PREVIOUS: Adult Play Benefits – #2
IRONIC & Humorous article : “How to Lie – 14 ways”
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
QUOTEs: “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” —▪︎ “Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.” —
Everyone lies, sometimes, in varying degrees – even knowing that it causes problems. This universal reaction is tied to self-esteem. People want to look good to themselves & to others. The higher the threat to ones self-image, the bigger the lies.
Many animals engage in deception, deliberately misleading another, but only humans are wired to deceive both themselves & others. Lying to oneself (denial), mostly unconscious, is used by anyone who believes they can’t bear to acknowledge (not accept) what they truly know about themselves or their loved ones
• to cover one’s butt when they’ve done something wrong & don’t have the courage to admit it
• to make themselves feel smarter & superior to everyone – a way to have the power to fool, or to make fools of others, who they disrespect for swallowing the lies
• to cover feeling inferior, because they believe others won’t accept them for who they are, so they “enhance / embellish / exaggerate” their accomplishments…. in conversation, on resumes, dating sites….
SOMETIMES lying is necessary, IF —
• is saves you from more abuse (as a child / or by spouse)
• your reputation, your rights or your life are in danger
• it could save your job, your home, your community
• it protects your family from harm by another
• it’s the only way to protect your privacy
This is not an endorsement of lying, only acknowledging certain realities
• Pathological -grossly abnormal- liars (PLs) suffer from habitual dishonesty they can’t seem to control, which can be part of other ailments such as Manic-depression, Paranoia, Conduct Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder…… and can be a reaction to childhood incest, torture, constant beatings……They’ve created a fantasy world that’s ‘better’, so they may actually believe their own lies, not consciously realizing what they’re saying is mostly fiction. It’s a persistent & pervasive compulsion, motivated by survival rather than some kind of reward or other external factors (social pressure, family obligation, loss of job…)
PLs show less gray matter, associated with the controls needed for moral behavior (less inhibiting factors) & more white matter, which is possibly associated with increased brain activity (more lying). (More…. )
• Some PLs may be Sociopaths – people who lie incessantly to get their way, are goal-oriented (lying is focused on self-gratification), having no regard or respect for the rights & feelings of others. They are often charming & charismatic, using their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways, & have no remorse for their illegal or immoral activities
NEXT: Why ACoAs Lie (Part 2)