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 Ennea: TRIAD EMOTIONS (Part 3a)

891s “MANAGING” ANGER (cont)
► EIGHTS – Challengers (#3a)

► NINES – Peacemakers
Complicated  : Some 9s recognize their anger, they have feelings of resentment, they blow up on occasion, they might experience road rage.
But many do not “get angry” and are confused to hear that this is their leading emotional issue. But it’s precisely this avoidance that pushes them out of contact with themselves. This is called the emotional habit of :self-forgetting” 

Root: reacting to a chaotic early life, they deny anger in favor of a peaceful existence – mainly driven by a need to pacify their environment & relationships
Expressing anger & aggression: they repress anger, processing it unconsciously. They don’t like showing or even acknowledging their anger,
but tend to ‘smolder’ underneath. Since they deny aggression & resentment in order to not rock the boat, they don’t let on to the self or others that they’re stewing. This results in losing contact with the Gut Center, so they act or doesn’t act from a place disconnected from reality

Acting out anger: they deny their instinctual energies as if to say, “What anger? That’s not me.” In this triad, they’re most out of touch with anger & intuition, which they feel threatened by. While 9s get angry like everyone else, they try to ignore it by idealizing everything in their world

In relationships: finding their own anger so threatening, they bury it inside & form a completely pleasing or passive exterior. When boundary invaded, they don’t admit how angry it makes them, but it shows in a stubborn attachment to keeping the peace, whatever the cost. However, 9s do periodically erupt, betraying the reservoir of rage simmering deep below the surface.

As reaction to underlying fear: they need comfort & peacefulness in their connection with others because of a great fear of being separated. So they try to stifle the source of power in self & others by repressing their own assertive / aggressive nature, & actively calming/ suppressing aggressiveness in others.
Re. not being held/ supported: they “hold” by engaging in repetitive mental or physical actions that soothe them, as a narcotic (See Enn. Emotions, Intro)

► ONES – Reformers
Root: being humiliated, forced to follow a strict moral code, feeling unacceptable, unable to rely on a safe stable authority figure
Expressing anger: internalize anger, focused inward, from wanting to be perfect, but the impossibility of achieving this goal sets up a vicious cycle – triggering more anger, which they deny. They process anger by following a rigid set of religious or philosophical ideals

Acting out anger: trying to make aggression noble, glorious – they use the superego to represses normal instinctual energy – shoving it down & having it come back up as righteousness / doing the right thing
In relationships: they feel anger but do everything they can to hide it. They have a burning desire to be perfect, & in their mind perfect people don’t get angry. Since they give themselves no mercy, they tend to be highly judgmental of others as well.

Their response to boundary invasion is to repress the raw energy of anger, redirecting it into efficient action, while holding on to a simmering resentment, which is their Passion

As reaction to underlying fear of being condemned for normal human limitations, they need to always be right & to see themselves as reasonable, using strict self-discipline
Re. not being held/ supported: they “hold” by being self-controlled and trying to control or structure every aspect of their direct environment   (MORE... from Lynette Sheppard)

The positive emotional state of Ones is a sincere spirit & good intentions towards others, understanding that they have a personal role to play in caring for the well being of all. They’re part of a larger order & purpose, so personal integrity means doing one’s very best in every situation.

NEXT : What ACoAs know & don’t know

PREVIOUS: Triad Emotions (Heart)

SITE: “Emotional Sobriety” (AA & the Enneagram)

567s  “MANAGING” FEAR (cont)
►  FIVES – Investigators (Part 2a)

► SIXES – Loyalists
6s, unlike 5s, have trouble trusting their own minds, which reel with negative, fearful possibilities, while not thinking things through for themselves. They expect the worst to happen, so they spend a lot of time making sure they’re protected against every eventuality.

Wanting so much to be liked & feel safe, they constantly look outside for guidance – to authorities, beliefs, jobs, philosophies, relationships, saving…. But no matter how many security structures they create, 6s are still filled with doubt & fear – as long as they’re not listening to their own inner voice.
– Phobic 6s can end up mistrusting the very people & beliefs they’ve turned to for reassurance, while –
– Counter-phobics will often react impulsively, confronting & defying the fear in an effort to be free of it – without considering underlying causes, or possible negative consequences of their rashness

Root: 6s are deeply afraid of being abandoned, which comes from people’s unpredictability. This makes them the most anxious of the 3 Types, & the most out of touch with their own sense of inner knowing & confidence

Express fear by: waffling between inner & outer expressions. Being at the center of the triad, they’re plagued by doubt, not quite sure what they think about anything. They can neither trust themselves nor the outside world, but don’t actually experience it as ‘fear’, therefore their Janus-like quality

