acoa recovery

Anger & the BRAIN (Part 3)

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brain chemicals

DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG
must be those pesky chemicals!

PREVIOUS: Anger & the Brain (Part 2)

SITE: “Helping children with anger”

 

2. EMOTIONAL REACTIONS (cont)
a. The ‘Reptilian’

b. The LIMBIC SYSTEM (cont.)
iii. The Amygdala (cont)
While there are successful action-tools to manage hostile responses to life’s difficulties, chronically angry people may have trouble using them if their brain isn’t producing enough acetyl-choline, the hormone which tempers the more severe effects of adrenaline & helps to schedule REM sleep.

BTW: Introverts generally have higher level of this calming neuro-transmitter, so they’re more comfortable being alone, not needing a lot of stimulation in order to burn off excess adrenaline.(More...)
AND – they’re highly sensitive to Dopamine, so – too much will over-stimulate them.

✤ Under sudden stress, the brain is wired to make us react before we can properly consider the consequences. While the amygdala is very efficient at warning us about a threat –
it can only react from previously stored action-patterns, so it’s not good at judging or evaluating what to do about it.

When flooded with emotions, it ‘hijacks’ the rest of the brain, so the prefrontal cortex (PFC) gets temporarily cut off, without the thinking-option of checking if our behavior is reasonable, appropriate or safe.

EXP: When anger takes over, a person will tend to ‘shoot from the hip’ instead of from the head. However, resilient people (emotionally & chemically balanced) are able to make a faster recovery from stress, allowing them to BrainCoherenceEmotionuse the thinking brain more easily to calm emotional intensity.

✤ Emotional flooding does not excuse bad behavior, but it does mean that managing anger properly is a skill that has to be learned, NOT something we’re born able to do instinctively.

NOTE to ACoAs: This is another reason there are times when we can’t seem to respond successfully or at all – until well past the event. It’s when we’re shocked by someone saying or doing something that scares our WIC, whether outrageous, actually harmful, or just because it reminds us of our family.

For many us, it’s only later – sometimes much later – that the cortex is finally able to kick in & lets us think of all the ‘right’ or clever things we could / wish we could have said. Very annoying, especially in the modern world where words are more often needed than fists!
(See ‘Communication discrepancies’ in “D.M., #5”)

Re. the Amygdala in Animals
Overactive – When their brains were stressed by electronic stimulation, they became aggressive. As the irritation continued (just as ACoAs suffered as kids), the amygdala became overactive, dramatically increasing the subjects’ agitation & short temper
Missing – When the 2 structures were removed, the animals became very tame, no longer responding to things that previously would have caused rage, fear or sexual interest….

FEAR PATHS:
Information (stimuli) first goes to the thalamus & then to 2 parallel pathways:
√ The ‘low road’/ short route (12 milli-sec.) provides a fast, rough impression of the situation, bypassing the ‘thinking’ brain. This creates an emotional response before all the facts are in

√ The ‘high road’ / long route (24 milli-sec.) – goes from emotional input, thru the cortex to the amygdala – allowing the brain to determine if an event is truly life threatening.
If the frontal cortex rationally decides that it’s not, it dampens the intensity of the amygdala’s quick reaction, via the unconscious. (MORE…. birth – age 7) (Circuitry & Sense of SELF)
In Humans:
When the amygdala is damaged, experiences which should cause alarm don’t get to the cortex for processing (high road), so that person will compulsively go toward dangerous things, even when repeatedly warned against doing so – because the fear response is missing (low road).
too much risk
EXP:  When one woman had her amygdala removed to stop her seizures, those were eliminated.
But also – she was no longer able to recognize fear or anger in herself, or in other people’s voices.
However, she could still identify & understand expressions of sadness, disgust, happiness, & surprise.
◆ In the case of PTSD, the input / event route through the cortex isn’t able to dampen enough of the fear response that has already taken place previously & repeatedly in the low road.

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 4)

ANGER & the BRAIN (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , , ,

'the Brain'“TOMORROW WE TAKE OVER THE WORLD”
: Pinky & the Brain

PREVIOUS: What about anger #4

SITE: “Your Brain & What it does”

SEE posts: ‘Emotions & the body‘ (Part 1-3)

OVERVIEW: When considering the relationship of anger to the brain, it helps to have context. All parts of the brain inter-connect with all other parts. Each structure & each neuro-chemical has multiple functions, doing different things in different locations.
But greatly simplified, the brain does have Left & Right side differences, & 3 major sections – Old, Middle & New. In reasonably healthy people, & under normal circumstances, rash impulses (Old) & emotions (Middle) are modified & managed by the ability to think things through (New). amygdalabypass

Interesting: “The Little History of the Mind-Brain”

1. RATIONAL THOUGHT is formed in the front part of the Neo (cerebral) cortex, the top / outermost layer of the brain, which integrates higher mental & instinctive functions, general movement & perception.

