Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS – 2, 3 , 4, 5 (Part 4b)

virtues - 2 EACH OF US
has our own talent

PREVIOUS: Type Virtues & Holy Ideas (Part 4a)

SITE: “How Each Types Sees Their Every-day Life” (scroll to page 21-22)

REMINDER – use Blue-&-White chart in part 4a as reference (by P.Ferrieux)

HOLY IDEAS & VIRTUES / STRENGTHS  (cont)

#2 Virtue
: HUMILITY overrides Pride, as we come to truly see & accept that we’re not indispensable, that everyone is equally important & needed
HELPERS are affectionate, altruistic, caring, communicators, emotionally connected, familiar, popular, unselfish, warm
— They really want to be loving, to nurture others & encourage relationships & TO makE the world a more loving place to live in
— They value / are attracted to Love

enn - holy-ideas 2Holy WILL : I acknowledge that there is only One Will, with a Purpose beyond the self-centered motive of feeling important to & being needed by others. You are aware that Reality flows with a certain force, & the easiest way to ‘live well’ is to move with it. Freedom is the feeling of openness when you experience the unfolding of Divine Will.”

HIGHER MIND: Freedom comes when 2s are able to recognizing their own needs, by not compulsively helping others & regularly paying attention to themself. Withdrawing their focus on others interrupts a negative habit 2s usually depend on for emotional security. This frees them to provide self-care.

✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

#3 Virtue: INTEGRITY /  Truthfulness comes easily when our True Self is accepted. Packaging & selling of ourself becomes unnecessary when we have no reason for a deceitful appearance (False Self).

ACHIEVERS are admirable, attractive, authentic, competent, energetic, high achievers, inspirational, self-accepting, successful
— They really want to make the world a more efficient, organized, productive, smooth running harmonious & orderly system
— They value/are attracted to Competence, Industry, Productivity

enn - holy-ideas 3Holy HARMONY corrects the false perception that the ego is the source of doing & functioning. It means the universe as a whole already functions in efficient harmony & you don’t need to compete with that in order to prove yourself. You fully realize & surrender to the knowledge that you’re not a separate doer, & that all experience is part of the great Reality.

HIGHER MIND: Hope – anxiety drops away when 3s truly believe that each stage of work leads to a correct conclusion. Then they feel alive in the middle of activity, & become skilled at sensing the energy requirements of different jobs. Healthy 3s say it’s like floating on a wave of inexhaustible energy

✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

#4 Virtue: EQUANIMITY comes when we see both our positives & negatives equally. The half-truth of envy loses its validity when we stop comparing the positives of others with what we think we don’t have.

INDIVIDUALISTS are accepting, communicators, compassionate, creative, emotionally honest & deep, idealistic, inspired, good listeners
— They aspire to be special – really wanting to be unique & to put their personal touch on everything they’re involved in, to make the world more beautiful
— They value/are attracted to originality & beauty.

enn - holy-ideas 4Holy ORIGIN tells us that ‘being’ is the source & origin of our true identity. You see that you’re not separate from everything, that all parts of the universe express the Great creative intelligence. Since you’re an aspect of that creative flow you can’t be otherwise. Your life will unfold in unique ways, & finding the Authentic Self comes by being ‘in the flow’.

HIGHER MIND: Originality – 4s want to be unique so they resist being re-shaped into an ‘ordinary’ happy person. Actually, their attitude is not ‘just in their head’ but a legitimate need, and their tenacious resistance to conforming remind the rest of us to connect to our own higher awareness

✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥

#5 Virtue: DETACHMENT from vulnerability & over-protection comes when we no longer feel in danger of being overwhelmed by emotions, & learn that the world is better understood by participating in it. Greed for alone-time makes us less prepared to live in the world, not more.

INTELLECTUALS are intense, involved, non-intrusive, perceptive, scholarly, self-reliant, visionary pioneers, have wonder
— They really want to make the world a more enlightened place by discovering what is real & true, & making it more understandable
— They value/are attracted to Knowledge, truth, understanding, wisdom

enn - holy-ideas 5Holy OMNISCIENCE is the direct knowing of Essence, which includes all that exists in its various manifestations, yet does not negate Unity. When you abide in your True Nature you know the Great Intelligence, & your minds is clear – you see that feeling safe in the world comes from participation & experience, rather than watching from the sidelines in the hope of understanding it before jumping in.

HIGHER MIND: All-Knowing becomes available when in a non-thinking state of mind – which is the opposite of trying to find out every tiny aspect of a given subject. Rather – it’s being able to engage the Inner Observer that allows its own awareness to merge with impressions of the past, present & future possibilities & events.

