PREVIOUS: Ennea: TRIAD EMOTIONS (Part 3a)
891s “MANAGING” ANGER (cont)
► EIGHTS – Challengers (Par 3a)
► NINES – Peacemakers
Complicated : Some 9s recognize their anger, they have feelings of resentment, they blow up on occasion, they might experience road rage.
But many do not “get angry” and are confused to hear that this is their leading emotional issue. But it’s precisely this avoidance that pushes them out of contact with themselves. This is called the emotional habit of :self-forgetting”
Root: reacting to a chaotic early life, they deny anger in favor of a peaceful existence – mainly driven by a need to pacify their environment & relationships
Expressing anger & aggression: they repress anger, processing it unconsciously. They don’t like showing or even acknowledging their anger,
but tend to ‘smolder’ underneath. Since they deny aggression & resentment in order to not rock the boat, they don’t let on to the self or others that they’re stewing. This results in losing contact with the Gut Center, so they act or doesn’t act from a place disconnected from reality
Acting out anger: they deny their instinctual energies as if to say, “What anger? That’s not me.” In this triad, they’re most out of touch with anger & intuition, which they feel threatened by. While 9s get angry like everyone else, they try to ignore it by idealizing everything in their world
In relationships: finding their own anger so threatening, they bury it inside & form a completely pleasing or passive exterior. When boundary invaded, they don’t admit how angry it makes them, but it shows in a stubborn attachment to keeping the peace, whatever the cost. However, 9s do periodically erupt, betraying the reservoir of rage simmering deep below the surface.
As reaction to underlying fear: they need comfort & peacefulness in their connection with others because of a great fear of being separated. So they try to stifle the source of power in self & others by repressing their own assertive / aggressive nature, & actively calming/ suppressing aggressiveness in others.
Re. not being held/ supported: they “hold” by engaging in repetitive mental or physical actions that soothe them, as a narcotic (See Enn. Emotions, Intro)
► ONES – Reformers
Root: being humiliated, forced to follow a strict moral code, feeling unacceptable, unable to rely on a safe stable authority figure
Expressing anger: internalize anger, focused inward, from wanting to be perfect, but the impossibility of achieving this goal sets up a vicious cycle – triggering more anger, which they deny. They process anger by following a rigid set of religious or philosophical ideals
Acting out anger: trying to make aggression noble, glorious – they use the superego to represses normal instinctual energy – shoving it down & having it come back up as righteousness / doing the right thing
In relationships: they feel anger but do everything they can to hide it. They have a burning desire to be perfect, & in their mind perfect people don’t get angry. Since they give themselves no mercy, they tend to be highly judgmental of others as well.
Their response to boundary invasion is to repress the raw energy of anger, redirecting it into efficient action, while holding on to a simmering resentment, which is their Passion
As reaction to underlying fear of being condemned for normal human limitations, they need to always be right & to see themselves as reasonable, using strict self-discipline
Re. not being held/ supported: they “hold” by being self-controlled and trying to control or structure every aspect of their direct environment (MORE... from Lynette Sheppard)
The positive emotional state of Ones is a sincere spirit & good intentions towards others, understanding that they have a personal role to play in caring for the well being of all. They’re part of a larger order & purpose, so personal integrity means doing one’s very best in every situation.
NEXT : What ACoAs know & don’t know