🔸The Pre-frontal cortex (PFC) makes up the largest part, the 2 lobes above & behind the eyes. It’s the ‘seat’ of personality, & its main job is to provide the ability to process information (internal or external input), so we can decide how to use information located in other sensory & memory centers throughout the brain

• Together, the 2-part PFC is a high-level filter for emotional control, but each hemisphere does it differently. They give us access to the accumulated & then stored info that tells us how to communicate & interact appropriately in private or public situations.
It helps us take actions based on a specific goal in the moment, & does this in part by preventing irrelevant stimuli from interfering (we can keep reading a book even if there’s lots of noise nearby….).
The PFC is also the location for self-talk.

Interesting: “Listening to yourself – Inner Speech across the lifespan”

3 brain centers✿ The PFC carries out executive functions (higher-level mental processes that organize lower-level ones, to regulate & verify behaviors)
in order TO:
• consider future consequences of current activities
• determine what’s unreal vs real, rational vs. irrational, appropriate or inappropriate… & filter out right from wrong
• figure out conflicting thoughts (same-different / better-best / good-bad)
• have social ‘control’ (suppress urges we know can lead to unacceptable outcomes)
• identify expectations based on actions (possible outcomes)
• make sound judgments & work toward defined goals
• plan responses to complex or difficult problems
• process our current environment, as well as past memories (see “Brain anatomy”)

BRAIN ORGANIZATION
There are 3 main models for how the brain works, & combining them gives the most accurate picture. They are:
Hierarchy: some things must happen before others can work. The brain’s lower levels must be working in order for the higher ones to function correctly
Value systems: some things are more important than others
Synchronization: what’s happening or not happening, all together at any given moment, has a big impact on the brain

🔸“The Life Model” chart of the brain’s right hemisphere shows the emotional-regulation control center** made up of 4 levels (similar to DNA & processor chips)
Together they keep the brain’s activity running smoothly – as long as emotions don’t get more intense than the system can handle

** CENTER functions, which are needed to be human, include 19 essential & nonverbal skills that can be learned & passed on from one level to another…..
EXP : We like people with these control-center skills & generally avoid people who lack them (MORE…..)

A healthy Center is built on positive & joyful experiences with significant relationships, which results in a great capacity to cope with stress.

When someone has had too many bad life experiences, the brain has a much more limited capacity or skills to regulate & cope, & needs help to heal itself.
The LEVELS
1. Lowest –  controls personal reality – how we identify (name) our experiences. Also can cut off thinking
2. Subconscious – fight, flee or freeze, controls our basic evaluations – how we understand our experiences
3. Conscious – from the cingulate cortex – is for self-regulation, governing motivation for everything we do, synchronizing our life rhythms
4. Conscious (highest, from the PFC) – gives us our Identity, ‘Who I am’. Also, the ability to quiet ourselves – to not ‘lose it’, stay upset for too long, or over-react.

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 2)

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 2)

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resentful??
I’M NOT RESENTFUL!
That’s all in the past, right?

PREVIOUS: ACoAs- What about anger (#1)

BOOK: “Strategies for Survival in an Angry World”  ~ Dr Eva Bell


DEFINITIONS
☁︎Anger – A temporary & episodic emotional reaction to a frustrating situation. It’s ‘rational’, because the cortex is still functioning, so the person can think & decide actions
▸ A strong, uncomfortable emotional response to something unwanted & not fitting with our values, beliefs or rights (triggered)

☔︎ Irritability – A milder feeling in reaction to minor annoyances that happen as part of our daily routine
➤Aggression – An intentional desire to harm someone or something

♨️ Rage – An “irrational” emotion – the un-reasoned, automatic, instinctive protection used to roughly push away danger to self or someone/ something vital & loved.
Often in the form of an explosion, sometime as completely irrational behavior (no conscious thought), sometimes very deliberate!

🚯Hostility – An emotional feeling of distrust + a negative mental opinion of everyone (chronic antagonism), causing a person to indiscriminately harm or want to harm others.

🛑 Hate (internal)
• extreme hurt which has hardened into cold rage.
In childhood it accumulates from being powerless to stop repeated & relentless abuse & neglect.
As adults, it’s
a. from persistently blaming others for our problems, instead of finding & using valid ways out of bad situations
b. as Self-Hate – turning our legitimate rage at family & environment back on ourself
🎴
BIG PICTURE T.E.A.
Psychologists consider the 2 most basic human emotions to be love & fear (Es), which colors our thinking (Ts) & so our actions (As). All other emotions are seen as nuances & variations.

😍 LOVE generates: caring, compassion, contentment, happiness, honesty, enjoyment, satisfaction, trust….  (Diagrams in Part 5)
❖ Unconditional LOVE is the only source of self-esteem!
(see Posts: “Being Loved“).  Healthy Love is what make a child feel safe, & Love is the all-powerful healer of wounds.

BUT – ACoAs did not experience a genuine sense of being loved, even if our parents said it or thought they did.
How do we know this? Because of the intense fear under everything we think, feel & do – seen in our S-H, FoA, PP….

