LOOKING at OURSELVES – just for a minute 😊
If we consider someone to be difficult – it may be that:
💧 our 2 personalities clash – which we can’t change or fix. It just is.
💧 we can be the difficult one, rubbing others the wrong way
💧 we misunderstand their behavior
💧 they are indeed difficult, but trigger something old in us
Since everyone brings preconceived ideas & issues to every situation, we tend to interpret observations of & interactions with others thru our personal lens – ‘glasses’ that are not always wiped clean. AND, much of the time we have no idea what’s really behind someone’s ‘weird’ style, yet we unconsciously fill in the blanks with wrong assumptions
Being disruptive in whatever environment they’re in, D.P. push buttons in others – especially those who have to deal with them for a long time. It’s very wearing.
What upsets you may only be irritating or neutral to ‘the next guy’.
So it’s truly empowering to figure out & deal with what sets us off, those buttons our family installed & are now stuck in the WIC. Fortunately we can understand the root cause of our reactions, instead of being confused, & feeling tapped by them.
It’s a 2-parter:
• identifying our strengths, skills & preferences, as well as the old wounds that get triggered
• learning about each D.P. type & their antidotes
EXP of buttons: Being accused wrongly, treated as unimportant or invisible, having your ideas or work usurped by someone else, talked to as if you’re stupid or incompetent ….
We can ASK :
• What emotional tornado does this D.P. set off in me? (terror, rage, desperation….)
• What do I do in reaction? (fight, isolate, rat on them…..)
• How does my D.P. deal with my reactions?
• Am I the difficult person triggering others to react badly
• How do others handle my carrying on or withdrawing?
• Do I just keep reacting to the D.P. in my life, OR am I diligently working to find better ways to manage myself & others?
👞 💼 👡 👜
Complainers : fearful, with little faith in themselves or others, they assume the world is hostile. They’ll make a general complaint about something & then walk away without being specific. Nothing ever works out for them, & their constant discouragement can make others feel despairing too
Controllers / Dictators : they’re compulsive micro-managers, acting like they know best how to do – everything. They don’t want anyone to be different – it’s their way or the highway. The show a “pervasive pattern of grandiosity,” & can be vindictive when challenged
Grenades : after a brief period of calm, the grenade explodes into unfocused ranting & raving about things that have nothing to do with present circumstances – but you never know when they’ll blow
Know-it-alls: they’re very knowledgeable & competent, but give long monologues with detailed, arrogant arguments to bolster their opinions. The goal is to eliminate any opposition by finding flaws or weaknesses that will discredit other points of view
Liars : most people lie a little, sometimes. But compulsive liars embellish or make up reality even when it’s just not necessary. They think it’s the only way to protect their vulnerable under-belly. It insures that they’re unreliable, frustrating any kind of closeness
NEXT: More Types #2