notice their existence. Then they have to try again.
(Your turn-on)

• Some famous INTPs : Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, Descartes, Darwin, Marie Curie, Jung, Socrates, Abraham Lincoln






👠 👠 👠

ISFJ – The SUPPORTER / Curator / Protector

🌺 Most Loyal

(13.8% world-wide) (8.1% ♂︎ //  19.4% ♀︎) The Polite caretaker // Philanthropist

NATURAL: A high sense of duty
: to Harmonize.

ISFJs are quiet, stable & practical, valuing security & traditions. Characteristically humble and unassuming, they rarely call attention to themselves. Typically involved in social groups, but not wanting the spotlight, they’re more likely to be found behind the scenes, working diligently to fulfill their role.

With a rich inner world, keen observers of people, they’re highly attuned to the feelings of others. Being conscientious & committed to meeting their obligations, they tend to put the needs of others ahead of their own. They’re oriented to relationships, but can be reserved with new people, are compassionate listeners, and typically remember details about people. They often enjoy hearing the facts of someone’s life in the process of making a connection.

ISFJs have a well-developed sense of space & function, being patient people who apply common sense & experience to solving problems for other people, usually very interested in finding ways to be of practical service. (More….)

They’re : accountable, easy to collaborate with, dependable, empathetic, friendly, grounded, patient, respectful, sacrifice readily, shallow, talkative, traditional, work behind the scenes, understanding, unique


 Hidden side : They’re more open-minded than they seem. While extremely cautious with strangers, they’re willing to try understanding others, regardless of differences.
They’re the most fantasy-prone of any Sensing type, with a love for lore & literary analysis – as a way for them to keep in touch with traditions

They’re a lot more laid back than most profiles say, & some ISFJs have a tendency to give up on things they should keep at, while sticking to things they should give up on.
They take what they do very seriously, but also need a lot of downtime, being highly sensitive to sensory & social input

• Life’s Purpose : Help those who are helpless.
• Their Law : You shall always take care of your family.
• They Comfort others by saying: I’m really sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better?

• They Say : These rules suck! Only a fool goes along with them! I’m very dependable. …. no, no, it’s okay.
Catchphrase : There’s no place like home

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about taking care of someone. They might talk to others, but they’re rather shy, so they have to be approached. It’s worth it.

Weaknesses : Take things too personally, being less efficient, too stressed /paranoid,
Manipulate : Passive-aggressive guilt-trip you so you feel obligated to go along with their micro-managing

Paradoxes : Mostly consistent. Understanding AND lonely. Imaginative BUT grounded
Value: Safety            • Fear : of being dismissed

Judge people for: their selfishness
Are Judged for : belittling others’ emotions

STRESSED by situations in illustration.
They 🎤 : Move %*#-, get out of my way!

Under stress (Phlegmatic-Melancholy) ISFJs have the tendency to lose themselves in emotional & moral commitments, seeing themselves as indispensable to & an intrinsic part of the cause they’re identified with.
At this point they can become self-sacrificing martyrs whose only purpose is the happiness & well-being of others. They can end up in bad relationships where they’re willingly being used & put in a service-oriented position

In extreme circumstances they’ll become accusatory & pessimistic, tending to think the worst & shut down.  As their stress increases they begin to cling to others, trying to keep them attached by undermining their independence, but offering them unconditional care & support instead.
At the same time, ISFJs hide their own feelings & vulnerabilities, unconsciously building more frustration. They can become intolerant about whatever doesn’t fit their view of life, rejecting reality, even fiction that doesn’t agree with their values of feelings & purpose.

Hate : being misunderstood, pretentious & unfairness, being chased, inconsiderate people, not fitting in, not sharing, making tough decisions affecting others, an overly cocky bad-boy (who she eventually marries 🙀), asking for help because it make them feel like they’re burdening others

Don’t argue with ISFJ while they’re keeping : a promise
Never : neglect them   • Never tell them : “I wish you wouldn’t talk to me or try to help me

Advice : There’s a line between being nice & being a doormat.

ISFJs may be overly cautious, not always considering the logical consequences of their decisions. They can lack assertiveness, & risk basing their decisions on what they think will please others.

ISFJs can benefit from learning to discover, understand & fulfill their own needs, the same way they do for others. They need to assess their opinions & goals against reality, & gauge the strength of their commitments, to keep them balanced & reasonable.