🥶 FEAR generates : anger, anxiety, confusion, control, depression, guilt, hurt, inadequacy, loneliness, sadness, shame….

All ACoAs are fear-based, having been thru so much abuse, chaos, controlling, denial, judgement, lies, narcissism & neglect – to ever feel totally safe – without healing

And sooner or later – fear always generates ANGER. Being constantly scared – with no comfort, no relief, no explanations…. will pile up & turn into RAGE.
NOTE : counter-phobia & addiction-to-excitement are defenses, not lack of fear.
⬆️  Emotion GRAPHS – computer models from the Atlas of Emotions

★ Normally, all emotions are short-term, in-&-out reactions to some immediate event, & in this form – anger is not a problem. In fact, modern psychologists view anger as a mature emotion experienced by everyone at times, having survival value. When understood & accepted, it can often be used to correct life’s imbalances, although it’s not possible in every situation.

But when painful EMOs persist for days, months or years – from living in harmful situations – they got stockpiled, without having:
✦ permission to be experienced as true emotional responses to abuse & losses
✦ anyone to listen to us, identify them (give them words) or comfort us
✦ an opportunity to process the events, so we wouldn’t have to suppress or deny them

NOW, painful emotions are being held in place by toxic T.E.A.s:
◽️(T) The WIC / PP’s thinking in the form of CDs, mental obsessions about something unpleasant/ unacceptable, without understanding our interaction or participation in the problem

◽️(E) mountains of unprocessed pain accumulated from old hurts & unmet needs, suppressed awareness of all that hurt, in order to keep going (denial)

range of Es◽️(A) staying in harmful or inappropriate situations we know are not good for us, and continuing to live in self-deprivation (not enough company, education, finances, fun, love, rest, self-reflection, sex, support….)

REMINDER – Thoughts & Actions can be either Positive, Negative or Neutral,
 but EMOTIONS are never negative!
They can range from :
                most Joyful <—–> to most Painful (+/- 100)
       with the calmest, pleasantest in the mid-range (+/- 20).

NEXT: What about anger – Part 2

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , ,

frustrationI’M SO FRUSTRATED
I don’t know what to do with myself

PREVIOUS: New Year Celebration

BOOK: ‘Metaphor & Emotion’, seeing the body as container for emotions: “She unleashed her anger, his anger is smoldering, you make by blood boil…..”

BASICs – the more we know about something, the easier it is to understand, deal with & be in charge of it. So it is with anger.

1. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion – created by the physiology of our brain & body. It’s not only universal, but absolutely necessary, and NOT something to be cured as if it were a disease.

Anger is a healthy reaction to a grievance, so one of its positive intentions is to focus our attention – so we can modify or eliminate an aggravation or abuse, wherever possible. The benefits of appropriately expressing it include overcoming our fears, & building confidence to respond to threats, danger & mistreatment.

T.E.A.
The problem is not in having (feeling) the emotion (E),
►but rather in what we’re saying (T) to ourselves about a situation which greatly upsets us,
▶︎and the kind of behavior (A) we use to express it, based on what we learned as kids.
We need to FEEL our anger, but we do not always need to outwardly E. HEAT mapACT it out on others!

2. Like all emotions, anger is actual energy – no matter how intense – scientifically proven, as seen on these scans.
Heat maps of emotions —->

3. Anger is considered one of the secondary emotions – a response to primary Es such as intense FEAR (from being abandoned, attacked, disrespected, forced, offended, pressured, trapped…..). This does not mean it’s unimportant or to be ignored.
It’s secondary because it’s a composite of other more fundamental ones (Plutchik’s 8 Primary Es), AND because it can’t tell us directly what the underlying unmet NEED is, only that something is wrong.

🔹  However, it is a very useful starting point. Instead of being afraid of it, we can successfully use anger, guilt, anxiety…. as helpful indicators of what’s going on in the background (unconscious), giving us the opportunity & choice to ‘fix’ the real lack, which would then make us feel better.
The problem for ACoAs with solving this Q. (‘What’s missing?’) is that we’re not allowed to know what we really feel NOR what we actually need.
So these 2 aspects have to become part of our understanding & daily vocabulary before anger can be a useful tool.

FiveChart24. Anger is part of the Wood Element – which governs the eyes, gallbladder, liver, & tendons. In the short-term, & by itself (without action), the emotion itself is not harmful.
But because it is energy, generated by chemicals in the brain, we can damage ourselves in PMES ways when we suppress the anger / rage, especially for a long time. The chemicals can ‘fester’ inside & cause a variety of problems (headaches, high BP, auto-immune illness…. ).

✤ Denied anger results in lowered quality of life, causing mental & emotional numbness, which can then draw us toward violent situations as a release. It will also negatively effect many parts of the body, such as the:
√ Muscular (tightness) & Immune (over-worked) systems
√ Liver – causing our decision-making abilities to be diminished
√ Gall bladder – causing gallstones (condensed anger) & migraines

✤ At the other extreme is acting out the anger in ways that directly injure ourselves & others – especially when aimed at children.

