List of HEALTHY Boundaries (Part 2)


 

I KNOW WHO I AM & WHAT I NEED,
& I can say it clearly

PREVIOUS: Emotional Bs

SITE: Personal Responsibility

 

 

WHAT BOUNDARIES DO – THEY:
• are pre-set guidelines for all areas of life. When we periodically regress into a symbiotic or self-effacing state (inevitable), we may need someone to help us re-established them
• protect us from our own emotional instability (in the WIC), with situations that feel vulnerable – if Healthy Adult is in charge
THEY:
• protect our values & right to always be treated with dignity & respect
• prevent letting anyone enter our life inappropriately, or try getting us to do anything we don’t want to
THEY:
• act as a warning sign when’re about to get into relationships or places unsuitable or dangerous – for us
• identify specific consequences when a boundary is breached

2. PHYSICAL (P)
Healthy Bs means you CAN:
• stay in your body (be congruent) “I am my body”
• have self-esteem about your P self, no matter how you look
• can give & receive P. comfort
• protect your physical space from intrusion, invasion or abuse
• weigh the consequences before acting on a sexual impulse
• say NO to food, gifts, touch, sex … you don’t wantbody Bs
• touch & be touched – with discrimination
KNOW –
• it’s OK to move towards or away from someone
• the most comfortable space between you & another
• what’s appropriate modesty & openness with yourself & others. Modesty is not = being a prude! It’s about self-respect.
• aren’t afraid to distance yourself from anyone who can’t respect your Bs

3. MENTAL
With YOURSELF
Healthy Bs means that you CAN:
• know it’s OK to have some privacy / secrecy without guilt, even with intimates
• take back your projections (see others for who they really are, not what you think or wish them to be – or who your parents were)
YOU:
• know when a miscommunication or CD is yours & when it’s someone else’s
• empower yourself to make healthy choices & be responsible for your thoughts
• act aswisdomsertive (not aggressive) by respectfully stating opinions, emotions & needs
• know what you believe (values) & what you want
• value your opinions, tastes & viewpoints, as much as those of others
• think & speak for yourself (without always quoting others)
• trust your own decisions, defining your truth as you see it
• own your toxic beliefs & work on replacing them
• say No or Yes honestly, & know you’re OK when others say No to you

With OTHERS
Healthy Bs means that YOU :
• avoid expectations – know you might get turned down, but can still ask
• can ask for practical information, when needed
• communicate needs & wants clearly in all relationships
relationship types• give personal info gradually, then check how others respond
YOU:
• notice any time others boundary-invade you
• teach others to treat you with dignity & respect
✶ you can stand up for our beliefs, even when in the minority
✶ accuracy is more important that agreement in communications
YOU:
• go slow in a new relationship while checking for compatibility
• decide if a potential relationship will be good for you
• recognize that friends & partners are not mind readers
• respect others’ boundaries (ask if it’s ok before touching)

EMOTIONAL & MENTAL RECOVERY Truths
✦ No one can tell us who we are
✦ No one can live our pain or our joy
✦ Aloneness is a bounty from which we choose what we want
💗
✦ Wisdom is in hearing & believing our own voice
✦ Our eyes can never see as clearly as our hearts
✦ Moresmarts is possible than we think, if we truly believe
✦ What we think we want may be inferior to what we receive
💗
✦ To want nothing is as selfish as to give nothing
✦ Sharing cannot be real unless we keep enough for ourselves
✦ Giving is never losing, & giving freely is a semi-circle which completes itself in receiving
💗
✦ Second-best may really be just second-arrived
✦ Help doesn’t always appear in the way we expect or demand
✦ No matter who walks with us, no one can walk it for us
✦ Friends can only stand by while we make our discoveries
SO:
✦ Often we may feel we’re walking alone, but we never are if we know who we are

NEXT: Setting Healthy Bs (Part 3)

3 thoughts on “List of HEALTHY Boundaries (Part 2)

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