Gifted Children – Types (Part 1)

WE WANT TO UNDERSTAND
our child & help her/him blossom

PREVIOUS:
 Multiple Intellig. #3e

SITEs: “Characteristics & Behaviors of the Gifted (excellent)

12 Lessons about GIFTED KIDS from MATILDA

BOOK: “The Drama of the Gifted Child”~ Alice Miller (Comments)

UNIQUENESS
Parents know that their children are different from each other – but not all are aware of it consciously. We can tell this by how differently they treat each child – because of birth order, gender, inborn characteristics, & the Type most like each parent.

Healthy
:
In reasonably functional homes parents notice & respond appropriately of the variations in their children’s personalities. While trying to be fair & balances, they form their relationships & type of guidance based on what’s best suited to each child’s style.

Unhealthy: Damaged parents don’t even try to be fair or balanced with their various children. Instead they ONLY use those existing differences in the service of the family dis-ease & their own sick personal needs – especially the very smart & perceptive children, who are either:

a
. scapegoated in order to dis-empower them because their sensitivity & intelligence is a threat to maintaining the abusive structure, & so are systematically destroyed, OR
b. their strength & cleverness is used to take care of everyone else, while the child’s needs are neglected & negated. OR both.

ACoAs: Even though we are in fact quite smart – to have figured out how to survive so much chaos & cruelty – we don’t know who we are inside. So it’s not surprising that we seem oblivious to fundamental differences in the personalities of people we meet or live with. We act as if they are all the same – but more specifically – the same as us (symbiosis).

This is the crux of our emotional & psychological blindness: Our WIC narcissistically wants everyone to be a carbon copy of ourselves, as if that would validate us & give us permission to be ourselves. It’s the only way it thinks it can be safe.

▶︎ Studying the various Styles of children & adults allows us to distinguish ourselves from others, & be better able to interact with them based on who they are.

RECOVERY: But first we need to find our who we truly are (via our inventories, plus mirroring & validation from others) to get comfortable with ourselves, so that it’s OK to see who other people are, without it threatening us. Another irony – the more we can do that the safer we actually feel!

REVIEW
: As listed in many other posts – there are a number of ways to find out who we are, such as: Al-anon, Dream Interpretation, Enneagram, Journaling,  Myers-Briggs Inventory, MMPI, Multiple Intelligences,  Personality tests, Prayer & Meditation, Psychotherapy, Numerology & Astrology, 2-handed Inner Child dialogues, Trauma Release body work…..

For ACoAs – all these tools are needed in various combinations in oder to form a rounded picture of our Inner Self, since we are complex beings and because our upbringing gave us a very distorted view of ourselves.

Re. very bright children – the next 2 posts list the categories drawn from many year of observation by George Betts & Maureen Neihart (Davidson Institute for Talent Development), based on Howard Gadner’s 1983 proposed Multiple Intelligences.

Re. this List (Part 2 & 3) : As with other kinds of descriptions, a child may be a combination of 2 or more, & their Type will develop with time as they grow. Healthy parents will want to stay aware of their gifted child’s progress, to keep up with changes needed to give practical help & emotional support.

NOTE: Some Gifted Children have hidden learning disabilities that often go undiscovered, fearing ridicule & the ignorance of others. Their cleverness allows G&Ts to compensate for problems in their early years. Untreated, eventually it becomes harder & harder for them to excel, which can lead to behavior problems, depression & giving up.

NEXT: Gifted Children (Part 2)

Anger – CATEGORIES : Passive, Paranoid, Pass-Agg (#11)

sad baby a.b.
NO MATTER HOW UPSETTING,
I can’t seem to make anything better

PREVIOUS: Anger Categories (Part 8)

SITE: Righteous Indignation


OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS
(cont)

▪️PARANOID anger
Paranoia can be identified on a continuum, FROM mild & occasional (“I bet she’s talking abut me”) TO severe & continual (“I know they’re watching me thru the tv”).
In the present, it’s the Paranoid’s irrational assumption that they’re somehow always in danger, but can’t quite put their finger on it, or prove it.
They are absolutely sure that others are out to get them, take what’s theirs, want to humiliate them socially, or attack them in some other way.

Paranoia comes from the experience of being in very real & continual danger growing up. As children they were double-binded, manipulated & controlled to the point of never being able to trust their own thoughts & emotions, much less anyone else’s.

As a result they’re always on guard, never relaxed. Their ability to process & evaluate correctly is flawed or non-existent, confusing their own motives & emotions with those of others. The fear/terror is a deep sense of insecurity & powerlessness, which generates a lot of anger.
Instead of admitting the rage, they project it out onto the world, believing everyone else is angry, so they can be too – without guilt. Their fury is disguised as self-protection.
They see their own anger reflected in the eyes & words of their friends, mates & co-workers, without realizing it’s a mirror. This leaves everyone confused.

▪️PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE anger
The “P-A ACoAs” posts give a full description. This category is also called:
Leaking – stockpiling resentments toward someone, & then talking about them behind their back with others who agree with us, doing things we know upset the one we’re mad at, gossiping, muttering under our breath…

Sneaky
– never letting others know we’re angry, much less to what degree, but it shows up Screen Shot 2016-06-02 at 8.19.57 PManyway, usually by withholding – in our actions, communication, emotions…..and then acting innocent & hurt, asking with a puzzled look, “Why are you getting mad at me?”

Underhanded
– indirectly trying to get revenge for injustices to our ego by sabotaging the specific ‘enemy’ we’re angry at, rather than randomly abusing whoever is near by. In this case we use little acts of ‘mild’ aggression, in what we think are socially acceptable ways – being late, making belittling side-comments, complaining to others about them, teasing, always discouraging someone’s ideas, plans, dreams….

▪️POWERLESS anger
There are very real situations in life which some of us have to deal with, where we are truly powerless – care-taking an elderly sick & forgetful parent, raising a disabled child, coping with a drug/alcohol addicted mate or older child, having a chronic illness…… It’s exhausting, wearing down our patience. It is easy to get frustrated, irritated & then angry. This is normal & needs to be addressed – by getting regular support & relief time

• However, some of us no longer live in hurtful / dangerous circumstances, yet act as if we’re still victims – as we once were in childhood. We get angry whenever we can’t get what we want or expect. We react to everyday frustrations as if they are meant specifically for us – when they’re not. We assume childhood powerlessness is a permanent state, not deserving anything else (learned helplessness). So as adults we don’t have internal permission to get our needs met legitimately. (MORE….)
powerless
⚡️ This causes us to only look to others outside ourselves to provide everything we need or want, & get angry when that doesn’t happen. We don’t know or refuse to admit we are responsible for our own self-care

😪 On the other hand many people are still genuinely trapped in situations they can’t get out of for various reasons – children in abusive homes, sex slaves, battered wives, prisoners, war refugees, living in poverty. (Image ↗️).  A total sense of powerlessness always generates impotent anger, even fury. But without any options, eventually depression & then hopelessness often takes over.

NEXT: Anger categories (Part 12)