OUR SENSES & LEARNING – Touch (#2c)

kinestheric learningPREVIOUS: Auditory (#4b)

SITEs: Learning Style Preferences & ESL Students (Study)

6 important things you should know about how your brain learns


KINESTHETIC  (somatic/physical actions) Learning

About 35% of children &  5 – 15% of Adults learn most easily while moving (kinesthetic) or handling (tactile) things, which helps them understand the world around them.
Physical movement: The Cerebellum & motor cortex, at the back of the frontal lobe, are mainly in charge of much of the body’s activity
Kinesthetic thought: lets us experience bodily sensations, feelings & emotions, which come from immediate experience, memories or imagined situations

“Children enter kindergarten as kinesthetic/ tactile learners, moving & touching everything as they go. By 2nd or 3rd grade, some have become visual learners. During the late elementary years, others – mainly girls – become auditory learners, while many males keep their kinesthetic/ tactile strengths throughout their lives.” Rita Stafford and Kenneth J. Dunn; Allyn and Bacon, 1993)

antsy in schoolWhen young, these learners are life’s little wiggle worms, often mis-diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.
They’re smart & eager to learn, but first need their attention captured. Then their energy can be directed by drawing on their natural curiosity & offered hand-on activities.
They do best when they have something in front of them they can physically touch, and even better if they made it themselves.

They come to understand how to use their bodies & how to communicate with others by touch, most of which comes through feet & hands. So activities that focus on those body parts help them learn how to write, share their toys, button shirts, tie shoes, hold a fork…

Kinesthetic learners express themselves through movement, with the distinct ability to control the body’s actions & handle objects skillfully. Through interacting with the space around them, they are able to remember and process information, which allows for a good sense of balance & eye-hand co-ordination.

learn by doingDOING something active allows them to learn, which helps them stay focused & retain information. This can include taking note (an action), but use their own language to express what they’re hearing.

They need external stimulation, otherwise they may lose interest, preferring to think broadly before going in-depth. It doesn’t mean they act before thinking or are reckless, but that they understand things better by getting immersed in a situation or lesson, in order to evaluate facts for themselves.

Learning a physical skill by first visualizing the activity (dance, a sport, driving…. ) is known to be very successful.
EXP:
Focus on the sensations you would expect for each activity or experience. So, for a tack (turn) on a sailboat, feel the pressure against your hand as you turn the rudder & the tension lessening on the ropes. Feel the wind change to the other side, feel the thud as the sail swaps with the wind, feel the boat speed up as you start the new leg….

Phrases used by Kinesthetics :
” I can’t get a grip on this // Stay in touch // That doesn’t sit right with me // I have a good feeling about this // My gut is telling me // I get your drift….”

Re. INTUITION (Clear sensing)
 This is actually getting vibes in the body such as Tingles, goosebumps, electricity, lump in throat, tickle in ear….

Gut Instinct
(Clear knowing)
Harder to describe – more of a crystal clear ‘I just know!”, like a ring or ping, but coming from the belly rather than the mind. Not so thick or dense as many deliberate thoughts.

abuse muscle painNOTE: All experiences of physical, sexual, verbal & emotional abuse are stored in the body (muscles, organs, energy centers….), and need to be released in movement, taking & crying.
Such history can be from childhood battering &/or incest, domestic abuse, war-time trauma, severe physical-illness-treatments or accidents…..

The physical expression of stored pain (getting it out) is necessary for all learning types, but especially for Kinesthetics – using experiential modalities, such as
Core Energetics, Psychodrama,
Trauma release exercises……
ASLO: Some books & LINKS to many therapies

General KINESTHETIC Characteristics
Remember, you’re not going to identify with every characteristic. which will depend on other factors, such as mixing in other learning styles, education & basic personality.

kinestetic char
NEXT: SMELL (4d)

OUR SENSES &LEARNING – Hearing (#2b)

auditury learningPREVIOUS: Visual (2a)

SITEs: Complex learning dismantles brain barriers

What’s my learning Style? – Auditory


AUDITORY (Aural) Learning

It’s estimated that about 30% of Americans prefer either listening or discussing/talking as the main way of receiving information, & retain up to 75% of what they hear. The Temporal Lobes handle aural content, the right lobe being especially important for music.

The human ear can detect pitch changes as small as 3 hundredths of 1% of the original frequency in some ranges. Some people have ‘perfect pitch’ – the ability to name any musical note heard or sung correctly, without help = to map a tone precisely on the musical scale without reference to an external standard

It’s estimated that less than 1 in 10,000 people have perfect pitch, but speakers of tonal languages like Vietnamese & Mandarin show remarkably precise absolute pitch when reading out lists of words, as pitch is an essential feature in conveying the meaning of words in tone languages.

