al-anon

Anger & the BRAIN (Part 6)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG
must be those pesky chemicals!

PREVIOUS:
Anger & the Brain (# 4)

SITE:The Brain in Love – areas that are ‘switched off’

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

1. ASYMMETRICAL –
Although most brain functions can be found in both hemispheres (More…), each side has its specializations. The 2 main organizing principles for emotions in the pre-frontal cortex (PFC) are based on the slight differences in lobe size, & the differing ways they processing emotions, which are:
a) ‘Emotional Valence’ (pleasant-unpleasant)
b) ‘Motivational Direction’ (approach-withdrawal)

Under positive circumstances, these complementary processes give us the ability to maintain & achieve current action-goals in the face of emotional distraction (sad, angry, excited…..)

2. COMBINED ⬆️
a. Approach – The LEFT lobe of the PFC mainly produces chemicals for connections, that allow us to experience pleasurable emotions (joy, interest, relief, love, pleasure…), making it easy for us to be close to others. Damage to this side causes depression.
ALSO – it mainly controls verbal ability & decision-making – about what experiences to store in memory. Interesting : ‘Positive’ emotions improve verbal memory, but hinder spatial memory.

b. Withdrawal – The RIGHT hemisphere is the main source of chemicals generating unpleasant & painful emotions, such as fear, dread, anxiety, disappointment…. which create the desire to withdraw.
These emotions are especially needed to encourage withdrawing from or avoiding inappropriate & dangerous situations. Damage to this side causes anxiety.

ALSO – it mainly deals with spacial tasks, retrieving & monitoring the value of stored memories, & nonverbal movement such as facial expressions. The reverse of the Left side, RIGHT side’s ‘negative’ emotions improve spacial memory, but hinder verbal memory. (🔼 CHART + info)

However – anger seems to be a special case, since it’s more likely to activate the LEFT lobe of the prefrontal cortex. Even though we’ve been taught to think of anger as a negative, Señorita Neus Herrero, (U. of Valencia, Spain) points out that :
“Normally when we get angry we show a natural tendency to get closer to what made us angry, to try to eliminate it.” This is healthy.

This response offers a hint as to why many people prefer feeling anger or rage when upset, rather than emotions that are under the anger, such as fear, terror, loneliness, disappointment….(which come from being vulnerable) because it give one a sense of power, and maybe even pleasure. Notice when you or someone else is smiling during or after being angry!

✿ For ACoAs under long-term duress, since the emotional hijacking interferes with our ability to think clearly, we react to everything as if it were an actual danger to us. This can keep us angry, even paranoid – believing we’re still in danger – the way we truly were as kids. (Drawing )

► Being continually fearful, enraged, lonely… in childhood – will burn out much of the neuro-chemicals that would normally create a sense of well-being (left lobe), so we’re left with too much of the down-side ones (right lobe). This can become a chronic condition & will need various treatment to correct (meds, food, herbs, exercise, therapy….)

✿ The 2 amygdala bulbs also determine what memories are stored and in what brain areas, based on how intense the emotional response is to whatever we experience.
Studies by Larry Cahill, PhD at UC Irvine showed that the amygdala is involved in learning & remembering in specific ways:
WOMEN are more likely to remember details of emotional events because their left lobe is more active, while —
MEN are more likely to remember only the gist of emotional events because their right side is more active. (Improving Memory)

SITE: ◆ “Differences in Male & Female brains”- size of areas, chemicals, stress reactions…… (See also Posts re. M/F  Differences)

◆ The Whole Brain Model ➡️  used as a tool to “Improve Team Dynamics & Job Productivity”combines :
A variation of the Myers-Briggs Inventory (psychology) + structural brain parts + Left-Right hemispheres + the 4 brain quadrants (physiology)

Scroll down to see charts (Also on YouTube…..)

CHART below (scroll down: Anger: Amygdala +/ – PFC)

 

Anger & the BRAIN (Part 4)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, Self-esteem, self-help

pain/anger ME ANGRY? NAH –
it’s all in my head!

PREVIOUS: Anger & the Brain (# 3)

SITES: “The 4 theories of Emotions“

• Brain Chemical Released When Angry

 

ANGER on the brain
A normal amount of anger is necessary & appropriate to function well in personal relationships & in the outside world.

The brain processes anger as stress, so it prepares us for the eventuality of fight-or-flight by elevating blood pressure, cortisol, serum glucose levels….
A certain amount of arousal is vital for efficient remembering, but when it’s too high, (as when we’re very angry) it seriously diminishes the ability to concentrate EXP: it’s hard to recall details of a really explosive argument.