6s Deal with fear either by rebelling against authority or surrendering to it as a:
◆ Phobic – overly anxious, always on guard, suspicious of anything unfamiliar. Don’t believe in their own abilities, so look outside to handle their anxiety & dread for them
OR
◆ Counter-phobic – repressing fear, pretending there’s absolutely no reason to ever feel scared. They surround themselves with security systems & ‘helpful’ people

Respond to their fear: by projecting several negative outcomes, &/or acting fearless as a way to cope with their ever-present insecurity
Alleviate fear: by organizing their tribe into strong groups, & presenting a unified front against “them”. They ask everyone else for answers they could solve themselves

► SEVENS – Enthusiasts
7s don’t expect things to work out very well, so they make sure to have multiple options, & as much as possible deliberately staying clear of any form of unpleasantness.

✦ To distract from hidden fears, they keep their minds occupied with exciting possibilities & options. Their main focus is on pleasure & getting what they want – with less concern for the needs or desires of others. They’re afraid of missing out, of not being connected to life.

✦ When they want help, they look to others indirectly, getting info from conversation & by activities. They rarely look inward for guidance or at their own patterns, so they tend to not learn from their mistakes

✦ Being a thinking type PLUS wanting to have pleasant feelings – gives them a strong visual mind, so they can live in daydreams. But they also make every effort to act on as many of their ideas as they can – staying on the go, pursuing one experience after another, keeping themselves amused

Root: 7s are deeply afraid of feeling the pain of their inner world – wanting to avoid further abandonment, deprivation & loss
Express the fear : by externalizing their fear, avoiding it entirely by distracting themselves – always being up, always having options (to run) & always planning new feel-good escapes
Deal with fear: they’re always fighting negativity, failure & boredom, so even their ‘commitments’ have backup plans – just in case.  The need for constant stimulation can turn into an addiction to excitement

Respond to their fear: with positive thinking & taking on new challenges, losing themselves in exciting adventures, trying to satisfy every need
Alleviate fear: by consuming everything they can, & becoming so great that they’re bigger & stronger than those around them. They accumulate people, experiences & possessions to insulate themselves from anything unpleasant or painful.
(MORE…. )

PREVIOUS: Triad Emotions – 1a

SITE:
“ How the Enneagram can Point you to God”

BOOK: The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective  – R. Rohr & A. Ebert

► TWOS –  Helpers / Caretakers
Dealing with Emotions: 2s are the most externalized, focusing their grief & shame outwardly. They over-express positive aspects of their heart – at the expense of being real, so it’s an incomplete or false connection. However, they get a lot out of giving of themselves & conforming to the needs of others

Shame: 2s compensate by denying hostility, trying always to act out an idealized image (good girl/good boy). They feel shame with confronts with any form of disapproval, because they want so badly to be loved.
The try to control shame by working very hard to convince themselves & others of being totally virtuous

They only allow themselves pleasant emotions & thoughts toward others, while repressing ‘ugly’ ones (anger & resentment for not being appreciated) – denying they may not be so unconditionally loving
— As long as 2s can get positive emotional responses from others, they feel acceptable, which helps control their shame

The positive emotion for 2s is a great capacity for empathy and care in relationships. Others naturally respond well to their warmth & friendliness, inviting a connection to the heart center where everyone is valued.
Their virtue is humility – not devaluing oneself, but realizing ones true measure &  worth, without inflation or deflation – by the balance between giving & receiving

► THREES – Achievers / Performers
Dealing with Emotions: at the core of the triad, 3s are most out of touch with their heart-feelings, which are suspended so they can = make a good impression = get the job done, & = act as or become someone they believe will make the greatest impression or win the greatest accolades.
So they need to repress shame & grief, making it hard to know directly what they want or could own as theirs alone (needs, gifts, dreams, wants….)

Shame: they deny shame by disconnecting from their heart, hiding from underlying sense of inadequacy, then trying to fill the gap by ‘being’ what they achieve.
They do feel shame (but don’t recognize it as such) with any form of rejection, because they so want to be desirable.

3s focus on accomplishing tasks & ‘managing’ shame by trying to become what they imagine a valuable, successful person is like. They learn to perform well & be acceptable, even outstanding, often driven to relentlessly pursue success as a way of staving off feelings of shame & fear of failure

NOTE: Healthy 3s – bonding with a loving mother : are the most authentic people. Self-actualized 3s attract others with a magnetic personality
Unhealthy – bonding with a narcissistic mother : become sham artists to hide an undeveloped soul. Hard-driving achievers, they claw their way to the top & crow when they get there, but their own narcissism drives others away
(ARTICLE by a Christian Type 3)

► FOURS – Individualists
Dealing with Emotions: 4s under-expressing their connecting-heart, & focus their grief & shame inward. They have an artistic temperament, a love for aesthetics & are intense about everything – absorbed in their inner life, but away from their true feelings

Shame: they try to control their shame by shoving hostility so deep – they never find it. But they do experience it when they don’t feel like belong or are criticized or nor belonging somewhere, because they’re so afraid of being defective.
Being the most likely to feel inadequate, they compensate by focusing on how unique & special their style, emotions & talents are

4s also cover shame by cultivating a rich, romantic fantasy life to escape dealing with ‘reality’ – whatever seems drab or uninteresting – using dramatic emotions & imagination to soothe themselves, & fill in the Self they’re think is missing.(More….)