Sound plays a crucial role for everyone when learning, but especially so for auditory learners. In a typically developing child, hearing & vision work in tandem, to take in information about things around them. This helps them absorb their environment better, providing another layer of understanding that sight alone can’t offer.

Like other skills, listening takes practice. Developing good listening habits helps children get important information from family, teachers & friends.
EXP: Using tapes with pictures, names & sounds are best. Children may know what an animal looks like, but also hearing the sound it makes allows they a fuller experience.lestening learners

As a group, strong auditory learners are somewhat difficult to describe.  Some learn best by listening, & some by talking, but most combine them, with strengths & weaknesses in each. This style is considered a difficult way to learn new material.

Auditory Listeners learn mainly by hearing. When listening to a new topic, or overhearing conversations – they focus on what’s being said, often remembering key words and phrases, directions & descriptions – in great detail. They may like to hear stories, or learn the context of a subject, while others may actually find off-topic background confusing.

Since listening requires more concentration than seeing, they’re usually slower at reading than other learners, preferring plays & dialogue to lengthy passages. Hearing an overview of a lesson is helpful, allowing them to better absorb subsequent info. Some auditory learners find it hard to listen & take notes, or to listen & watch something at the same time.
Also, some study better with ambient sounds (TV, music, people talking….) – to block out distraction, while others find noise breaks concentration.

audotory talkersAuditory Talkers need to discuss what they’re learning. They ask a lot of questions to solidify new info, & helps them pass it on to others. By discussing what they understand about something new, they form links between that & what they already know, clarifying their grasp of a topic.
Speaking also gives a chance to learn by listening – to themselves. When studying on their own they’ll move their lips or talk to themselves. Because of a fine-tuned ‘ear’ they may find learning a foreign language relatively easy.

Strong verbal skills allows them to express ideas clearly, carry on interesting conversations, have an appreciation for words & with a well-developed vocabulary. Auditory learners become skilled at interpreting info & reproducing it. This giving many a knack for deciphering the true meaning of someone’s words – from tone of voice, pitch, speed & other vocal nuances.

Speech patterns include phrases “I hear you // That clicks // That rings a bell // That sounds about right // It’s coming through loud and clear // Tune in to what I’m saying // That’s music to my ears…..”

Those with an Auditory Numerical Style understand numbers best if spoken or heard. They’ll say numbers to themselves when mentally figuring math problems, learning a phone number, or add 3 numbers together without writing them down – & then easily remember sequences later.

listen 7 studyAuditory learners often have Musical talents & like to work with sound – with a good sense of pitch & rhythm, hearing tones & individual notes.
Many can sing, play or at least identify musical instruments, find themselves humming or tapping a song or jingle, that pop into their head without prompting. Some music will invoke strong emotions in them.

EXP: Research shows that playing certain classical music while studying, such as a Baroque Largo, is highly beneficial. This is because its BPM (beats per minute) is the same as alpha brain waves, providing our most receptive & alert mental state. Also, waltzes have a BPM that are in tune with the natural rhythm of our body, creating positive mental energies & consciousness

Re. INTUITION (Clear hearing)
This is hearing in the mind’s ear as if remembering a sound (words, letters, music….), although sometimes it’s so strong you think it’s real.

General AUDITORY Characteristics
Regardless of which style you prefer, you’re not going to identify with every characteristic. That will depend on other factors, such as mixing in other learning styles, education & native personality

auditory characteristics

NEXT: Kinesthetic Learning (Part 4c)

“INNER CHILD SPEAKS”, re-posted (Part 2)

inner kidYOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING
to listen or talk to me!

PREVIOUS: Child to Adult Monologue (#1)

SITE: “Love Your Inner Child

 

WRITER: Marie T Russell (1996) publisher of InnerSelf Magazine. Reprinted in full, as is. 
LETTER CONTINUED

The child cries out:  “You told me that it was not a-prop-riot-e behavior to dance in the street, or to sing with the birds, or to talk to the new people that I discovered on the street – you call those people strange-hers. You told me that it’s not appropriate to be playful & childlike, that I had to act your age. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m an Inner Child & I’m eternally young… so my age is whatever I choose. And today I choose to be five years old. So it is okay for me to sing & dance & love everyone I meet, because I know that God loves me, and that I am loved by everyone because God is in everbad inputyone.

“Do you know what is not appropriate? When you frighten me with your grown-up mixed-up beliefs. You have a picture of the world that I do not like, & you try to frighten me into doing what you want by telling me about your picture. Well, your picture is all wrong! Do you know why?

Because your picture has a nasty God in it that punishes children & He gets very angry when they make a mistake. Well, my God loves me & loves you too. And my God does not frighten little children. Instead He provides birds that make music, fruit trees for food, sun for light & warmth, grass to roll in & lay on, animals to play with, & lots of other good things.