NEXT: Type VIRTUES (Part 4c)

Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS + Type 1 (Part 4a)

k5941299THERE ARE MANY MORE
pieces to this puzzle

PREVIOUS: Type Strengths (Part 3)

SITE: Ennea Happiness & Strengths (fun)

 

STRUCTURE of PERSONALITY
Claudio Naranjo has united several theories, contrasting Essence to Personality (the conditional Self/lesser mind <——> to the Real Being/Higher Mind). This chart shows his variation of Ichazo & Gurdjieff’s view of the human psyche, made up of five centers, with the addition of two higher centers of the ‘awakened’ individual.

● It’s based on the current view of optimal mental health that the outer expressions of Personality do not represent the True Self within, but are motivated by a sense of deficiency – the passions/drives repressing, contaminating & replacing core instincts. The Bound (lower) parts include the Enneagram’s Triad of Instincts:
— Self-Preservation, for personal survival
— Sexual, for intimate one-to-one connection
— Social, for connection to the larger world. More in future posts. (MORE…..Chart—>.)

ESSENCE:  Higher Mind drives an automatic orientation toward our particular kinds of awareness – not mediated by every-day thinking.
The Virtues are automatic bodily responses – not directed by personal likes or dislikes.

Although higher mental awareness is different from its counterparts in the Personality, it’s easy to mistakenly assume we are in our Essence when we – think humble thoughts (4s), force ourselves to be brave (6s), feel we’ve been of ‘great service’ (2s)….. These reactions are only indirectly related to being open, undefended & attuned to the environment & other people. Fortunately, each type has the unconscious drive to identify ‘the trance of type, AND the conscious ability to outgrow it.

LIBERATION & Presence* (being fully awake)
2 = Humility. By Disinterestedness we can express Altruism
3 = Integrity. By Self-acceptance we gain Genuineness
4 = Equanimity. By Self-renewal we achieve Creativity

5 = Generosity. By Understanding we experience Discovery
6 = Courage. By Self-Affirmation we gain Courage
7 = Sobriety. By Assimilation we experience Gratitude

8 = Subtlety. By Self-restraint we can express Magnanimity
9 = Engagement. By Self-possession we find Fulfillment
1 = Serenity. By Discernment we gain Tolerance

*Presence – the opposite of being trapped in our Enneagram style – habitually acting out of the past as a reflex – when controlled by a younger part of ourself. If we’re not truly awake to current experiences, our judgments are flawed & our actions inappropriate. Being Present is a spiritual process, & while it’s not easy, it is a crucial requirement for a full life.

Overviews – Holy Ideas are the essential qualities of Universal Reality.
The left-hand chart shows how it coordinates with the Enneagram’s Heart, Head, Body triads.  enn - holy-ideas 2 TRIADS
Use the right-hand chart as the model for the #1-9  diagrams that follow. (All created by P.Ferrieux)

HOLY IDEAS & VIRTUE (STRENGTHS)
Type #1 VIRTUE: Serenity is the recognition that Reality is inherently perfect. As part of that reality, we are already ‘perfect’ so we can be open & accept the conditions that we are working with, trusting that whatever wisdom we may need will be available in the moment

PERFECTIONISTS are fair, honest, honorable, improvement-oriented, noble, responsible, want equality with a shared purpose and values, can be morally heroic
— They really want to be good people & make the world a better place, for everyone to realize their full potential & help them actualize it
— They value/are attracted to Goodness & right-ness

Holy PERFECTION points to the more universal sense of perfection , which we can only uncover in small doses. Understand that your purpose is not to achieve some transcendental level but rather to accept & deal with the imperfect world as it is . Everything is already as it should be, so when you’re in “here and now” the moment is always perfect. You trust the process & bring your support to every situation with compassion.

HIGHER MIND: True Perfection isenn - holy-ideas 1
a balance of positive & negative elements blending together at every moment. Any perfect relationship, event or product has to go through stages, including occasional bad risks or bad timing. So – 1s can benefit by accepting that what can seem like terrible mistakes are connected to an ultimately correct outcome. Their only responsibility is doing the best job they can at any given time

NEXT: Type VIRTUES – Types #2, 3, 4 , 5 (Part 4b)

Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS (Part 3)

enn water over rocksPREVIOUS: STRENGTHS (#2)

SITE: Popular Enneagram books

 

 

♟️ FALL from Higher Essence Qualities to Ego Distortions
Oscar Ichazo made a connection between the Tree of Life & the Enneagram symbol.  This chart shows his hierarchy of expressions.   While everyone has the potential to embody all of the Holy Ideas and Virtues, one version of each (pr. type) is central to each soul’s identity. So when one or both are missing, the loss is acutely felt, & the person’s ego (conscious False Self) becomes totally preoccupied with recreating them – although in futile, self-defeating ways.

