BOOK: The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective – R. Rohr & A. Ebert
► TWOS – Helpers / Caretakers
Dealing with Emotions: 2s are the most externalized, focusing their grief & shame outwardly. They over-express positive aspects of their heart – at the expense of being real, so it’s an incomplete or false connection. However, they get a lot out of giving of themselves & conforming to the needs of others
Shame: 2s compensate by denying hostility, trying always to act out an idealized image (good girl/good boy). They feel shame with confronts with any form of disapproval, because they want so badly to be loved.
The try to control shame by working very hard to convince themselves & others of being totally virtuous
They only allow themselves pleasant emotions & thoughts toward others, while repressing ‘ugly’ ones (anger & resentment for not being appreciated) – denying they may not be so unconditionally loving
— As long as 2s can get positive emotional responses from others, they feel acceptable, which helps control their shame
The positive emotion for 2s is a great capacity for empathy and care in relationships. Others naturally respond well to their warmth & friendliness, inviting a connection to the heart center where everyone is valued.
Their virtue is humility – not devaluing oneself, but realizing ones true measure & worth, without inflation or deflation – by the balance between giving & receiving
► THREES – Achievers / Performers
Dealing with Emotions: at the core of the triad, 3s are most out of touch with their heart-feelings, which are suspended so they can = make a good impression = get the job done, & = act as or become someone they believe will make the greatest impression or win the greatest accolades.
So they need to repress shame & grief, making it hard to know directly what they want or could own as theirs alone (needs, gifts, dreams, wants….)
Shame: they deny shame by disconnecting from their heart, hiding from underlying sense of inadequacy, then trying to fill the gap by ‘being’ what they achieve.
They do feel shame (but don’t recognize it as such) with any form of rejection, because they so want to be desirable.
3s focus on accomplishing tasks & ‘managing’ shame by trying to become what they imagine a valuable, successful person is like. They learn to perform well & be acceptable, even outstanding, often driven to relentlessly pursue success as a way of staving off feelings of shame & fear of failure
NOTE: Healthy 3s – bonding with a loving mother : are the most authentic people. Self-actualized 3s attract others with a magnetic personality
Unhealthy – bonding with a narcissistic mother : become sham artists to hide an undeveloped soul. Hard-driving achievers, they claw their way to the top & crow when they get there, but their own narcissism drives others away
(ARTICLE by a Christian Type 3)
► FOURS – Individualists
Dealing with Emotions: 4s under-expressing their connecting-heart, & focus their grief & shame inward. They have an artistic temperament, a love for aesthetics & are intense about everything – absorbed in their inner life, but away from their true feelings
Shame: they try to control their shame by shoving hostility so deep – they never find it. But they do experience it when they don’t feel like belong or are criticized or nor belonging somewhere, because they’re so afraid of being defective.
Being the most likely to feel inadequate, they compensate by focusing on how unique & special their style, emotions & talents are
4s also cover shame by cultivating a rich, romantic fantasy life to escape dealing with ‘reality’ – whatever seems drab or uninteresting – using dramatic emotions & imagination to soothe themselves, & fill in the Self they’re think is missing.(More….)
The positive emotion for 4s is authenticity, to feel their true feelings whatever it takes. They can empathize with other’s suffering & grief, as well as their happiness. Their virtue is equanimity – the capacity to keep the heart open, accepting all feelings while staying grounded in the goodness of life. (More…..)
NEXT: Ennea-EMOTIONS #2a