“Your picture is just a horror movie that you made up, & I don’t watch horror movies. So if you insist on watching a horror picture, keep me out of it. Don’t even tell me about it. I don’t like to hear yucky stories. They make my belly & my heart hurt.

“But if you decide you’d like to watch and live a beautiful love story with me, then simply switch channel to the Inner Child channel. You and I can get to know each other, then we can have some fun as well as some love & peace together.

“You probably don’t even know where I am. Well, that’s because I’m scared of you and I’ve been hiding. I would suggest you tame me, just as if you were dealing with a scared kitten. Just imagine that your Inner Child is a scared kitty hiding under the bed. What do you do? Well, maybe you start talking gently, lovingly to it even though you can’t see it. And then maybe you bring it a saucer of warm milk (for me a saucer of unconditional love will do), then back off a little & keep talking softly.

“After a while, I may peek around the corner to make sure that you’re really for real & won’t judge or criticize me again… after all, you’ve done that a lot. If I feel that you are really ready to love me & be nice, I’ll come out & we can talk & play.

“Another way that you can get in touch with me is to listen to what you call your intuition. Lots of times that’s me telling you what would be great for us. So the next time you feel that it would be good for you to go for a walk, or sing out loud, or dance… pay attention. That’s probably me making my presence known. The more you spend time doing the kind of things I like, the more you’ll start feeling me there, & enjoying our time together.

“And keep taintuitionlking to me. Soon you’ll start hearing me. You see, I talk very softly cause I’m little and sometimes I’m scared of you cause you’re big and you talk loud and gruff. So listen softly, and then you’ll hear me.

Remember that I love you & really want to spend time with you. I know that once you start spending time with me, you’ll be much happier. You’ll find yourself singing & maybe even taking silly little dance steps in the street. The people around you will start smiling for no apparent reason when you walk by, because their own Inner Child will recognize me & will also pop up to the surface.

“Can I come out and play? I love you a whole bunch! I hope you’ll come visit often & invite me to hang out with you a lot too! We can really have a great time together, you and me.”

With Love, 
Your Inner Child

NEXT:

Mind-Reading vs. INTUITION (Part 2a)

intuition 1

 

I JUST KNOW IT –
but I don’t have any proof

PREVIOUS: MIND-READING – 1b

Review Mind-reading, 1a

 

2. INTUITION
DEF: INTUITION =  It’s like overhearing a conversation in a language we’re not fluent in but can still get the gist of what’s said. It’s the ability to maneuver within beliefs & knowledge, giving a relative awareness of where we are on the map of life
PS: Inspiration is seeing the whole path we need to travel on the map

Intuition is complex – mostly it’s being tuned-in to the world around us – & beyond – picking up info without any obvious source
For some it’s a gut feeling
For others it’s the universe giving them a gentle nudge
For still others it’s the answer to a prayer or a whisper from God

Intuition is an innate survival tool, a compass & a tether connecting us to our environment. It doesn’t have to be supernatural – it is most often a subliminal accumulation of what others are saying, feeling or doing (their T.E.As) & storing it for future reference (see pt. d)

SO – Intuition is in us & comes from us, but is about everything outside of us – the opposite of Mind Reading.
✶ When cultivated, it bypasses or counters certain of our ACoA damage!

a. In the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI), the second of 4 levels is Sensate vs Intuitive, which has to do with one’s style of gathering information about the world, & making decisions based on it.

• At one extreme are the Sensates (S) who need proof of everything, literal & practical. They prefer hands-on, here-&-now tangible experiences, only believing what they can see & touch. They are about 70% of the US population & are considered ‘hard-nosed’ by their opposites

• At the other end are the Intuitives (N) who ‘just know’ – they look for meaning, possibilities & relationships among things (the gestalt). They like to put things in a theoretical framework, looking at things holistically, seeking the big picture. They comprise about 30% & are considered ‘flakes’ by the S. (See all 4 levels)

✶ Most people don’t live at the extreme ends of this level (S vs N). But when 2 people in any kind of relationship DO, it is one of the most difficult discrepancies of the 4 levels to overcome.
They never really ‘get’ each other.  It’s especially hard when an extreme S mother has a very N child – she’ll likely negate the child’s way of understanding its environment, making the child doubt its perceptions, even its sanity –  especially if the mother is also a narcissist

b. As Children
• From birth, kids have a capacity for seeing & sensing things that many adults are unaware of. This is an important instinct for them, since they’re so vulnerable & don’t yet have language.  Infants mirror what we present to them, especially our emotions