◆ The orbito-frontal cortex (OFC), the lower part of the prefrontal lobes, integrates sensory information from various other parts of the brain, such as weighing the value of reward-to-action, combining sensory input that turns taste into flavor….

Damage to the OFC can result in:
a. addictive behavior (over-eating, gambling…), so that the immediate thrill of a vice is chosen over the greater rewards of healthy choices & emotional stability.
b. over-reactions in behavior when very angry, because our cognitive understanding & interpretation of sensory experiences are distorted (an ‘innocent’ touch, hearing someone laugh, being accidentally bumped….)

◆ In a Harvard study of anger & the brain, MRIs of normal people showed that anger increases blood flow activity to:
> the amygdala, which deals with emotion & vigilance, and
> the cortex, which can cool the ‘heat’ of responses from the central & primitive parts of our brain, allowing a person’s conscious to decide how to respond, or totally inhibit acting on impulses.

However, severely depressed people may not have the correct balance of brain activity, so are not able to recognize & control their anger, which can lead to violent rages. (Darin Dougherty, Asst. Prof.)
SITEs: “Trauma response to Anger” // “Brain and Development effected after Child Abuse”

◆ Researchers at the Hotchkiss Brain Institute in Calgary, Canada, discovered that one of the effects that anger has on the brain – is that neurons in the hypothalamus stop working properly.
Normally these neurons (cells) receive chemical signals that prompt them to either switch on or off.
Certain neuro-transmitter chemicals produced when we’re angry interfere with these functions, jeopardizing the brain’s ability to slow itself down, by blocking the growth of new neurons & causing the death MY hormone interactionsof existing ones – leading to depression, memory impairment & learning problems.

“Happiness Hormones” are mono-amines, the main neuro-transmitters which animate the brain (how neurons transfer an impulse between them across a synaptic space) .

They’re associated with a variety of moods, playing a vital role in feeling, thinking & acting (T.E.A). When they’re up & running correctly, they produce a sense of well-being. These include:
‣ Serotonin, involved in emotion, overall mood, & keeping aggressive social responses in check. When low, it’s harder to control our reactions when we’re angry
‣ Dopamine is released to push us toward something good, or avoid something very bad. It also determines how angry we get when we’re upset

‣ Nor-epinephrin (nor-adrenaline) prepares the body for ‘fight or flight’’
√ depressed people have Lower levels of this hormone
√ we get a ‘rush’ from combined epinephrine & nor-epinephrine
SITEs: “Leadership chemicals” (scroll down) / “Meet your Chemicals” (cute slides)

BTW: Normally, when we get angry, frustrated or feel other ‘uncomfortable’ emotions – because of some real or perceived danger – the adrenals quickly release the catecholamines Dopamine + Epinephrine & Nor-epinephrine, combined in a 80%-20% proportion.

They prepare the body for ‘fight or flight’, so we can deal with whatever is causing the anger, but the influx of these chemicals can also lead to acts of aggression in some situations.
In reverse, when they’re depleted or out of balance they cause physical & emotional disturbances, including anger, depression, anxiety, obsessions…

✤ Interestingly, these same chemicals are also generated by fear. It’s one reason why FEAR & ANGER are directly opposite each other on the Plutchik ‘Wheel of Emotions’. (“Identifying Emotions, #1”)

FILL-IN form: FEAR Self-Inventory (+ info, charts, growth….)

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 5)

Anger & the BRAIN (Part 3)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, coaching, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , , ,

brain chemicals

DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG
must be those pesky chemicals!

PREVIOUS: Anger & the Brain (Part 2)

SITE: “Helping children with anger”

 

2. EMOTIONAL REACTIONS (cont)
a. The ‘Reptilian’

b. The LIMBIC SYSTEM (cont.)
iii. The Amygdala (cont)
While there are successful action-tools to manage hostile responses to life’s difficulties, chronically angry people may have trouble using them if their brain isn’t producing enough acetyl-choline, the hormone which tempers the more severe effects of adrenaline & helps to schedule REM sleep.

BTW: Introverts generally have higher level of this calming neuro-transmitter, so they’re more comfortable being alone, not needing a lot of stimulation in order to burn off excess adrenaline.(More...)
AND – they’re highly sensitive to Dopamine, so – too much will over-stimulate them.

✤ Under sudden stress, the brain is wired to make us react before we can properly consider the consequences. While the amygdala is very efficient at warning us about a threat –
it can only react from previously stored action-patterns, so it’s not good at judging or evaluating what to do about it.