ISFJ Relationships
YOU : are generally dependable, make a good ‘caretaker’, are committed to your partners, friend & groups you belong to. You honor commitments & like to preserve traditions. Your relationship superpower is Listening.

Thrive in any that are: stable & long-lasting

• As a friend, you’re the undying loyal one who’s like a good grandparent, the one who plans the party, is there, oversees it, talks to everyone, cleans up, goes home – & them obsesses about not having done it perfectly

Annoyed with: anyone who belittles your emotions

ISFJ Parent / child of ISFJ parent, ISFJ child  (ALSO….)

Still single because : too much of a ‘safe’ option to others
Unhealthy behavior : giving a $100 1-week anniversary gift

Show interest by : lots of little looks & smiles
Show love by : taking care of practical needs, do little nice things to help

• You want to hear : I appreciate you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you have a tender heart but also a hidden strength. You radiate an intense love of sensuality, with that smitten smile & discreet charm, that makes them melt

• You should date : someone who can force you to relax & practice self-care, can teach you to worry less & go with the flow, who enjoys you taking care of them

To attract you : they need to act like a super-hero/heroin BUT who also needs you to take care of them. You’ll jump at the chance to nurture their reckless spirit (Your turn-on)

• Some famous ISFJ : Kristi Yamaguchi, Johnny Carson, Laura Bush, Kate Middleton, Rosa Parks, Princess Mary of Denmark, King George VI, Mother Teresa




SITEs“16 Types of Men



👠 👠 👠

ISFP – The ARTIST / Producer / Composer


🌺 Most Artistic

(8.8% world-wide) (8.5% ♂︎ // 2.4% ♀︎) The Observant artist // Creator

NATURAL : Sees much but shares little
GOAL: to Evaluate.

ISTPs are reserved, serious, sensitive & kind. Not liking conflict, they’re not likely to do things which may cause it. Not interested in leading or controlling others, they’re loyal and faithful, & enjoy being of practical help or service to others, as well as bringing people together, facilitating & encouraging their cooperation.

Others can see them as somewhat detached or analytical, as they’re interested in cause and effect, tending to organize facts using principles. They’re highly skilled with mechanical work and they excel at finding solutions to practical problems.

They live in the present moment and enjoy their surroundings with cheerful, low-key enthusiasm, & may be interested in/talented in extreme sports.
With extremely well-developed senses & aesthetic appreciation for beauty, needing beauty in their surrounding, they’re likely to be original & creative.  (More…)

They’re : adaptable, colorful, considerate, cooperative, gentle, in touch with self & nature, love discovering, loyal, quiet, sensitive, self-pitying, spontaneous, strong-willed, team player, tolerant, warm, unassuming

Hidden side : They’re not snobs or hipsters. Well, not exactly. They know what they like, full stop. Whether their tastes are considered refined or eclectic by the rest of the world varies from ISFP to ISFP. They’re not that shy – many have an SP-typical brazen sense of humor, & they love to talk endlessly about their interests. But they’re not as prone to jump at new opportunities or experiences as other SPs – “I don’t know, it doesn’t sound like something I’d like” is a favorite phrase

• Life’s Purpose : Splash color on to a grey world.
• Their Law : You shall always be creative.
• They Comfort others by saying: Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about anything!

• They Say : I’m breaking all the rules, but it’s OK because I don’t think anyone noticed. I love having the freedom to do whatever I please. I don’t deserve this.
Catchphrase : A picture is worth a thousand words

Communication : Advice – Stop trying to say ‘in’ things to try fitting in – relax & use the tertiary Ni . They’ll talk to anyone & everyone… as long as they haven’t decided someone’s too intimidating to approach

Weaknesses : Too sensitive, depression, hopelessness, silence, too clingy,
Manipulate : Scatter-brain, carefree hippies one minute, in obnoxious emotional turmoil the next

Paradoxes : Accepting AND fearful. Everyone should express themselves BUT not me! Idealistic BUT practical
Value: freedom                     • Fear : of conflict

Judge people by: their intelligence
Are Judged for : saying that something others created was ‘stupid’

STRESSED by situations in illustration. Make list & lists & lists…

Under stress (Phlegmatic-Sanguine) ISFPs will give a lot of importance to their personal freedom, their choices, lifestyle & subjective view of life. Feeling threatened by conforming & the prospect of giving up their ideals, they start rejecting other people’s help & advice, becoming increasingly defensive & dismissive.
They may resort to sarcasm, become cryptic or derogatory. Then they get cynical, depressed, aggressive & acute self-doubt

