ACoAs: RISK-AVERSE (Part 2)


attacks 

 

ATTACKS COME FROM EVERYWHERE!
I have to protect myself at all costs

PREVIOUS: RISK  – Intro

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

INTERESTING about Portfolio management:
Risk Aversion –
a preference for safety & certainty over uncertainty, & the potential for loss or pain
vs. LOSS Aversion : 
a complex need for both risk aversion & risk seeking behavior. It’s not just the desire to reduce risk but an utter contempt for loss. These people feel the sting of loss twice as great as the joy from an equal size gain – & make financial investment decisions accordingly

Neuro-economics has found that when people are facing a loss, the amygdala – our fear center in the brain – begins to fire. It is the area that responds to mortal danger. No wonder many investors are influenced by loss aversion.

SO too, some ACoAs are :
a. MORE risk-averse – hardly ever taking risks of any kind, living mainly as victims, who stay in menial or unfulfilling jobs most of their work life, stay closer to home, don’t try new things, don’t reach out…
b. LESS averse:  some more adventuresome in many ways, possibly in the ‘action’ category, but afraid to risk in other important areas, most often emotionally

😩We learned to ignore potential choices, because WE WERE:
• told anything we did was wrong, stupid or not good enough
• constantly iavoid risknterrupted by someone else’s needs or crises, so we culd’t focus on what we needed to do for ourselves
• punished equally for big or small infractions of ‘rules’, many of which made no sense or were unspoken! This mare us put off or avoid taking normal actions, much less branching out to try things that were important to us, or something more unusual

IN the PRESENT – our reaction to childhood trauma is to avoid as much confrontation & newness as possible (co-dependence / risk-aversion).
We’re convinced that all forms of ‘taking a chance’ are bad & will guarantee being harmed
We’ve been trained to assume that that’s the way life is, forever – at least for us! This is so ingrained that we don’t even know that’s what we believe. But we live it every day.

REASONS – WE:obey the rules
• can’t take center stage in our own life
• copy a parent’s life-long fear of risk
obey our specific toxic rules
• rebel against family demands for success
• don’t want to lose the proof of their abuse
• not allowed to be visible, or out-shine them

also FEAR – of:
• abandonment, reprisals, punishment
• authority; not being perfect; not picking the right thing
• being a ‘laughing stock’
• being shown as incompetent (not knowing)
• dealing with competition
• having to deal with others’ jealousy
• not getting our deepest desires, no matter how hard we try
AND / OR have to: 
• face our childhood damage AND CHANGE!
• S & I (outgrow & out do unsuccessful family)
• leave someone unsafe or incompatible (parent, friends, mate, children, job, addictions, locations….) if they prevent our growth
• deal with the discomfort of getting good things & being successful, as an adult – which the WIC says it doesn’t know how to be
• then take riskier steps after that… maybe even scarier (like: write something, then publish, then promote, then…)

RECOVERY:  In terms of T.E.A., while risk is primarily about Actions, there are many which fit into Emotion & Thinking – the risk of personal growth, which comes from the WIC’s fear, as a result of:leave home
T. – internally disbelieving & disobeying the Negative Introject, which is our addiction & attachment to our family (giving up our denial)
E. – being able to tolerate the painful emotions what surface in the process of letting go, both from re-experiencing pent-up old pain, as well as facing being hurt by current family judgment & abuse for ‘leaving them’ ie. upsetting the family mobile by changing the dysfunctional dynamics.
A. …. & all the healthy actions : clearly objecting to abuse, disobeying Toxic Rules by doing positive things, & sometimes having to distance ourselves from actual family members & dealing with the possible fallout

NEXT:  Risk Addicted

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