PREVIOUS: Personality TRAITS (#3a)

SITE: “Personality and Alcoholism: Establishing the Link” ~ Stanton Peele (author of “Love & Addiction” highly recommended)

🏴 REMINDER: NO ONE has ALL these characteristics!
Pick out several that fit your ‘favorite’ addict (or yourself ??), the ones that really stand out, that are over-blown, that keep getting in the way of a success, happy life.

PERSONALITY TRAITS  (cont.)
.Underlying the addiction are what 12-Step programs call ‘character defects’, which contribute to the desire to escape .

2. Mental // 3. Emotional

4. VERBAL
• Argumentative : Always looking to start a verbal tussle, & even when they actually agree with the other’s point of view, feel the need to fight against it
• Denial : Flatly rejecting that there is any problem at all, often insisting they can stop whenever they want.
• Combative. Always feel disrespected (bumped in the subway, not being greeted….) as an excuse to be angry, or pick a fight
• Compulsive Liar : Lie when not necessary – lost conscious contact with The Truth.  EXP:  Directly falsify details about where they were, who they were with, or how much money was spent on alcohol.

• Complaining. Highly critical of others & Self, often their own worst enemy. Whiny.
• Double-messaging. Cause great confusion or paralysis in others by giving opposing info or expectations – as if both are true, (love you / hate you) OR demand that 2 incompatible rules both be obeyed
• Guilt-Tripping: Turning an argument back onto the concerned loved one by accusing them of being overly critical, paranoid, or controlling (“You’re always nagging me”
• Minimizing: Downplaying the amount or frequency of alcohol consumed (e.g., “I only had a couple”).
• Vague or Circular “Reasoning” : Speaking in confusing circles or changing subjects to derail a serious conversation about their behavior

5.  PSYCHOLOGICAL
• Boundary-less. Don’t how when / where to set limits, with self or others
• Chameleon. Easily change attitude & actions to match people & their environment, blend right in, but not ‘real Self’
• Co-dependent. Deeply affected by other people’s emotions, reactions,  difficulties…. & other social influences, mostly negative &/or toxic

• Defensive. Very guarded & protective of inner most thoughts & feelings
• Dependent. Needy. Expecting others to do for them what they can, but won’t do for themselves
• Disconnected. Unaware of what they’re feeling emotionally
• Distracted. In constant escape-mode. Use Alcohol/drugs, sex, social-media…. to numb painful life experiences, or fill up with “spirit”

• Fearful of Failure and Success. Stay stuck (work, home….). Feel like they ‘can’t win for loosing’
• Impatient. Can’t wait for things to unfold naturally, insist on getting attention
• Impulsive. Often acts before really thinking through consequences
• Irresponsible. Undependable, rarely /never follows thru, arbitrarily changes plans, regularly breaks promises
• Low Frustration tolerance. Easily upset & knocked off
 balance
• Narcissistic. Everything is about the addict, only their point of view & needs are valid
• Passive. Unwilling to exert themself, have an opinion, participate….]
• Passive-aggressive. Can’t show anger directly, so puts on a smile, but withholds, refuses to participate….  or secretly, indirectly does harm
• Perfectionist. Their’s is the only ‘Right Way’. If they can’t do something perfectly, it’s worthless – causing procrastination & paralysis

• Separate. Never feel part of or belong anywhere – even in ‘similar’ groups. ‘Different, not like the rest’ (negatively special)
• Superiority complex. The attitude / belief (not emotion) of seeing oneself as better than others
•  Self-Hating. Deep down inside, blame themself for everything that’s gone wrong or that hurts them.  Nothing is never ‘good enough’
• Uncomfortable in their skin. Don’t know ‘who I am”, or ‘how’ to sit, stand, walk… Restless, irritable, discontent. Life is a painful, unpleasant journey

NEXT: Alcoholism – Personality, (#3c)