When flooded with emotions, it ‘hijacks’ the rest of the brain, so the prefrontal cortex (PFC) gets temporarily cut off, without the thinking-option of checking if our behavior is reasonable, appropriate or safe.

EXP: When anger takes over, a person will tend to ‘shoot from the hip’ instead of from the head. However, resilient people (emotionally & chemically balanced) are able to make a faster recovery from stress, allowing them to BrainCoherenceEmotionuse the thinking brain more easily to calm emotional intensity.

✤ Emotional flooding does not excuse bad behavior, but it does mean that managing anger properly is a skill that has to be learned, NOT something we’re born able to do instinctively.

NOTE to ACoAs: This is another reason there are times when we can’t seem to respond successfully or at all – until well past the event. It’s when we’re shocked by someone saying or doing something that scares our WIC, whether outrageous, actually harmful, or just because it reminds us of our family.

For many us, it’s only later – sometimes much later – that the cortex is finally able to kick in & lets us think of all the ‘right’ or clever things we could / wish we could have said. Very annoying, especially in the modern world where words are more often needed than fists!
(See ‘Communication discrepancies’ in “D.M., #5”)

Re. the Amygdala in Animals
Overactive – When their brains were stressed by electronic stimulation, they became aggressive. As the irritation continued (just as ACoAs suffered as kids), the amygdala became overactive, dramatically increasing the subjects’ agitation & short temper
Missing – When the 2 structures were removed, the animals became very tame, no longer responding to things that previously would have caused rage, fear or sexual interest….

FEAR PATHS:
Information (stimuli) first goes to the thalamus & then to 2 parallel pathways:
√ The ‘low road’/ short route (12 milli-sec.) provides a fast, rough impression of the situation, bypassing the ‘thinking’ brain. This creates an emotional response before all the facts are in

√ The ‘high road’ / long route (24 milli-sec.) – goes from emotional input, thru the cortex to the amygdala – allowing the brain to determine if an event is truly life threatening.
If the frontal cortex rationally decides that it’s not, it dampens the intensity of the amygdala’s quick reaction, via the unconscious. (MORE…. birth – age 7) (Circuitry & Sense of SELF)
In Humans:
When the amygdala is damaged, experiences which should cause alarm don’t get to the cortex for processing (high road), so that person will compulsively go toward dangerous things, even when repeatedly warned against doing so – because the fear response is missing (low road).
too much risk
EXP:  When one woman had her amygdala removed to stop her seizures, those were eliminated.
But also – she was no longer able to recognize fear or anger in herself, or in other people’s voices.
However, she could still identify & understand expressions of sadness, disgust, happiness, & surprise.
◆ In the case of PTSD, the input / event route through the cortex isn’t able to dampen enough of the fear response that has already taken place previously & repeatedly in the low road.

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 4)

Anger & the BRAIN (Part 2)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help

Screen Shot 2015-01-15 at 3.31.02 PM
MY ANGER GREMLIN
is in charge at the moment!

PREVIOUS: Anger & the Brain (#1)

 

1. RATIONAL THOUGHT (Part 1)

2. EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
a. The ‘Reptilian’ brain-stem, or hind-brain (Old) – is responsible for basic survival functions, including such built in instincts as = cold-blooded behaviors, the desire for top-down hierarchy, & obsession with ritual.

It accounts for anger, the desire for revenge & retaliation, fears, jealousy, self-preservation, selfishness (keep what’s ours), violence & being protective of our tribe (stay close to our small circle & suspicious of others). (More….)

NOTE: The term “reptilian” is not a biological term, just a way of referring to a primitive part of the brain technically called the basal ganglia. EXP:  ‘ADD’ is a Reptilian Brain problem (More…)

b. Limbic System, (part of the Mammalian / Mid-brain), is at the top of the brain-stem, on either side of the thalamus & deep in the middle of the whole brain mass. It’s Command Central for emotions & emotion-connected memories, mainly made up of the amygdala,
hippocampus & hypothalamus.

