PREVIOUS: ACoAs & Qs #3

<— IMAGE from “Random Qs”

SITE: “Asking the Right Qs”
“Asking Qs is a subtle art, & everyone can benefit from improving their knowledge of Q. techniques. It’s the only way of accessing knowledge from others, so asking the right Q, in the right way, is crucially important.”

ASKING from the ADULT – EXP:
Ina is on the bus, going home after a long painful day at the hospital. It’s crowded & she helps a lady get a seat next to her. Ina is in the mood for company, but doesn’t want to be intrusive. Intuiting that the woman is friendly, Ina quietly says: “I feel like talking. How was your day?”

Her Q is well received, & they have a lovely, informative conversation for the next half hour. It turns out they have a lot in common, & the woman is happy to share her own difficult day with a sympathetic listener!

IDENTIFYING an ISSUE
What seems to be the trouble? // What do you make of _________?
How do you feel about __________?
What concerns you the most about _________?
What seems to be the problem? // What seems to be your main obstacle?
What is holding you back from _________________?
What do you think about doing X this way?

GET FURTHER INFO
Find out what someone has already done to resolve the problem
What do you mean by __________?
Tell me more about _______________ // What else?
What other ways did you try so far?
What will you have to do to get the job done?

OUTCOMES
Helps with negotiating a problem, or planning how to do something
How do you want ____________ to turn out?
What do you want? // What is your desired outcome?
What benefits would you like to get out of X?
What do you propose? // What is your plan?
If you do this, how will it affect ________ ?
What else do you need to consider?

TAKING ACTIONS
What will you do? // When will you do it?
How will I know you did it? // What are your next steps?
(MORE ….. Also re. Listening. ~ Irene Leonard, Coach)

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ASKING for info when trying to find out something:
1. Do as much preliminary research on your own, if possible (internet….)
2. Then, ask the RIGHT people – someone or someplace what might know what you’re looking for. Also, consider the complexity of the problem & the skill level of the people you want to ask

3. Don’t ask for permission unless it’s a delicate subject, the person is very busy or they’re an authority figure. If they’re busy, ask if you can come back later. If not – find another source
4. Ask directly & clearly. If the person you’re asking doesn’t know or doesn’t have time, they may redirect you to someone who can be of more help

5. Ask more than one person for the same info, such as people from different walks of life, different genders , different backgrounds….in order to get bits & pieces that may eventually lead to a whole answer, and to get a rounded perspective. It can also provide the same info from many sources, so that you can figure out what info is legitimate & what’s just someone’s point of view.

EXP: As an adult – searching for an excellent orthodontist, at a ‘reasonable’ price – Marty interviewed 5 different doctors, & collated any info that overlapped, while checking out the location & ambiance of each dental office. Then chose the one that seemed to fit his need the best.

6. Be Patient. If you’re ‘depending’ on another person for an answer or solution, it may take longer than you’d like. Many people need time to process the Qs, figure out what they know or believe & then organize their thoughts, especially if it’s a new topic. Or they may just be busy or in a bad mood. If necessary, go away & come back later. Ask if they’re ready.  (Based on images from Deviant Art)

NEXT: TYPES OF Qs Part 1