Wounded IC #2
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
Some T.E.A. ways our WIC runs the show
1. THOUGHTS (Ts)
• S-H & believing what the PP voice is saying about us : thinking no one likes us, we’ll never get anywhere, we can’t get better…
• always apologizing
• awful-izing (always assuming the worst)
• devaluing anything we are, think or do
• not developing our knowledge base
• not thinking clearly (using C.D.s)
• not truthful, respectful, clear, direct – in our communications
• taking everything personally
• telling strangers too much personal info
2. EMOTIONS (Es)
• S-H : feel bad about ourselves
• always feeling left out, unacceptable
• being emotionally numb
• being impatient with process
• being paranoid in everyday situations
• being too easily hurt
• having any sort of tantrum, break-down
• idealizing anyone
• long-term depression, feeling suicidal, panic attacks, constant anxiety
• magical thinking, grandiosity
• not emotionally honest or open with loved ones
• raging at small or non-existent slights
3. ACTIONS (As)
• S-H prevents us from taking good care of ourselves
• doing anything dangerous (fun) with little or no training or preparation
• having unprotected sex, jumping into bed too soon
• dating or marrying emotionally volatile &/or unavailable, actively addicted, physically dangerous people….
• making things harder than they have to be
• not doing a good job at work
• not getting help when we need it
• regularly being late
• staying too long in any inappropriate situation
• trying to ‘fix’ others
To HEAL & GROW, the WIC has to turn over it’s executive Powers to the “UNIT” (H.A. & L.P.) in order to finally get taken care of – correctly.
But the only way the WIC will let go of its role as “Little Adult” is for us to prove the Adult Self is trustworthy, dependable & loving – by showing that we’re willing to take care of ourselves by being capable & consistent.
❧ With enough healing we can be relatively free of our addiction to the harmful patterns of our upbringing, even tho it’s never going to be complete. Then we’ll have nothing to rebel against or slavishly copy. We can CHOOSE who we want to be & what we want to do!
AND – because genetics plays a part in our True Identity – along with our training – what we choose to be or do may in some ways be similar to our background BUT based on self-esteem, natural talents & fulfilling our human rights!
The KEY is to not obey the old bad rules even when we can still hear them.
HOW do we find out WHAT our damage is?
• Al-Anon & ACoA 12-Step meetings – daily on the phone & internet, in person where possible
• ACoA therapist (by phone Skype or Zoom, if distant)
• book-end with the IC before & after any activity you find uncomfortable. Also re. good things you did, & sit with discomfort
• do online visualizations, inner dialogues
• do family & your own time-line inventories
• read any of the John Bradshaw & other recovery books (HEAL & GROW website Book List)
• learn the 2-handed IC dialogue writing. Start with Lucia Cappachione’s workbook“Recovery of your Inner Child”
• list every Toxic Rule that applies to you & do as much inventory writing as you can – how was it expressed in your family? How do you act it out in your current life?
• whenever possible, talk to family & friends about what happened, but don’t push anyone who’s not ready or willing
• write down all self-hating thoughts, every day, until you can FEEL how wrong they are!
✶ STAY AWAKE for the emotional repercussions of your old behavior & choice of companions. If you’re always anxious before meeting them or when you’re together, & if it always leaves you feeling bad afterward – it’s time for a change!
NEXT: Abandonment pain, now #1