PREVIOUS: Level 1 needs

TRADITIONAL VERSION (cont)
Level 1. PHYSICAL Needs

Level 2. SAFETY
Security – physical & psychological needs which can never be ‘perfectly’ satisfied.
People constantly try to predict the future to help decide what to do next, or over the long term. If we predict the likelihood of coming to some harm, we’ll feel unsafe. The greater the potential danger – the greater the fear.
So Security Needs have to do with people’s yearning for a predictable & orderly world where their sense of unfairness & inconsistency are under control, the familiar frequent & the unfamiliar rare. This can translate into a desire for order, health & peace.

This level definitely applies to children, who are very vulnerable, & so have a legitimate need for security. When that’s not available, they can develop anxiety, & the drive to feel safe becomes a life-long desperate pursuit.
In the absence of physical protection, as in war, natural disasters, domestic abuse or trauma…. people can develop PTSD & addictions, & then pass it on to following generations. EXP: fear of abandonment (FoA) leads to people-pleasing, avoidant attachment or isolation….

However, when this level is adequately provided for in childhood, adults don’t usually think about it much, except in times of personal threat or social turmoil. But since a true feeing of security is rare in the world, responsible adults do find various ways to cover important personal & family protection needs.

Safety – This is the feeling we get from knowing no harm will come to us, physically, mentally or emotionally – to live without stress and worry. Fulfilling these needs can makes us feel assured that even if big problems happen, we’ll still be OK. Safety factors can include —

• Physical: health care, safety nets against accidents, illness & their debilitating effects – such as car & health insurance, burglar alarms….
Also – better quality food, vitamins, medicine, household products….
& being free from physical & sexual abuse
• Personal : general well-being – housing / property, a stable life-style, safe neighborhoods

• Psychological : external protection from prejudice, bullying, taunting, teasing …. and internally – eliminating all forms of cruel self-talk, negative projections & victimhood
• Emotional : being free of verbal abuse, emotional blackmail, threats of abandonment, silence as punishment……

• Social: protection for one’s family, being part of a community, law-&-order-morality, protection from criminals….
• Work / financial: job opportunities & job stability (often chosen over job satisfaction), saving accounts, pension / retirement plans….
• Spiritual: a close connection with Higher Power, trusting in the safety of faith in an unsure world

COMMENTS from HCCUA    (re. healthcare costs )
“Adults require the same basic needs fulfilled – as children – before the next level becomes a priority. Many people spend their entire lives looking for employment & financial resources, without ever having the desire to express themselves artistically or be recognized by their peers for social contributions.”

So things like art lessons may not be the best choice if one is struggling with money issues, lack of employment or the possibility of losing one’s home. And it’s unlikely that imagination, social contributions, inventions or other achievement will be their priorities (#4 & 5)

✦ The Pyramid hierarchy does not negate being able to enjoy some things from higher levels unless we have all of the elements below it in place, only that a sense of fulfillment won’t occur until that happens.

If someone is constantly chasing esteem & respect, chances are they’re not very concerned with morality & truth (#5), only about their own situation & needs. They might have some interest in those qualities, but their sense of fulfillment will come when the previous levels are sufficiently met – if at all –  such as being respected & admired.

By noticing where each member of the family is on Maslow’s Pyramid, parents can more easily address the needs of their children, & mates can help each other move to a higher level of personal fulfillment. Likewise, couples have to feels safe with each other before they can move into true intimacy & sexual fulfillment (#3 & 4).

NEXT: Maslow Level 3

PREVIOUS: Maslow’s Pyramid (Intro #2)

Original PYRAMID
Maslow started with 5 levels, but later in life added 3 others (future posts)

Level 1. PHYSICAL Needs
a. Homeostasis : required biological compounds that maintain internal, biological balance, such as appropriate concentrations of salt, sugar & water in the blood. If any one of these is ‘off’, we have an urge to eat foods that bring these levels back into balance

b. Non-homeostatic : essential for survival of the organism, such as eating, drinking, sleeping, breathing, sex, environments that allow for a constant body temperature, good working options……
If any one is missing or deprived, it will immediately get the highest priority

Both categories are deeply rooted in biology. So if someone is stripped of material possessions & psychological identity (as in jail or in war), physical needs will be the main push behind all actions, with a constant search for places to provide them

All basic needs have to be continually replenished throughout life. 🤑 EXP : At a large bike rally held near a Wal-Mart, employees noticed that when temperatures went above 88º, beer sales went down & water sales went up.