Any loss or absence of connection to spiritual Truth generates a specific delusion /fixation, showing up as the underlying Toxic Rules of our Wounded Self. Each delusion forms the center of a psychological complex, which is the core of that particular fixation
Loss of awareness of the Holy Idea becomes a person’s Ego-fixation, &
Loss of contact with the Virtue forms the person’s characteristic Passion.

 ↗️ Ego-fixations & Passions  (review posts) represent how spiritual qualities shrink into Ego States.  The Enneagram’s 9 types indicate the main ways we lose our specific center, which creates distortions in thinking, feeling, & doing.  The Passions can also be considered our untamed animal nature before being transformed by contact from higher-awareness & Grace.

↗️ Instinctual Self  –  a primal aspect of personality. The Enneagram’s 3 instincts : Self-preservation, Social / Adaptation, Sexual / Attraction. Also a “Blind-spot instinct. (MORE…. )
Our dominant one insures our fundamental survival in the physical world, but in so doing can block the way to growth. They become an anchoring counter-balance to the higher spiritual Essential Self, rooting us in the dualistic (good-bad) defended Self, causing a habitual overuse of our survival strategies.
Spiritual & emotional growth comes from being able to balance, release & transform our instinctual nature into its higher opposite.

♟️ LAW of THREE – states that any creative act or Process requires three dynamic forces to manifest. And the Law of Octaves / Sevens – how vibrations & all creative processes proceed in periodic stages / waves, like the musical scale.

Personal growth proceeds around the Inner Points of the circle via the ‘spiritual’ octave Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sol-La-Ti-Do, toward full Essence /Consciousness (#9). Each octave is a circulatory system with a set of specific demands placed on it.
As energy circulates, it’s expressed by specific characteristics, depending on its proximity to the Divine,  🔑 starting at the Mechanical / Automatic way of functioning on the right side – THRU 🔐 #1-the way of the body, #2-the way of love & #4-the way of power, which need to be learned before moving up the left side.

PINK = closest to the divine, (“do”, the absolute) are material expressions on the  right, & wisdom on the left.
GREEN = represents the heart, the mediating zone between the most holy at the top – and –
BLUE = at bottom are manifestations of intelligence & awareness, being furthest from the divine.

Enneagram use  : for self-observation & inner work to deal with daily obstacles, with conscious effort instead of pre-set reactions.  ALSO – to help break out of “stuckness”.
🔆Affirming (#3) = prodding or unfolding force for growth – the active, dynamic energy that initiates action & moves things forward
🔆Denying (#6)=
resisting or contracting force providing structure, limits, & grounded reality, as the necessary friction against which Affirming pushes 
🔆Reconciling (#9) =
resulting harmony or neutral force that reconciles the two extremes. It holds the big picture, serving as the neutral stability that allows creation, movement & completion.

♟️ The Universal Principles of Being, Grace, Mercy – in Enneagram studies –  are seen as the bridge between flawed ego structures & True Nature. They are divine forces driving the engine of the universe & function according to spiritual laws in every octave, regardless of a person’s ‘developmental level’.
❣️ Grace = unmerited favor, which is not earned
❤️‍🩹 Mercy = withheld punishment which is deserved
💝 Being = Cosmic consciousness expands naturally into personality types (1-9) according to these principles, as:  Materiality, Desire, Conscious Labor, Power, Being, Intentional Suffering, Purification, Knowing, Essence. 

NOTE that the strengths & weaknesses of each type are two sides of the one coin. There is NO point in wanting to change to another type, since that would just mean swapping one set of problems for another.

NEXT: Type VIRTUES (Part 4a)

Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS (Part 2)

ennea strenghI CAN REST EASY
in the castle of my identity

PREVIOUS: Type STRENGTHS (Part 2)

REMINDER: In this context – EGO = FALSE SELF
NOT the same as a HEALTHY EGO,
and read “The EGO”)

To appreciate the POSITIVES of our Type, it helps to put the work of the Enneagram in context. Chasing ‘healthiness’ is not the main goal of the Enneagram – but rather to become aware of our unique Role in the larger scheme of life, & experience how it plays out in every-day experience. Our fixation behavior – the acting out of the Defect – is Ego trying to hang on to its particular version of Reality.
EXP: #5: “I must fill the unfillable hole of not-knowing”.

“Primal Catastrophe” The Defect of our type is formed in response to the primal catastrophe of our childhood – losing touch with our specific Essence & the Divine. In Christian terms, we’re born separated from God by our sin-nature, forgetting our birthright as children of God. In reaction, humans develop 9 different (ineffective) strategies to try reconnecting with Spirit & our deepest self.

