ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 3d)

happy w/ myselfI‘VE WORKED A LONG TIME
to have peace of mind

PREVIOUS: Dis-comfort & Comfort #3b

SITE:  Start being comfortable in your own skin

QUOTE: A man (or woman) cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~ Mark Twain“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can do you no harm.” – old African proverb



Being willing & able to tolerate the dis-comfort of the Recovery process will lead to achieving at least a fair measure of the Promises. These goals & outcomes are the result of sticking to the process of growth through all the frustration, disappointments & hard work. They may seem beyond our reach at the moment, but the 12 Steps offer : “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through: (from the ACoA site)

☆ We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves
☆ Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis
☆ Fear of authority figures & the need to people-please will leave us
☆ Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us
☆ As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses
☆ We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
☆ We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
☆ We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves
☆ Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
☆ Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices
☆ With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
☆ Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it

These are based on the Promises of AA, in the Big Book.

4. POSITIVE Comfort
DictiBE-ing bearonary DEF:  “Producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease // In a state of physical or mental ease; contented, undisturbed

a. ACTIONS: “Do what’s comfortable” does not mean being complacent, being stuck, lazy, backsliding into old ways, giving up hope, settling or not continuing to grow & expand horizons.

b. BE-ING : Ultimately, true Comfort is an inside job. It comes from developing a deep sense of worth (not arrogance) & faith in a Higher Power. It allows us to enjoy the good things about ourselves & the world. And when difficulties, stressors or pain come our way, we can allow ourselves to have a variety of intense emotions (Es), but our thinking (T) stays realistic & sound.

INNER COMFORT is the result of self-compassion, expressed very day, in large & small ways.
< It is not self-pity, self-indulgence or self-esteem – the latter often based on being special, standing out from the crowd, social position, visible accomplishments & income
> It is being kind to yourself whether you you’re doing well or not, by accepting your humanness, no matter how messy or complicated.pos-pos

Expressions of Inner Comfort develop from knowing who you are, by identifying your specific needs, likes & dislikes – & then providing them for yourself.
** Functioning mainly from our Authentic Self, using the UNIT (healthy adult/loving parent) for self-care, we can say”:

• “I know what I know” & I don’t have to know everything to be safe!
• most of the time I have no S-H (self-hate)
• like where I live, inside & out
• have the job/career that suits me

• can stand up for my rights without being pushy of starting fights
• mainly have relationships w/ people who at the very least respect me, & who are kind – most of the time. And at the most those people who love me, enjoy my company & suit my personality
• find ways to have fun & enjoy myselfbe in control
• have a sense of humor about almost everything
• Have little or no desire to fix, rescue or take care of, & without guilt, since my anxiety level has gone down to a whisper
**Knowing what I have & don’t have control over.
See the Serenity Prayer
“50 Things You Can Control Right Now”
Say YES to any good thing that comes my way!

SITEs: Cultivating Self-compassion
Exercises & Meditations for Self-compassion  

NEXT: Comfort /Discomfort #5b

2 thoughts on “ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 3d)

  1. I’m continuing to enjoy and value these blogs. I realize I can overdo trying to fix or rescue people. However, sometimes there is a genuine desire to be of assistance. I’m at the age where my life increasingly will revolve around caring for elderly parents. Sometimes I feel unsure about when to help and when not to help. I’m aware that I can easily go into resentment mode if I am not careful. At the moment, I am setting time limits on myself as to what I do, as well as making sure that I have time to pursue my own interests. There is also in me a greater ability to be truthful. As a person with an enneagram six pattern, I guess my journey is to learn to trust my own inner knowing and to listen to the signals my body sends as to what is best to do in each situation that I encounter.


  2. Thank you for reading. We need both our Inner Voice & the correct info. The ‘Healthy Helping’ lays out some basic rules. Keep up the good work.


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