PREVIOUS: Type Defects, #1
SELF-AWARENESS: Deep & honest introspection provide AHA! moments, to see the truth about our unhealthy side. We can think back to what we were like in our teens & 20s, when our reactive style was in full bloom.
What was our overall behavior & attitude toward people-places-things? AND – is it how we still deal with life now? Richard Rohr says a rule of thumb is: “Whoever is not humiliated has not yet found his or her ‘number’!”
😓 “FATAL FLAW”
It’s important to make a distinction between each Type’s perceived Fatal Flaw & the very real acting-out of damage, via ones Passion/Vice. Everyone wants to see themselves & be seen by others in a certain light. To hold onto our idealized self-image & keep it up in public, we have to completely deny admitting the thing we’re most afraid we are or might be. It’s the specific weakness that would bring us the greatest S-H if revealed – the real OR imagined flaw we take great pains to conceal, sometimes even from ourselves
⚠️ This ‘flaw’ generates a painful emotion specific to the Enneagram’s 3 sub-divisions: 2, 3, 4s feel Shame / 5, 6, 7s feel Fear / 8, 9, 1s feel Anger (more later).
Also, each Type has a ‘Core Emotion’ (from the 7 Deadly Sins + 2) :
Type #1 = Anger🦯 #2 = Pride 🦯 #4 = Envy 🦯 #5 = Greed 🦯 #7 = Gluttony,
#8 = Lust 🦯 #9 = Sloth 🦯 + Type #6 = Fear & #3 = Deceit
Denying our limitations, we often gravitate to people & things not in our best interest or that are outright dangerous. Each type tries hard to avoid experiencing :
🔓 2 Insignificance — 3 Failure — 4 Ordinariness
🔓 5 Ignorance — 6 Irresponsibility — 7 Emptiness
🔓 8 Weakness — 9 Hostility — 1 Unworthiness
IRONICALLY, none are real defects! They only seem so to the person, while other types will not consider it such a bad thing, & may even find it laughable. All are various expression of being human – realistic limitation common to all. Only the grandiose IDEAL of each type sees it as a personal weakness!
PROJECTING our Passion/Vice
Because the Gift-turned-Vice makes us see the world through partial & distorted information lenses, each protective style also creates a projection – causing the person to use their own defense against others.
The saying: “If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything is a nail” implies that we must not use just 1 way of responding to all situations, & that some things are injured by being pounded on, such as delicate emotions.
❖ It’s not OK to: ✦ talk away someone’s emotions (5) ✦ try to make others be perfect (1) ✦ control everything around us (8) ✦ tell a sad or angry person to lighten up (7)….
❖ A healthy #2 is naturally loving & helpful but not intrusive, but
— a wounded #2 is co-dependent, clingy, manipulative, overly-solicitous, 2-faced…. all in the name of being ‘nice’ & not wanting to hurt others.
Ennea-ILLUSIONS (Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD)
2s – being so focused & intent on others means they themselves actually can do no wrong
3s – doing what they think they want is usually what they think they should want
4s – being so ‘in touch with feelings’ & pondering them with such continual intensity means they’re real (Not)
5s – they don’t know or experience their feeling states (but are actually pure)
6s – by focusing on serious issues & bearing down on a problem with great intensity, confronting it will somehow get it solved or resolved (Not)
7s – they’re forever forced to live with a deep hole inside (but it is ALL inside)
8s – they don’t dare let their guard down, or something terrible will happen to them or their loved ones
9s – they’re being consistently kind & nice eliminates all their hidden anger
1s – being so completely self-controlled will give them the satisfaction & joy they want as a reward for being soooo good (Not)
NOTE – Do not be ashamed of your inherent protective style – a necessary part of our psychological makeup. The problem comes from overuse & then rigid adherence.
Once we own it, we can work on healing original wounds, so the defense is progressively less needed – & turned back into the GIFT it was meant to be! Your Type provides parallel discoveries of hidden & rejected positive qualities.
NEXT: Enneagram ‘Defects’ Part 3