● This unconscious pull toward Essence, with its ‘best’ way of thinking & feeling, suggests that each Number represents an archetypal energy pattern, a Higher Octave, intuiting its deeper Reality. This awareness can provide self-knowledge & a way to connect to Spirit. (Enn in Motion).  

Ego vs. Essence 
Essence = our True Self, originating at birth. It’s different for each Type, & depends on the basic flavor which each Number is most sensitive to, based on one’s Holy Idea. When we’re in touch with it, we feel a sense of aliveness, connection & well-being.

Ego: not the Healthy Self from Psychology, but rather the ego of the False Self, the ‘personality mask’ with all its illusions, defenses & hidden features, only a dim reflection or imitation of our individual Truth.
BTW – it’s not accurate to think in B & W terms – that ‘negative’ ego/ personality is an extreme opposite of ‘positive’ Essence, because humans are on an ego<—>Essence continuum all the time. Understanding & working with both ends are needed for growth.

A.F. Almaas reminds us in ‘Diamond Heart Book Four :  Indestructible Innocence’ that “The personality is not something that needs to die or be thrown away…. but rather developed over time, to be refined & integrated with the sense of Being-ness” (p. 69).

VIRTUES
Based on the spiritual insights of the Holy Ideas, the Virtues (in Part 1) are the natural expression of the awakened heart – the unified, expansive qualities of humans experience when abiding in our True Self. They identify the way to reconnect to Essence. (Holy = objective spiritual reality, expressed in the higher essential qualities of the human mind & soul)

The Virtues are each type’s antidote to its Passion, pointing to its Strength, AND cannot be ‘practiced’ or claimed as personal achievements.  Our ego-self is very preoccupied with recreating it  but it’s only a narcissistic self-aggrandizement – the very opposite of a Virtuous state.
Rather, they are ‘their own reward’ as expressions of Grace & a method of transformation*.  So if we “Let-go-&-let-God”, accepting what is already waiting in us to emerge, our specific Virtue begins to express itself in our daily life.

*Transformation can be understood as a conversion of energy : shifting from the narrowness & futility of our Vice into our Virtue. It’s not easy to do, since our Type is hardwired, & a life-time of doing things a certain way are hard to soften & dissolve.
Shifting this vice-energy takes time.  It requires great desire & determination, persistent effort & a willingness to look deep inside oneself. Repetition of new habits & patterns create new neural pathways that, over time, allow us to catch our automatic responses before they get going. This makes it possible to choose a new way of responding to PPT (people-places-things).

● When our focus is on becoming less & less attached to our defensive way of functioning, it slowly heals the split between parts of ourself, between ourself & others, & between us & our Higher Power. Transpersonal* experiences allow us to see ourself as we are meant to be – in our current state, but moving toward being whole.
*T
ranspersonal = having “experiences where the sense of Self-identity stretches beyond (trans) the individual, to embrace wider states of humanity, life, psyche & cosmos”. (Shakti – 10/16/05)

NEXT: Type Strengths (Part 3)

Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS (Part 1)

ennea jewelsIT’S GOOD TO ACKNOWLEDGE
my special strengths & talents

PREVIOUS : Defenses, #2 

POSTs : Type Defects (7, 8, 9 )
(all in June)

BOOK: The VISUAL Enneagram (pictures)


CORE qualities = our GIFT

● The flip side of each Type’s ‘defect’ is the main characteristic which allows us to self-actualize – our Virtue / Strength. These exist in immature form when we’re born, & are supposed to develop over the course of a lifetime (like an acorn), but can only do so IF planted in good soil – ie. a safe, loving family.
> If Nurtured, the Strength will allow us to grow into something grand
> If Hindered – it will be ignored or used incorrectly, to everyone’s detriment.

We know that a damaging childhood environment stunts the healthy development of our specific core quality – so we can’t turn into a mighty oak . This is what happens to most ACoAs . SO an essential part of Recovery is to find healthy people-places-things (PPT) that help us undo the early damage & allow our precious acorn to unbend & grow correctly. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” – NOW.

● The reverse of the “defects” are the 7 Heavenly Virtues:
Charity, Faith, Fortitude, Hope, Justice, Prudence, Temperance + 2.  The coordinating Ennea-Strengths are:  (#1 – #9) : Serenity, Humility, Truthfulness, Equanimity, Detachment, Courage, Sobriety, Innocence, Actionheavenly virtues.png
— These positive qualities can be used as PROCESS, starting at #9 -“The Whole”- for planning a trip, making a meal, running a company, pursuing personal growth…

● To find our Type, we start with the exaggerated expression of the self – the defect – & trace it back to its original state. Our harmful ‘Habits of Mind’ (CDs) come from over-using /mis-using the Strengths, which are our most natural positive tendency – what we’re best at & our fundamental way of approaching the world. Therefore, the positive quality hidden in the flaw is our GIFT, with both the characteristics of Divinity & of human personality, which we bring into the world to share with others.