• The Thalamus – while not a direct part of the Limbic System – acts as a kind of railway signal-box. As information comes in through the senses, it goes directly to the thalamus, which sends the signals off to different parts of the railway yard (brain) – to the cortex (rational) & the limbic system (emotional) at the same time, although the latter will react a lightning split-second faster than the cortex, often sending people into flight or fight when it’s not really necessary in a current circumstance. (More…)

i. The Hippocampus is very important in converting short-term memory into things we can remember for the long haul. It sends memories out to appropriate part of the neo-cortex for long-term storage, & retrieves them when necessary. It helps us develop clues for recognizing relatively safe/unsafe circumstances, & to form new memories about how to avoiding problematic people/places/things (PPT).lost memories
If DAMAGED:
• a person can’t build new memories, & so ends up living in a strange world where recent experience fade away, while older memories are untouched
• an over-active hippocampus generates constant fear, so the person is always looking for “common sense” things to do / not do, for self-protection, when nothing is dangerous  (Rage & Brain Anatomy)

ii. The Hypothalamus plays a major role in regulating hormones, the pituitary & adrenal glands, body temperature…. Also instinctual & emotional processes, & production of peptides in reaction to stress.
There is a rage ‘center’ on one side, & the chemicals it produces dock in those anger receptor-sites. The physical effects last as long as these chemicals are in the blood, which is not a problem with short burst of anger, but chronic bouts are dangerous & sometimes lead to early death….
INFO: Your brain…./ Brain Tutorial / Emotional Biochemistry / Peptides & moods

iii. The Amygdala, made up of 2 almond-sized organs are just above the hypothalamus, & a few inches from each ear. Among other functions, they produce & sort out a wide variety of possible emotions available to us – anger, disgust, fear, shame, attachment, pleasure, sexual desire…. (CHART)

◆ When the brain perceives a threat, we experience fear, anger, worry…. from both unconscious & conscious pathways. The amygdala is central to both.

√ The unconscious component of any emotion is analyzed by the nervous system, the amygdala determining the threat level, & the hypothalamus regulating emotional intensity
√ The conscious part involves evaluation by the neo-cortex, the hippocampus & amygdala, which coordinate the awareness of feeling, & bodily sensations of emotion, particularly fear. (Decision-making & Emotions… // Emotions outweigh Logic)

NOTE: A hormonal flush (adrenaline, testosterone, peptides….) can temporarily throw us out of control, when we may say or do things later regretted.
This chemical cascade lasts longer than we’ve been led to believe. Quieting down from an angry state of arousal can take as long as 20 min. – before we can actually think again.
That’s why “counting to 10” does not usually work – it’s just not enough time.

ALSO, having long-lasting hormones in the body explains why we can over-react to a small incident ‘out of the blue’ IF we’ve recently had a powerfully angry reaction to something else & seemed to have calmed down, but still had the chemicals active in the bloodstream (rage-calm-react).

NEXT: Limbic System, cont. (BRAIN, Part 3)

ANGER & the BRAIN (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , , ,

'the Brain'“TOMORROW WE TAKE OVER THE WORLD”
: Pinky & the Brain

PREVIOUS: What about anger #4

SITE: “Your Brain & What it does”

SEE posts: ‘Emotions & the body‘ (Part 1-3)

OVERVIEW: When considering the relationship of anger to the brain, it helps to have context. All parts of the brain inter-connect with all other parts. Each structure & each neuro-chemical has multiple functions, doing different things in different locations.
But greatly simplified, the brain does have Left & Right side differences, & 3 major sections – Old, Middle & New. In reasonably healthy people, & under normal circumstances, rash impulses (Old) & emotions (Middle) are modified & managed by the ability to think things through (New). amygdalabypass

Interesting: “The Little History of the Mind-Brain”

1. RATIONAL THOUGHT is formed in the front part of the Neo (cerebral) cortex, the top / outermost layer of the brain, which integrates higher mental & instinctive functions, general movement & perception.

🔸The Pre-frontal cortex (PFC) makes up the largest part, the 2 lobes above & behind the eyes. It’s the ‘seat’ of personality, & its main job is to provide the ability to process information (internal or external input), so we can decide how to use information located in other sensory & memory centers throughout the brain

• Together, the 2-part PFC is a high-level filter for emotional control, but each hemisphere does it differently. They give us access to the accumulated & then stored info that tells us how to communicate & interact appropriately in private or public situations.
It helps us take actions based on a specific goal in the moment, & does this in part by preventing irrelevant stimuli from interfering (we can keep reading a book even if there’s lots of noise nearby….).
The PFC is also the location for self-talk.

