EnneaTypes – Language STYLES (Part 1)

THE WAY I COMMUNICATE
is consistent with my Type

PREVIOUS
: EnneaLanguage – Basics 1c

SITE
:  Tapes of famous people’s talk style

BOOK: “Full Face to God: Introduction to the Enneagram”, David Mahon

 

TALK STYLES (outline) The Enneagram opens the doors of communication in many ways, which always begins with us. The better we knows ourselves, the easier it is to communicate effectively with others.

INTERNALLY referenced people provide their own motivation. They decide about the quality of their own work & have trouble accepting other people’s opinions or outside direction. They gather info from others, questioning their input, then choose what to do with it.
Language Pattern: They know or decide for themselves, evaluating their own performance. They resisting instruction from others, which is only seen as information.

EXTERNALLY references people need others’ opinions & outside direction, motivated by what others want or decide. If they don’t get feedback, they wonder how they’re doing. They have trouble starting or continuing activities without some mirroring.
Language Pattern: Need to compare their work to a norm or standard. Other people or external sources of info are their guide & judge, taken as a decision or order.

Each type has :
√ a unique approach to speaking & writing, based on inborn talent, which can easily be seen
conversation stoppers that block healthy communication, used
unconsciously when anxious, & based in our defensive pattern
However, sometimes we do need a version of conversation stoppers to help set reasonable limits, & protect from boundary invasions

√ language blockers can be used to manipulate & cause conflict, whether deliberately or not. When used to push away or attack others, at best they lead to poor quality conversations, at worst they’re poisonous.

Counters to each Type’s blocking style comes from their natural ARTcreating FLOW in communication, & need STOPPERS for protection. (Listed with each Type)
✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

TYPE 1s give SERMONS, PREACH, TEACH
Self-talk: ‘That’s not right, I am good, I know best, I want perfection’
Their WORDS : bad/good, excellent, must, ought to, should
are about : judging, perfection, policies, responsibility, right/wrong, what’s correct
Public Speaking Manner: Preachy

Style: 1s often have a tense voice, as if there’s some upset or anger underneath that type 1they’re suppressing.  THEY are:
• Concise, direct, detailed, exacting, precise
• Defensive if criticized
• Quickly responsive to ideas, especially if they strongly agree or disagree
• More likely to share about tasks rather than emotions

Pitfalls: 1s can pontificate – because they ‘know’ what’s right! When they get caught up in minutia – they lose their listeners, OR end up never giving a speech at all because it isn’t right – yet.
Can be so rigid they never change their message, for fear it will be wrong.

USE language to
: admonish, correct, find fault, remind others of obligations
Others can experience 1s as closed-minded & unfeeling

CONFLICT Style: condescend, find fault, moralize, nitpick.
A poker face & unemotional, or explosive if pushed too far
MANIPULATE / cause Conflict by: constantly correcting others, pointing out what’s wrong in the environment, insisting that others share their standards & values
BLOCK others by: being critical, disapproving, judgmental

For BOUNDARIES: 1s needs realistic & healthy ‘judgment‘, to determine what is & isn’t helpful or safe, right for self & others
To FLOW in conversation, need GRACE: use Tact & Respect – to forgive, heal & be compassionate

To RESOLVE conflicts with 1s: Don’t tell them they‘re wrong.
Find a way to validate their opinion, but hold your ground. Try to avoid the words ‘wrong, incorrect, bad’ to prevent escalation. Gently help them see how they’re being angry or hurtful, as 1s have a fear of their own anger

NEXT: TALK types (Part 2b)

Mind-Reading vs. INTUITION (Part 2b)

  intuition 2
THE MORE I LISTEN TO MY GUT

the better I get along in the world!

PREVIOUS: INTUITION – 2a

SITE : “4 Levels of Intuition” 

2. INTUITION (cont.)
a. MBTI // b. Small Children

c.  Paying Attention
• As ACoAs we were taught to deny or make fun of our natural instincts, so when our gut tells us to do OR not do something, via an intuitive flash, we usually ignore it – to our detriment! We may experience anxiety or a tightening in the gut & wonder if we should or shouldn’t act on those ‘feelings’. Remember the ‘ick factor’.

•  Not follow our intuition throws us out of alignment with our higher sense of knowing – physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually (PMES) – we usually end up compromising ourselves, & are sorry afterwards for getting ourselves into some mess, even though we knew better!  PAY ATTENTION!

d. ‘Otherworldly’
• Intuition can also be an aspect of ‘spirituality’, either in conventional or esoteric forms. Some call it their ‘still small voice’ (not the WIC or PP!).
It’s used in everyday life to solve problems, & receive divine guidance, love, healing, wisdom & inspiration. (TREE, July 2011)

• Very sensitive people have an ability to pick up vibrations (electrical energy) emanating from all living things, including colors & auras. (Science: Human auras // Emotional energy images)
Such people need training, not only to use the ability correctly, but especially to learn shielding, so they’re not constantly flooded by external input

• Intuitive info can also hit us when we’re needed to help a loved one under stress or in danger
• It may be inner wisdom showing a way to solve a problem or heal old emotional damage that surfaces, so it can be processed

❇ If you’re curious about your own sensitivity level, you can take the Empath Quiz.  If you already know you are highly intuitive, you may want to participate in the Empath Community.

Sources that FEED Intuition:
• Carefully observing patters of human behavior over the years, for a general sense of what to expect from people
• Paying attention to what people tell us about themselves, especially the negative! so we’re not shocked the next time their damage shows up – in our face!

• Having repeated life experiences with a specific category of people or situations, where the outcome has been consistently the same (with narcissists, active addicts, depressives, ragers … OR if we’re wise, with sane well-balanced people).  Their style is predictable, whether healthy or unhealthy, so we can trust our intuition about them

➼ If we practice Awareness & Acceptance (from the 3 As), then even when we meet someone for the first time – we can basically tell what they’re like.
Once we recognize their type, we can decide quite soon if it’s safe to stay OR get away from them! We don’t have to suffer all the time if we just stay awake!

EXP: Before doing any ACoA & FoO work, Brenda spent a lot of time in singles bars, listening to men talk about themselves (& getting picked up). Most were alcoholics & narcissists.
Brenda was vstay awakeictimized by these toxic men – selfish, insensitive, unavailable, often married, arrogant or self-deprecating…. but was gathering valuable info from listening to their ‘lines’ & the pain of being used & dumped. After a couple years of this, she could catch the pattern within 15 to 20 minutes of conversation with any new ‘contender’.

— When she said: “No thanks…. we’re not compatible”, the men would usually respond: “How can you tell, you haven’t given me a chance!”
But by this time, even without Recovery, Brenda had recognized the type right off. She might feel a little twinge of guilt or doubt, but stuck to her decision!
🎼🎹 Once you know a song by heart, you only need to hear the first few bars – to recognize it!”

NEXT: INTUITION #2c