Enneagram COMMUNICATION STYLES (Types 8,9)

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Ennea-type 8’s style is commanding & authoritative, often experienced as confrontational or overly assertive. Their talk style is just to say – how things are – & who should be doing what.
Also, they tends to be loud. They have something to say, they know it, & don’t care who hears.
They’re the one in the restaurant who says inappropriate or inflammatory things so loudly that they get looks from other diners.

When they speak, there’s a finality to it. The interesting thing is that it’s so sharp that it almost invites challenge, like they’re daring anyone to call BS. And if you do, you’re just as likely to earn their respect as to earn a loud tongue lashing.

If an 8 wants to initiate a breakup, it’s going to have that same finality. They don’t want their partner to try convincing them to stay. They’ve made up their mind. This is how it’s going to be. By the nature the 8, won’t have a lot of room for the partner’s vulnerability. they might say: “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We’re over.”

No mention of “I think” or “I feel” or “maybe.” Just that they don’t want it, so it’s done. And re. the setting for this conversation, it could be anywhere. Public, private, wedding, funeral. Whatever it is, it won’t be done in a whisper.

IN BIZ : Protector – 8s are good at taking charge of their environment, knowing how to mobilize to get things done. They make good leaders, & will stand up for the people & positions they care about.
CHALLENGE : to moderate forcefulness, become adaptable in different situations, & avoid creating unnecessary conflict.
Ennea-type 9’s style is epic saga or meandering. Not being urgent people, they like to see the big picture & take their time. They’re talented at seeing all elements, which is why they become the social mastermind of whatever group they’re in.

9s hate confrontation, so they’ve learned how to read between the lines. Since they’re very good at picking up on details, when they talk, it can be mostly all details. Going off on tangents can be very frustrating (especially tp 1s & 8s), who may react:  “Can we get back to what you were talking about before?” Or “What’s your point?”

The 9’s talk style is other-focused because that’s where their attention is. Their speech can express indecisiveness, by arguing both sides.  Always see all points of every argument, they have a hard time deciding which side they’re on. Especially since taking a side will lead to disagreement. (Oh no!)

If a 9 wants to initiate a breakup, wish them good luck. They’d rather self-erase than create a confrontation, it takes a LOT before they’re willing to push away from the person they’ve been closest to. Negative feelings have to pile up first – a lot, so in the mean time 9s can be very passive-aggressive, which will come out in the heat of a breakup.

A 9 wanting to initiate a break up will prefer to make themselves very useless. Speaking unpleasant truth in any situation is painful for them. So if they hated something another person did (writing a book), they may say :  “I’m just so impressed you had the discipline to sit & write a whole book. I heard so much of you in those pages, & it was really nice to spend a lot of time in your world.”

Not the most constructive feedback, but entirely ‘nice’. To be direst, a 9 would have to either be at a very healthy level, or lean heavily to their Eight or One wing to get the job done.

IN BIZ : The Mediator – 9s are steady & balanced in their approach to work and relationships. They’re able to bring people together in a spirit of cooperation & harmony.  CHALLENGE : to stay focused on the priorities & to stick up for their own position, even if its uncomfortable.


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