The positive emotion for 4s is authenticity, to feel their true feelings whatever it takes. They can empathize with other’s suffering & grief, as well as their happiness. Their virtue is equanimity – the capacity to keep the heart open, accepting all feelings while staying grounded in the goodness of life. (More…..)

 NEXT:  Ennea-EMOTIONS #2a

PREVIOUS: Ennea Triads, Part 4a

3rd Triad (891) : INSTINCT (Gut), Body-based character structure (cont)
#8 = Leader — Energy: Larger than life, Dominating.
#9 = Mediator Energy: Diffuse extension, Comfortable
#1= Reformer Energy: Rigid containment, Righteous

In BIZ: They take a stand, act decisively, & take calculated yet appropriate risks. They develop alternative & solutions to problems, challenging conventional wisdom. They take ownership & demonstrate integrity.

For Inspiration: 8s use their Mental Center / 9s use their Body Center / 1s use their Heart Center (MORE….

Re. SPACE – When truly grounded (knowing exactly who & where they are in time, space & spirit), they develop healthy personal boundaries, with a clear sense of personhood & positive connections to others
EXP:
8s feel the need to conquer, to be certain of having a place for oneself, so they assert their boundaries aggressively
9s will adapt to a new environment with seeming ease, but part of them remains disengaged
1s hold back & compare situations with their sense of right/wrong, afraid that if they let go they’ll lose control & have their boundaries ‘penetrated’

► 8s Function – Leadership & Self-assertion
They express anger easily & fast. They put their guard up so that no one can get through their defenses to hurt them. Their anger will surface in situations where they or someone else experiences injustice

GOWTH: 8’s can learn.… there’s no contradiction between being sensitive to the hearts of others and having an effect in the world. In fact, the more they connect with others, the more they become a powerful force for good. Healthy 8’s can become the kind of leader others will fall on their sword for

Positive potential: ability to take personal initiative, magnanimity, self-confidence, self-determination, self-reliance
Negative potential: combativeness, crude insensitivity, domination of others, ruthlessness
– They over-express their instincts, tending to dominate people & situations without pausing to think about others’ points of view

► 9s Function – Interpersonal Mediation & Receptivity
They tend to disconnect from their anger in order to build harmony & comfort, both for themselves & for others, which can be referred to as “the anger that went to sleep”. They turn a blind eye to whatever threatens their peace

GOWTH: 9’s can learn.… that staying with discomfort in the moment & being present to  engage – even if there’s confrontation, is the key to true inner peace. They don’t need to retreat from anger or other uncomfortable emotions, and with limitless patience can help others feel truly loved & accepted

Positive potential: acceptance, creating harmony with others, emotional stability & physical endurance, un-self-consciousness
Negative potential: disengaged attention & emotions, neglectfulness, mental dissociation, passivity
– They’re numb to their instincts, which makes it very hard to hold on to their own agenda as the waves of life wash over them

► 1s Function – Ethical Standards & Responsibility
They don’t like expressing their anger externally, & can be very self‐critical, working hard to hold back their unconscious impulses.  (from ‘Enneagram Singapore’)

GOWTH: 1’s can learn.… they’re not responsible for fixing everything, & accepting a situation isn’t the same as endorsing it. They can still accomplish a higher good while having patience with ‘what is.’ At their peak, they’re serene, conscientious, accepting & inspiring

Positive potential: conscience, delayed gratification, maturity, moderation, self-discipline
Negative potential: impersonal perfectionism, judgmentalism, rigid self-control, self-righteousness
– They internalize their instincts & check them repeatedly for validity, which makes them highly ethical but also a bit slow
✳️
Therapy with HORSES: Body Types 891 are taught to modulate the energy they put out through their gut centers, & allow the process to unfold naturally.

– 8s need to modulate their intensity
– 9s need to focus, & direct their intentions with clarity
– 1s need to relax, & let go of their need to be competent and controlling – to simply be with the horse. Easier said than done.

MEDITATIONS ‘Thoughts’ about meditation (& some humor) Scroll to 12/3/2012

NEXT: Ennea Emotions #1