EXP: 🪴 2s love to help people, but damage turns it into co-dependence & people-pleasing.
🪴 Healthy 1s like things to be done right, but damage turns it into judgmental, rigid perfectionism.
🪴 Healthy 5s love to be quiet & study, but damage turns it into isolating themself, or being pedantic (a know-it-all) …..

VALUES
● In his “Types of Men – Psychology And Ethics Of Personality” (1928), Eduard Spranger wrote that people are best understood through the study of their values. In the 1960’s Gordon Allport, father of Personality Psychology, agreed that personal values are the basis of our philosophy of life.
💔 Vulnerabilities come from what caused our essence to be distorted
❣️ Values come from what each Type finds most important & deeply wants Values vs Vulnerability

● At the heart of each person’s adaptation to the world are our inborn aptitudes & abilities, present as potentialities in our core self. These energizing talents form our values, which we hold dear, influencing our motivations & perspectives on life.

They orient & focus our vision – identifying what’s important to us, what to organize our life around, what to live for. While we can appreciate & express some of all the 9 qualities, temperamentally we favor a specific one which guides our attitudes, behaviors, emotions, energies & perceptions – expressions of our Essence throughout life.

a. From a spiritual point of view, we are told that human being were made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), ie. God’s character & attributes reflected in us, such as compassion, rationality, love, hatred, anger, mercy…..
b. From a psychological view, human nature shows up in differing points of view & their accompanying ways of experiencing, evaluating, perceiving, understanding & responding to the world.

● The Virtues/ Strengths identify the way to reconnect to Essence, out-growths of the spiritual insights called Holy Ideas (Holy = objective spiritual reality, expressed in the higher essential qualities of the human mind). Since our Type’s Ego-Desire is a mix of divine yearning & ego questing – in spite of the distortions – ‘personality’ has a sacred impulse at its core.

 The combination of the 9 Types make up a total Microcosm of the human viewpoint. The movement toward Presence (the ‘work’ is to become awake to a Higher Truth) , starting at the Mechanical / Automatic way of functioning on the right side – THRU’ #1-the way of the body, #2-the way of love & #4-the way of power, which need to be learned before moving up the left side toward full Essence / Consciousness (#9).

NEXT: Enneagram – Type STRENGTHS (Part 2)

DEFENSE MECHANISMS (Part 2)

no see, no hear, no talkI HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS 
for escape!

PREVIOUS: Defense Mechanisms (#1)

SITE: “Types & Uses of Defense Mechanisms

 

ALL DEFENSES are used to avoid some form of anxiety
♝ Acting out – coping with stress by compulsively taking actions, instead of actually feeling one’s emotions about the situation
♝ Affiliation – dealing with emotional conflicts, internal stressors, or external threats by turning to others for support, help, or connection

♝ Aim Inhibition – settling for a modified version of one’s original goal (as in “Those who can’t – teach”)
♝ Altruism – gaining satisfaction by self-sacrificing service to others, or participating in beneficial social causes

Enneagram♝ Asceticism – moral  & practical renunciation of specific or all pleasurable experiences, to avoid internal conflict re. impulse-gratification (to find safety by rigid self-denial)
♝ Avoidance – refusing to deal with or face an unpleasant person, object or situation

♝ Compensation trying to make up for what one sees as personal deficiencies
♝ Conversion – repressed mental & emotional conflicts turned into a physical symptom (excessive sweating, temporary paralysis or blindness….)

♝ Denial – unconscious need to refuse admitting important parts of oneself, of ones own experiences or of external reality, even though these things may actually be known or perceived by others
♝ Displacement – shifting emotions or mental conflicts about one person or situation toward another. It’s ‘dumping onto’ one person what one feels towards someone else (kicking the dog instead of the boss)

♝ Fantasy – a retreat into a dream world, mental drifting back to ‘better times’ or to an ideal place…. used instead of when concrete, adult action is needed OR when the current situation is experienced as completely hopeless
♝ Idealization – making up a fantasy image of PPT (people, places, things), rather than seeming them realistically, in order
to deny aggressive or competitive feelings towards someone they love or are afraid of

♝ Identification: model oneself on another’s persona, in place of developing a ‘Self’ of their own
♝ Intellectualization – warding off unacceptable emotions & desires by only thinking about PPT rather than experiencing them directly

♝ Introjection
– the child’s developing Self absorbing PPT in their environments a separate eep state. Extreme: psychologically imprinting oneself onto another’s whole personality, to avoid their own powerful emotions such as love, rage, hate, envy…. that they’re terrified of
♝ Isolation (not isolating) – cutting off the memory of painful emotions connected to a distressing situation or trauma, so it no longer triggers anxiety

