PREVIOUS: Negative Introject (Part 3)
A starting point to free ourselves of our self-destructive attachment to the Negative Introject (PP) is to clearly hear what’s being whispered in our inner ear. We may never completely rid ourselves of it, but can go a long way toward setting it aside
• Take each phrase below that applies – write how it feels emotionally (Es), & what negative patterns you’ve developed in response to it (As). Then for each one, find a loving & logical counter you can tell your Inner Child.
The PP voice:
• “I’m JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU”
– but everything is actually cruel, discouraging, fear-based & inaccurate or distorted
• “I want to be proud of you, isn’t that normal?”
– unfortunately it’s ONLY about how we reflect on it, not what’s truly good for us
• “You can do anything you want”
– but only as long as it approves
• ”You’re such a Good Boy / Good Girl”
– as long as you act the way it wants
• “I just want to stop you from making a big mistake”
– It’s projecting:
— its own fear of taking any risk, much less positive ones
— mistakes it has made, without owning them or explaining to us
— its inability or unwillingness to see our personality & skills
Can it image us as a separate being who may know what we want? maybe very different from them?
OR PP repeats:
• You’re a looser so don’t bother, you never do anything right anyway
• you’re ugly, stupid, selfish… no one will ever want / love you
• no matter what you do, you’ll never get anywhere ….
NONE of these are true about us!
About the world : “Sure, you can leave home (us) but just remember —
• the world is a dog-eat-dog place, don’t trust anyone
• no one will help you, you’re on your own
• everyone’s out to get you, so always watch your back….”
This may be what our parents went through. In some ways it can be true about the outside world, but for us, it was definitely true about our home life!
Negative Introject is ONLY interested in itself, NOT us, no matter what it’s saying. We need to get this on a cellular level – even if it claims to “only wants our best”.
It’s really talking about its own survival, focused only on its own loneliness, fear of abandonment & self-hate, NOT ours. It’s their dis-owned projections that’s now our PP.
• Role reversal : to the degree that the PP represent one or both damaged parents, who were also run by their WIC’s pain, it wants us to take care of it. The originals were narcissists (or worse) – emotional children who wanted to be rescued, to vent their rage & frustrations, using us to dump that on. Only their needs counted!
For many of our caretakers, the only “power” they had in the world came from controlling weaker beings (us) who wouldn’t defy them or leave – sometimes employees or friends, often a spouse, always the kids.
This is crucial to understand, because the WIC is still trying to get their attention & love, which is not possible!
YES, our external parents may say / have said they love us, but even if they felt an attachment, it is / was in a selfish way – as an extension of themselves, not for who we are inherently.
We can tell this by:
• the fact that we never felt safe, seen or loved by them, AND
• by noticing all the ways they disapprove(d) of us – not just some behaviors & choices as teaching tools, (normal for loving parents), BUT of our Natural Self – our very essence!
AND feel rage, depressed, incompetent, even suicidal after spending time with them now!
NEXT: Positive Introject – Healing