THERE’S ALWAYS A WAY AROUND
if I only knew how!
PREVIOUS: Double Binds (Part 10)
Kindle BOOK: “Double-Binds: The DNA of Emotional & Mental Problems, & How to Make use of Their Positive Potential” – John Lentz (DNA = Double Negative Association)
SURPRISE: After all these post on the ‘evil’ of D. Messages & D. Binds – would you believe there are actually ways to use DM for good?
On the one hand they can cause untold suffering.
On the other – the pain can motivate us to transform ourselves, if we’re willing to do the work. They can also induce us to be “completely present” at a difficult time in a relationship, letting go of a past situation that resembles this one, in order to consider what our partner needs in this moment.
The double bind is an opportunity to communicate more effectively, & possibly to become wiser.” (MORE…. )
“Invaluable leaps in learning & personal development involve Including & Transcending our negative & positive binding patterns. Often our greatest strengths come from being doubly bound to express both sides. EXP: Steve Jobs could not not innovate.” (From What are Double Binds?)
PURPOSE: to help people release painful emotions & get past resistance to positive changes. Sometimes they don’t want either choice of a positive bind, even though both are to their benefit. But DBs are one of the most effective indirect language tools for inducing trance, as a way to loosen stuck-ness.
• The POSITIVE use of DBs was instituted by Dr. Milton Erickson, as a therapeutic tool. He first learned the art of the DB from his father, who would ask, “Do you want to feed the chickens first or the hogs, & then do you want to fill the wood box or pump the water for the cows first.” The elder Erickson gave Milton a choice of which chore to do first, but the boy was not free to leave the chores undone. Erickson admitted he consented mainly because he chose the order in which he did them.
Erickson & Bateson used positive DBs – for spiritual growth, & to confront patients with the contradictions in their life, to help them heal. DBs allow a person to have a set of injunctions which support them in many situations, whichever choice they make.
EXP:”Get enough sleep for your health” AND “Don’t sleep your life away”
Clinical Hypno-therapist Dr. Jay Stone uses double & triple binds to subtly aid his clients. CHART ⬇️ re. Self-care. You can apply it to any specific issue you want to work on.
◆ In two-level communication, the conscious mind gets a choice, but the unconscious mind does not
◆ In the triple bind, the person’s conscious mind is allowed to choose how often to apply the lesson, but the unconscious mind has agreed to self-care as soon as the conscious mind made its choice of frequency.
This way of using DBs is very effective with toddlers (see ‘SITE’ above) and is worth learning to use with our WIC, who is usually resistant to more direct forms of change.
WIN-WIN We can learn to create win-wins for ourselves & others, using positive DBs to encourage a desired outcome. This makes both Sender & Receiver right, no matter what they do or say, which is empowering rather than living in anxiety. There are 5 dimensions of the Win/Win model: Character, Relationships, Agreements, Supportive Systems & Processes ⬇️
In Business &/or Parenting
a. When forging a positive relationship is the main focus & goal, Win/Win is the desirable outcome
b. BUT in a competitive situation OR in an unhealthy one, where making a safe connection is not possible, Win/Lose is a valid option. (MORE….)
• In that case, the “Purpose frame” is applicable – to give the other person what they want (actual need), but not what they asked for (request).
EXP: Eskimo needs warm feet…. (Read the rest)
NEXT: DBs – Part 12