5. How each person reacts (emotional intensity + behavior patterns) is formed by a combination of : genetic predispositions, cognitive problem solving skills, family / culturally-learned behaviors & past experiences

6. We hear even ‘respected ‘speakers’ talking about “negative emotion”. Wrong!
Es are either degrees of 🔺pleasurable OR degrees of 🔻painful.

NEVER think or talk about anger & other uncomfortable / ‘unacceptable’ / painful emotions AS negatives!
Anything designated as a negative is automatically considered bad – which in this case means we should not be angry, under any circumstances.

NOT so. Without feeling & owning legitimate anger – we are easily abused, frightened & manipulated – & so become or stay victims.

NEXT: What about anger? – Part 2

Ennea – LEVELS of Development Outlined (Part 3c)

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levels 3c 

IT’S PAINFUL TO SEE
who I grew up with!

PREVIOUS: Levels of Development – part 3b

SITE: “Essential Wholeness: Integral Psychotherapy, Spiritual Awakening, and the Enneagram”- Eric Lyleson

 

UNHEALTHY (7-9) – ALL Types
LEVEL 7 – Violation
External Behaviors – We are dissipated, eccentric, empty, isolated, rejecting, unstable. We burn bridges & retreat
Internal Attitudes – We are guilt-ridden, impulsive, nihilistic – with dark fantasies & no expectations. We devalue, feel besieged but defenseless

Desire is To – cut off all connections with the world and people (“to hell with everything”)
Basic Fear of this Level – That the world is closing in on us

At Level 7, believing that life has violated us, we become so desperate to get our needs met that it turned inwardleads to terrifying behavior – we’re willing to harm ourselves & others, causing serious conflict & damage. We see ourselves as victims, which allows us to justify any offensive or abusive action.
● We tend to over-indulge in anything we think will eliminate our pain (food/drug/alcohol abuse, sex, exercise, self-cutting…), but since they’re just an escape from dealing with reality, they causes more suffering.
● We get highly dogmatic, intolerant, inflexible, self-righteous & very
judgmental. Tend to deal in absolutes, as if only we know “The Truth” & everyone else is wrong, while rationalizing our own destructive actions.
* * * *
LEVEL 8: Delusion & Compulsion
External Behaviors – We are erratic, sinister. They repel others & have chronic insomnia. Can become delirious, may hallucinate, project
Internal Attitudes – We are horrified, nauseous, manic-depressive, overheated, with weird perceptions. We distort reality, resist all help, become schizoid (withdrawn / separate)

Desire is To – endure / survive our terrors (staring into the abyss)schizoid
Basic Fear of this Level – That we can no longer defend ourselves from outside or inside influences

At Level 8 – Become obsessive about imperfection and the wrong-doing of others, although we may fall into those very actions, hypocritically doing the opposite of what we preach.

* * * * *
LEVEL 9: Pathological Destructiveness
External Behaviors – We are annihilating, ‘autistic’, deranged, paralyzed, self-annihilating, suicidal, with psychotic breaks
Internal Attitudes – We are imploded, internally chaotic, desperate for oblivion, split off. We feel panic-stricken & damned

Desire is To – leave “reality”, to eliminate all sensory input, to break away from any awarenessdestructive
Basic Fear of this Level – The basic fear comes true: we are helpless, incapable & useless

At Level 9 we condemn everyone, becoming punishing & cruel – to rid ourselves of “wrong-doers.” Severe depression, a nervous breakdown & suicide attempts are likely. Generally corresponds to the Obsessive-Compulsive and Depressive personality disorders.

* * * * * *
EXP: TYPE 5 person’s disintegration (re. school-shooting)
“On December 14, 2012, Adam Lanza killed his mother, drove her car to Sandy Hook Elementary school where he gunned down 20 children and 7 adults before taking his own life.

It seems that Adam was a typical Enneagram #5 – highly intelligent, socially withdrawn with an inability to emotionally express himself.
• Pent up anger awaits a trigger.  Any Type follows a certain pattern as they deteriorate & Fives decide they need less and less of everything, including food, clothing, hygiene. They tend to become reductionists and worse, nihilists….”(MORE…..by Marcel Elfers)

NEXT : Levels of Development – part 4

Ennea – LEVELS of Development Outlined (Part 3b)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

levels 3b
I HATE BEING “AVERAGE”
but I’m working my way up!

PREVIOUS: Levels of Development #3a

BOOK: “Personality Types “~ Riso & Hudson (excerpt pages)


MEANING of the 3 Mental Health GROUPINGS (cont.)
AVERAGE (4-6) – ALL Types
LEVEL 4 – Imbalance
External Behaviors – We are non-conforming, dilettante or expert, we acquire technique, collect, delay closure, practice, prepare, study, withdraw
Internal Attitudes – We are acquisitive, abstracting, encyclopedic, knowledgeable, uncensored, uncertain. We analyze, build models, conceptualize & ‘fine tune’conforming

Desire is To – feel safer and more confident by retreating into our mind and imagination (like a Tinker Toy)
Basic Fear of this Level – That others will demand too much of us, & then our inner world will be threatened.

