PREVIOUS: Wounded IC #2

SITE: 6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

Some T.E.A. ways our WIC runs the show
1. THOUGHTS (Ts)
• S-H & believing what the PP voice is saying about us : thinking no one likes us, we’ll never get anywhere, we can’t get better…
• telling strangers too much personal info
• taking everything personally
• always apologizing
• devaluing anything we are, think or do
• not developing our knowledge base
• not thinking clearly (using C.D.s)
• awful-izing (always assuming the worst)
• not truthful, respectful, clear, direct – in our communications

2. EMOTIONS (Es)
• S-H (feeling bad about ourselves)
• being emotionally numb
• being too easily hurt
• idealizing anyone
• being paranoid in everyday situations
• raging at small or non-existent slights
• always feeling left out, unacceptable
• magical thinking, grandiosity
• not emotionally honest or open with loved ones
• being impatient with process
• having any sort of tantrum, break-down
• long-term depression, feeling suicidal, panic attacks, constant anxiety

3. ACTIONS (As)
• S-H prevents us from taking good care of ourselves
• having unprotected sex
• dating or marrying emotionally volatile &/or unavailable, actively addicted, physically dangerous people….
• doing anything dangerous (fun) with little or no training or preparation
• regularly being late
• not doing a good job at work
• staying too long in any inappropriate situation
• trying to ‘fix’ others
• making things harder than they have to be
• not getting help when we need it

To HEAL & GROW, the WIC has to turn over it’s executive Powers to the “UNIT” (H.A. & L.P.) in order to finally get taken care of – correctly.
But the only way the WIC will let go of its role as “Little Adult” is for us to prove the Adult Self is trustworthy, dependable & loving – by showing that we’re willing to take care of ourselves by being capable & consistent.

❧ With enough healing we can be relatively free of our addiction to the harmful patterns of our upbringing, even tho it’s never going to be complete. Then we’ll have nothing to rebel against or slavishly copy. We can CHOOSE who we want to be & what we want to do!

AND – because genetics plays a part in our True Identity – along with our training – what we choose to be or do may in some ways be similar to our background BUT based on self-esteem, natural talents & fulfilling our human rights!
The KEY is to not obey the old bad rules even when we can still hear them.

HOW do we find out WHAT our damage is?
• Al-Anon & ACoA 12-Step meetings – daily on the phone & internet, in person where possible
• ACoA therapist (by phone or Skype, if necessary)
• learn the 2-handed IC dialogue writing
Start with Lucia Cappachione’s workbook“Recovery of your Inner Child”

• do online visualizations, inner dialogues, read any of the John Bradshaw & other relevant books (HEAL & GROW website Book List)
• write down all self-hating thoughts, every day, until you can FEEL how wrong they are!
• book-end with the IC before & after any activity you find uncomfortable. Also bookend good things you did, & sit with the discomfort

• list every Toxic Rule that applies to you & do as much inventory writing as you can – how was it expressed in your family? How do you act it out in your current life?
• whenever possible, talk to family & friends about what happened, but don’t push anyone who’s not ready or willing
• do family & your own time-line inventories

✶ STAY AWAKE for the emotional repercussions of your old behavior & choice of companions. If you’re always anxious before meeting them or when you’re together, & if it always leaves you feeling bad afterward – it’s time for a change!

NEXT: Abandonment pain, now #1