NEEDS – from Being HUMAN (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: Synopsis of Family RULES

SITE:  6 Human Needs Test (see chart below)

POSTS: How to use Diagram ⬆️  // Definitions – review 

3 Categories of NEEDS (Ns) : Human, Personality, Damage
Each must be considered in terms of PMES – physical, mental, emotional & spiritual. Everyone is born with the first 2, & all who come from dysfunctional backgrounds (alcoholic, narcissistic…. ) have all 3rd – to varying degrees.

Many ACoAs are only aware of #3 – if at all, AND mistakenly assume “It’s just the way I am” – but is actually the “False Self” coming from early abuse & neglect.
💗 The goal of Recovery is to uncover & honor the first 2, & work on healing the third.


If our basic needs are fulfilled, we feel good.
We experience pleasurable emotions such as joy, contentment & healthy pride. Although we all have the same ones, specific needs are more important to some than to others (knowledge, beauty, safety….). Also, which strategies will best satisfy them depend on our experiences, personality, & the amount & quality of information we have about ourselves & the world. (school, self-study, apprenticeship….)

Naturally, no one can constantly or totally fulfill all their needs. Even a healthy person who experiences a severe disruption in life can get temporarily thrown, but with time & help will return to their previous equilibrium. Being able to deal with problems & shocks can be a positive – to develop trust in themselves & their ability to handle challenges.

However, if basic needs regularly go unmet – especially in childhood, as with many of us ACoAs – we end up with constant anxiety, depression & self-hate.
But since it’s not possible for human needs to dissolve & disappear, they accumulate & stay with us in exaggerated form, controlling our behavior in negative ways. (See Part 3 – “Damage Needs“).

IN GENERAL: Human needs drive our behavior. THINK OF :
✦ Needs as motives, means that all actions can be understood as being formed by the quest to satisfy or actualize our needs
✦ Needs as societal requirements – for flourishing & experiencing a good life. They indicate what’s necessary to avoid serious harm, & to participate in our society, whether or not others push us to act
✦ Needs as requirements to achieve a certain outcome (goals) like self accomplishments, self-fulfillment, happiness (More….)

Primary : based on biological demands (oxygen, food, water….)
(see Maslow Pyramid of Needs )

Secondary : generally psychological, such as the need for nurturing, independence & achievement. While they may not be required for basic survival, they’re essential for well-being

Basic, normal needs apply to everyone = male / female, young / old, all nationalities & religions  (List of MANY MORE….needs)

= = = = =
This group is what’s called the “Natural Self” – your specific needs, springing primarily from the type of person you were born as, although everyone is some combination of qualities – in differing proportions. What we’re looking for here are long-term patterns – the predominant interests & talents of your whole life, starting in childhood. (Use Our Time line Inventory)

They can be needs expressed at interests & talents which showed up early on, but may have been suppressed & ignored because of discouragement or trauma.
OR they can be tendencies we’ve always been aware of but only partially realized. Specific personality needs also can be seen in gender differences – how males vs female brains function.

Carol Dweck, a Stamford psychologist, coined the acronym “BEATs” = Beliefs, & the Emotions + Action-Tendencies stored with them. They’re made up of experiences accumulated in trying to meet all needs, expressed by our individual personality, invisible & visible. (⬅️CHART)

She identified 3 basic psychological Ns :
— to predict our world
— for acceptance from others
— to build competence to function in the world.

“Infants arrive highly prepared to meet these needs — they are brilliant, voracious learners, on the lookout for need-relevant information. As they go about trying to do this, they start building beliefs about their world & their role in it: Is the world good or bad, safe or dangerous? Can I act on my world to meet my needs (do I have an effect?)   (More….)

NEXT: Personality needs CONT.

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