60 Healthy RESPONSES to Narcissists


 

PREVIOUS : Re-traumatization

SITE : “How to Deal With a Narcissist, Backed by Research”

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Their strong need for power often drives narcissists (Ns) to develop new & creative ways of getting what they want.  This often leaves people around them feeling confused, diminished or devalued.  You may have asked yourself: “Do I have ‘doormat’ written on my forehead? , Why can’t I just speak up and tell him . . . What’s my problem?  Am I a masochist?”

When a N pushes your “hot button” – & they know all of them only too well – try to pause & take a deep breath.  This will interrupt your automatic “defense mode” reaction, to give you a moment to get in charge of your emotions.

👮🏽 Review all responses, & pick 1 or 2 that seem to fit your current issues. Memorize each one that you like by repeat it 10-20 every day for a week – or a moth if circumstances permit.  Then the next time you’re confronted by a N, the words will fall out of your moth without having to think about it. Even if you’re scared, it will be empowering to finally have a voice.

THINK realistic, empowering thoughts like:
“Even though I feel bad right this minute, this situation is not all my fault.  I can respond from my adult voice rather than the WIC (wounded inner child).  I deserve to speak up, even though I can never be perfect.”

“I feel very defensive right now, but I know I’m safe. I can take a moment to calm the fear.  Then I can  answer clearly & firmly.”

“(S)he seems like (s)he is feeling pretty threatened & defensive right now too.  Maybe it would help to revisit this issue after we’ve both had a break.”

What hurts a narcissist?

Silence . Silence.  Truth.

👏🏼 Each healing journey is different, as are the specific details of abuse. However, one sure indicator you’re well on the way is when you have a random thought about or meeting with the abuser, or another person’s gushing approval of them  – & it no longer triggers a strong, painful emotional response in you. YaY!

2 reminders about shutting down narcissists:

NO amount of trying to get a N to change who they are at their core – will ever create long-term change.

⁍It’s best to try to steer clear of these people – for your own sanity’s sake!

NEXT : Recovery STAGES

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