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Previous: Traits of Victims (#1)

P = Perpetrator / V=Victim


REVIEW – Emotional Abuse
E.A. is an ongoing pattern of behavior designed to control, manipulate & defeat another, usually occurring behind closed doors.  It’s any non-physical behavior or attitude that intimidates, demeans, punishes or psychologically enslaves another.

It devaluates, humiliates & terrorizes, by yelling, screaming, name-calling, or with subtler tactics such as isolating a person from family & friends, invalidating their thoughts & emotions, & refusing to be pleased with anything.

Vs are ABUSED by any Perp WHO :
⚠︎ is habitually cruel or overbearing (even in the guise of friendship or caring), especially to smaller or weaker people
⚠︎ looks for the V’s ‘tell’ – a weakness they can exploit – and does
⚠︎ hates certain categories of people (children in general, gender preference, ethnic or religious groups…)
⚠︎ has an authoritarian personality, combined with a strong need to control or dominate
⚠︎ uses emotional, verbal &/ physical tactics to force their ‘wants’ on others, either by aggression & intimidation or subtler forms of coercion
⚠︎ uses their position to make themselves feel more important BY humiliating others, keeping them ‘in their place’ (MORE…..)

• Whether in a family, on the playground, on the street or at work, bullies and criminals don’t usually target their Victims at random. abuse passed down

CHILDREN victimized by family:
💭 the child who is naturally compliant & wants to please, is easily singled out by a Perp who know that that one can more easily be manipulated to do what the bully wants OR
💭 it’s the child who is too clever & insightful who’s a threat to the P’s power & so must be crushed!
 by anyone:
While its NOT the Vs fault, their past history of trauma can make them more vulnerable. They may BE:
☀︎ anxious, insecure, not able to defend themselves verbally
☀︎ envied for their appearance, intelligence, talent & achievements
☀︎ too needy, clingy, eager to please
☀︎ withdrawn, seem odd, don’t fit in with their work or social culture

 Naturally, fully functional adults can be victimized as well, but are more likely to escape the abusive person or environments as soon as possible. They know & use many options the other types don’t, & will actively look for solutions, however long it takes.
CHARACTERISTICS** – preconditions for being abused, rather than innate weakness. The following PMES categories (Parts 2-4) are resulting emotions, beliefs & behaviors that come from prolonged exposure to Ps.
** Defense Mechanisms created by the False Self trying to survive years of mistreatment – NOT the fundamental & unique traits of the True Self.

a. re. Self – VICTIMS
• In early life — came from various combinations of emotional, mental, religious, physical, &/or sexual oppression & abuse ( Laundry List)
• are afraid of being visible, so don’t share much about themselves
• are impulsive with poor self-control, do whatever they feel like at the moment without thought to options or consequences
• a chronic feeling of emptiness / nothing is enough to fill the void
• a very sketchy awareness of who they are fundamentally (personal characteristics, abilities, skills, talents….)
• trouble relaxing & enjoying themselves, take themselves too seriously or not seriously at all
• believe they’re a fraud & will be found out. Lie when it’s not necessary
• don’t know, or don’t have internal permission to own & provide their basic human rights & needs
• feel responsible for others’ actions/ reactions, but don’t face their own
• lack internal motivation – only do what others want, or think they need

• never seem to get it together to leave the abuser (while endlessly thinking & complaining about it) OR keep leaving, but always go back OR pick another similar P
• project their disowned needs /desires onto others, without realizing it
• may end up with a personality disorder – such as Anti-Social, Co-dependent, Dependent, Love &/or Sex addict, Paranoid, Passive-aggressive …

NEXT: Trait of Victims – Mental & Emotional (#3)

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