As frustration grows, they tend to isolate to escape external influences, living on the edge of society, refusing to take any logical considerations into account, relying only on their creative emotions & peculiar worldview

Hate : meanness, rejection, being told how to live their life, lack of freedom, being stifled artistically, falseness, people who hurt others, an attractive person ignoring them, losing their teeth, asking for help because they want to do it their way

Don’t argue with ISFP while they’re holding : a baby
Never : betray them   • Never tell them : “I wish you wouldn’t talk about yourself so much”

: Figure out what your needs are, & be clear about them

Because they tend to be less assertive than some types, ISFPs may have less influence at work, & their concern for others could keep them from making tough choices. They sometimes put off making decisions in the hope that a better option will show up.

ISFPs need to find a way to bring their vision & gifts out into the open, usually by learning to express themselves in a way that others can understand. By appreciating & accepting reality as it is, they can build a life that’s both authentic & appropriate.

ISFP Relationships
YOU : prize the freedom to follow your own path, enjoy having your own space & setting your own timetable, which you will also give you partners. You can be difficult to know well but do care deeply about others, which you show through actions rather than words.  Your relationship superpower is Appreciation of Beauty.

Thrive in any that are : adventurous & lifelong

As a friend, you’re the hipster who listens to old music & goes to festivals, likes everything new way ahead of everyone, & is all for wealth-distribution

Annoyed with: anyone who’s a total buzzkill

ISFP Parent / child of ISFP parent, ISFP child  (ALSO….)

Still single because : you’re not a musician or artist
Unhealthy behavior : debilitatingly jealous

Show interest by : blushing
Show love by: a spontaneous display of caring, taking care of their emotional needs

• You want to hear : I get you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you have an earthy “I know what I’m doing” vibe with inner strength & willpower, but also glow with excitement & liveliness. These qualities are admired & attractive

• You should date : someone who supports you completely, as well as getting inside your head, can help you break out of your I shell & accepts your vulnerability

To attract you : they need to be playful & adventurous, & to take an interest in you, while giving space to figure out how you feel, & then go to them (Your turn-on)

• Some famous ISFP: Cher, Elizabeth Taylor, Barbra Streisand, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jackson, Jackie O, Mozart


ACoAs: PATIENCE vs Co-dependent Waiting (Part 2)

PREVIOUS: Co-dep vs Patience #3

SITE: How to cope with waiting for news

QUOTE: “Good character is not formed in a week or a month.  It is created little by little, day by day, by protracted patience” – Heraclitus of Ephesus


Co-dep also shows up as IMPATIENCE, annoyance, intolerance, worry, fear & distrust
• It’s demanding what we want, right now (instant gratification), because any delay in getting a need or a desire met is taken by the WIC as a definite “NO – you can’t ever have it, so shut up & go away!” from the PP (Negative Introject)

• It’s rushing relationships, to get that feeling of instant attachment, which is actually symbiosis. It’s an attempt to compensate for present-day fear of Abandonment pain, to make up for not having had that bond as an infant with mom, when it should have occurred

• It’s impulsively rushing into situations without considering whether they’re right for us, or what the consequences will be – to ourselves or others
• It’s pushing our way ahead of others (selfish entitlement) – the unconscious fear of being left behind – while consciously assuming it’s ‘our right’, but is actually childish narcissism
<ADD YOUR OWN kinds of unhealthy co-dep ‘patience’ & impatience>

Fortunately, Recovery gives us an out – a way to identify our damage so we can separate & strip it away from the Real us that’s hidden under all the defenses, separating the Toxic Rules from our Rights. As adults we have very real options, if we’re willing to risk leaving our attachment to the dysfunction.
REMEMBER: We’re damaged (wounded), not defective!

🦋 🐯 🦆 🐳 🦒 🐇

This kind is an ACTIVE response to reality (personal & environmental)
Just like ‘Acceptance‘ does NOT mean giving up or giving in, Patience does NOT mean letting the world trample us.
Nor does it mean ‘taking the moral high ground’ as some spiritual superiority, nor a punishment from the ‘universe’
• It does not imply the hopelessness of being forced to endure suffering & deprivation
• It does not mean being passive, of not taking appropriate actions when necessary to accomplish something, especially if it’s something only we can do. (Posts: Healthy Actions // What to do when confused // Why are you stuck?)

