I HATE TAKING MY INVENTORY
it makes me feel hopeless

PREVIOUS: Enneagram ‘Defects’ (Part 2)

QUOTE: “ People are wonderful; people are difficult. The Enneagram helps us make sense of both” ~ Peter O’Hanrahan

EACH TYPE develops their own way of coping with life’s stressors, but not always helpful.  This chart shows how how each type’s WIC reacts to the lack of positive nurturing.
w = each Type has 2 wings – additional modifying characteristics – one number on either side, with one as a preference

 

TYPE 1 – The REFORMER  (also 9w1 & 2w1, somewhat)
FEAR: of being corrupt & “not good,” so they refuse to recognize their mistakes, & take even mild suggestions as criticism
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be perfect”

WEAKNESS : Get frustrated & angry when things or others don’t meet their high standards. Insist on being correct at the expense of connecting with others. Al-Anon asks: “Do you want to be right, or be happy?”

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: ‘Reaction Formation’ – an opposite or unrelated reaction to an authentic feeling – to avoid direct anger, & maintain the self-image of always being right

HIDE from others that  “I’m not as perfect as I appear to be.”
Anger & frustration in part comes from 1s being resentful for having flaws. They’re convinced that if they’re seen as less than perfect they’ll lose their position of the moral authority & arbiter of logic

PROJECTION: Since 1s avoid their own anger & flaws, they project those onto others – who they see as critical & angry towards themselves.  In general, the world is considered careless, flawed, frivolous, imperfect, messy & wrong. They must clean it up, straighten everyone out to get them back on the road to perfection (to feel ‘safe’)

MANIPULATE by: constantly correct others, playing on others’ sense of guilt & inadequacy, insist others share their standards
Create CONFLICT by: being opinionated, critical /self-critical, impatient, irritable, judgmental, rigid, perfectionistic, sarcastic

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TYPE 2  – The HELPER  (also 1w2 & 3w2, somewhat)
FEAR: of being unloved & unappreciated, so they play favorites, judging some people more worthy of their attention than others
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be connected”

WEAKNESS : Poor boundaries, helping others instead of self-care. Insist on exclusivity & ever more nearness

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: ‘Repression’ of personal needs & feelings to avoid looking needy (which they are), to maintain a self-image of being all-loving, & gain approval 

HIDE from others: “I’m not as caring as I appear to be.”
Pride prevents 2s from showing their needs, so they try to get them met indirectly, secretly. Believe that by being constantly helpful, others will automatically reciprocate – as if their good deeds are vouchers to be cashed in later. But others don’t know that’s the deal & so keep disappointing the 2

PROJECTION: Since 2s avoid their own needs, they project that out onto others, who are seen as cold, critical, heartless, indifferent, mean, prickly, selfish, withholding AND needing help.
So 2s think it’s their job to identify & empathize with the needs of others, then fit them, to make themselves indispensable

MANIPULATE by: mind-read what they think others need or want, & then provide it, un-asked
Create CONFLICT by: being clingy, flattering, ingratiating, insincere, people-pleasing, possessive, seductive, self-important, self-deceptive, worried

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TYPE 3  – The ACHIEVER  (also 2w3 & 4w3, somewhat)
FEAR: of being worthless & unappreciated, so they create a too-good-to-be-true image & push to achieve, at any cost
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be outstanding”

WEAKNESS : Believe they must present an image of success, rather than express who they really are. Insist on career & social status over people

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: ‘Identification’ – to avoid failure & keep a self-image of flourishing, ignoring their True Self 

HIDE from others: “I’m not as together as I appear to be.”
Self-deception causes 3s wear a ‘I have it all together’ mask, as anything less would not meet their need to shine. They can’t face the possibility that others might see them as a failure or incompetent

PROJECTION: 3s avoid failure & inefficiency, which are projected onto others, who are seen as being aimless, the source of all failures-inefficiency-ineptness, in danger of entropy, limited, losers, wall flowers, AND in need of assistance & guidance from the 3

MANIPULATE by: charming others, taking on / adapting to whatever image will work to keep up appearances
Create CONFLICT by: being “appropriate” instead of sincere, boastful, competitive, grandiose, overly-driven, self-promoting, taking advantage

NEXT: Type Defects (Part 3b)