At Level 4, we become more attached to / identified with a self-image we’ve created, & tend to reject any of our qualities and actions not consistent with that ‘picture’. Protecting our self-image comes at the price of limiting our options. We now believe that by striving after the qualities listed at Level 2, we’ll be able to meet our needs. Dissatisfied with reality, we become high-minded idealists, thinking it’s up to us to improve everything & can become crusaders, critics, advocates. We get into “causes” & try to explain to others how things “ought” to be.
* * * *
LEVEL 5 – Inter-personal Control
External Behaviors – We are flighty, high-strung, impractical, interpreting, offbeat, preoccupied, secretive, speculative. We create fantasy worlds, compartmentalizing ourselves & the parts of our lives
Internal Attitudes – We are agitated, absent-minded, detached, distant, indiscriminate, intense – complexifying, minimizing & ignoring our needsrigid anxious

Desire is To – shut out intrusions (be more ‘in their head’)
Basic Fear of this Level – That others are attacking our niche or our competency

At Level 5 we’re afraid of making a mistake, so everything must be consistent with our ideals. Internally, we become orderly & well-organized, but emotionally constricted, impersonal & puritanical, rigidly keeping feelings and impulses in check. Often workaholics, can get anal-compulsive, fastidious, punctual & pedantic.

● The main strategy used with others is manipulating & controlling inter-personal relationships. We really insist that people accept our self-image, but unfortunately they don’t always respond the way we want, leading to tension and conflict.
● At this Level, we start to see the Shadow Issue of each type. As its name implies, this is a hidden element of our personality which represents the major defect each type needs to correct in order to grow.
* * * * *
LEVEL 6 – Over-compensation
External Behaviors – We are contentious, far-fetched, insensitive, prickly, scornful, submissive. We argue antagonize, provoke, rationalize
Internal Attitudes – We are cynical, extreme, greedy, impatient, intellectually arrogant, pessimistic, stingy. We distrust & jump to conclusionsuptight anxious

Desire is To – scare off anyone who threatens our niche or inner world
Basic Fear of this Level (red flag) – That we’re never going to find our place with people or in the world

Throughout the Levels, the strategies we use is an attempt to ‘manage’ underlying feelings of anger, shame, or fear.
At Level 6 we over-compensate for those emotions. We’re so desperate to have others accept our self-image that we act out in truly offensive ways – are abrasive, indignantly angry, moralize, scold.
● We’re highly critical both of self and others: judgmental, picky, perfectionistic. Impatient, never satisfied with anything unless it is done according to our prescriptions.
● Very opinionated about everything: correcting people and badgering them to “do the right thing” – as we see it.

From:  “The Everything Enneagram Book“ by Susan Reynolds
“While it’s true that part of your type is genetically predetermined, without question your early childhood experiences vastly affect your development.
The quality and style of parenting, in conjunction with environmental givens — health, income, education, location, and wealth or dearth of physical, emotional, or spiritual resources — have everything to do with your ability to function at the higher, the middle, or the lower spectrum of your EnneaType.

You began life whole, but whatever happened in your early life led to the development of a set of adaptive behaviors that suppressed your essence and created a self driven by its own self-constructed ego.ennea symbol
These traits are sustained by habit and the failure to examine your beliefs. If your childhood was particularly dysfunctional, your coping mechanisms will likely be more rigid and more neurotic than those people who had “normal” or idyllic upbringings. Fear grows in proportion to the dysfunction — the greater your early childhood family’s dysfunction the greater your underlying fear, anger, or need for relationship.”

NEXT: Levels of Development – part 3c

Ennea – LEVELS of Development Outlined (Part 3a)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

galaxy  

I WANT TO IMPROVE MY LEVEL
so I can live better

PREVIOUS: Healthy Levels (Part 2)

SITE: “Identity & Type”

 

ANALOGY: Psychological layers (like the Ennea-levels) are like layers of apparel – how we ‘clothe’ ourselves, but are not our Essence.
● Outer layer – what we present to the world – is like a man’s jacket. He can easily put it on or take it off, but it’s what he usually wears when he goes out. 3 levels
● Middle layer – how we are with our family & friends – is like his pants and shirt. He can take them off, but is not likely to do so and then walk down the street in his underwear.
● Inner layer – what we only show to the most intimate, or keep totally private – is like his underwear. He can easily take it off, but like most people, isn’t willing to walk naked through town. At home, he’ll first take off his jacket, later his pants and shirt, & will be naked when taking a shower. His clothes are what he uses, they’re not who he is.

MEANING of the 3 Mental Health GROUPINGS (see Part 2)
Everyone has the opportunity to go for the achievements or tackle the lessons of the various Levels, no matter which Type we are, but how we handle the tasks & demands of any given Level will depend on our Number.

