I’LL RISK EVERYTHING –
to feel that ‘high’

PREVIOUS: Bad Decision Styles – #2

 

PART 3: Last 6 of 18 types of unsound decision-making (D.M.) styles & their corrections (no known source).  While these types represent dysfunction, they’re based on each person’s native approach to life, with the addition of an unhealthy upbringing.

Some EFFECTS of bad D.M. = WE :
• compromise ourself – our self-worth, values, needs….
• don’t get what we say we want, so we can obey our Toxic Rules
• do get what they want, but at the expense of others, damaging our relationships
• experience physical symptoms, aches and pains, major illness
• have to learn lessons the hard way instead of making life easier
• we hurt, disappoint, ‘abandon’ people we care about & love
• get in trouble with authorities, the law, go to jail
• suffer unnecessary financial distress, debt, loss of valuable property
AND THEY
• are a waste of our precious life, talents, abilities, potential….
• can cause many lost important opportunities, with some that can’t be retrieved
• can create  unnecessary financial distress, debt, loss of valuable property
• they generate anxiety, distress, shame, guilt, self-hate….
• may lead to accidents, permanent injuries, death
• waste a lot of time, either doing unnecessary things or having to cleanup a mess later

Allowing for NUANCES
🔆  Most decisions are NOT written in stone, so they’re not forever, even tho’ some do have far-reaching consequences, so it’s wise to strive for ‘sane’, healthy, adult choices as often as possible.
• ACoAs tend to lump all types of decisions together – all are huge, impossible, overwhelming, undo-able — we think ALL have equal importance & equal consequences. NOT SO!

REALITY : D.M. is inherently circular, since most are made by moving back & forth between available alternatives.
These are influenced by the criteria we apply to them, & vice versa = the criteria we set influence the alternatives we consider. EXP  :
a. the characteristics we want our choice to meet (the ‘new’ car should be small, used & inexpensive but not worn out)
b. identifying the possibilities we can choose from  (where we live, how much money we have, our knowledge about used cars…)

We can divide decisions into (at least) 3 levels of importance & intensity. It can be argued than any choice can cause a big problem OR have a great benefit, but if we use our Adult observations & experience we can have a general sense of what to expect, as long as we don’t limit our thinking to what happened in our childhood.

Use these suggestions to make your own outline.
♠︎ SMALL-ish Decisions: where to do for dinner, what to wear, when to talk to someone, to go or not go to a party, which errands to do when, buying something for the house…..
♠︎ MEDIUM Decisions: Where to go on vacation, what diet to use, to go back to school, change accountants, redecorate, get a new car….
♠︎ BIG Decision: change careers, get married or leave a relationship, move to a different city or country, stop using drugs / alcohol / cigarettes, start going to therapy, have a needed operation…..

✶ The more we come to believe “I KNOW WHAT I KNOW”, trusting our intuition & judgment, the easier the process of D.M. becomes.
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NEXT :  Our Sense & Learning, INTRO #1a