PREVIOUS: Triad Emotions – 1a

SITE:  “How the Enneagram can Point you to God“, with each type

BOOK: The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective  – R. Rohr & A. Ebert

◀︎▶︎ TWOS –  Helpers / Caretakers
♝ Dealing with Emotions: 2s are the most externalized, focusing their grief & shame outwardly. They over-express positive aspects of their heart – at the expense of being real, so their  connections are incomplete or false . However, they get a lot out of giving of themself & conforming to the needs of others

♚ Shame: 2s compensate by denying hostility, trying always to act out an idealized image (good girl/good boy). They feel shame when confronted with any form of disapproval, because they want so badly to be accepted & loved.
The try to control shame by working very hard to convince themself & others that they’re totally virtuous

They only allow themself pleasant emotions & thoughts toward others, while repressing ‘ugly’ ones (anger & resentment for not being appreciated) – denying that they may not be so unconditionally loving
— As long as 2s can get pleasant emotional responses from others, they feel valid, which helps control their shame

The ‘Positive’ emotion for 2s is a great capacity for empathy and care in relationships. Others naturally respond well to their warmth & friendliness, inviting a connection to the heart center where everyone is valued.
Their Virtue is humility – not devaluing oneself, but realizing ones true measure & worth, without inflation or deflation – by balancing between giving & receiving

◀︎▶︎ THREES – Achievers / Performers
♝ Dealing with Emotions: at the core of the triad, 3s are most out of touch with their heart-feelings, which are suspended so they can = make a good impression = get the job done, & = act as or become someone they believe will make the greatest impression or win the greatest accolades.
So they need to repress shame & grief, making it hard to know directly what they want or could own as theirs alone (needs, gifts, dreams, wants….)

♚ Shame: they deny shame by disconnecting from their heart, hiding from underlying sense of inadequacy, then trying to fill the gap by ‘being’ what they achieve.
They do feel shame (but don’t recognize it as such) with any form of rejection, because they so want to be desirable.

3s focus on accomplishing tasks & ‘managing’ shame by trying to become what they imagine a valuable, successful person is like. They learn to perform well & be acceptable, even outstanding, often driven to relentlessly pursue success as a way of staving off shame & fear of failure

NOTE: Healthy 3s – having bonded with a loving mother : they’re the most authentic people. Self-actualized 3s attract others with a magnetic personality
Unhealthy – if bonded to a narcissistic mother : they become sham-artists to hide an undeveloped soul. Hard-driving achievers, they claw their way to the top & crow when they get there, but their own narcissism drives others away
(ARTICLE by a Christian Type 3)

◀︎▶︎ FOURS – Individualists
♝ Dealing with Emotions: 4s under-expressing their connecting-heart, & turn their grief & shame inward. They have an artistic temperament, a love for aesthetics & are intense about everything – absorbed in their inner life, but away from their true feelings

♚ Shame: they try to control their shame by shoving hostility so deep – they can’t find it. But they do experience it when they don’t feel like they belong somewhere or are criticized, because they’re so afraid of seeming defective.
Being the most likely to feel inadequate, they compensate by focusing on how unique & special their style, emotions & talents are

4s also cover shame by cultivating a rich, romantic fantasy life to escape dealing with ‘ugly’ reality – whatever seems drab or uninteresting – using dramatic emotions & imagination to soothe themself, & fill in the Self they’re think is missing.(More….)

The Positive emotion for 4s is authenticity, to experience their true feelings, whatever it takes. They can empathize with other’s suffering & grief, as well as their happiness.
Their Virtue is equanimity – the capacity to keep the heart open, accepting all feelings while staying grounded in the goodness of life. (More…..)

 NEXT:  Ennea-EMOTIONS #2a