Most often, people live within a certain continuum of consciousness they believe to be their ‘self’, anywhere from the clarity of ‘Presence’ (Level 1) to self-harming behaviors (9). In any given moment, we are more OR less Present, in contact with ‘Being’ (Human Being rather than a Human Do-ing). Presence distinguishes the Essential from the ego-self, the real from the illusory.

Starting in 1973, Don Riso observed that a person might be healthy (high-functioning), average (‘normal’), or unhealthy (destructive to self & others), depending on what was motivating him/her at any given time.
He also observed that while people’s basic Type tends to stay the same throughout life, the level they’re functioning from can fluctuate a great deal day-to-day, as well as over the years.

HEALTHY (1-3) – ALL Types
LEVEL 1 – Liberation level 1 optimal
External Behaviors – I’ve become compassionate, energetic, enraptured, knowing, pioneering, profound, revolutionary, visionary
Internal Attitudes – I’m awed, clear-minded, comprehending, immediately discerning, non-attached, participating, trusting

Self-Actualization – I let go of the identification with a particular self-image, & are separate from the environment (an outside observer)
Basic Fear of this LEVEL – Being helpless, incapable, overwhelmed, useless

At our best (no matter which Type) we become extraordinarily wise and discerning. We no longer see ourselves as limited & incomplete, having integrated qualities that were rejected at Level Two, & so truly come into balance with ourselves. When living from Level 1 we realize that we in fact DO possess what we were always looking for. By accepting what is, we become transcendentally realistic, knowing the best action to take in each moment. We are connected to ‘the Truth’ – humane, hopeful & an inspiration to others
* * * * *
LEVEL 2 – Psychological Capacity
External Behaviors – I’ve become aware, curious, clever, perceptive, playful, unusual
Internal Attitudes – I’m attentive, fascinated, have sensory acuity, objective, observant, unsentimentalcompetence
Desire is To – be capable & competent (have something to contribute)
Basic Fear of this Level – Of not being smart enough, since our intuition & perceptions aren’t strong enough to give us confidence.

At Level 2 we achieve the full potential that our ‘personality’ allows us, for the most part being very open-minded & tolerant. Although we have preferences at this level, we can act largely without bias. We recognize our gifts, talents & qualities – trusting them: we are conscientious, have strong personal convictions, an intense sense of right and wrong, with personal spiritual & moral values. Our desire is to be mature, moderate in all things rational, reasonable & self-disciplined.
* * * * *
LEVEL 3 – Social Value
External Behaviors – I’m communicative, creative, innovative, inventive, learning, original, skillful, tinkering
Internal Attitudes – I’m concentrating, exploratory, focused, independent, open-minded, patient, uncompromising, whimsicalsocial interest
Desire is To – master something in order to gain confidence & create a niche for ourselves
Basic Fear of this Level – not having anything of valuable to contribute (unprepared)

At Level 3 we form a stronger identification with our self-image, & want to share our talents & abilities, believing that they will have a positive impact on those around us. Extremely principled, we always want to be fair, objective & ethical: truth and justice are primary values. It’s no longer enough to just hold a certain picture of ourselves in order to stave off underlying anxieties. We also want to show others who we are – with personal integrity & a sense of responsibility – which reinforces our self-image. Having a higher purpose often leads to being teachers & ‘witnesses to the truth’.

NEXT: Levels of Development – “AVERAGE”

What ACoAs Know & Don’t Know

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, coaching, mental health, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , , , ,

SO MUCH TO KNOW –
I’ll never get it!

PREVIOUS: Ennea-Triads (3b)

SITE: Self-esteem – the problem behind the problem

 

ACoAs are some of the smartest, most intuitive people around.
We had to be – to survive our childhood!  But we:
a. don’t acknowledge it (taught to not trust our judgment)
b. are ashamed of it (taught to not think so highly of ourselves)
c. are missing basic, ‘normal’ info about ourselves & the world

1. LACK OF INFO
a. About Alcoholism in the family, denial. THAT:alcoholism
• they were drunk, or that their drinking effected us
• we were abused & neglected (abuse is perpetrated on one or more of the 4 levels: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual)
• we were molested, sexually or physically abused
• we carry deep pain, from all that abandonment
• their damage & our was not our fault or responsibility
• we don’t have to suffer any more
• we have a right to be here
• we can trust our intuition   -etc.

b. About Healthy Living
• what process actually is & how to use it
• what clear, sane thinking ‘sounds’ like
• that we have options & what they may be
• what we want to be / do, when we ‘grow up’ – some of us do
know, but are not allowed to go for it & we’re too scared to failno crisis
• how to live without constant crisis, abuse, anxiety
• that we don’t have to manipulate to get our needs met
• that we can take care of ourselves, if we grow a Healthy Adult
• how to be kind to our Inner Child – grow a Loving Parent!
• what mental health is  (see posts on ‘Recovery’)

c. General
• how the rest of world actually functions
• what reality is – mental, emotional, physical
• what to SAY to people when they say hurtful or outrageous things
what healthy people are like EXP: ACoAs think they don’t get angry, overwhelmed, make mistakes, love relationships…
• why other people do what they do (get away with things, are entitled, can function well…)

