PREVIOUS : ATTACHMENT – Parent – Child (#1)

SITE:  “Emotionally Intelligent Parenting”

 

🚼 Secure attachment  – 55-65% of ‘normals’ (non-clinical) samples.
In the home, these parents could understand / intuit the infant’s personality, & were able to accept & be available to provide baby’s physical & emotional needs

In the Strange Situation test (SS, see Info 1a) , the infants used the mom as a secure base from which to explore, very aware when she left the room, & protested the ‘loss’. When mother returned, the infant went straight to her to be held, was easily reassured, & then quickly returned to play.
In the home, these parents could understand / intuit the infant’s personality, & were able to accept & be available to provide baby’s physical & emotional needs.

√ The internal working model of these infants (mental image) incorporated these experiences. They assume they’ll be seen & heard, & helped t0 regulate their emotions, so they can safely explore their environment.

The 4 S’s of Secure Attachment
Children whose emotional & physical needs are consistently acknowledged & responded to appropriately – are most likely to form secure attachments, allowing them to become more resilient  & competent adults. When frightened, they’re comfortable seeking reassurance from safe caregivers.

1. SAFE
These parents provide the child with the sense that home is a haven, & make a commitment to not be a source of fear . This includes actively re-connecting after disagreements or an anger-flare up, & apologizing when the adult is mistaken or wrong.
Later on, being ‘safe’-as-kids means these Secures find it easier to openly express their emotions & needs, having developed trust in inter-personal relationships.

2. SEEN / KNOWN
“Seen” children know they’re acknowledged, because patents take the time to learn who they are & make an effort to understand when they’re going through something.

As adults, ‘seen’-as-kids people are more likely to form emotionally secure relationships. They feel comfortable being genuine, intimate, & vulnerable. Are less likely to develop codependence or anxious attachment style.

3. SOOTHED / COMFORTED
Soothed’ children are comforted at all times, not just when emotionally upset or  under stress. Caregivers help the child develop healthy coping strategies needed for the challenging times. The 5 main elements for this are “PEACE” : Presence /  Engagement /  Affection /  Calm /  Empathy
‘Soothed’-as-kids people become emotionally intelligent adults, who are better prepared to get thru difficult life-situations, can adapt to change, stay grounded, & offer support to others.

4. SECURE
These parents cultivats security & trust with the child by consistently providing the other 3 S’s 🔼.
The Secure child can let their guard down, make mistakes, & voice opinions – without fear of punishment or rejection.  They’re encouraged to not be afraid of their emotions, by identifying, valuing & dealing with them, as well as as recognizing those in others.

“Secure”-as-kids people find it easy to appropriately trust others & be trustworthy themselves, being open & having empathy

Secure bonds provide an infant with a solid foundation to experience a wide range of motions = from most uncomfortable or painful and most comfortable & joyful ones. All states are important for the infant to safely experience them thru the mother’s capacity to ‘hold space’ for them – by her inner safely & personal strength. Gradually this allows the child to carry that ability internally, & so comfortably experience bonds with others.

Shared attunement is the alignment of emotional & mental states between mother & child, through facial expressions, tone of voice, body gestures, & eye contact.

“Joy Building — Joy is produced when mom’s face lights up, expressing I’m delighted to be with you!   Joyful exchanges establish a secure bond with baby that will travel a lifetime.

❇️ As the child is ‘full enough’ of joy, mother will look aside. Breaking eye contact stops right hemispheric communication & says, ‘let’s rest!’ Healthy mothering understands the legitimate need for rest, & will respect the requirement. (See Parent-Child Part 4b Insecure, re “rest=death”)  SITE :  “How to really Rest“

✳️ VALUED
Feeling valued needs to start in infancy, to develop healthy self-esteem. Loving parents repeatedly show their joy about who the child is rather than what the child does – on Being rather than Doing, but also express delight to the child about almost everything it does.  (POSTs : “Being Loved“)

VALUING children requires : (MORE on each)
🧡 Boundaries – for structure & control to know limits & feel safe
💛 Companionship – time spent alone with child builds closeness
💚 Conversation – for their sense of maturity & trust to ask for help
❤️ Expressed Love – they need to know they’re loved unconditionally
🤍 Respect – appreciating the child’s mind, that they ‘make sense’
💜 Track record – adults need to be consistent & dependable.
«

«
NEXT : Parent-Child ATT #3