PREVIOUS: Being confident (Part 4)
SITE: ‘Creating Confidence”
QUOTES: “Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in giving creates love.”
“When you are content to simply be yourself, & don’t compete or compare, everyone will respect you.” Lao Tzu
REMINDER: Do NOT let yourself get overwhelmed by this 6-part list. It’s meant to be a guide, qualities to work towards. To look at the cup half full – or more – notice & then acknowledge when you have expressed a little of any one of these in your daily life. Then give yourself a pat on the back, & remind your Inner Child of your progress!
• aren’t afraid to look silly. They don’t mind being seen when they’re not at their best. Occasionally “looking bad” makes them more human & accessible. They don’t try to be 100% a 100% of the time.
They can be unprepared, caught off guard, the butt of a joke, having a bad hair day, or find that the equipment isn’t working for a presentation – without becoming self-conscious or awkward.
They may be able to quietly ‘fix’ the problem, get help or just go with the flow, depending on the circumstance.
Confident people have a good sense of humor, about themselves & life in general, so even if they can’t tell a joke to save their lives, they can appreciate the irony in everyday events. Being genuine & unpretentious encourages other people to laugh with them, not at them
• avoid self-promotion. Positive self-assurance permits genuine modesty / humility. They’re not as bothered (as insecure people) if they don’t get all the credit for their ideas or hard work. Braggers are insecure & lack self-respect, who secretly think: “Please notice me & tell me I’m special”.
Confident people know what they’re capable of – or not – & their actions speak for them. They enjoy being acknowledged, admired, lauded, respected…. because they’re comfortable with who they are & what they’ve achieved. But they don’t need the glory from others, since true validation is an inside job
• don’t need approval from the whole world. A professional & social network of hundreds, even thousands may have some business advantages, but don’t contribute to self-esteem.
Confident people would rather have the respect & trust of a handful of people they consider important.
Where ever they go or what they try, those who truly matter believe in them & are consistently supportive, whether at home, at work or in public.
• don’t gossip, envy or compare. They can keep confidences (+), & don’t want to participate in rag-fests (-), not having a need to be one-up to anyone. They don’t compare themselves to others, or others to each other. Each person is unique, with their own personality & experiences. Al-Anon says to not “compare & despair”.
They rarely focus on envy or jealousy, (which is intensified by comparisons), because they are empowered by being able to achieve their own goal. For confident people, what others are or have is ‘none of their business’.
• appreciate compliments. Allowing oneself to receive, graciously & with appreciation, is a sign of solid self-esteem. Knowing their abilities & value, they don’t need to minimize or reject expressions of honor & validation from others, freely given. It lets other have the joy of giving, as well.
This self-knowledge also helps distinguish between compliments that are genuine, & those that are manipulative & controlling.
EXP: “Thanks, I really worked hard on that ____. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”
• are thankful & don’t complain. They keep in mind all the benefits & blessings they DO have, & work toward what they still lack or desire. They acknowledge, appreciate AND enjoy what’s available, which generates inner peace.
NEXT: Conficence #6