• what is NORMAL – which has 2 meanings:
i. the opposite of crazy.  Our S-H says we are crazy & everyone else is normal.  Yes, we do have distorted thinking, which can be corrected – but that doesn’t make us nuts.
It’s normal to: have emotions, to succeed via process, to mourn losses, to not get along with every one, all the time, to have some damage….

ii. what is average – for humans, & in your society
It’s about the behaviors & attitudes common to the majority. But in this meaning, normal is not always healthy! It’s what the norm was where you grew up, in your religion, in your neighborhood & school… 
SO – normal could have been – drinking to excess, physical danger, verbal abuse, insensitivity, lack of education…OR being up tight, having to succeed, always looking good, doing the ‘right thing’…
It’s normal to: laugh when someone gets hurt or makes a fool of themselves, to not help strangers in trouble, to stare at an accident on the street…
no happy reunion
a. Not possible or unlikely
• our parent to love us, unconditionally
• to be free of all pain & suffering
• to have relationships that never end
• to be liked & wanted by everyone, all the time
• to be a star, be famous, be adored, worshiped

b. Can be worked towards & accomplished
• diminish S-H & gain self-esteem
• be heard/ listened to/ get healthy attentionScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 11.53.34 AM
• healthy friends & mates
• improved health & appearance
• an enjoyable career, creative outlets
• to belong & be accepted
• respected, treated well
• feel comfortable, safe, secure
• have fun, relax, enjoy life   – etc.

3. What ACoAs DO Know
• what really happened to us as kids (abuse, neglect, coercion, torture) – BUT don’t want admit or deal with
• some of the things we want in life – BUT are not allowed to have
• what we’ve learned and accomplished since we left home – BUT not allowed to admit or own it
• ALL the things we figured out on our own, as kids and as adult – BUT don’t value or validate, because of:
— S-H – we deserved anything bad that happened to us (then and now)chinese S-E
— shame – not allowed to have our need or our value our accomplishments
— lack of healthy mirroring – our real self wasn’t validated by our family, so we negate our natural abilities

➼ SELF-ESTEEM comes from validation & unconditional regard / love.
Validation means admitting what we know & learning what we don’t. Regard is being kind, patient & respectful toward ourselves. It’s never too late to have a happy life!

NEXT: Ennea Development Levels #1

Ennea: TRIAD EMOTIONS (Part 3a)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

ANGER triad
I FEEL SO MUCH ‘SAFER’
when I stay angry

PREVIOUS:

 Triad Emotions – 2b

BOOK: “Emotions and the Enneagram, Working Through Your Shadow Life Script” ~ Margaret Frings Keyes

 

891s – THE BODY / Instinctual Triad: Aggression and Repression
PHYSIOLOGY: this triad is associated with the brain stem (earliest developed part, also called “reptilian”), which controls motor movement, & connected with creative, sexual & bio-electric energy in the spinal column
FOCUS: this ‘Center of Intelligence” uses visceral responses to understand the world, typically responding first from the gut, a place of intuitive ‘feeling’-knowing**

ROOT Emotions: ANGER, Aggression, Resentment
RESPONSE : tend to act without having to stop to think, are oriented to action, using body-based intuition to deal with relationship issues
891 triad Es
POWER: is in the ability to instinctively take action
TIME: mainly in the present, since actions can only be in the now
UNDERSTAND Life: best when translated into physical activity or movement

**NOTE: In this context, it’s important to not confuse Feeling / Sensing (891s) with Sentiment (234s).
Feeling – is ‘background awareness’, spontaneously coming from deep within & so is more primitive, using bodily sensations, intuition, instinct… vs
Sentiment – the copy-cat show of the ‘Feeling’ triad, which is more surface, ‘skin deep’, based on energy picked up from the environment

◆ This triad has to do with muscle movement, & therefore ‘knowing through doing’. intuition helps them make correct, concrete decisions quickly & easily. They love to face reality head on AND rebel against injustice
But when resisting reality, but assuming there’s nothing wrong with them, then the resistance is held in various physical tensions (neck, lower back…..)

When stressed, processing verbal or written information can be slow, with trouble expressing themselves verbally:
— angry 8s will think in caricatures or temporarily blank out
— compulsive 1s tends to think only in black & white
— repressed 9s tend to get mentally fuzzy, or go into long ramblings

“MANAGING” ANGER
► EIGHTS – Challengers
Root: use anger to hide a tender vulnerability & childlike innocence, from growing up abused, controlled & exploited, & with one weak parent bullied by other,
Re. not being held/ supported: try to “hold” everything & everyone by forcefully taking charge (See Enn. Emotions, Part 1)

type 8 EsExpressing anger & aggression: externalize – acting automatically. They’re aware of anger consciously to an unmet need, or to present themselves as the ‘strongest’ one around.
They tend to bulldoze through life – letting their hostility out, then leaving others to “deal with it”. It’s their main way of getting what they want, & for coping with stresses or challenges.

