psychopath red flags

RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 3)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Psychotherapy, recovery , , , , , ,

ALL OF THEIR CHARM
is a lie, but hard to resist

PREVIOUS: Psychopath RED FLAGS #2

BOOKs: “Psychopath FREE”

 

2. SOCIAL Manipulation (in Part 2)

3. GENERAL  (cont)
• Physical — Psychopaths need very little sleep – maybe 4-5 hrs a night. They’re always on the go, searching for new stimulation
— Research indicates they have a poor sense of smell – have a hard time identifying something or knowing the difference between smells
— They seem to have little or no body odor, maybe from frequent showers, carrying deodorant or a change of clothes – all to make a good impression

• No startle response – they have a total absence of anxiety, fear & worry – where there would be in a ‘normal’ person. They always seem to be calm, rarely stressed or nervous. This may be the result of decreased activity in the amygdala (emotion center of the brain)

No boundaries – they invade personal space, standing too close. Research shows that ‘cold-hearted’ (inter-personally aloof) people prefer less distance between themselves & others. It may be a subtle symptom of aggression, as in “In your face”

• Lie & make excuses – about everything, even when it’s not necessary, & can make up lies faster than you can question them

• Hating – they’re obsessed with humiliating anyone who is successful, kind & cheerful, like delighting in breaking up friendships & marriages

• Thirst for attention & adoration is obsessive & insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a pulse could fill the role. They will drain you dry, but no one can fill the void in a psychopath’s soul

4. REACTIONS (Results in you, the ‘Receiver’ of P-A)
• Denial – You feel on edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You write off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re insecure & in constant competition with others for their attention & praise

•  No fighting – you’re afraid that any way you disagree with them could be the end. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that unpleasant conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially anything to do with their behavior. You apologize & forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest

• Research – You find yourself playing detective, looking for answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain. It’s never happened in your other relationship, but suddenly you’re checking their old emails, cell phone texts, search logs, old Facebook pages & pics, about their ex…..

• Explaining (a) – You desperately ask them to imagine how they’d feel if you treated them in a hurtful way, but they just stare at you blankly. No adult should have to be told how they are making other people feel. But psychopaths can’t seem to put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s either.  If it doesn’t bother them, why would it bother you?

•  Explaining (b) You find yourself trying to get across the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown adult. ‘Normal’ people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty & kindness, but not a psychopath. They don’t have a conscience.

• Insecurity – During & after the relationship, you’ll spend a lot more time in front of the mirror. (Thank You to “ckwanderlust” for their valuable insights)

.• Crazed – After being around a psychopath for a while, you’ll feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal & empty. You’ve torn your entire life apart for them – spending money, ending friendships, searching for some sort of reason behind it all. None of it worked & there is no sane explanation. Psychopaths are hollow, deliberately using people & then discarding them like soiled clothes.

It’s not you! Their treatment was never about you! What you’re responsible for is staying with someone who mistreated you. That you can change – but never them!

KNOWLEDGE – If you’re wise enough to be on the outside looking at the psychopath, you may be the only one who knows that something’s seriously wrong with them. But no one will listen. Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than ‘intimate’ relationships.

Friends, family, co-workers will think he/she is great, even though they’ve been taken advantage of, even outright scammed. Unfortunately, ‘victims’ won’t object because they’re strategically distracted with shallow attention & praise – often on social media.
All you can do is say what is true & then let go!

NOTE: These Red Flags have been updated, based on survey responses from more than 1,000 survivors! Qs which also include info on Arrogance,  Covert Gossiping……

NEXT: Being ‘Right’ #1

RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 2)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, recovery, Self-esteem , , , ,

LISTEN TO PATTERN
of their conversation

PREVIOUS: Red Flags #1

BOOK:  HOW to TAKE REVENGE on a NARCISSIST: Take your power back by using their secret techniques 

List BASED ON: “30 Red Flags of Manipulative People”

1. RELATIONAL Manipulation (in Part 1)

2. SOCIAL Manipulation
• Comparing – you with everyone else in their life, including your eventual replacement. When idealizing you, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. Later, when devaluing you, they use these comparisons to cut you down

• Communicating – texts you dozens of times a day, adding compliments, flattery, songs & poems on Facebook….  You come to rely on this flood of attention as a source of confidence

• In Demand – they surround themselves with former lovers and potential mates,  bragging that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you not to worry. You feel jealous believing your partner is in high demand

• Exes, exes, exes – it’s the psychopath’s favorite topic of conversation & you’re stuck listening about them all the time – their names & everything that happened between them – but only the psychopath’s version

• Denouncing – they seem to have an unusually amount of crazies in their past. They bad-mouth previous business & personal exes who ‘abandoned’ them, labeling those people as disloyal,  jealous, bipolar, alcoholic….  They will speak about you the same way to their next target

• Rivalry – psychopaths shift their laser focus from you back to previously denounced exes, using social media to post ambiguous videos & status updates, old songs & inside jokes, making you doubt your importance to them, while seemingly innocent.

• Boredom – They focus more on their new activity & ignore older ones with you. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side, since they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy

• Isolating – If you try to maintain ties with family & friends outside your relationship, they will ensure to undermine each one until you’re severed.
And if you work hard to foster inner peace in your life, they will make it their mission to destroy every avenue you use

• Mind reading. Psychopaths expect you to always be able to know what they want or need, when they’re upset, when they don’t feel well, when they want you to do something – all without saying!

• Shape shifting. They adopt different personae for different people or groups, transforming their outward personality to match their audience. But sometimes they forget what role they’re playing with you, then slip & accidentally use the wrong mask. You begin to wonder – Who are they really?
Very eerie, but it’s not Multiple Personality Disorder. Each shift is conscious & cleverly molded – all to cover their inner emptiness.

