LISTEN TO PATTERN
of their conversation
PREVIOUS: Red Flags #1
BOOK: HOW to TAKE REVENGE on a NARCISSIST: Take your power back by using their secret techniques
List BASED ON: “30 Red Flags of Manipulative People”
1. RELATIONAL Manipulation (in Part 1)
2. SOCIAL Manipulation
• Comparing – you with everyone else in their life, including your eventual replacement. When idealizing you, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. Later, when devaluing you, they use these comparisons to cut you down
• Communicating – texts you dozens of times a day, adding compliments, flattery, songs & poems on Facebook…. You come to rely on this flood of attention as a source of confidence
• In Demand – they surround themselves with former lovers and potential mates, bragging that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you not to worry. You feel jealous believing your partner is in high demand
• Exes, exes, exes – it’s the psychopath’s favorite topic of conversation & you’re stuck listening about them all the time – their names & everything that happened between them – but only the psychopath’s version
• Denouncing – they seem to have an unusually amount of crazies in their past. They bad-mouth previous business & personal exes who ‘abandoned’ them, labeling those people as disloyal, jealous, bipolar, alcoholic…. They will speak about you the same way to their next target
• Rivalry – psychopaths shift their laser focus from you back to previously denounced exes, using social media to post ambiguous videos & status updates, old songs & inside jokes, making you doubt your importance to them, while seemingly innocent.
• Boredom – They focus more on their new activity & ignore older ones with you. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side, since they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy
• Isolating – If you try to maintain ties with family & friends outside your relationship, they will ensure to undermine each one until you’re severed.
And if you work hard to foster inner peace in your life, they will make it their mission to destroy every avenue you use
• Mind reading. Psychopaths expect you to always be able to know what they want or need, when they’re upset, when they don’t feel well, when they want you to do something – all without saying!
• Shape shifting. They adopt different personae for different people or groups, transforming their outward personality to match their audience. But sometimes they forget what role they’re playing with you, then slip & accidentally use the wrong mask. You begin to wonder – Who are they really?
Very eerie, but it’s not Multiple Personality Disorder. Each shift is conscious & cleverly molded – all to cover their inner emptiness.
• Fun – They actively search our extreme sports & dangerous activities, from a need to feel excitement via high risk & intensity. Anything from BASE jumping to having sex in public, from juggling matches to carelessly cheating on a mate
Dichotomy – they confuse you with a combination of swaggering street-smarts toughness, while at the same time giving off a little boy/girl ‘innocence’ or goodness (not real!).
Fake ‘tears’ – Their emotions are shallow & short-lived.
— While they know how to copy emotions they see in others, only occasionally does the mask slip – unconsciously, giving you the feeling that something’s ‘off’
— You may catch flashes of contempt (feeling superior), unrelated to anything going at the time. Micro-expressions leak out their true opinions
— Rage is one of the few Es they actually feel, but even so they can go from being in a rage to compete calm in a minute
TMI – They love to tell about shady & ‘dirty’ things they’ve done (business & sexual) – as if those were something to be proud of – while giving the impression that’s all in the past for them
Fake goodness – They create a ‘saintly’ aura engaging in phony altruism (volunteering, donating, gift-giving…), & can’t wait to boast about the great things they do for others – to gain your trust
Talking style – On the one hand their speech is filled with ‘umm / er / uh’ s… maybe needing the time or mental effort to come up with the next lie, ‘story’ or way to make a good impression.
On the other hand – they can barrage with endless (sometimes interesting) monologues, like being on stage, but ignore responses or interruptions
• Blame others – nothing is ever their fault. They spend all their time rationalizing their behavior rather than improving it
• Overwhelming selfishness – only their needs, desires, opinions, upsets… count (Modified from “Identifying a Psychopath….”)
NEXT: Psychopath RED FLAGS #3
4 thoughts on “RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 2)”
This is my father. 😦 I always believed that innocent little boy part he shows. Thanks for saying “not real.” Bleck. Makes me confused and I don’t know what’s real – I get fuzzy. I can’t handle that. No solid ground. No foundation. Derealization. Lost. Unmoored.
As you know, that’s the kids. You are moored in the Lord & in your Adult.
Throw the kids a life line. It’s OK that they’re scared – but as you’ve said they always knew something was ‘off’ about him very early on.
I was married to someone who possessed all these symptoms. I share my experiences on my blog, in case you’d like to take a look at it. Thank you.
You’re welcome & thank you for sharing your experience. I hope your recovery is going well.