PREVIOUS: Arrogance vs Humility (Part 2)
BOOK: “Strategies for Survival in an Angry World” ~ Dr Eva Bell
QUOTE: “Anger is a GIFT! Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” ~ Aristotle (More… scroll to 2/9/12)
Anger: An emotional state varying in intensity from mild irritation to fury, a temporary & episodic reaction to a frustrating situation.
A strong, uncomfortable emotional response to something unwanted & not fitting with our values, beliefs or rights (triggered)
Irritability: a milder emotional reaction to minor annoyances that can happen in the course of our daily routine
Aggression: An intentional desire to harm someone or something
Rage: A loss of self-control so that anger explodes, sometime into completely irrational behavior (& without conscious thought), sometimes very deliberate!
Hostility: A specific personality characteristic expressed as a chronic :
antagonistic, mistrustful emotional state, with a negative mental attitude toward people & the word in general.
😍 LOVE generates: caring, compassion, contentment, happiness, honesty, enjoyment, satisfaction, trust…. (Diagrams in Part 5)
❖ Unconditional LOVE is the only source of self-esteem!
Healthy Love is what make a child feel safe. Love is the all-powerful healer of wounds. BUT – ACoAs did not experience a genuine sense of being loved, even if our parents said or thought they did.
How do we know this? Because of the intense fear under everything we think, feel & do – seen in our S-H, FoA….
🥶 FEAR generates : anger, anxiety, confusion, control, depression, guilt, hurt, inadequacy, loneliness, sadness, shame….
All ACoAs are fear-based, having been thru so much abuse, chaos, controlling, denial, judgement, lies, narcissism & neglect – to ever feel 100% safe.
And sooner or later – fear always generates ANGER. Being constantly fearful – with no comfort, no relief, no explanations…. piles up & turns into RAGE.
NOTE : counter-phobia / addiction to excitement are defenses, not lack of fear
★ Normally, all emotions are short-term, in-&-out reactions to some immediate event, & in this form anger is not a problem. In fact, modern psychologists view anger as a mature emotion experienced by everyone at times, having survival value. When understood & accepted, it can often be used to correct life’s imbalances, although it’s not possible in every situation.
• But when painful ones (anger, fear, guilt, hopelessness, sadness, self-disgust, shame....) persist for days, months or years – growing up in many harmful situations – painful emotions got stockpiled, without having:
— permission to be experienced as true emotional responses toward the abuse & losses
— anyone to listen to us, identify them (give them words) or comfort us
— an opportunity to process the events, so we wouldn’t have to suppress or deny them
NOW, painful emotions are being held in place by toxic T.E.As:
(T) The WIC / PP’s thinking in the form of CDs, mental obsessions about something unpleasant/ unacceptable, without understanding our interaction or participation in the problem
(E) mountains of unprocessed pain accumulated from old hurts & unmet needs, suppressing awareness of all that hurt, in order to keep going (denial)
(A) staying in bad or inappropriate situations we know are not good for us, continuing to live in self-deprivation (not enough company, education, finances, fun, love, rest, self-reflection, sex, support….)
REMINDER – in TEA terms – Thoughts & Actions can be either
Positive, Negative or Neutral, but never EMOTIONS, which can range from: most Joyful <—–> to most Painful (+/- 100), with the calmest, pleasantest in the mid-range (+/- 20).
NEXT: What about anger – Part 2