PREVIOUS : What Parents Should NEVER DO (#1)

Review NOTE in Part 1

What Parents Should NOT DO (cont) —— DON’T

🔹 continue un-winnable FIGHTS
Knowing how to “pick your battles” is true when dealing with kids & especially with a strong willed one.  Never stoop to the child’s level when getting into a struggle over some issue. You may think you’re setting a boundary in a push-pull, but always trying to win will just make them more stubborn

Children need to challenge authority, even seeming ‘defiant’ as a way to assert their identity & establish boundaries.  So decide in the moment  “How important is it” vs. is your ego getting in the way, or are you clear about what’s best for the child. Then you can choose to not argue over whatever they’re insisting on if it’s not crucial – or else insist that you know best & are not willing to fight back.

🔹 fail to Bond
One of the biggest reasons children act out is a lack of attention or only getting negative attention. This is very abandoning. They need meaningful, uninterrupted time with their parents.  Spend at least 20 minutes a day doing something with them that they love -without distractions, commands, or corrections. This strengthens your connection & reduces unwanted reactions.

🔹 fail to Supervise
Giving kids independence is important, but they still need structure and guidance. Knowing where they are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing provides security and teaches accountability. While children may resist supervision, deep down, they feel more secure knowing their parents care.

🔹 focus only on what they’re Doing WRONG
Constant criticism without balancing it with praise erodes the child’s confidence & destroys self-motivation. They’re left with a “Why bother” attitude about everything, OR chasing Perfection-ism, trying to ‘get it right’.  Start my making it a habit to acknowledge & celebrate their positive action & expressions – before pointing out ignorance , mistakes, or their unique way of doing things. Kids who feel appreciated will develop self-confidence & be able to enjoy life.

🔹 ignore their BRAIN
Parents often treat their kids like little adults, which is not realistic. Their brain is still developing, & parents play a crucial role in shaping its – for good or for ill.  Teaching kids how daily habits intensely affect their brain can set them up for long-term success. Make their brain health a priority by modeling good habits & having open conversations about making smart choices. (Impact of Trauma on the Brain – UK study)

🔹ignore POSITIVE conduct
Children consistently need encouraging feedback. In general, they don’t know appropriate from wrong until it’s pointed out, & won’t know if they’re doing a great job on a task. Pointing out whenever they do well will develop fearlessness in them, & eventually they’ll be able to do great without needing constant guidance & applause.

Also, don’t automatically assume that lack of knowledge means they’re irresponsible. They have to be taught the consequences of their actions so they’ll know what to expect in life & evaluate situations objectively. Also let them know that other people may not be as patient with them as you are, so expect a harder time from non-family when they ‘mess up’. 

🔹 make your child the CENTER of your world
Yes, infants should be the focal point of a parent’s reality. But as they grow, it becomes progressively crucial to give opportunities to develop as individual (not you!).  Otherwise you’re using them for your selfish benefit.  And ff you constantly drop everything to cater to their needs & whims, they will wind up depending on you for everything.  ❣️ Make sure you have a life outside of them. It’s imperative you give them room to develop into grown-ups who are more able to handle life’s challenges

🔹 model UNHEALTHY behavior
Kids are sponges – they imitate what they see more than what they hear, picking up on everything from mannerisms to problem-solving,  If parents make poor choices, children will likely adopt the same habits. Being the example you want them to follow creates opportunities to pass on wisdom & mold your kids into well-adjusted citizens.

NEXT : What Parents Should NOT DO (#3)