3. GENERAL
• Fun – They actively search our extreme sports & dangerous activities, from a need to feel excitement via high risk & intensity. Anything from BASE jumping to having sex in public, from juggling matches to carelessly cheating on a mate

Dichotomy – they confuse you with a combination of swaggering street-smarts toughness, while at the same time giving off a little boy/girl ‘innocence’ or goodness (not real!).

Fake ‘tears’ – Their emotions are shallow & short-lived.
— While they know how to copy emotions they see in others, only occasionally does the mask slip – unconsciously, giving you the feeling that something’s ‘off’
— You may catch flashes of contempt (feeling superior), unrelated to anything going at the time. Micro-expressions leak out their true opinions
— Rage is one of the few Es they actually feel, but even so they can go from being in a rage to compete calm in a minute

TMI – They love to tell about shady & ‘dirty’ things they’ve done (business & sexual) – as if those were something to be proud of – while giving the impression that’s all in the past for them

Fake goodness – They create a ‘saintly’ aura engaging in phony altruism (volunteering, donating, gift-giving…), & can’t wait to boast about the great things they do for others – to gain your trust

Talking style – On the one hand their speech is filled with ‘umm / er / uh’ s… maybe needing the time or mental effort to come up with the next lie, ‘story’ or way to make a good impression.
On the other hand – they can barrage with endless (sometimes interesting) monologues, like being on stage, but ignore responses or interruptions

• Blame others – nothing is ever their fault. They spend all their time rationalizing their behavior rather than improving it

• Overwhelming selfishness – only their needs, desires, opinions, upsets… count    (Modified from “Identifying a Psychopath….”)

NEXT: Psychopath RED FLAGS #3

RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Personal Growth, Psychotherapy, recovery , , , , , ,

grating sound
NOTICE HOW OUT OF TUNE
they are with the rest of us

PREVIOUS: 

SITE: Movie Psychopaths – Most & Least realistic 


BASED ON: “30 Red Flags of Manipulative People”

You will find that many of these Red Flags are contradictory – which is part of the psychopath’s bag of tricks. Don’t be fooled, because if  you believe their initial con-job, then they can keep you off balance, & you stay hooked.

★ We always need to be awake for what people are telling us about themselves – in all relationships. One Red Flag to look for is:
Always be suspicious of anyone who comes on too strong, too attentive & complimentary, too easily ‘attached’ – almost as soon as they meet you, even if some of what they say about you is accurate. They simply don’t know you yet, so all their sweet-talk is a form of manipulation & narcissism. It’s creepy!

Healthy people are not taken in by this – they can ‘feel’ such a person’s inappropriateness, whether from neediness or as a self-serving hook. They take the time to slowly get to know others, allowing the process to unfold the truth. This is especially important for ACoAs, who are looking for a symbiotic, instant attachment – but which makes us vulnerable to being used & then thrown away!

1. RELATIONAL Manipulation
• Declare you are their soul mate – in the beginning: psychopaths will tell you how much you have in common, they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them, let you do all the talking…. so you’re enchanted

• Flatter your deepest insecurities, mirroring your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart. EXP:
— If you’re self-conscious about your looks, they’ll say you’re the sexiest person in the world
— If you have a need to be entertaining, they’ll say you’re the funniest most interesting person they’ve ever known….

• Over-emphasize emotions, verbally, but not ever show any themselves. Make passionate statements like “I’ve never felt so happy in my life”, but in a robotic, detached voice – like an alien trying to imitate human feelings

• Bait & Switch. After the initial seduction & idealization phase, they stop the compliments & flattery, then undermine your self-esteem by being degrading & belittling

• Ultimate hypocrite. Psychopaths expect you to be their perfect mate, demanding total fidelity, respect & admiration – while they cheat, lie, steal & use you emotionally

• Withhold attention. Once you’re hooked they suddenly become withdrawn & physically uninterested – without any obvious reason or explanation. They act bored, like it’s a chore to be intimate, completely annoyed that you expect to continue the passionate relationship they started.
It make you desperate & needy, ensuring that you’ll always be the one to initiate contact

• Provoke emotional reactions – deliberately setting you up. EXP:
— call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex on social media
— call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for 3 days straight…..

• Non-reactive – they’re cool, calm & collected & want you to feel inferior or over-sensitive for having normal human emotions & reactions

• Insult you in a joking but condescending way, subtly minimizing your intelligence & achievements, such as smirk any time you try to express yourself

• Controlling – They tell you what to of, say & feel. The try to ‘fix’ you up, obsessed with your appearance, making comments about what you’re wearing  & how you look, always picking at you, pointing out flaws that don’t even exist

• Teasing you becomes their major style of communication – “just joking”! If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive, paranoid & crazy

• Silent treatment: If they stop talking to you for several days, it’s to show their displeasure because they want you to believe that it was your fault for expecting too much from them, for ruining their plans, for not being available when they wanted you…. & they’ll play the victim as an excuse for not telling you

• Spotlight – always shining it on your faults and ignoring their own. If you point out their mistakes, they’re quick to point the finger back at you.
EXP:
— If they’re 2 hours late, they remind you that you were once 5 minutes late to your first date
— If they’ve forgotten to keep a promise, they remind you of the time you didn’t buy the milk you said you’d pick it up for their breakfast…..

• Gaslighting. Psychopaths blatantly deny their own manipulative behavior, ignoring clear evidence when confronted with it. They get angry if you try to disprove their denial / delusions using facts

NEXT: Red Flags, #2