Acting out anger: their emotion is obvious to everyone because they feel free to express it. When their anger starts building, they show it physically – raised voice, clenched fists, moving more forcefully…. When overcome with strong ‘animal instinct’, they react blindingly fast

In relationships: 8s are comfortable with anger & are known to ‘stir the pot’ to get a reaction from others as a way of engaging, but will gladly overpower anyone who will let them. They tend to be confident, confrontational, decisive, willful.

When boundary invaded, they react directly & forcefully to push away.
Reacting to underlying fear: afraid of being vulnerable to others, they’re driven to be self-reliant & strong, so they can often be thoughtless, even heartless

With an UNHEALTHY childhood – 8s can become bullies, delinquents or gang leaders… & eventually their adult counterparts.

With a HEALTHY childhood – 8s become hard-working volunteers, protectors of the underdog, inspiring class presidents…. & eventually competent, moral, strong leaders in corporate, government or religious arenas.
• The inherent positive emotion of 8s is an enthusiasm for life, moving into action & experience with their big energy.
• Their “virtue” or higher emotional state is innocence, approaching life without cynicism or blame – the 8’s version of open heartedness – willing to be receptive to whatever comes, & therefore be vulnerable, without being weak.

QUESTIONS to ask yourself for 891s

NEXT:  Ennea GUT Emotions (3b)

Ennea: TRIAD EMOTIONS (Part 2a)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

FEAR triad
I NEVER ADMIT TO ANYONE
that I’m deeply afraid inside

PREVIOUS: Triad Emotions (1b)


567s – THE HEAD / Thinking Triad: Fearful & Unsafe
PHYSIOLOGY: associated with the neo-cortex, most highly developed in humans
FOCUS: primarily use logical, left-brain intellect, tending to ignore heart & gut input
ROOT Emotions: FEAR, Anxiety, Dread

RESPONSE: from their head first, then act or not act
POWER: comes from the ability to think
TIME: mainly to the future – what they look forward to, good or bad
UNDERSTAND Life: best when translated into logic, sometimes in the form of rules & instructions

This group thinks AND creates much fear – via negative anticipation:567 triad -- fear
5s act too little, since too much time & effort is used to complete their thoughts before expressing them
6s deny the value of their thoughts & actions, flipping between extremes of too much – or – too little certainty, most out of touch with direct knowing
7s act too much and think too little or incompletely. Doesn’t stay with an idea long enough to see it through, so the Head Center’s optimal function – to completely understand – is aborted

◆ 5s & 7s (& some 6s) aren’t very focused on the outside world or on what others think – often seen to be distrustful, superficial or uninterested.  However, these surface reactions are defense mechanisms against their fear of being destroyed in some way by a frightening world.

567s look for reassurance in B & W facts. Even though this can often be a positive, it becomes a negative when ignoring intuition, emotions or actions – when dealing with problems – causing misunderstanding & conflict

◆ Their FEAR (not always experienced directly) creates a deep insecurity. Depending on the Type it’s expressed as  = ‘fear of failure’, = not doing the right thing, = missing good opportunities, & especially = not understanding what’s going on .
Since living in one’s head includes imagining, it can also include obsessive worry about what might happen.
When severely stressed, especially over a long time, fear can become panic, causing them come to a dead stop until they can get enough new info to proceed. (This is not the anxiety of the 234s, who react with impulsive activity).

“MANAGING” FEAR
► FIVES – Investigators
5s expect to run out of resources – so will hoard energy, info, money, time…. They assume they can deal with fear by constantly strategizing – as if honing skills enough will prepare them for anything scary ‘outside’

Relying on their first-rate thinking process to decipher what they consider an illogical world, ego-driven 5s can appear very cool, calm & collected – or secretive loners who focus their minds on the ‘nature of the universe’.
They hope that understanding reality in their own way will eventually allow them to rejoin the world, but they never believe they know enough to participate with total confidence. Instead, they get caught up with increasingly complex inner worlds. type 5 es

Root: 5s early violations & abandonments leads to considering the world as a scary place. Overwhelmed by emotions & life’s demands, they’re afraid of not knowing how to cope or not having enough facts to explain things

Express fear by: live in their head, rather than connecting with others. They may take time to consider their emotions, but later & in private – so there’s a time lag between an event & their response

Deal with fear by: retreating to the safety of their private space, accumulating as much knowledge as they possibly can, & mulling everything over to make (mental) order of it all. They’re often disconnected from daily life & their emotions, assuming that figuring everything out will free them of dread, without actually facing it.\

Respond to their fear: by collecting &/or hoarding money, possessions & energy tightly. Resentful of having their ‘space’ intruded on, they retreat from anything that make them anxious, into a private universe & only rely on themselves
Alleviate fear: by using their intellect to feel omniscience, looking for answers to life’s riddles in isolation

QUESTIONS to ask yourself (for Types 567)

NEXT: Triad Emotions (#2b) Types 6 & 7