MASCOT Family Role


class clown 

IF I’M ENTERTAINING ENOUGH –
they won’t feel the pain!

PREVIOUS: Lost Child Role

SITE: Mascot: Not all Fun & Games

 

 

❧ MASCOT’s GOAL
Provide diversion from family’s problems, & make everyone feel better by being funny & zany

PURPOSE
For Self: feel scared & powerless in the middle of the family mess, so try to interrupt physical & emotional tension & danger to protect themself

For Family:  They are genuinely ‘immature’, but play that up to draw attention away from the scary adults. Use comic relief to lighten a ‘heavy’ atmosphere, creating a diversion to diffuse volatile situations. They take responsibility for the family’s emotiosad clownnal well-being & become its ‘social director’, covering up the depth of the family sickness by keeping the focus on themselves

• Can actually hinder Recovery while using humor to communicate awareness of the dysfunction, & to indirectly express family’s emotion such as anger, grief, hostility or fear BY satire, sarcasm, teasing…. rather than address it head on
For Self: feel scared & powerless in the middle of the family mess & try to interrupt physical & emotional tension & danger to protect themselves

BIRTH ORDER:  Usually the youngest, but not always
IN SCHOOL
Class clown or cut-up, admired by classmates for making school enjoyable.
Are hyper-active, have difficulty concentrating on studies, so may develop learning deficits, & conclude they’re not intelligent (which is not true)

FAMILY TREATMENT
Assumed to be happy-go-lucky but not smart or capable, are the ones everybody loves & prefers. May be seen as fragile, so over-protected & shielded from life’s problems

ACTIONS /STYLE
Personal: Spend little time at home., with lots of friends, attract constant attention, are exaggerated & silly childdramatic, disruptive, may get into trouble but not the malicious kind like the Scapegoat
Avoid angry confrontations, go “with the flow”; ignore responsibility
Have a short attention span & inappropriate emotional responses (laugh when things are serious or painful).

• Social: They can make obnoxious jokes about the family with inappropriate humor to express their own repressed anger.
Use fun to amuse their circle of friends but are not taken seriously, may be subjected to criticism & rejection for being silly & flaky

DEFENSES
Exaggerate immaturity, be super-cute, act dumb, make fun of self, do anything to get attention – clowning, humor, becoming an actor, addictions

DEFICITS
Attention seeking, distracting to others, difficulty focusing, poor decision-making ability, superficial, ‘in the dark’.
Afraid to look inside & be honestly about emotions &actions, out of touch with ‘unpleasant’ feelings & their spirituality

Change BELIEFS
mascot dancerFROM: “I must never point out any problems”
“ If I make people laugh, everyone will feel better”
“ I only have value as an entertainer”

TO: “I have value for who I am, without being amusing”
“I can be comforted & loved even when I’m not ON”
“ I’m not responsible for others’ happiness”

EMOTIONS
Anxious, deeply insecure, embarrassed, feel inadequate & unimportant, lonely, sad, Self-hating, terrified. Express shame by depression & addictions

COST TO SELF
• Rarely feel loved for themselves, only for playing this role to keep family entertained.  Not allowed to have sadness or any other painful emotions. They ignore all suffering, which may later show up as illness, & deny the right to know their True Self.
ALSO not allowed to be clever, functional, show serious accomplishments

• Their frenetic social activity is a defense against intense inner anxiety & tension. Their trouble coping with that stress can make them think they’re going crazy. If this is not addressed, they can slip into addiction, mental illness or committing suicide

PARENTS CAN HELP CHILD
TO:  express humor appropriately, learn to take care of themself, modify need for attention, find ways to be competent
BY: being consistent & firm. Don’t push, only remind, & reward by using natural & logical consequences to their actions NEVER reinforce sick, sadistic or self-deprecating humor with laughter

Adult RECOVERY NEEDS
To take responsibility, risk being serious & be taken seriously, learn assertiveness, study something in-depth, feel all emotionsgood host

STRENGTHS
With help: Valued for their kind heart, generosity & ability to listen.
They’re charming people, entertaining hosts, have a good sense of humor, know how to play & enjoy, quick-witted & witty, joyful & bring joy to others, flexible, independent, helpful

NEXT: Roles & Co-dependence

5 thoughts on “MASCOT Family Role

  1. What does “S-H” stand for? I’ve looked over other articles and cannot find what it means. Thanks in advance!

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    • Hi.Thanks for asking.
      It means ‘self-hate’. All abbreviations are on the ACRONYM page – click on that word at the top of each page.

      Like

  2. I’m this guy and the definition is spot on match. I’m good with people, have a nice social circle and even real deep friendships. However, I have suffered from my romantic relationships (I have dated lots of girls).

    Unfortunately, I have anxious-avoidant attachment style that is why none of my relationships lasted for long, which is sad because I always thought to myself that the next girl would be “the one”. The deep desire for love and affection is never met because you never let anyone come near you. Eventually, I have suffered from major depression and anxiety

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  3. I’m a 63 year old mascot…. And i am so full of self hatred… i have never been married and left a string of broken hearts and pain…. I’m sick of myself… and my stupid mask i wear… funny, clumsy… class clown – but inside I’m so broken… my family still thinks I’m irresponsible yet ive clearly succeeded in life on the outside.. but inside ugh

    Like

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