Our Wounded INNER CHILD (Part 2)


OW>OW<OW 

EVERYONE’S HURTING ME!
Ow, Ow, Ow!

PREVIOUS: OUR WIC (Part 1) Raising ourselves

POSTS: The Introject /  Negative Benefit

 

WHO IS this INNER CHILD ?
Our Adapted Child
(which everyone has) became our WIC by absorbing the Toxic Rules of our family, and is now determined to keep acting out the patterns we learned in our family & society (Repetition Compulsion), no matter how sick or self-destructive, by either being:

Compliers – who are the good obedient adult-children, (over-responsible / people-pleasing) who are desperately trying to earn the family’s love they never got, who suffer a variety of stress-related illnesses from suppressing their own needs & emotions  (ACoA website)

Rebellers – those who feel compelled to follow their terrible training, but hate it & desperately try to resist. They are oppositional (always say NO, even when they want to say YES) in a futile attempt at disobeying the Toxic Rules & having some personal boundaries. But they do it in such self-defeating & self-destructive ways that end up causing even more harm!

Wounded Inner Child’s (WIC) in charge
We never learned from our family INTERNALLY to be a Healthy Adult or Loving Parent (The UNIT) to ourselves – our role models being mainly other people’s PP and WIC! So when CoAs become adults, our Wounded Inner Child, in symbiotic slavery to the Bad inner Parents, is still the main persona running our life, in the form of the False Self.
It has kept us alive so far – but not well. Since it has no better inner guide to rely on, it is not going to let go just because we ask it to!

The WIC in charge:
• is stubbornly loyal to the family, even if it kills us
• has learned to trust no one, even people who seem OK
• doesn’t really know what it’s doing, because it’s always faking it
• is in endless terror, (consciously or not) accumulated from birth – on
• is wrapped in self-hate & shame, smothering the Natural Child
✶ AND – is secretly very proud of it’s ability to survive the odds, which gives it a strong determination to keep the reins of power!
These are some of the reasons that Recovery is so long & difficult.

This cannot be stressed enough: Without family-of-origin Recovery (FoO work), the WIC ego state still dominates our life* in all forms of T.E.A., with the deadly combination of S-H & fierce loyalty to the Negative Introject (PP), via Cognitive Distortions.
This is true even though, for many of us, our various defense mechanisms layered on top of the original damage – make it seem as if we’re managing ok.
But no matter how externally successful, competent, accomplished, talented we may be – if our thinking & emotional reactions are coming from an old place – we are still not psychologically healthy or free.

✶ So it’s inevitable that much of the time we’re immature in how we respond to people, places & things (PPT)!  Below are a few of the ways.
Keep in mind:
As long as we don’t have a fully functioning Loving Parent, plus a stronger Healthy Adult, the real voice in charge of us is the PP. The easy way of telling is by listening to the way we talk to ourselves. The WIC, even in Rebel mode, is carryiScreen Shot 2016-06-11 at 9.45.08 PMng out the demands of the PP. So even when we’re defiant or the times we’re being oppositional, we’re still hooked into the family dynamic.

Without a Healthy Adult in charge:
• we don’t handle our lives properly
• we let other people’s WIC or PP mistreat us
• the healthy Natural Child doesn’t get to develop
& shine
• we can’t be the best we were born to Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 9.43.08 PMbe

Without a Loving Parent always available, the WIC:
• is at the mercy of our PP & the damage it causes us
• is run by its S-H & distorted thinking
• feels constantly scared & vulnerable
• is terribly lonely & desperate to be rescued

NEXT: Abandonment Pain, Now #1

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