Our Wounded INNER CHILD (Part 3)


PREVIOUS: Wounded IC #2

SITE: 6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child

 

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

 

Some T.E.A. ways our WIC runs the show
1. THOUGHTS (Ts)
S-H & believing what the PP voice is saying about us : thinking no one likes us, we’ll never get anywhere, we can’t get better…
• telling strangers too much personal info
• taking everything personally
• always apologizing
• devaluing anything we are, think or do
• not developing our knowledge base
• not thinking clearly (using C.D.s)
• awful-izing (always assuming the worst)
• not truthful, respectful, clear, direct – in our communicationsPP & WCI

2. EMOTIONS (Es)
• S-H (feeling bad about ourselves)
• being emotionally numb
• being too easily hurt
• idealizing anyone
• being paranoid in everyday situations
• raging at small or non-existent slights
• always feeling left out, unacceptable
• magical thinking, grandiosity
• not emotionally honest or open with loved ones
• being impatient with process
• having any sort of tantrum, break-down
• long-term depression, feeling suicidal, panic attacks, constant anxiety

3. ACTIONS (As)
• S-H prevents us from taking good care of ourselves
• having unprotected sex
• dating or marrying emotionally volatile &/or unavailable, actively addicted, physically dangerous people….
• doing anything dangerous (fun) with little or no training or preparation
• regularly being late
• not doing a good job at work
• staying too long in any inappropriate situation
• trying to ‘fix’ others
• making things harder than they have to be
• not getting help when we need it

To HEAL & GROW, the WIC has to turn over it’s executive Powers to the “UNIT” (H.A. & L.P.) in order to finally get taken care of – correctly.
But the only way the WIC will let go of its role as “Little Adult” is for us to prove the Adult Self is trustworthy, dependable & loving – by showing that we’re willing to take care of ourselves by being capable & consistent.

❧ With enough healing we can be relatively free of our addiction to the harmful patterns of Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 9.48.42 PMour upbringing, even tho it’s never going to be complete. Then we’ll have nothing to rebel against or slavishly copy. We can CHOOSE who we want to be & what we want to do!

AND – because genetics plays a part in our True Identity – along with our training – what we choose to be or do may in some ways be similar to our background BUT based on self-esteem, natural talents & fulfilling our human rights!
The KEY is to not obey the old bad rules even when we can still hear them.

HOW do we find out WHAT our damage is?
• Al-Anon & ACoA 12-Step meetings – daily on the phone & internet, in person where possible
• ACoA therapist (by phone or Skype, if necessary)
• learn the 2-handed IC dialogue writing
Start with Lucia Cappachione’s workbook“Recovery of your Inner Child

• do online visualizations, inner dialogues, read any of the John Bradshaw & other relevant books (HEAL & GROW website Book List)
• write down all self-hating thoughts, every day, until you can FEEL how wrong they are!
book-end with the IC before & after any activity you find uncomfortable. Also bookend good things you did, & sit with the discomfort

• list every Toxic Rule that applies to you & do as much inventory writing as you can – how was it expressed in your family? How do you act it out in your current life?
• whenever possible, talk to family & friends about what happened, but don’t push anyone who’s not ready or willing
• do family & your own time-line inventories

✶ STAY AWAKE for the emotional repercussions of your old behavior & choice of companions. If you’re always anxious before meeting them or when you’re together, & if it always leaves you feeling bad afterward – it’s time for a change!

NEXT: Abandonment pain, now #1

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