EXP: FOOD Pyramid
USDA’s original pyramid is outdated & has been replaced by Dr. Walter Willett et al, at the Harvard School of Public Heath. It’s explained in Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy, which gives the scientific basis for each of the Healthy Eating Pyramid’s building blocks, based on the best science available. It’s considered the right balance of 50% carbs, 15% protein & 25% fats, which can prevent some diseases & prolong life. (ALSO…)

🍎  😴  🔥 😛
♦ EXCEPTIONS – In real life, Maslow’s hierarchy doesn’t always follow his fixed order : 1,
a. Physiological & Safety needs are of the body (Level 1 & 2).
• Levels often combine out of order, so when resources are scarce, it’s possible to compensate by getting a higher level Need met instead.
EXP: If there’s not enough food, or living conditions are unsafe, “Love/ Belonging can help a great deal (#3 over 1 & 2) – as in Dolly Parton’s childhood, memorialized in “Coat of Many Colors”

b. Love/acceptance & Esteem are needs of the ego (#3 & 4).
Although Self-esteem first comes from being loved unconditional, later – it comes from succeeding at activities that are hard but doable.
Also, Esteem can pair with Safety – to be able to take risks, to fail, to look foolish…. (2 & 3)
In general, people tend to deal with food & safety needs appropriately. Re. food – we move toward things that satisfy hunger, or when very scared, we run away or fight. (FFF)

However, contrary to Levels 1 & 2, combined Love & Esteem needs (#3 & 4) can drive actions that make things worse.
– Those who get love become more lovable. But not enough  love will make people jealous, possessive, or otherwise undesirable, leading to more deprivation
– Those who succeed become more successful. But trying & failing at too many things or at one thing too often, makes people fearful & dejected, which lowers their performance, further undermining self-confidence, eroding success

Another difference between points a. & b. (body vs ego) is that, as adults, we can meet Levels 1 & 2 needs more or less on our own, but we look to others for Love & Esteem (#3 & 4) – yet chasing people down for those needs drives them away

And in some cases a need might be completely absent: “Some people who have been deprived of love in early childhood (Belonging) may experience the permanent loss of love needs”, leading to withdrawal & severe isolation.

c. Basic needs can combine with Transcendent, Spiritual soul needs:
Once each year Muslims celebrate the Holy month of Ramadan (#8 – added version), when they don’t eat or drink anything from dawn to dusk (#1) while still having to be productive in their daily lives.

🔥 ACoAs – We think / feel that we’re starving for love & approval (#3) – & we are! – but sadly, we carry a deep injunction against being loved – as if wanting it is a character defect.
And our WIC is convinced we can’t love anyone. NOT true, but for us, Safety (2) is more important than Love (3). So, many of us are stuck at #2, because our family denied & distorted somethings from each level, leaving us terrified – in deprivation mode. Recovery is about providing as much of #1 & 2 as we can, in order to Heal & Grow.

NEXT: Level 2

PREVIOUS: Maslow – Part 1

MISUNDERSTOOD – At the time, some psychologists considered this hierarchy to challenge other models as either superior – to be feared, resented, or boot-licked, & admired, OR inferior – to be scorned, humiliated & dominated (Maslow, 1943a, p. 402).
But it was not his intention for it to supersede or be superior – it was mainly to be used as a logical framework to understand human motivation.

T.E.A.: The Pyramid of Needs does not refer to intelligence levels or talent. Instead, it’s about the never-ending process in life of making our potential a reality – living to the fullest, without the limitations & toxic thinking we grew up with. It’s about learning to trust our own judgment (T) & our inner feelings (E), & to act accordingly (A).

Maslow identified the first 4 levels – physical, security, social & esteem – as deficiency needs (DN), which have to do with deprivation – basic things that must be attended to or provided. Satisfying them avoids unpleasant feelings &/or consequences.
The higher one deal with growth needs – later called BEING-needs (BN), which is not about a lack of something, but a desire to improve oneself. He made happiness & self-fulfillment (Level 5 – & much later ‘Trancendence’) a central part of his life’s work – convinced that following our personal instincts leads to more accurate decisions about what’s truly right for us as individuals.