It DOES mean being emotionally mature. This allows us to tolerate delayed gratification, which can only come from lowering the WIC’s intense anxiety. Healthy patience is active in the sense that we choose to wait for a desired outcome, while at the same time actively continuing to live the best way we can – every day.

Real patience :
• requires knowing the difference between Rescuing & Helping, because it takes patience to sit with our own discomfort of not jumping in to someone else’s problems. Knowing the rules for Helping is important. But we can also tell by being physically stressed or relaxed, & our emotions:

— Rescuing / people-pleasing is driven by anxiety (before), a compulsion to compensate for something broken in us. The excitement of ‘doing’ comes from a false sense of connection, & temporary relief of abandonment fear. Afterward – we can feel drained – from overdoing, disappointed if we didn’t get what we wanted in return, & then angry. Here the actions are ALL about us, the WIC trying to cover up S.H.

— True Helping is done from an inner sense of calm & confidencebefore taking action a choice that comes from the Healthy Adult’s enjoyment of sharing our personal talents, knowledge & experience. And we feel pleased, satisfied & comfortable – afterward. We benefit, but it’s not so much about ourselves.

NEXT: Co-dep vs. Patience #3

Mental Health DON’Ts – Emotional (Part 1b)

Screen Shot 2016-07-03 at 1.37.13 AM 

is easy – and fun!


SITE: Physiology and Biology of Mental Toughness


REMINDER: To be Mentally/ Emotionally well we need to develop the Healthy Adult & Loving Parent (UNIT). What the “Don’ts” represent are characteristics of our damage, run by our WIC (Damaged Child) & PP  (Introject) – but can be corrected.
Understanding the specifics of our childhood traumas helps to accept the reality that we can’tJust do it’ or ‘Just let go’. All of Recovery is a process – for everyone.
ALSO, each of us will have our own specific issues that are definitely more deeply ingrained than others & will therefore take longer to heal. Some will never go away, but can be diminished greatly, & we can learn to manage them whenever they do surface.

EHP Don’t thrive on chaos
Successful people simplify life. They know that having as much order as possible in all parts of their life allows then to accomplish their goals, & not have to waste time looking for things or dealing with emotional drama.

EHP Don’t try to be happy all the time
One of the coping mechanisms for ACoA is the try to be ‘UP’ or ‘positive’ all the time. This usually applies to the Hero (Toxic Role) or the “Good girl/boy” false persona. This is as unrealistic as being miserable all the time. It’s just another way to deny having a wide range of emotions. For every ACoA, happy/sadno matter our style, our underlying emotion is fear/terror. So we try to feel safe before we can truly be happy.

No one is happy all the time. Feeling peaceful & content – a day at a time – does not mean having no complaints, dislikes or distress. EHP don’t try to avoid painful emotions but incorporate them in an effort to be whole, to honor their True Self. They know that happiness, victory & fulfillment are a wonderful, valuable part of life, but not the whole story.

EHP learn from their ‘mistakes’ & correct distorted thinking, so avoid repeating harmful patterns. This may include making amends to others (8th & 9th Steps) & forgiving themselves for ignorant or stubborn adherence to their Toxic Rules, so they no longer have to obsess about what happened in the past. EHP know this takes time & need patience & perseverance to always be moving forward, no matter how slowly. One 12-Step slogan says: “Look back but don’t starelive in the present”.
Some benefits from thinking about the past can be: identifying the lessons, considering facts not just emotions, & looking at PPT from a new perspective.

EHP Don’t violate / sacrifice personal values
Each of us have more than one value system – what we were taught by our family, by our religion, our early social environment, AND what we develop in ourselves from our Core Truth. Some of these may overlap, some may not. The problem for ACoAs is that we are either not allowed to find out what we truly believe, or more often have been so brainwashed by our toxic upbringing that we’re not allowed to live according to our personal beliefs even if we know what they are. (Core Values lists)

EHP have figured out what they consider important – even essential – to their identity, for themselves & in relation to the rest of the world. A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful but not always conscious – as many are taken for granted. They know that their personal Core Values are not automatically the same as that of other people or institutions, & they don’t try to impose them on others.

They do NOT value the impossible, like perfectionism, eternal human love, fairness…. They know everyone falls short sometimes, so they get back on the horse when they don’t live up to their ideals, & are also patient & forgiving to others then they also fall short. (MORE….)

NEXT: MENTAL health Don’ts, 1c