Previous: Traits of Victims (#1)
P = Perpetrator / V=Victim
To identify how someone is being victimized, it’s important to know what kind of treatment they’re subjected to.
A BULLY – Anyone WHO :
⚠︎ looks for the V’s ‘tell’ – a weakness they can exploit – and DOES
⚠︎ uses emotional, verbal &/ physical tactics to force their way on others, either by aggression & intimidation or subtler forms of coercion
⚠︎ is habitually cruel or overbearing (even in the guise of friendship or caring), especially to smaller or weaker people
⚠︎ has an authoritarian personality, combined with a strong need to control or dominate
⚠︎ hates certain categories of people (children in general, gender preference, ethnic or religious groups…)
⚠︎ uses their position to make themselves feel more important BY humiliating others, keeping them ‘in their place’ (MORE…..)
• Whether in a family, on the playground, on the street or at work, bullies and criminals don’t usually target their Victims at random.
CHILDREN bullied by family:
💭 Abusers ‘smells’ a child who is naturally compliant & wants to please, so they can be manipulated to do what the bully wants, OR
💭 The Abuser’s power is threatened by any child who is too clever & insightful to be ‘safe’ & so must be crushed!
ADULTS bullied by anyone:
While it is NOT the Vs fault, their past history of trauma can make them more vulnerable. They may BE:
☀︎ anxious, insecure, not able to defend themselves verbally
☀︎ withdrawn, seem odd, don’t fit in with their work or social culture
☀︎ too needy, clingy, eager to please
☀︎ envied for their intelligence, talent & achievements
INVOLUNTARY Victim SUB -TYPES (see Part 1 re. Vol / Invol)
a. Passive – most common
• External : they have few social skills, easily react to being baited, triy to placate or be overly helpful, not able to use humor to diffuse conflict
• Internal : are unhappy, lonely, depressed
b. Provocative (will have some, but usually not all these traits)
• Attitudes: resists rules, no patience for delay
• Behavioral : fights back & keeps at it, but always looses, with
• Emotional : irritable, easily angered, frustrated, in great distress
• Internal : immature, impulsive, restless – but gifted!
• Physical : may have learning disability (ADD, dyslexia, autism …)
• Social : misreads social cues, poor skills, reacts aggressively to authority, tease others & not know when to stop.
• Can be very annoying, & so not easily cared about . Give off the unconscious message they deserve to be abused
CHARACTERISTICS – preconditions for being abused, rather than Resulting emotions, beliefs & behaviors from prolonged exposure to Perps.
✶ All are Defense Mechanisms created by the False Self trying to survive years of mistreatment – NOT the fundamental & unique traits of the True Self
1. PSYCHOLOGICAL / SPIRITUAL
Re. Self – VICTIMS
• In early life — came from some form of religious, physical, emotional, mental &/or sexual oppression & abuse ( Laundry List)
• may have a personality disorder – such as Anti-Social, Co-dependent, Dependent, Love &/or Sex addict, Paranoid, Passive-aggressive ….
• a chronic feeling of emptiness / nothing is enough to fill the void
• a very sketchy awareness of who they are fundamentally (personal characteristics, abilities, skills, talents….)
• trouble relaxing & enjoying themselves, take themselves too seriously or not seriously at all
• lack internal motivation – only do what others want, or think they need
(V. projecting own needs / desires onto others, without realizing it)
• believe they’re a fraud & will be found out. Lie when it’s not necessary
• don’t know, or don’t have internal permission to their basic human rights
• are afraid of being visible, so don’t share much about themselves
• feel responsible for others’ actions/ reactions, but don’t face their own
NEXT: Trait of Victims – Mental & Emotional (#3)