Interesting: “Listening to yourself – Inner Speech across the lifespan”

3 brain centers✿ The PFC carries out executive functions (higher-level mental processes that organize lower-level ones, to regulate & verify behaviors)
in order TO:
• consider future consequences of current activities
• determine what’s unreal vs real, rational vs. irrational, appropriate or inappropriate… & filter out right from wrong
• figure out conflicting thoughts (same-different / better-best / good-bad)
• have social ‘control’ (suppress urges we know can lead to unacceptable outcomes)
• identify expectations based on actions (possible outcomes)
• make sound judgments & work toward defined goals
• plan responses to complex or difficult problems
• process our current environment, as well as past memories (see “Brain anatomy”)

BRAIN ORGANIZATION
There are 3 main models for how the brain works, & combining them gives the most accurate picture. They are:
Hierarchy: some things must happen before others can work. The brain’s lower levels must be working in order for the higher ones to function correctly
Value systems: some things are more important than others
Synchronization: what’s happening or not happening, all together at any given moment, has a big impact on the brain

🔸“The Life Model” chart of the brain’s right hemisphere shows the emotional-regulation control center** made up of 4 levels (similar to DNA & processor chips)
Together they keep the brain’s activity running smoothly – as long as emotions don’t get more intense than the system can handle

** CENTER functions, which are needed to be human, include 19 essential & nonverbal skills that can be learned & passed on from one level to another…..
EXP : We like people with these control-center skills & generally avoid people who lack them (MORE…..)

A healthy Center is built on positive & joyful experiences with significant relationships, which results in a great capacity to cope with stress.

When someone has had too many bad life experiences, the brain has a much more limited capacity or skills to regulate & cope, & needs help to heal itself.
The LEVELS
1. Lowest –  controls personal reality – how we identify (name) our experiences. Also can cut off thinking
2. Subconscious – fight, flee or freeze, controls our basic evaluations – how we understand our experiences
3. Conscious – from the cingulate cortex – is for self-regulation, governing motivation for everything we do, synchronizing our life rhythms
4. Conscious (highest, from the PFC) – gives us our Identity, ‘Who I am’. Also, the ability to quiet ourselves – to not ‘lose it’, stay upset for too long, or over-react.

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 2)

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 4)

dmtorbi ACoAs, al-anon, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , ,

angry b. womanI NEVER KNEW ABOUT
all the ways to use anger

PREVIOUS: What about anger? #3

SITE: “Why we shout in anger” – a ‘teaching’

 

WOMEN’s anger (usually) has to do with close relationships – hurt from being let down by family members & friends, or that these people expect too much without giving much in return

MEN’s anger (usually) tends to be more abstract – about strangers, objects that aren’t working correctly, & larger societal issues that prompt concerns about right / wrong.
Also being one-down, disrespected, unappreciated

CHILDREN’s anger (young) tends to be about goals or objects being blocked, like a toy taken away or having to stop playing at bedtime…..
BUT also about being abused & treated unfairly (MORE….)

VOCABULARY
Most ACoAs never learned to identify emotions – at all – much less when we’re angry. This also applies to those of us who are ‘big feelers / sensitive ‘emotionals’….because to survive we had to cut off large parts of ourselves.

This chart shows the many ways anger can be expressed, depending on the grammatical form being used. Not all the terms are ‘negative’ but are all related, for-or-against, falling into, or rising above.

Anger words & their opposites are used in language as : ➡️

DEGREES of anger
from most mild to most intense:
annoyed, irritated, cranky, frustrated, aggravated, agitated, miffed, peeved,
sulking, offended, bitter, indignant, exasperated, incensed, pissed, outraged, hostile, spiteful, vengeful, resenting, wrathful, raging, furious, ferocious & livid.

• Bitterness combines long-held unresolved (E) anger + (T) obsessions + CDs, therefore it’s both emotional & mental

• Hate – the emotional hardening of intense hurt + unremitting anger, because of constant stress without an outlet or practical options
• Self-Hate : Childhood Rage at parent(s) turned on oneself

Dr. Robert Sternberg (2005) suggests 3 things which contribute to forming & maintaining Hatred:raging bull
a. Avoidance: by distancing from a person or group, we don’t get rounded / balanced info about them, which – if we had – might likely change our perspective and emotions

b. Intense Anger, contempt, disgust, the quick-conditioned limbic responses (E), which the cortex (T) doesn’t have time to check for accuracy
c. Intense Beliefs (negative, judgmental), hardened & rigid, which ramp up emotional intensity – used to justify denouncing, degrading or destroying the hated person or thing

• Temper is the broad term for expressing anger AND a state of mind. Dictionary def: Habit of mind & Heat of passion, especially in the form of irritability, impatience, outbursts….

It can mean “temperament”, as in: having a calm disposition OR to be out of temper.
But it’s usually meant as an outward expression (action) of anger. In ACoA language, it’s our PP or WIC reacting to a present situation, based on old painful experiences.