♝ Projection
– attributing to others ones own unacceptable but unconscious thoughts & emotions. Disowning unwanted parts of oneself by only seeing them in others, & then hating that person or quality
♝ Rationalization – use convincing ‘logical’ reasons to justify an idea, emotion or action, to avoid recognizing the real but unacceptable underlying motive for ones bad behavior (like getting defensive)

♝ Reaction formation – compulsively saying & doing the extreme opposite of what one really wants, but is afraid of (violently preaching against lust, while not admitting to being filled with sexual longing)  (CHART INFO ⬇️ )
♝ Regression – unconsciously retreating to the actions, feelings & beliefs of an earlier developmental phase when feeling threatened (toddler’s thumb sucking)

♝ Repression – keeping unwanted thoughts & emotions out of awareness, which can include forgetting actual painful or traumatic events associated with painful emotions (opposite of ‘Isolation’)
♝ Reversal – turning a feeling, attitude or behavior into its opposite
EXP: when masochism is replaced by sadism, love into hate….

♝ Simple denial: unpleasant things are treated as if they don’t exist
♝ Splitting – characteristic of Borderlines, – the inability to hold in ones conscious mind both positive & negative qualities of the Self or others in a whole (like loving & hating the same person or thing at the same time)

♝ Somatization
– when intolerable impulses or conflicts are converted into physical symptoms (suppresses rage into an auto-immune disease)
♝ Sublimation – redirect id impulses (a socially objectionable desire or goal) into socially acceptable activities, while still retaining the original longing. It’s considered the most “mature” defense. (Play football instead of fighting, make art instead of adultery)

♝ Suppression painful emotions & events are consciously ‘stuffed’ down
♝ Undoing – involves symbolically nullifying or voiding an unacceptable or guilt-provoking act, thought, or feeling (Nullify = make it of no importance or as irrelevant  // Void = make as if it never happened at all)

NEXT: Enneagram Strengths #1

DEFENSE MECHANISMS (Part 1)

defense typesI USE WHATEVER I CAN
to escape my fears

PREVIOUS: Enneagram Humor #4

REVIEW posts: Abandonment Pain

SITE: Defense Mechanisms Quiz

BOOK:In sheep’s Clothing (re. manipulative people) go to slide 50 ++

DEF: Unconscious & conscious processes to defend against or escape from conflicts, frustration & depression, so that the person can make useful adjustments to be able to live in their society.

REMINDER – as such, defenses are NOT bad. They’re needed to cope with life’s difficulties, as when we use humor to lighten our mood or altruism to lighten someone else’s load.
At best – most are delaying tactics, giving us breathing room to take a break & re-group.
The problem comes when any one of them become ‘land-locked’, so deeply ingrained that it can’t be given up easily, so rigid that it’s used like a hammer on every problem, regardless of size or importance.

• In that case they become Negative Benefits” – used to avoid childhood or other trauma which the person does not want to face & deal with. To better understand what these are, we need to know about Defense Mechanisms, which were first identified by Freud, & then added to over the years by others.
He noted that people have wishes, desired & impulses that are either unacceptable to their society, religion or family – or their own sense of self

• The fact that the impulses don’t go away, but are usually hidden in our unconscious, leaves a residue of anxiety* (like at the bottom of a bottle).
Keeping the impulses pushed out of awareness takes a lot of energy – which is exhausting, but considered by the ‘user’ to be safer than admitting them
EXP: wanting to kill one’s parents or oneself). We do this by using Defenses. Which ones we pick will depend on our upbringing & our native personality.

*ANXIETY types, according to Freud
1. Neurotic – the unconscious worry that we’ll lose control of the id‘s urges, resulting in punishment for unacceptable behavior
2. Moral – the fear of violating our own principles
3. Reality – the fear of real-world events, usually easy to identify.
EXP: Fear of being bitten when near a menacing, snarling, barking dog is appropriate …. So it’s best to avoid genuinely dangerous situations (PPT) that we know about,  if at all possible.

Defense Mechanisms distort reality
In proper proportion & with limited use they can be adaptive, allowing us to function normally in very difficult situations, where there are no better options
The big problem comes from over-use, as a way of life, especially when they’re no longer needed. What was once a way to cope will then become the problem. A goal in Recovery is to make the extreme / harmful use of defenses conscious so the we can develop healthier ways of handling anxiety & stress – without eliminating defenses altogether.

