PREVIOUS: Healthy Adult & Loving Parent #1
See Part 1 for acronyms in these posts
♥ INNER DIALOGUES – Intro (Examples in Part 3)
❀ Everyone’s INNER CHILD is made up of the combined emotions, experiences, memories & thoughts from childhood. It is:
• every age & developmental stage we’re lived thru
• our interactions with family, school, friends, religion…
• our version (conscious interpretation/ ‘understanding’) of all the people who were important to us, good or bad
• what we picked up from them subliminally. Kids are very intuitive
Depending on the content of a voice, we’re hearing from:
❧ a good parent or a bad inner parent
❧ a healthy child or a wounded inner child
❧ a sane adult or a fake inner adult
The 1st in each ego state are soothing, informative, helpful, humorous, even spiritual
The 2nd in each ES will cause us great pain, a feeling of hopelessness or futility….. & some of those voices are louder, carry more weight, are meaner….than others
NEW UNIT (HA + LP) needs to interact with both the NC & the WC.
TO learn how:
• Get IC dialogue-writing books, & practice until it becomes natural
• Watch kind, loving real-life or TV parents talking to their children (especially when the kids mess up!)
• Visualize holding your WIC & NC – what do they need & want to hear? what would you have liked your parents to say to you?
✶ Make sure to leave time for the kid to answer, comment, feel, react… It’s not a dialogue if you do all the talking!
Helpful prerequisites :
• Less Self-Hate & less attachment to the Bad Voice (PP)
• Willing to take time & effort to learn this new language
• Done enough inventories to know your WIC’s issues
• Know quite a bit about all your good qualities
• Less anxiety – to be able to sit quietly & communicate
• Maybe have done ‘morning pages’, prayer, meditation….
• Lot & lots of patience – the kid may not respond right away
👂🏾🦻🏼WHY you may not ‘hear’ the IC 🦻🏼
1. Being ‘kid whipped’!
a. you’re ALL kid. Without the ‘UNIT’ present there is no dialogue. That can be changed. The child E.S. is a separate entity, should not be in charge. A therapist once said: “You have a child, you are not a child!”
• Visualize the IC sitting outside of yourself – in your lap, on the bed or floor, hiding behind a chair or curtain…. but always there, waiting
b. the IC is too young to talk. Depending on what IC age is being triggered by a current situation, you may feel your pre-verbal infant self – with lots of emotions but no words
c. the WIC doesn’t trust you. If you’ve been unavailable altogether, or inconsistent, only talking AT the kid, sounding like the bad parent…. the kid isn’t going to respond!
EXP: “Hi little one, how do you feel?” >> “What do you care?”
d. the IC is old enough to talk but doesn’t know how to express what’s going on with it yet – doesn’t have the right words for things it’s feeling, isn’t developed enough to think abstractly, isn’t allowed to say what it feels or needs…. EXP: “ Hi, what’s bothering you?” >> “I don’t know”.
Bill Cosby said that’s how his younger kids always responded when asked why they’d done something ‘bad’
e. The older WIC – maybe 13-18 – is angry if you’ve been ignoring him/her, especially if you’ve already been talking to the younger ones. You may get an image of it with its back turned to you, crossed arms, pouting….
The teen needs just as much attention, but of a different kind = more practical, included in decisions, being asked its opinion. This ES often hold knowledge & wisdom we’re not even aware of – until we connect.
BUT also – there are still many things our teen Self doesn’t understand, so it needs validation of its painful experiences, AND talked to with respect
NEXT: Healthy Adult/ Loving Parent – #3