OH NO, THE OLDER I GET  –
the more I look like him / her! EEK!

PREVIOUS: Family Inventory – Overview

See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

This series of Inventory Qs (© Donna M Torbico, 1995) is specific to the topic of LOOKS, but can be modified to cover almost any other topic you want to evaluate: Food, Money, Sex, Work, House, Religion, Personal & family name, Ethnic / cultural / country background…..

APPEARANCE
Every aspect of our family made a deep impact on us, consciously or not. Since everyone is affected by & often judged by our appearance, we want to look at this aspect first.  It has a direct bearing on how we feel about our own looks – did we grow up proud or ashamed of it?

EXP: A very well known passionate Bible teacher who speaks in public all over the world – is not what most people would call ‘pretty’. She mentioned once that someone unkindly told her she had a “great face for radio”!

At the other extreme, millions of people follow, even adore, famous people who are gorgeous, & imagine / assume they’re also wonderful people. Not so! Many are addicts, cheaters, batters, sexual predators….
OR: Think “Father Knows Best”‘s Robert Young who presented as squeaky clean (in the days before the net & social media) but in real life was an active alcoholic…..

Describe each Q** in as much detail as you can remember, as if telling someone who has never seen them.  If you can’t think of much, start anywhere & then go on to the next point. Leave room for adding to it as memories come up.
If you need help, ASK anyone who also was part of OR knew your family members – what they can contribute
**DO a separate list for each parent & sibling, & any other relative who had an influence on you

1. In your opinion:
• what did each of them look like?
• how have they changed over the years?
• do you/ did you like their looks or not?
• how did their looks affect you?
• did other people have reactions to their looks or to any changes in them – from age, sickness, accidents….?
• who do you most look like & how do you feel about that?

2. What was their opinion:
• of their looks?
• of your? (list their comments)
• how did you feel about that?
— did anyone in the family favor your looks or someone else’s?
— what about others in the family?

3. Is there a pattern to the physical type they preferred or disliked? (gender, color, size…) – even if it now seems shallow or cruel
• What did you think of that?
• Did it affect you in any way?
• Did it have anything to do with ethnic background?

4. How did they dress?
• has it changed over the year? How?
• what aspect of grooming was most important to them?
• if it has changed, what life situations might have contributed to it?
• what was the difference in their choice of clothes at home vs going out?
• did they ever embarrass you by the way they dressed? When & how often? (Drunk?)

5.  How would you describe their style (if not already done so above)?
• frumpy, elegant, sloppy, careful, conservative, hippy, modern…..
• did other people (neighbors, school, church…) comment on their way of dressing?
• how did you feel about their style?
• what other people said?

6. Who chose your clothes & accessories?
• how did you feel about their choices?
• OR did you have to do it alone – when you were way too young?
• what emotions & thoughts did that cause?
• if an adult chose, at what age did that change?
• were your clothes hand-me-downs?
• what effect did that have on your self-esteem & social acceptability?

7. What was their attitude about personal hygiene?
• about themselves?
• about you?
• what effect did this have on you?

8. What were their favorite OR hated scent, color, fabric, era…. ?
• were any of these imposed on you?
• how did that affect you?

Add other thoughts relevant to your experience on this topic.

NEXT: OUR Time-Line Inventory