I INTEGRATE ALL PARTS OF ME
while still working on the ‘old stuff’
PREVIOUS: Emotional Immaturity (Part 3)
QUOTES: “Maturity consists of no longer being taken in by oneself” Anon.
“Maturity is the ability to think, speak & act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.” Samuel Ullman (American businessman, poet & humanitarian)
Emotional Maturity (EM) means having a healthy self-concept: not thinking too highly or too lowly of ourself, being in the world but realize we’re not the center of it
Characteristics can be identified in relation to AGE :
a. Social – can relate well socially for our physical age
b. Emotional – can handle emotions appropriate for our age
c. Spiritual – can behave in a spiritually mature way
In ACoA language, EM develops slowly by minimizing the damage in our WIC & quieting / limiting the PP voice, as much as possible. Ultimately it’s about no longer having S-H & living from our True Self.
Maturity comes from growing the ‘Unit’ (Healthy Adult & Loving Parent), who are regularly (but not always) in charge of the WIC, encourage the Natural Child to blossom, & keep in touch with our Higher Power.
• Maturity does NOT mean having eliminated all our damage, but rather to lessen the grip of the Introject, diminish accumulated old pain & be able to deal with our core wounds when they do surface, so they don’t take over & we can bounce back faster.
ACoAs are quite capable of developing mental, emotional & spiritual maturity – as long as we don’t strive for perfection*. Internalize the “Principles of the Program” helps to outgrow the worst of our damage so we can live more comfortably in the present, instead of our tortured past. When psychological health takes root, we carry it with us even under stress, & express it in ‘all our affairs’
✶ Perfectionism is a sign of immaturity, based in FoA & S-H,- a belief (CD) rather than an event or action.
To be human is to be IMperfect, & to be mature is to be OK with that!
Fortunately there are times when everything works out well = we’re successful at a task, reach a goal, or feel empowered. These do NOT come from perfection.
Basically, they’re just events without mistakes. Those moments are the result of our knowledge, effort, practice & persistence, help from H.P, our faith, & perhaps some ‘luck’.
KEY QUALITIES of MATURITY
• Emotional Responsibility : identifying them, AND know they come from inside, rather than caused by other people, places or things
• Self-control: accept & control our passions, impulses & desires. Can handle stress well, ‘let go’ & detach, know when we’re powerless over a situation
• Self-esteem: have inner fulfillment, enjoy life, experience ourself as one source of love. Have understanding of & insight into reality.
2. Psychological / Mental
• Cognitive Responsibility: be accountable for thoughts – beliefs, opinions & prejudices. Handle finances, have good work habits & are reliable
• Mental Clarity: able to think clearly & rationally. Process information based on current reality, know how to gather & communicate information
• Independence: make appropriate decisions & observe consequences in order to make better choices. Learn & grow from experience.
• Action Responsibility: know what we want & can make it happen
• Function: make the effort to learn what we need to know in order to accomplish our goals
• Participation: join group & community activities that encourage creativity, collaboration & empowerment, perhaps volunteer for a relevant cause
• Inter-personal Responsibility: treat people as separate entities with the right to their own needs, wishes & dreams (not use people)
• Respect: understand & tolerate different views, cooperate with peers or teams, care about others & represent their concern
• Connections: make connections easily, sustain intimate relationship, take in friendship & love, share decisions & resources
• Moral Responsibility: have a healthy value system / code of ethics. Choose what’s right for ourself first & then in relation to others
• Congruent: Act honestly, live by our principles & listen to our intuition
• Altruism: have concern for all humanity, do what we can to help others – realistically!
NEXT: Emotional Maturity (Part 2)