PREVIOUS: Acceptance #2
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
2. HEALTHY ACCEPTANCE (cont)
🔸 TWO USES
a. To break thru Denial
No matter what topic / issue we’re working on, of the 3 As – Acceptance takes the longest time since it includes:
✶ PAIN: This is hard, because we’ve already suffered so much, we don’t want any more, & don’t believe it’ll ever end if we let ourselves ‘go there’
✶ TIME: We don’t want to hear that – after all, healing will take ‘forever’! We want it all now, because if something isn’t immediate, the I.C. is sure it’ll never happen – just more ‘proof’ that the Universe or God is against us”!
Actually – it’s only the family, not the Universe, nor is God against us, no matter what we think!
— Also, most ACoAs don’t have a realistic sense of how long things take, whether renovating an apartment or renovating our mind!
✶ PROCESS – (another concept we hate!), which goes on too darn long AND we don’t know how to do it. It all feels way too risky & overwhelming! No wonder we want to skip the middle ‘A’.
b. To increase Healing
This also take time because accepting good things into our life makes us very uncomfortable. It not only disobeys several Toxic Rules, but also – we’ve been living in a distorted universe (broken down castle), & gotten used to walking at a slant, crabbing along crooked walls, with rooms we’re not allowed in & others we hang out in that are filled with poisonous gas & broken furniture.
We don’t actually belong there, but the WIC is convinced we don’t have the right or the ability to move out! AND the PP doesn’t want to free us
The way across – from shack to castle – seems invisible. But just like Indiana Jones, when we take that first step, suddenly a narrow bridge appears that will get us to the other side. For a while we totter along with our arms out, always afraid we’ll fall into the abyss.
Sometimes we run back to the familiar ugliness, & then tentatively try again. Eventually we see & feel that the ‘home’ we though was safest turns into the slum it always was, & staying in it becomes less & less ‘comfortable’, until we never want to go back.
💗Some Positive things to Accept and CELEBRATE:
• Recovery is possible, for each of us, according to our capacity
• It’s OK to make mistakes – without feeling stupid or humiliated
• There’s no such thing as failure, only opportunities to try out new things & learn from whatever don’t work for us
• There are safe, kind people around & they do/will like/love our True Self
• It’s good to take time out. Vegging is useful & necessary, from time to time – for processing our experiences & our emotions
• many good qualities and talents. Make a positive inventory & call it the “ME LIST”
• the right to be loved unconditionally, & to love others without sacrificing ourselves
• a right to all our emotions, & to express them appropriately
❣️We’re OK just as we are, today, imperfectly
❣️ We can follow our bliss & express all our talents
The 3 As can be used in small ways every day, to improve our life:
A-1 = AWARE that I’m not feeling well today
A-2 = ACCEPT that I can take care of myself, I don’t have to be on the go all the time, I can only do so much….
A-3 = ACTION – that I can call in sick, stay in, get help, cancel something, rest…
♥ YOU are worth the effort, whether or not your family valued you.♥
NEXT: CDs & the 3 As