As one grow / mature further up thru the stages, each need becomes less about survival, & more about emotional issues. We have the opportunity to trust ourself….. to trust that we’re safe now, so we can step outside our self-limiting ‘protective’ shell.

Idealistically, at first he believed that we all want to move up thru the Levels toward self-actualization – the highest achievement – an expression of the True Self. Eventually he understood that not everyone is interested in or is willing to try. Also, knowing that progress is often disrupted by unforeseen circumstances out of our control, he realized very few are able to become fully self-actualized.

He also recognize that not everyone follows the same pattern in working their way up to the top. EXP: Someone may need self-esteem more than security….
While the pyramid levels may seem logical & straightforward, in practice moving up the ladder is a complex, life-long process. It’s rarely smooth, often thwarted by :
• getting stuck at the lower levels if the needs can’t be met for some reason, or because the person won’t risk moving up
• life’s unpredictable ups-&-downs can keep someone constantly fluctuating between level
•  society only rewards motivation based on social needs such as money and power-positions.

In relatively ‘normal’ families (healthier than ours), the first 4 levels help children develop the capacity to make good life choices. This went seriously off track for us, so we need to go back to the beginning – applying what we’ve learned as adults to correct distorted beliefs, replacing them with compassion & the right info – to take better care of ourself & more easily connect with others.

INFORMATION wanted at each level
• at #1 (physical) we want coping info, to meet basic needs. Anything that doesn’t directly relate to quickly providing survival & sustenance is simply ignored
• at #2 (safety) we need helping info, looking for ways that others can make us feel safe & secure
• at #3 (love & belonging) we want enlightening info, perhaps found in books, classes, therapy…. on relationship development
• at #4 (esteem) we look for empowering info – how our Self can be developed
• at #5 (Self-A), we want edifying info (cognitive, aesthetic & transcendent/spiritual) so we can connect to something beyond ourself, and to learn how we can help others.  (Norwood – 1999)

Since Maslow’s Pyramid (1940-50s), there have been many other ways to classify personality traits / dimensions : Enneagram, MBTI, the Big Five, D.I.S.C., Holland Code, Burton…..,  and C.P. Alderfer, who compressed Maslow into 3 categories (Existence, Relatedness, Growth).
Note differences between I vs E needs.  (CHART- combo)  ↓↑
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NEXT: Level 1

PREVIOUS: Dealing with Difficult People

SITE: ‘Unmet Human Needs’

*** POST : “ACAs – Vicious Cycle re. Needs”

🔹 NEEDs  – A psychological feature that arouses any organism (humans….) to move toward a goal, giving purpose & direction to their behavior.

NEEDS are normal, made up of all the elements required for developing a safe, stable & healthy life. Having an accurate & sufficient amount of them fulfilled is imperative, since a deficiency will have severe consequences : dysfunction or premature death

Having needs can be said to be the ‘costs of being human’. People who don’t have enough of them met (a ‘needy’ person) function poorly in their personal life & in society. Feelings / emotions indicate whether or not our needs are being met & to what degree – so they’re neither good nor bad, right nor wrong – just very necessary 🙄

EXP: Sexuality is used everywhere in our culture to sell goods & services, by stirring a desire for things we may or may not need. This works because sex is one of our basic instinctual needs, so we react automatically, unconsciously.

🔹 WANTs – Desires, wishes or aspirations that are not vital – things that must be (should be) earned. This is not to say we shouldn’t have wants. The desire to have someone or something good is part instinctive & healthy, & part personal taste – something to strive for that adds pleasure to our life

🔹 DEMANDs –  People (even famous or powerful ones) can get into trouble when they demand to have their wants met – especially without contributing anything positive towards getting them. Being demanding is arrogant,  presumptuous…. but comes from neediness & an immature feeling of unfairness.

We had every right to expect that our family provide normal human needs when we were young – but had little control about getting them. For many of us this was done poorly or barely at all, which created a sense of desperation that can trigger the compulsion to demand that others make up for those early deficits.