❗️Anger is a natural response to aggravating / stressful PPT, but does not need to be acted on TOWARD someone or something – only acknowledged, felt & vented in safe ways.temper/anger

However, when our judgment (T – the mental component) becomes clouded or distorted, the feeling (E) takes over & dictates our actions (As), called ‘loosing one’s temper’ – seen in various forms of acting out, such as :
— breaking things, punching walls, verbal attacks, yelling…. OR
— neglect, ‘forgetting’, the silent treatment, withdrawal….

Plutchik’s ‘Wheel of Emotions‘ shows ANGER & FEAR as opposites. SO:
🥶 When someone is constantly fearful, full of anxiety, only seeing thru victim lenses, they are suppressing a great deal of anger
😡 Conversely, people who are mainly bitter, react too easily with anger & are generally ready to fight (even indirectly) – are suppressing mountains of fear, sadness & disappointment.

• Being stuck at either extreme is very harmful – to the individual, to their family & to the world at large. A tremendous amount of energy gets used to suppress those mountains of “unacceptable” emotion, while some deep part of us knows we’re not completely honest.

Having to deny ANY part of ourself – to ourself – comes from a distorted, untrue belief that we don’t deserve to be treated well (loved, respected, comforted, successful….) & never will be.
BUT we can’t help wanting it, to the point of obsession.
See the: “Serenity Prayer backwards!”

FLOW CHARTS from “Emotional Competency”.

 

NEXT: Anger & the Brain (Part 1)

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 2)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , ,

resentful??
I’M NOT RESENTFUL!
That’s all in the past, right?

PREVIOUS: ACoAs- What about anger (#1)

BOOK: “Strategies for Survival in an Angry World”  ~ Dr Eva Bell


DEFINITIONS
☁︎Anger – A temporary & episodic emotional reaction to a frustrating situation. It’s ‘rational’, because the cortex is still functioning, so the person can think & decide actions
▸ A strong, uncomfortable emotional response to something unwanted & not fitting with our values, beliefs or rights (triggered)

☔︎ Irritability – A milder feeling in reaction to minor annoyances that happen as part of our daily routine
➤Aggression – An intentional desire to harm someone or something

♨️ Rage – An “irrational” emotion – the un-reasoned, automatic, instinctive protection used to roughly push away danger to self or someone/ something vital & loved.
Often in the form of an explosion, sometime as completely irrational behavior (no conscious thought), sometimes very deliberate!

🚯Hostility – An emotional feeling of distrust + a negative mental opinion of everyone (chronic antagonism), causing a person to indiscriminately harm or want to harm others.

🛑 Hate (internal)
• extreme hurt which has hardened into cold rage.
In childhood it accumulates from being powerless to stop repeated & relentless abuse & neglect.
As adults, it’s
a. from persistently blaming others for our problems, instead of finding & using valid ways out of bad situations
b. as Self-Hate – turning our legitimate rage at family & environment back on ourself
🎴
BIG PICTURE T.E.A.
Psychologists consider the 2 most basic human emotions to be love & fear (Es), which colors our thinking (Ts) & so our actions (As). All other emotions are seen as nuances & variations.

😍 LOVE generates: caring, compassion, contentment, happiness, honesty, enjoyment, satisfaction, trust….  (Diagrams in Part 5)
❖ Unconditional LOVE is the only source of self-esteem!
(see Posts: “Being Loved“).  Healthy Love is what make a child feel safe, & Love is the all-powerful healer of wounds.

BUT – ACoAs did not experience a genuine sense of being loved, even if our parents said it or thought they did.
How do we know this? Because of the intense fear under everything we think, feel & do – seen in our S-H, FoA, PP….

🥶 FEAR generates : anger, anxiety, confusion, control, depression, guilt, hurt, inadequacy, loneliness, sadness, shame….

All ACoAs are fear-based, having been thru so much abuse, chaos, controlling, denial, judgement, lies, narcissism & neglect – to ever feel totally safe – without healing

And sooner or later – fear always generates ANGER. Being constantly scared – with no comfort, no relief, no explanations…. will pile up & turn into RAGE.
NOTE : counter-phobia & addiction-to-excitement are defenses, not lack of fear.
⬆️  Emotion GRAPHS – computer models from the Atlas of Emotions

★ Normally, all emotions are short-term, in-&-out reactions to some immediate event, & in this form – anger is not a problem. In fact, modern psychologists view anger as a mature emotion experienced by everyone at times, having survival value. When understood & accepted, it can often be used to correct life’s imbalances, although it’s not possible in every situation.

