I’M SAFE IN MY IVORY TOWER – so you can’t touch me

PREVIOUS: DISTRACTER Role

3. COMPUTERS (C) – a Twisted form of Intellect
STYLE: About 15% of the population uses this defense
✶ At first glance they may seem poised & self-assured, but do not mistake them for someone who is centered, grounded & calm. If they were, they would radiate presence, warmth, & compassion. Instead, Computers make others feel cold & alone – put off, not understood
THEY :
• are detached, like a machine, talk in a monotone or a dry delivery
• are always thinking, evaluating, holding back, reserved, self-protective
• always very correct, very reasonable, very logical & in control – called Mr Cool or StarTrek’s Mr Spock by NPL-ers
• can sound like a dictionary, need to use the ‘right’ words as buffers to hide inner feelings
THEY :
• continually stay in teaching mode OR withdrawn in contemplation
• deflect any personal responsibility, always dissociated from what’s going on around them
• deny the value of everything except ‘facts’ & logical decisions
• focus on & prefer context, removing the human element
THEY :
• generalize, omit/ delete parts of a thought, use long abstract words, speak in the 3rd person (“Someone needs to do it”)….. especially when questioned or confronted
• never let anyone know what they think or are up to, never commit to a definite position, afraid to make a mistake or not knowing something
• often make value judgments without indicating whose opinion it is, implying that = naturally everyone would agree

Unfortunately considered an ideal for men, discouraged from  experiencing & expressing feelings, so Computers work hard to appear super-cool on the outside, even when churning like mad on the inside.
Good for accountants & bureaucrats.

Energetic Description (from Dr.MJ Bulbrook)
• block out others & the context they’re in by creating rigid boundaries.  Undeveloped & with energy holes. Cold Spiritually
• Potential harm to receiver: the shielding energy of the Computer is so strong it’s likely impossible to have an even exchange. Another’s opinion is not heard, or is over-ridden without considering the input

Statements: “I am ultra-reasonable, calm, cool & collected. I have all the answers ,  Rational thinking is superior to emotion , Say the right words, with no feeling, don’t react , Perhaps we should take a moment to step back & review the situation”

Stance: Use auditory digital cues (analytical, disconnected language)
• body square on or maybe tilted back a little, resting on rear leg
• can take on characteristics of other Roles
• experience tension in neck & shoulders
• head level, eyebrows slightly pulled in, arms crossed under chin to prop head up (like the‘Thinker’)
• physically separating themselves from any issue
• sit rigidly, not moving a muscle – pushing away feelings & people
• talk to themselves, learn things by making ‘sense’ of them

Gain Power: by pretending to know it all & making the audience seem dumb.  Similar to Blamers, since they both stress their superiority over others
Aim: to be seen as strong (hide feeling weak) AND provoke envy so others will ally with them

Reacting to a Computer: (via NLP) if you use a Blamer or Placating stance, they will switch to Blamer or Placater – the reverse of your strategy. Then you can recalibrate. The Distracter stance usually makes them worse

Reality: Computer types feel exposed when showing emotions, maybe because they have a hard time controlling their Es. They were probably shamed, blamed or emotionally overwhelmed as kids for having feelings
• When stressed, Computers desperately try to feel secure by intellectualizing everything, to stop from falling apart in case a real emotion ever broke through

Negative: • assumed to be cold-hearted & insensitive
• bore people to numbness by pontificating & using abstract
language or cliches
• can’t connect emotionally in any relationships
• can’t give love or provide the other’s legitimate needs – causing many problems & ending up isolated
• male Computers frustrate any attempts women make to communication feelings, & just can’t understand why “she’s getting so upset when I’m being so reasonable!”

Positive: A good person to go to when needing specific, detailed info on an topic (research, medical, school work, travel…), anything not emotion-related.

NEXT: ‘Controlling’ & Abandonment