EXP: When a mother takes a slow, deep breath each time she feels tension, either in herself or the infant, it teaches the baby to do the same. She’s creating & reinforcing the state of anxiety – without ever saying a word!
• Equally so, children who comfortably spend time contemplating & exploring their thoughts & feelings, without interference, will develop self-awareness & the intuitive abilities that come from this inner knowledge

•  The absorption capacity of intuition, so highly developed in kids, allows us to assimilate our parents’ inner feelings as much as their overt messages. The combination becomes the Introject – which is only negative if our parents were mentally &/or emotionally damaged

Exp:  A friend remembers one evening when she was 6 or 7, sitting with her dad in the living room while he was reading the paper. For no apparent reason she asked him who Lydia was.  He looked at her puzzled but didn’t answer. Many years later she found out that he was having an affair with a Lydia back then, but at that time no one in the family knew about it.  What had she been ‘picking up’ on? – A smell? his guilt? his residual pleasure?

NEXT: INTUITION – 2b

MIND READING vs. Intuition (Part 1a)

mind-readingIS IT REAL OR…..
am I just projecting?

PREVIOUS: Healthy RISK

POSTS: Symbiosis & ACoAs
• “How ACoAs Abandon Others”

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.


1. MIND-READING (M-R)

a. OFFICIAL Meaning
This is one of the many Cognitive Distortions (CDs) that plague ACoA & alcoholic thinking:  “… an arbitrary conclusion that someone is thinking or reacting negatively to you, without any real evidence… often going contrary to what the other person actually says or does, almost always pessimistic…”

• This CD is a projection of our WIC’s self-hate or the critical voice of our Negative Introject (PP).  It is a form of narcissism, which makes the WIC conclude we are the same as the other person, so — if I think & feel a certain way, so will you!

Wikipedia: Psychological projection** is a defense mechanism whereby a person unconsciously denies their own attributes, thoughts & emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world (the weather, other people….)
It reduces anxiety by allowing a way to express unwanted / unacceptable unconscious impulses or desires, without the conscious mind recognizing those needs & wishes

**NOTE: It’s not the same as Projecting

🦠 Mind-reading is completely about us – notmindreading
about the person or group we’re referring to.
Because of that, we insure staying disconnected from the rest of humanity, which reinforces our sense of alienation.  ACoAs are notorious for believing ‘We don’t belong anywhere’, even when in a room full of other ACoAs!

M-R comes from:
• knowing from experience that our parents did not love us unconditionally & so assume everyone else will feel the same towards us
• growing up in families where emotional & mental honesty was missing, so we had to guess at what others were thinking or feeling
AND
• our fear of separateness – if we ‘know’ what someone is thinking then we’re permanently joined (symbiotic), to stave off the bitter loneliness of the WIC
• needing to protect ourselves at all times from the ‘dangerous’ world
AND
• not being taught how to gather info correctly, we make up things. We’re not allowed to ask AND assume we won’t get the truth anyway
• trying to figure out how to behave (if I “know” what you’re thinking I can adjust my actions accordingly)

SO OUR:
✧ S-H becomes “Nobody likes me”
✧ FoA becomes “She would never spend time with me”
✧ paranoia becomes “I know they’re talking about me”
✧ fear of rejection becomes “She’ll too busy to help me”
✧ perfectionism becomes “They all thought my _____ was awful”
✧ lack of boundaries becomes “The boss expects me to be just like her!”

Me, me, me!  It completely erases others, as if they didn’t have separate identities, minds of their own OR had other things to think about besides us!

EXP: Paul sits anxiously in a 12-step meeting, raising his hand but not getting called on.  He’s convinced the speaker is deliberately avoiding him – “he must not want to hear what I have to say… he doesn’t like me… he thinks he’s better than me…”, so Paul sits & fumes.angry guy

Reality: If Paul had asked the speaker about this, he would have been told: “I’m sorry, I saw your hand, but just didn’t get to you.  It’s so hard to pick – you want to include everyone, but there’s just not enough time.”

EXP: If your therapist yawns or seems distracted – you assume he / she is bored with you.
Or if you get invited to a dinner party, you’re sure they only invited you along to make up the seating numbers.

Reality: you’re therapist was up all nite with a sick child or writing their blog! & you were invited to dinner because the hostess likes you & knows you’ll be a great addition!

NEXT: MIND-READING vs Intuition – 1b

Welcome to ALL

ACoAs know a lot, but often feel confused.

We have a ”committee of voices” with  conflicting points of view, often making it hard to function.   Who should we listen to:  the Inner Child, the Harsh Parent, the Healthy Adult,  our religion, our intuition ???

Here, in these blogs,  I try to make complex issues easier to think about & understand.Tell me if you agree, disagree, or if I’ve left something out!

CLARITY is a hallmark of mental health.     Keep repeating: “I KNOW WHAT I KNOW” !!