But when painful EMOs persist for days, months or years – from living in harmful situations – they got stockpiled, without having:
✦ permission to be experienced as true emotional responses to abuse & losses
✦ anyone to listen to us, identify them (give them words) or comfort us
✦ an opportunity to process the events, so we wouldn’t have to suppress or deny them

NOW, painful emotions are being held in place by toxic T.E.A.s:
◽️(T) The WIC / PP’s thinking in the form of CDs, mental obsessions about something unpleasant/ unacceptable, without understanding our interaction or participation in the problem

◽️(E) mountains of unprocessed pain accumulated from old hurts & unmet needs, suppressed awareness of all that hurt, in order to keep going (denial)

range of Es◽️(A) staying in harmful or inappropriate situations we know are not good for us, and continuing to live in self-deprivation (not enough company, education, finances, fun, love, rest, self-reflection, sex, support….)

REMINDER – Thoughts & Actions can be either Positive, Negative or Neutral,
 but EMOTIONS are never negative!
They can range from :
                most Joyful <—–> to most Painful (+/- 100)
       with the calmest, pleasantest in the mid-range (+/- 20).

NEXT: What about anger – Part 2

ACoAs – What about ANGER? (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , , ,

frustrationI’M SO FRUSTRATED
I don’t know what to do with myself

PREVIOUS: New Year Celebration

BOOK: ‘Metaphor & Emotion’, seeing the body as container for emotions: “She unleashed her anger, his anger is smoldering, you make by blood boil…..”

BASICs – the more we know about something, the easier it is to understand, deal with & be in charge of it. So it is with anger.

1. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion – created by the physiology of our brain & body. It’s not only universal, but absolutely necessary, and NOT something to be cured as if it were a disease.

Anger is a healthy reaction to a grievance, so one of its positive intentions is to focus our attention – so we can modify or eliminate an aggravation or abuse, wherever possible. The benefits of appropriately expressing it include overcoming our fears, & building confidence to respond to threats, danger & mistreatment.

T.E.A.
The problem is not in having (feeling) the emotion (E),
►but rather in what we’re saying (T) to ourselves about a situation which greatly upsets us,
▶︎and the kind of behavior (A) we use to express it, based on what we learned as kids.
We need to FEEL our anger, but we do not always need to outwardly E. HEAT mapACT it out on others!

2. Like all emotions, anger is actual energy – no matter how intense – scientifically proven, as seen on these scans.
Heat maps of emotions —->

3. Anger is considered one of the secondary emotions – a response to primary Es such as intense FEAR (from being abandoned, attacked, disrespected, forced, offended, pressured, trapped…..). This does not mean it’s unimportant or to be ignored.
It’s secondary because it’s a composite of other more fundamental ones (Plutchik’s 8 Primary Es), AND because it can’t tell us directly what the underlying unmet NEED is, only that something is wrong.

🔹  However, it is a very useful starting point. Instead of being afraid of it, we can successfully use anger, guilt, anxiety…. as helpful indicators of what’s going on in the background (unconscious), giving us the opportunity & choice to ‘fix’ the real lack, which would then make us feel better.
The problem for ACoAs with solving this Q. (‘What’s missing?’) is that we’re not allowed to know what we really feel NOR what we actually need.
So these 2 aspects have to become part of our understanding & daily vocabulary before anger can be a useful tool.

FiveChart24. Anger is part of the Wood Element – which governs the eyes, gallbladder, liver, & tendons. In the short-term, & by itself (without action), the emotion itself is not harmful.
But because it is energy, generated by chemicals in the brain, we can damage ourselves in PMES ways when we suppress the anger / rage, especially for a long time. The chemicals can ‘fester’ inside & cause a variety of problems (headaches, high BP, auto-immune illness…. ).

✤ Denied anger results in lowered quality of life, causing mental & emotional numbness, which can then draw us toward violent situations as a release. It will also negatively effect many parts of the body, such as the:
√ Muscular (tightness) & Immune (over-worked) systems
√ Liver – causing our decision-making abilities to be diminished
√ Gall bladder – causing gallstones (condensed anger) & migraines

✤ At the other extreme is acting out the anger in ways that directly injure ourselves & others – especially when aimed at children.

5. How each person reacts (emotional intensity + behavior patterns) is formed by a combination of : genetic predispositions, cognitive problem solving skills, family / culturally-learned behaviors & past experiences

6. We hear even ‘respected ‘speakers’ talking about “negative emotion”. Wrong!
Es are either degrees of 🔺pleasurable OR degrees of 🔻painful.

NEVER think or talk about anger & other uncomfortable / ‘unacceptable’ / painful emotions AS negatives!
Anything designated as a negative is automatically considered bad – which in this case means we should not be angry, under any circumstances.

NOT so. Without feeling & owning legitimate anger – we are easily abused, frightened & manipulated – & so become or stay victims.

