I NEVER HAD A CHANCE
to be successful!
Previous: Traits of Victims (#1)
P = Perpetrator / V=Victim
REVIEW – Emotional Abuse
E.A. is an ongoing pattern of behavior designed to control, manipulate & defeat another, usually occurring behind closed doors. It’s any non-physical behavior or attitude that intimidates, demeans, punishes or psychologically enslaves another.
It devaluates, humiliates & terrorizes, by yelling, screaming, name-calling, or with subtler tactics such as isolating a person from family & friends, invalidating their thoughts & emotions, & refusing to be pleased with anything.
Vs are ABUSED by any Perp WHO :
⚠︎ is habitually cruel or overbearing (even in the guise of friendship or caring), especially to smaller or weaker people
⚠︎ looks for the V’s ‘tell’ – a weakness they can exploit – and does
⚠︎ hates certain categories of people (children in general, gender preference, ethnic or religious groups…)
⚠︎ has an authoritarian personality, combined with a strong need to control or dominate
⚠︎ uses emotional, verbal &/ physical tactics to force their ‘wants’ on others, either by aggression & intimidation or subtler forms of coercion
⚠︎ uses their position to make themselves feel more important BY humiliating others, keeping them ‘in their place’ (MORE…..)
• Whether in a family, on the playground, on the street or at work, bullies and criminals don’t usually target their Victims at random.
CHILDREN victimized by family:
💭 the child who is naturally compliant & wants to please, is easily singled out by a Perp who know that that one can more easily be manipulated to do what the bully wants OR
💭 it’s the child who is too clever & insightful who’s a threat to the P’s power & so must be crushed!
ADULTS Abused by anyone:
While its NOT the Vs fault, their past history of trauma can make them more vulnerable. They may BE:
☀︎ anxious, insecure, not able to defend themselves verbally
☀︎ envied for their appearance, intelligence, talent & achievements
☀︎ too needy, clingy, eager to please
☀︎ withdrawn, seem odd, don’t fit in with their work or social culture
PS: Naturally, fully functional adults can be victimized as well, but are more likely to escape the abusive person or environments as soon as possible. They know & use many options the other types don’t, & will actively look for solutions, however long it takes.
CHARACTERISTICS** – preconditions for being abused, rather than innate weakness. The following PMES categories (Parts 2-4) are resulting emotions, beliefs & behaviors that come from prolonged exposure to Ps.
** Defense Mechanisms created by the False Self trying to survive years of mistreatment – NOT the fundamental & unique traits of the True Self.
1. PSYCHOLOGICAL / SPIRITUAL
a. re. Self – VICTIMS
• In early life — came from various combinations of emotional, mental, religious, physical, &/or sexual oppression & abuse ( Laundry List)
• are afraid of being visible, so don’t share much about themselves
• are impulsive with poor self-control, do whatever they feel like at the moment without thought to options or consequences
• a chronic feeling of emptiness / nothing is enough to fill the void
• a very sketchy awareness of who they are fundamentally (personal characteristics, abilities, skills, talents….)
• trouble relaxing & enjoying themselves, take themselves too seriously or not seriously at all
• believe they’re a fraud & will be found out. Lie when it’s not necessary
• don’t know, or don’t have internal permission to own & provide their basic human rights & needs
• feel responsible for others’ actions/ reactions, but don’t face their own
• lack internal motivation – only do what others want, or think they need
• never seem to get it together to leave the abuser (while endlessly thinking & complaining about it) OR keep leaving, but always go back OR pick another similar P
• project their disowned needs /desires onto others, without realizing it
• may end up with a personality disorder – such as Anti-Social, Co-dependent, Dependent, Love &/or Sex addict, Paranoid, Passive-aggressive …
NEXT: Trait of Victims – Mental & Emotional (#3)