Sdefenses hierarchy

 

«
NEXT:
27 Defenses

ACoAs & PROJECTING (not Projection) (#2)

PREVIOUS : PROJECTING (not Projection) (#1)

SITEs:  Hope Vs. ‘Realism’ – Challenging the Negative Assumptions of our Fears
•“Things My Dog Taught Me: Don’t Project Negatives”


ACoA NEGATIVITY
Underlying BELIEFS / 
assumptions
• We have no choice but to be trapped in bad situations (Toxic Rule: “If you don’t like it you have to stay”)
• So we have to figure out all the bad things that will for-sure happen – to us, or to a loved one, a family member, a beloved pet, the new job, house, neighborhood, the world
• And, the more we prepare for the inevitable, the more we assume we can protect ourself & our loved ones

Secondary assumptionbased on S-H, also a defense mechanism:
Since everything bad that has happened & is happening to us (or our loved ones) is our fault – somehow – we have to figure out how to correct the problem in order to stop the pain
• If we fail, it just proves how worthless & stupid we are, & therefore unworthy of anything good in the future

We’re Double Binded when: (post = ACoA Double Messages)
A. we think that if we’re prepared for the worst, it won’t be sI=C reatingo painful, we’ll know how to fix things, be able to manage, won’t be so affected….
At the same time:
B. we are not allowed to make things better, so
• can’t even imagine viable options, much less implement them, and
• can’t ask for appropriate & useful help, much less leave an unsuitable person or bad environment

REMEMBER
• it’s the WIC who is projecting negatively, based on actual childhood (& many adult) experiences. It still believes the PP voice (negative introject), with its cruel Rules:
“Life is only hardship & you can never be happy.  You have to keep struggling but never ‘get there’. You have no choices, Don’t ever risk...”

• the difference between Feeling (emotion) & THINKING. Projections are ALL thoughts, which cause fear & hopelessness(Es), which won’t diminish until the beliefs are corrected, replaced & then acted on. (posts: Anxiety & T.E.A.s)

• negative projections are always CDs (cognitive distortions) learned a long time ago, which DO cause painful emotions, like anxiety & despair AND rage.  (posts: “Feelings aren’t facts”)

🔅NOTE: Projecting is NOT the same as Planning Ahead.
Planning ahead starts with the assumption that things are possible, that we can do it, & that we have options. It can be in the form of : evaluating a current or potential relationship, a new job or living space, picking a pet, a diet, a doctor, a vacation…..

• It DOES includes having or getting enough correct information so we can do a ‘cost-benefit’ analysis (pros & cons), & inventory our assets or liabilities – to fill in what’s missing (if possible).
• It does NOT include unrealistic expectations, denial about what’s not feasible, nor narcissistic entitlement (to what’s not rightfully ours.)

RECOVERY 
Whether you’re having trouble with a person or situation OR going to try something new / different, OR making a change:
1KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! – in general, as well as specific to the issue
(Posts: My Rights // Healthy Rules // Recovery Thoughts // What Recovery IS)

2. Develop the ‘UNIT’ to take charge of the WIC, correcting CDs as they surface. Set a healthy boundary with the Bad Voice: “Stop scaring my kid!”
(Posts: What just happened? // Noticing painful events)

3. Comfort & dialogue with the Inner Child all the time, not just when you’re upset!
(Posts: “Our Wounded Inner Child”, Bookending with the IC”)

4. Use Positive affirmations, making your own – they work best. They need to be directly opposite the specific beliefs your WIC is holding, or a replacement
EXP: “No one can ever love me” becomes “_____ & _____ & _____ & _____ love us, I love you & HP has always loved you”

5. Get help (if you need some) TO:
• identify what you really want & need in a situation
• figure out the most useful opposite beliefs
• learn what legitimate options there may be
• list realistic pros & cons
(Posts: use charts in Why are you stuck?, and What to Do when confused)

6. Don’t neglect your spiritual needs. Read the Psalms, watch TED Talks, listen to soothing music, pray for guidance – for ‘right thinking’ & to heal the underlying terror all ACoAs carry over from childhood – the Fear of Abandonement.

NEXT: Defense Mechanisms #1

ACoAs & PROJECTING (not Projection) (#1)

projectingTHE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!
or it will any minute now!

PREVIOUS: Book Suggestions

SITEs: “Mistakes of projecting your future” (AlcoholicsFriend.com)
• “Negative Risk (threat) & Positive Risk (opportunity)”
“You should Visualize Positive & Negative Outcomes More”

DEF: PROJECTING (a CD=cognitive distortion) – Imagining one or more bad / painful / disastrous things will always & inevitably happen in the future, in general or re. a specific person or situation (victim mentality / ‘learned helplessness’ / scapegoat)

NOTE: This is not the same as correctly knowing who someone or some situation actually is, & what to expect of them.
EXP: “My whole life my mom has said mean or insensitive to me or about me. She’s never changed, so I know any time I talk to her in the future it will be the same.”