However, it’s not legitimate for adults to assume that other adults should fill the empty hole in our emotional/ psychological gut – which is our responsibility to provide. Nor is it ‘sane’ to demand something from a person who absolutely does not have it to give – like NPDs or the disabled.

❣️ HAPPINESS – The Pyramid of needs is one of the best-known theories of motivation. Inspired by the work of Carl Jung & humanistic psychologist Erich Fromm, Brooklyn-born American psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) believed that the urge for self-actualization is deeply entrenched in the human psyche, so that the desire for happiness is equally worthy of attention, but is usually based on more basic needs being met first.
He believed that a great personal (non-spiritual) tragedy for many is dying without ever knowing who they really could have been – their True Self. (Maslow’s life & writing)

This Hierarchy points out the possibility of growing intentionally – to develop our unique identity & skills, & use them creatively to benefit ourself & the world. Maslow was dissatisfied with the 2 main theories of his time – Freud’s Psychoanalysis which dealt with mental illness, & Skinner’s Behaviorism which reduced humans to mindless machines or animals.

He wanted to identify mental health & happiness, not just focusing on misery. To that end he studied positive human characteristics, looking at the lives of outstanding people such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, African American abolitionist Frederick Douglass, & Jane Addams (the ‘mother’ of Social Work)…..

Synthesizing piles of research re. human motivation (the inner drive to get what we need), Maslow created his Needs pyramid in 1954. He concluded that when our basic physical needs are satisfied, other higher ones can be recognized & worked on, & once those are met, even higher needs can become our focus. The assumption was that people first have to be on a solid foundation – providing the Deficiencies (Level 1 -3), before they can work on Growth.

PS – as of the 2000s : This is no longer considered the best theory – being too rigid & not accounting for personal individuality.
However, it’s included here since the individual stages have validity.

NEXT: Maslow’s Pyramid #2

PREVIOUS: Difficult types #2

 SITE: How to deal with each type

TRUTHS to REMEMBER about Difficults:

😽 We may be able to put a dent in their bad behavior with positive reinforcement – but it doesn’t work on everyone. The best we can do in any situation is to set firm boundaries – let them know you don’t want to be around their negative attitude, & won’t tolerate their bad behavior.

▷ Don’t take their behavior personally! Their negative patterns are their False Self

▷ Don’t fight back. Don’t try to appease them. It won’t work because they have an insatiable appetite for more – denial, drama, cruelty, isolation, arrogance …..

▷ Don’t try to beat them at their own game. They’ve been practicing their skills for a long time, & you’re a beginner by comparison

▷ NEVER try to change the difficult person, which you can’t do to anyone else anyway, only your reactions to their behavior. By shifting your responses, D.P. may decide to change….. but usually not. However, you will feel better.

▷ Do NOT make excuses for their behavior. When you do that you’re just enabling them to continue without having to admit any responsibility, & you lose your personal power

▷ Their behavior is habitual, so they act this way with most people. Think of others who’ve had a hard life but have not become difficult

Some Options – Handle them by:
• Avoiding • Circumventing • Confronting • Discouraging • Exposing • Identifying • Ignoring • Informing • Isolating • Neutralizing • Predicting • Rehabilitating yourself

COPING
• Act normally
When dealing with difficult people, it’s important to be your mature self – maybe even slightly better. It won’t help to people-please, try to control them or get angry

• Communicate well
If they’re still ranting or pontificating at you, see beyond the label or accusation.  If possible, propose another point of view – trying to understand where they’re coming from – without agreeing. Know how to ask the D.P. relevant questions & then give them lots of room to answer.  If they’re consistently unreasonable, don’t try to get through to them!

• Control your Emotional Responses
Never lose your temper or shout at them. Being quiet & centered has a greater effect. Volatile or negative people often respond better when others are neutral or positive.
This may be hard to do consistently because they can get to us, but it’s worth the effort. By not engaging, we make our day more pleasant & maybe give them a break from their misery 😇 (POST : emotional resilience)

• Get direction from others
If necessary, consult someone you trust to talk over the situation or the personality type you’re dealing with – to get feedback, for guidance & to consider solutions, or just get important validation for your observations 

• Get down to the core issue
Try to find out what the real issue is that’s causing the D.P. their  problem (if possible) & then address that – rather than how it’s being presented

• Meditate
Take time to quiet yourself in whatever way works for you. If the situation is pushing a button in you, comfort the Inner Child, identifying what’s causing your anxiety or rage. Only then can you explain current reality to the D.P, & maybe work out some options

• Remember the numbers
Studies remind us that mental health plays a major role in maintaining physical health.
Negative people are more affected by stressful situations & are more prone to illness.

