PREVIOUS: Personality TRAITS (#3a)

SITE: “Personality and Alcoholism: Establishing the Link” ~ Stanton Peele (author of “Love & Addiction” highly recommended)

🏴 REMINDER: NO ONE has ALL these characteristics!
Notice a few that fit your ‘favorite’ addict so you know what you’re dealing with. IF yours – only work on your own healing

PERSONALITY TRAITS  (cont.)  ‘Character Defects’
2. Mental // 3. Emotional

4. VERBAL
• Argumentative : Always looking to start a verbal tussle, even when they actually agree with the other’s point of view – feel the need to fight against it
• Denial : Flatly rejecting that there is any problem at all, often insisting they can stop drinking whenever they want (but don’t)
• Combative. Always feel disrespected (bumped in the subway, not being greeted….) as an excuse to be angry, or to pick a fight

• Compulsive Liar : Lie as a habit, even when not necessary, or to cover their tracks – having lost conscious contact with The Truth.  EXP:  Directly falsify details about where they were, who they were with, or how much money was spent on alcohol
• Complaining. Highly critical of others & Self, often their own worst enemy. Whiny. Nothing is ever good enough or pleasant enough

• Double-messaging. Cause great confusion or paralysis in others by giving opposing info or expectations – as if both are true, (love you / hate you) OR demand that 2 incompatible rules both be obeyed
• Guilt-Tripping: Turning an argument back onto the concerned loved one by accusing them of being overly critical, paranoid, or controlling (“You’re always nagging me”)
• Minimizing: Downplaying the amount or frequency of alcohol consumed (“I only had a couple”)
• Vague or Circular “Reasoning” : Talking in confusing circles, never getting to the point, or changing subjects to derail a serious conversation about their behavior

5.  PSYCHOLOGICAL
• Boundary-less. Don’t know how / when / where to set limits, for themself & their behavior. Allow others to invade their rights, physical space & interfere with their relationships
• Chameleon. Easily change attitude & actions to match other people & their environment, blend right in, but not be their ‘real Self’
• Co-dependent. Using others to identify how they should think, feel & act. Deeply affected by other people’s emotions, reactions,  difficulties…. as well as any negative &/or toxic social influences not actually about their life (news, media info…)

• Defensive. Very guarded & protective of internal world, constant justifying or excusing their thoughts & feelings
• Dependent. Needy, staying in childish mode. Expecting others to do for them what they can, but won’t do for themself
• Disconnected. Unaware of what they’re feeling emotionally, to the point of dissociation
• Distracted. In constant escape-mode. Use Alcohol/drugs, sex, social-media, over-sleeping…. to numb past & current painful life experiences

• Fear of Failure & Success. Stay stuck (work, home….). Feel like they ‘can’t win for loosing’, by obeying Toxic Family Rules & their Toxic Role
• Impatient. Can’t wait for things to unfold naturally, insist on getting attention, belief that waiting always means NO
• Impulsive. Often acts before really thinking through consequences to self, others or the situation
• Irresponsible. Undependable, rarely /never follows thru, arbitrarily changes plans, regularly breaks promises
• Low Frustration tolerance. Easily upset & knocked off balance
• Narcissistic. Everything is about themself, only their point of view & needs are valid. Use other as a source of energy & ego boosting
• Passive. Unwilling to exert themself to change a bad situation, to have a genuine opinion, to stand up for themself .….
• Passive-aggressive. Can’t show anger directly, so puts on a smile, but withholds, refuses to participate….  or secretly, indirectly does harm to whoever they’re angry at
• Perfectionist. Believe there’s only one ‘Right Way’. If they can’t do something perfectly, it’s worthless, so why try – causing procrastination & paralysis

• Separate. Never feel part of or belong anywhere – even in ‘similar’
groups (meeting, church…. ‘Different, not like the rest’ (negatively special)
• Superiority complex. The attitude / belief (not emotion) that  they’re better than / know more / feel deeper / more worthy…. than most others, maybe except their “soul mate”
•  Self-Hating. Deep down inside, blame themself for everything that’s gone wrong or that hurts them.  Nothing is never ‘good enough’ about themself, especially having needs

•👿 Secretly Suicidal – Chronic alcohol &/or drug use is “slow death”. May include self-haring (cutting) or actively tried suicide (unsuccessful?). It can also be choosing vey abusive partners & dangerous locations who can do it for them.

NEXT: Alcoholism – Personality, (#3c)