Enneagram Humor (Part 6)


PREVIOUS: Ennea Humor #5

SITE: Enneagram Type cartoons



“EATING” by Rev Liz Stout (ordained Interfaith Minister, active Episcopalian, Buddhism buff, general spiritual scavenger, Evanston, Ill)

1s always chew more than they have bitten off
2s offer a bite to someone else first
3s take a bite of the best-selling, most popular brand

4s take a bite slowly & dramatically, hoping that others are watching
5s hide the wrapper so no one else will know what bites they’re enjoying
6s check the expiration date or read the ingredients before taking a bite

7s do bite off more than they can chew, & then proceed to chew
8s may take possession of someone else’s bite, putting up a fight if necessary
9s can’t make up their minds what to take a bite of – they take a little of everything to show partiality

DE GUSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDUM (Latin for “No Accounting for Tastes”)

‘HUMAN Dinner Party” by Elizabeth Wagele

ennea dinner types














Q: Is the glass is half-full or half-empty? by Cory Caplinger
Enneagram TYPE answers:
#1 – It’s half empty, because I say it is and I’m always right!
#2 – Would you like to have this water? Let me fill it up for you!
#3 – Hmm, I bet I could make a profit selling half-empty glasses of water for full price!
#4 – It’s half-empty…. just like everything else in this miserable world – & I don’t even deserve that! (pouts with a tear in eye)

#5 – Well, after measuring it precisely with my Fleuromaton, I have concluded that the volume of dihydrogen-oxide in this silicon-based vessel is 50.8%, thus qualifying it as roughly Half-Full.
#6 – I’m not drinking it, there’s poison in it!
#7 – It’s half-full!!! (drinks) Ah, FANTASTIC! Can I have another one?
#8 – It’s half-empty… so fill it up NOW before I have to break your neck!!!
#9 – It’s whatever you say it is.

Posted by CosmicDust (2007)
Mama‘s such a One, she can’t accept a birthday card from me without pointing out how bad the handwriting in my signature is.

Mama’s such a Two, she can’t swat a fly without demanding that the fly feel grateful that she didn’t do it the slow, painful way with bug spray.

Dad’s such a Three, she can’t even sleep without finishing a To-Do list in his dreams and boasting about how productive he is every night.

Mama’s such a Four, she can’t cook me dinner without lamenting that nobody understands or appreciates how hard it was to slave over that old stove, as the food became eternally scarred with charcoal, awaiting its ultimate fate to be torn apart in my stomach.

Mama’s such a Five, she can’t give me a hug without expounding and speculating on the origins, methods & meaning of hugs throughout the course of human history and prehistory, all the while mummyforgetting to enjoy the experience of hugging.

Dad‘s such a Six, I can’t throw him a surprise party without him questioning what my hidden agenda for not telling him. Was I trying to give him a heart attack so I could get my inheritance early, or thinking that he wasn’t competent enough to put his own party together?

Dad’s such a Seven, he can’t even channel surf without also checking the Internet, the radio and the voice mail on his cell phone for something potentially more interesting.

Dad’s such an Eight, he’s the only person who can make squirrels get the BLEEP off the road before they get run over, just by giving them that look… but then he runs them over anyway, just because se can.

Mama’s such a Nine, she refers to “Dante’s Inferno” as “Dante’s Inferyes.”

NEXT: Feeling Sorry for #1

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