• Respect the person
No one likes to be treated disrespectfully. The more considerate we are toward D.P., the better they react. A version on the Golden Rule is: “Give respect, expect respect” while keeling boundaries.

• Stand back
Sometimes it’s best to ignore bad behavior, to get a perspective on the situation, especially if this is a consistent pattern of theirs, AND if you know the they’re ‘dangerous’ when under severe stress.
Remember – NEVER take their behavior personally!

• Take a stand
At other times – it’s necessary to speak up for yourself, calmly saying what is acceptable to you & what is not. Understand your realistic options & develop one or more strategies based on that. Always have “Plan B”. Take actions & persevere.

NEXT: Maslow’s Needs pyramid,  INTRO #1

PREVIOUS: Difficult people – #1

SITE: Why being kindhearted attracts Toxic People

Some STYLES of Difficult People (D.P.) cont.
• Narcissists : one of the most D.P., they assume everything is about them, nothing is their fault, the world owes them, & they can do no wrong. However – narcissists come in several shades of puce // (in old French fashion). Those are the narcs who take everything personally, too easily slipping into abandonment & self-hate mode, making you feel bad for them

• The Know-it-alls : addicted to showing off, they have a knack for b.s, but don’t actually know what they’re talking about. OR, they learn just enough about a subject to sound like an expert, which can fool some people, some of the time – all to get some attention

• Yes people : trying to please everyone & avoid confrontation, they agree without thinking things through. Reacting to the latest demand on their time, they over-commit, ignoring prior commitments, and never have time for themself. Then become resentful

• No people : disguised as a mild-mannered normal person, they fight to hang on to futility, hopelessness & despair, killing momentum & creating constant friction. More powerful than Hope, they’re deadly for morale, able to defeat good ideas with a single syllable

• Maybe ones: consumed by indecision, they get lost in analyzing things to death, but never take action. They procrastinate, hoping a better choice will come along, but they wait too long & miss out. Or, afraid to risk hurting or upsetting anyone, they say nothing at all

• Nothing ones : they afraid to contribute to any conversation. Give no verbal or nonverbal feedback. Nothing. They’re especially dangerous if they “Say Yes – but secretly mean NO”

• Silent ones – timid people who retreat into a shell to avoid conflict & personal responsibility. They may not be obviously difficult, but leave a hole in their environment. They get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with silence, who will too quick fill in the gaps for them
HOWEVER : Silent ones may be true introverts, needing quiet time to process or concentrate – or to shut out an uncomfortable/painful home or work environment. They’re not a D.P. but still can make some people wary or uncomfortable

NEXT: How to deal with….

PREVIOUS: Difficult People – Intro

SITE:  Humans are naturally Selfish

LOOKING at YOURSELF – just for a minute 😊
If we consider someone to be difficult – it may be that:
💧 our 2 personalities clash – which we can’t change or fix. It just is.
💧 we can be the difficult one, rubbing others the wrong way
💧 we misunderstand the other person’s behavior or group’s goal
💧 they are indeed difficult, but trigger an old unhealed issue in us

Since everyone brings preconceived ideas & attitudes to every situation, we tend to interpret observations of & interactions with others thru our personal lens – ‘glasses’ that are not always wiped clean. AND, much of the time we have no idea what’s really behind someone’s ‘weird’ style, yet we unconsciously fill in the blanks with wrong assumptions about them

Being disruptive in whatever environment they’re in, Difficult People (D.P.) push buttons in others – especially those who have to deal with them for a long time. It’s very wearing.
But what upsets you may only be irritating or neutral to ‘the next guy’.