NEXT: What about anger? – Part 2

To All my READERS – 2015

dmtorbi ACoAs, al-anon, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , ,

images-5images-4

HAPPY NEW YEAR from Times Square in NYC!

Thank you to all my faithful readers & a big welcome to all who have joined me this year.

These are some of the figures posted by WordPress that all of you made possible:
“The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people.
This blog was viewed about 60,000 times in 2014.
If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 22 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

The busiest day of the year was March 15th with 559 views. The most popular post that day was ‘List of HEALTHY Boundaries (Part 1)’.

WORLD-WIDE readership: 146 countries in all! Most visitors came from USA. Canada & U.K. were not far behind.”

images-3I wish for each of you : growth, safety & enjoyment on your path to Recovery, in the coming year.
Donna Marie

Fireworks over the Hudson River, NYC

Enneagram – 9 LEVELS for TYPE 9

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help

k13563304I JUST WANT 
everyone to get along!

PREVIOUS: Type 8 levels

SITE: Type 9 overview

 

LEVELS by TYPE (cont.)
TYPE 9 – Peacemakers/Mediators
Healthy Levels – Self-remembering: Indomitable. Able to bring people together and heal conflicts.
Unhealthy Levels – Self-abandonment: De-personalized behavior. Held back by passivity and stubbornness.

HEALTHY 9s: I have a calming effect on others
The Stoic: Unshakable, self-possessed, they’re quietly strong, a skilled mediator, wise, unpretentious & put others at ease.
● Serenity overcomes the vice of indifference, allowing 9s to become more in tune with their inner desires and thoughts. Pleasant & modest, at High Performance they’re accepting, calming, harmonizing, patient, steady & supportive. They build consensus, & can masterfully blend divergent points of view.

AVERAGE 9s: I like to go through life unhurriedly, in a relaxed manner.
The Monk: agreeable, easy-going, grounded, nice, peaceful, placid
● Life corrupts the ideal of love (appreciating self, others) into believing they should focus their appreciation on the external world.
This leads to the idea that the 9’s inner world is dull, because the exterior world is so complex. They rely on indifference to maintain the illusion that their inner concerns aren’t really a problem. Their desire for harmony takes the form of conflict-avoidance, & they can sacrifice their own position for the sake of keeping the peace.

UNHEALTHY 9s: I am lazy, overly relaxed
The Slacker: They’re irresponsible, lazy, lost, overly compliant, passive, spacey, undeveloped
● They become apathetic, disengaged, procrastinating, passive-aggressive, resistant & stubborn

INTEGRATION
Type 9 LEVELSHealthy loop: Run by the Basic Desire of ‘Needing to find union’ makes 9s genuinely open up to others & accept them as they are. This acceptance is welcome & builds strong bonds with others. Thus the 9s’ need is satisfied and balance is reached.
Average state: when Nines’ are less accepting of others or the world, union begin to weaken. This causes the need to increase, which can help 9s make the effort to be more accepting & so create balance.
Unhealthy loop: Run by the Basic Fear ‘of separation’, 9s delude themselves with fantasy unions, sustained by ignoring reality and blindly accommodate others or the world. This insures not achieving true union, which further increases 9s’ basic fear & prevents balance.

LENS you see the world thru: “How can I stay comfortable? Where can I find a sense of harmony?”
GROWTH: To break control of the basic fear 9s must stop indulging in made-up connections, and start to really accept others as they are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVEL 5 in BIZ (Mid-Average)
AS LEADERS
THEY:
— are inspirational, friendly & non-directive, preferring to operate by consensus
— cannot bear conflict & try their best to avoid it
— can get torn between opposing views, examining alternative at great length, causing them to miss opportunities
— like to have a thorough picture of a situation or project, & then fill others in on the details later
— are process oriented, rather than being controlling
— will want recommendations from every division or shareholder before making a final decision'average' levels

SUPERVISING Type 9 WORKERS
Look for & recognize the 9’s contributions, & ask them for feedback. Don’t misunderstand 9’s silence for agreement. Put your requirements clearly & in writing, focusing on breaks & deadlines. Don’t be controlling or domineering, rather work toward cooperation & collaboration
THEY:
— flourish with positive support, energized by productive routine & other people’s enthusiasm for projects
— want recognition but will not ask for it, avoiding self-promotion
— have a natural desire to be responsive rather than pro-active
— prefer to rely on schedules & consistent guidelines to work toward so that they don’t have to make lots of decisions
— will slow down or neglect aspects of their work to show dissatisfaction or unhappiness, rather than speak up

NEXT: