I CAN HAVE ALL MY EMOTIONS
and still be in charge of myself!
PREVIOUS: Getting to Emotions – OVER (#1)
SITE: The Emotional Sensitive Person
BOOK: Emotional Confidence ~ Gael Lindenfield
2. OVER-FEELING (O-F)
EXP of a BETTER way to cope with Emotional Intensity
• Sue is an O-F with a strong-willed Inner Child. With great love & effort she has developed a bond of trust with her IC in Recovery.
• Sue is on a blind lunch date in a small upscale restaurant. The man is an engineer, all left-brain & totally un-self-aware.
When he asks what she does for a living & she says ‘Healer’, he begins a lecture about how unscientific & useless that is!
Sue can feel her kid’s rage building to an explosion, but she knows that if she lets herself attack the man for insulting her & her chosen profession, she will only be making a fool of herself – and in such a small public, space!
— just before the angry words can leave her mouth, Sue quickly asks the man to talk more about his work. She’s not interested and is not listening, but it stops his ignorant comments.
This diverts the intense emotional energy long enough for her to have a private talk with her angry kid:
“Honey, there’s no point in letting him have it. Remember Al-Anon says to ask: ‘How important is it?’ This guy wouldn’t get it anyway, & we’re never going to see him again.
The only important thing is that I don’t want us to be embarrassed here & sound like the crazy one, since I know we’re not!” Her IC agrees & is mollified.
TOOLS: Heal & Grow “WORK” for Over-Feelers
GOAL – TO:
• become the Good Parents to our Inner Child that we never had
• learn & use the tools for coping with our intensity
• gradually get the piled-up pain out of our body so we’re not flooded all the time
• re-connect with emotions that have been repressed (Didn’t think there were any more?)
TOOLS : Similar to Under-feelers BUT with emphasis on calming
BODY WORK (Site:Trauma release)
Any that can be administered by professional AND some we can learn to use on ourselves
• Biofeedback – changes brainwave states, from very active to a calmer level
• EFT – re-wires the brain to not over-react to triggers
• Release work – Core-energetics, Gestalt, Qigong, Psychodrama, … (A-Z therapies)
DRAWING / READING
• any workbook that teaches IC drawing
• express how the IC feels, past & present
• recovery & Inner Child books & literature
• spiritual lit, poetry …. anything to calm the mind & heart
SEEING / LISTENING
• any music, movie… that gets our Niagara Falls flowing
• soothing, peaceful music
• for some of us – focus on the tympani – in rhythm with our rage
• to loving friends & family… but ONLY with people or groups genuinely able to tolerate intense emotions without judgment or trying to control
• 12-step Meetings, as often & as many kinds as possible
• Psychotherapy, including FoO work, Experiential, Primal, Gestalt….
VISUALIZING / SPIRITUAL
• dreams, guided imagery, Hypnotherapy … for validation & nurturing
• Inner Child – putting an image to our experiences & then for continual comforting
• prayer, services, the Psalms … for wisdom & centering
WRITING – See list for Under-feelers
🩸 2-handed IC Dialogues – especially to comfort the WIC so it knows it’s not alone with all its ES anymore, listening thoughtfully, giving guidance, correct CDs & protect from the PP
• Make a “ME” list of YOUR good qualities in PMES categories – to shift the pain to joy!
REMINDER: The more we clean out old pain in safe ways, the more room there is for healthy pleasure! Our suffering will be replaced by a sense of relief & comfort.
✳️ Being comfortable is not boring! We just have to let the brain get used to it.
AND, as we developed healthy boundaries, our Sensitivity will then be a special gift, for
• correctly identifying who & what is safe for us, in our environment
• empathizing with, comforting & helping others, but only those who are appropriate & only when we are able or want to!
(see posts: “Feeling Sorry For ., “Rescuing” and “Healthy Helping”)
NEXT: Accessing & Accepting Es (#1)