So it’s truly empowering to figure out & deal with what sets us off, those buttons our family installed & are now stuck in the WIC. Fortunately we can understand the root cause of our reactions to D.P., instead of being confused, & feeling tapped by them.
It’s a 2-parter:
• identify your strengths, skills & preferences, as well as the old wounds that get triggered
• learn about each D.P. type & their antidotes
EXP of buttons: Being accused wrongly, treated as unimportant or invisible, having your ideas or work usurped by someone else, talked to as if you’re stupid or incompetent, trying to control you….

ASK yourself :
• What emotional tornado does this D.P. set off in me? (terror, rage, desperation….)
• What do I do in reaction? (fight, isolate, rat on them…..)
• In general, how do others handle my carrying on or withdrawing?
• How does my D.P. deal with my reactions ? (be hurt, justify, make fun)
• Am I the difficult person triggering others to react badly?
• Do I just keep reacting to the D.P. in my life, OR am I diligently working to find better ways to manage myself & others?
👞 💼 👡 👜

Some TYPES
• Complainers : fearful, with little faith in themself or others, they assume the whole world is hostile. They’ll make a general complaint about something & then walk away without being specific. Nothing ever works out for them, & their constant discouragement can make others feel despairing too
VARIATION : Help-Rejecting ↗️

NEXT: More Types #2

PREVIOUS: Introvert CHILD

SITEs : “How to Raise an Introverted Child” 

• “So Your Child is an Introvert”

• 15 ways to better parent your Introvert

• Mistakes parents make with an introvert child

3 MBTI MOMS – & their gemstones)
PARENTS –
to DO: Some time each day should set aside time for the child to not have to deal with anyone else or have to interact at all.
They don’t like small talk (especially with strangers). This isn’t shyness.
It means they:
1) want to skip meaningless chit-chat & stick to the important stuff
2) like to form a safe connection first – to trust that they’ll be listened to, understood, & taken seriously. This cautiousness is too often mis-interpreted, but is actually appropriate if the adults aren’t safe

DON’T insist that the child must talk as soon as you notice a problem or stressful situation. They won’t be able to clarify their thoughts until they’ve had time to sort thru what’s bothering them, maybe during a quiet car ride, or an hour climbing trees. Only then is it OK to ask something like – “How was your day at school?”

PARENTS –
to DO: If you want your child to form a valuable connection with anyone new, start by being their ‘bridge’ instead of pushing them together & expecting things to take off ‘naturally’. That only works with Es, & even then not always. Then if the child is allowed time & space to feel safe, they’ll be more willing to connect
DON’T: Announce your I child as being shy (a form of shaming), or make them ‘perform’ small talk, which would be fake & create stress

• Because they process thoughts & emotions internally, it can be hard for parents to know what their I is feeling. Is take in stimuli, hold them & toss them around for a while to decide what they think, how they feel & if they want to respond to it all. When too much emotional turmoil builds up, & the child feels flooded, it can erupt as a ‘random’ or mis-directed outburst

• Comparing: the E child takes in stimuli, turning the energy right back out at the world. A disagreement with a friend? Loud angry words go ‘right back at’cha’. An exciting ride at the fair? Boisterous chatter, laughter, shouting. Enjoying a great movie? Exited reactions & commentary throughout. NOT like an I.

PARENTS –
to DO: Make the effort to learn what your child is thinking & feeling. To help them communicate – when they’re ready – give them outlets like journaling, art projects or lots of time for free play with stories, imaginary characters or toys (pounding nails into a block of wood…). It’s also important to give them several possible words to choose from.

DON’T: Assume that because they’re is not having an outburst that they’re “fine.”! Tantrums are simply the last straw for an I. If that does happen, be totally accepting & available to listen thoughtfully. If they’re having trouble finding words, see if they’ll draw what’s going on, show it with dolls, toy soldiers, or make up a song, a rhyme…..

• They prefer single play dates to play groups, which is a balance against their need to be alone. One-on-one encounters allow kids to get to know each other more easily, & more deeply, which Is crave. This is generally true for most children, but imperative for inner-oriented ones.

PARENTS –
to DO: Help your I child develop a few close friendships rather than a variety of ‘light’ ones. Keep birthday parties small & intimate.
DON’T: Equate happiness with being a social butterfly. The more people they have to deal with, the thinner they have to spread themselves. That makes it harder to enjoy time with others, or to process it all.