❎ SIDEBAR
Projecting is NOT the same as Projection – a defense mechanism (via Freud), in which a person:
a. Re. US – When we unconsciously reject one or more unacceptable qualities we have – or believe we have – AND attribute / assign those same qualities to another person, animal or situation.

Often the ‘others’ do not have those characteristics. So it’s inevitable that in some cases projection will result in false accusations.
Everyone Else’s Fault?…..” //  Don’t Project Your … Inadequacy Onto Others

EXP: “I can’t trust anyone because everyone lies” (deny being a liar oneself)
“I know she hates me” (deny our own self-hate OR that we hate that person)
VARIATIONS:
• ComplEmentary = assume others think or feel the same way we do about things
• ComplImentary = assume others can do the same thing  – as well as OR in the same way – as we can
📌 These are both expressions of narcissistic thinking (you & I are “one” – the WIC’s desperate desire for a symbiotic connection) (MORE…..)

b. Re. FAMILY – To attribute actual negative characteristics of our dysfunctional family members on to others, who may be like them, only a little, or not at all.
EXP: My father was a mean abusive drunk, therefore all men are bad / dangerous // “All authorities are evil, out to get me”

✳️ Back to PROJECTING
In BIZ: Positive OR Negative scenarios

In business it’s called forecasting, looking at all possible outcomes based on previous performance.
Projections are not budgets, rather “big picture, what if” exercises, done at a higher level of abstraction, ie context (See “D.Binds #3a“), with a ‘what is hoped for’ & “what could be” perspective.
NOTICE – a savvy business plan always includes 3 major possible outcomes. CHART

For ACoAs – However, most of us almost never project that things will work out, that we’ll be happy, that we’ll get what we asked for, that our relationships will be beneficial, that we’ll get the job we want….
No-o-o-o!  Instead we assume the worst. As long as we’re run by the unhealed WIC we only project negative outcomes – pain, disappointment, suffering, disaster.

♟️ The exceptions are the severe narcissists (& active addicts) who only project ‘positive’ possibilities, which are simply pie-in-the-sky schemes which never come true, because either they don’t have the skill & inner motivation to make it happen, it’s a stupid idea, or not actually do-able. BUT they’re always about to make it big –  “This is the one!” (agin)

WHY assume negatively? BECAUSE :
disaster forecasta. our childhood was filled with endless suffering & deprivation, so that’s our template for reality, becoming our world view  (
POST : “Information & the Brain – How we learn“)

♦︎ SCIENCE –Brain’s Negative Bias : “The brain reacts more strongly to stimuli it deems negative, with a greater surge in electrical activity….. historically, our very survival depended on dodging & escaping dangers. The brain has incorporated systems so that we cannot avoid noticing danger & so hopefully, respond to it appropriately to keep ups safe .
⚡️ OUR problem is that we either have numbed out that warning signal, or we become addicted to that danger ⚡️

b. we have unconsciously, but consistently been reproducing that original chaos & abandonment in our adult life. (Repetition Compulsion).
Unfortunately, it’s the WIC’s way of staying loyal to the family system, even though it was harmful to our parents & continues to harm us

♦︎ PSYCH – Bad is stronger than good ….Many kinds of trauma produce severe & lasting effects on behavior, but there is no corresponding concept of a positive event that can have similarly strong, lasting effects……”

NEXT: Projecting #2

BOOK Suggestions

images-1

 

PREVIOUS : Enneagram Defects, (#7,8,9)

 

The TOOLS – to help & inspire you to live life in forward motion”
~ Phil Stutz & Barry Michaels   / thetoolbook.com

COMPLEX PTSD”  –  Recovering from Childhood Trauma
~ Pete Walker

TRAPPED in the MIRROR” – Adult Children of Narcissists In their Struggle for Self
~ Elan Golomb, PhD

PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS” ~ Maxwell Maltz, M.D.
Cybernetics is a network of constant feedback loops in the brain, correcting its course & receives further feedback on the success of the transmission. This allows us to travel to places we don’t have the instructions for beforehand, & build on the history of our actions.

NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” ~ Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
COMMENT: They talk about what works & what doesn’t – in disciplining your “outer” kids – but can apply to dealing with the Inner Child as well.

“30 COVERT EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION TACTICS” ~ Adelyn Birch
How manipulators take control of personal relationships – re mates, but is also clearly about our family’s ‘games’.

“ADULT-CHILDREN of EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS” ~ Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD. How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents who create a sense of neglect, & discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood.

Pls let me know if these are helpful.

Thanks, DMT

NEXT : PROJECTING – not projection (#1)