SELF ESTEEM ALLOWS ME
to think well of myself – realistically
PREVIOUS: ARROGANCE (Part 2)
SITE: “The key to Dignified Humility: Admitting you’re Wrong”
QUOTEs: “True humility is strength, not weakness. It disarms antagonism & ultimately conquers it.” ~Meher Baba
“To be truly great one has to stand with people, not above them” ~ Charles de Montesquieu, French politician & philosopher
DEF: HUMILITY (H), from the Latin ‘humilitas’ = ‘low, from the earth, grounded’
• To not think oneself better than others (but never self-deprecating!)
• Recognize & accept our limitations based on an accurate estimate of our value & abilities.
Opposite of grandiosity, narcissism, hubris, & other forms of negative pride
NOT H: IF Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt were to say that he’s not a speedy guy, it would either be a joke, false humility or S-H, since he truly IS the speediest of all his peers!
YES H: What he DID say was that – his accomplishments need to be placed in the context of Jamaican track-and-field emphasis & excellence, which reflect those who have helped him !
HUMILITY (H), sometimes called “modesty”, is most often talked & written about in religious terms. The great religions espouse it, spiritual teachers encourage it, preachers & (some) parents try to instill it.
➼ However, here we mainly want to consider what it means as a social & psychological character trait.
• But even without a religious context, H can still take on a moral and/or ethical dimension. It’s the ability to acknowledge that we have problems, faults, pains, make mistakes, act in ways that we don’t want to, say or think things we know are not positive….
Humility is acknowledging / accepting how we actually are, right now.
Oscar Ichazo, in ‘The Enneagram of Personality’, gives a good clue to the meaning of H – a true virtue:
“It is accepting the limits of the body’s capacities.
The mind holds unreal beliefs about its own powers, but the body knows exactly what it can & cannot do.
Humility – in the broadest sense – is the knowledge of our true place in the cosmic scale.”
Appropriate H (not martyrdom, S-H or victimhood (↖️see chart) is firmly rooted in self-esteem, an inner security that comes from permission to be oneself, & the willingness to provide for one’s own needs & wants.
That way we don’t have to depend on what others think of us to be OK.
H people are clear that, while they definitely know they have personal worth, they have perspective, understanding that each of us is a very small cog in a very large universe.
➼ With this broad & realistic view, the truly humble person cannot be humiliated.
NOTE: To develop H —
✥ children must form a secure attachment, starting in infancy, BY receiving consistent & loving parenting, firm guidance & realistic role-modeling.
✥ As adults – a most important aspect of H is the realization that our lives & concerns are valuable, but no more important than anyone else’s.
💟 These 2 TRUTHS are the opposite of our ACoA ‘education’!
Any extreme is unhealthy:
• Too much Pride & we act superior, untouchable
• Too much H, & we’ll let every one walk on us
• Healthy Pride is empowering
• Healthy H means we don’t need to do impression-management
• LaBouff & Assoc. ran 3 H studies (2012) with college students, which showed that humble people are more helpful than those who are less so.
Students who reported valuing humility were willing to help another student, even without much external pressure.
Additional studies echo this conclusion – humility is a consistent predictor of generosity, making a H person a more valuable member of society = Other people matter too, & we can matter more to others if we ‘matter less’ to ourself (self-centered ARR).
• H has been linked with better academic & job performance. Correlated with the need for Achievement (nA), it helps advance one’s fortune in the world, & is excellent for leadership.
• Humble people have better social relationships: because they’re more cooperative, compassionate, flexible, forgiving, grateful, open, admit mistakes & avoid deception
• Exline & Hill showed that H people accept their limitations, are well-adjusted, kind, self-aware, & intelligent – without needing to be all-knowing.
They ALSO value the welfare of others, & are able to ‘forget themself’ when appropriate or necessary.
NEXT: Humility (Part 2)