• They enjoy activities that let their minds wander. Any opportunity to think, pretend, get creative, solve problems, day-dream or otherwise stay in their head is welcome & beneficial. Great introvert activities:
— biking, climbing trees, fishing, gardening, hiking, jumping rope, learning an instrument, on a swing, painting, play dough, puzzles, construction, playing catch, reading, skating, sketching, swimming, writing….

PARENTS –
to DO: Support & encourage your child’s natural interests. Notice anything they want to do or know about – if it’s safe & healthy!
DON’T: Force them to participate in group activities you think will ‘improve’ social skills or teamwork. While group sports do have a lot of value, not participating isn’t a negative. There are many other ways for children to assert talents, learn new skills, & develop strengths.
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NEXT: Introvert child

PREVIOUS:
Introvert Growth, #3

SITEs: Why introverted kids are awesome

• MBTI – 16 Types of MOMS

TELL your INTROVERT CHILD their special ways are normal:
❇️ You know yourself
Because you like to spend time alone & enjoy your own thoughts, you know a lot about yourself, & how different things can make you feel. Figuring out who you are & what matters to you is a great way to use all you traits to help you grow & develop your talents

❇️ You’re a talented problem solver
You have larger, thicker gray matter in your prefrontal cortex than your extroverted peers – that command center in your brain responsible for complex problem solving, information processing & decision-making.  Your brain is literally built to ponder. So when facing a challenge, you thrive on brain-power to work out solutions.

❇️ You’re careful & discriminating
Sometimes it pays to take risks, but you know it’s smart to ‘look before you leap’ into something. In fact, because information takes a longer journey through an introvert’s brain – than Extroverts – it’s normal for you to hang back a little & study new situations before deciding to participate, which gives you the chance to make better choices

❇️ You have amazing ideas
Taking the time to be quiet & listen to your inner voice, you end up with lots of interesting ideas that can eventually turn into great discoveries, products & careers. Like Bill Gates, J.K.Rowling, Emma Watson, Rosa Parks, Christina Aguilera…. Keep listening to yourself, and keep thinking!

❇️ You’re observant
You like to think about all kinds of things, which includes noticing & investigating what’s going on around you. Introverts think everything through thoroughly, creating pictures in their mind, which helps them vividly remember events & details. This makes you awesome at recalling your own stories & other people’s as well

❇️ You’re reliable
Chances are, even if they don’t always show it, the adults in your life know you’re dependable, which intuitively gives them confidence in you. They value & depend on you for being trustworthy. Being organized makes it easier to keeping your promises & plans, especially since you think carefully about your actions before you do something

❇️ You’re a great reader & writer
It’s natural for Introverts (Is) to love reading – as part of their quiet, alone time. And the more you read, the better you can write. Reading gives you inspiration for ideas & a better use of language, which you can show off in your imaginative & well-thought-out writing.

Being forced to write fast or in a short time is not your thing – you like to have space to think about the plot, the characters, locations & problems in the story you have to iron out. Isaac Asimov, author of ‘I, Robot ‘ once said, “Writing to me is simply thinking through my fingers.”

❇️ You make a great leader
This one may surprise you – you have wonderful leadership qualities which you can develop as you mature. Introverts project calmness in times of crises, think before they speak, & ask great questions – all the marks of an effective leader & doer

❇️ You’re peaceful
Introverts are rarely bullies, because they’d rather figure out how to explain their point of view than pick a fight. Because you have a calming effect on others, you can usually solve conflicts by talking it out, rather than getting physical. That doesn’t mean you don’t get excited or angry sometimes, but you don’t get crazy, especially in tough situations

❇️ You’re fair
You are a terrific listener, & want to hear everyone’s point of view before deciding what you think about a situation. People love to have a friend who will carefully evaluate what they’re saying & give fair opinions. You’re great at paying attention with your whole brain, not just the ears

❇️ You have deep friendships
You may feel overwhelmed or tired at a big, noisy party, but you love spending time with very close friends. Because you care deeply, are loyal, & have great ideas – you making close, even lifelong friends. This is one of the great rewards of introversion. (Song...)

NEXT: Parenting your Introvert child