PREVIOUS: : Ego States – CHILD (Part 1a)
ADAPTED CHILD (cont)
▶ DEEPER: We can also look at the 3 ego states of the Adapted Child’s Parent aspects! (‘Parent, part 1’)
The -AC is the network location of our accumulated trauma. At this most underground level we have ego-states embedded in E.S., embedded in E.S.
This ‘voice’ is a combination of all our important caretakers, usually one louder than the others. If those people were very damaged, our Child’s Parent E.S (P1) it’s own 3 negative aspects. As very young children we incorporate their wounds into our version of a parent, all of which is internalize as if they were us!
X: Our Child’s Parent’s (P1) Critical Parent, the neural map containing all the negative parental rules & cognitive distortions which our caretakers carried about themselves. The younger we were when subjected to this aspect of our parents, the more receptive / vulnerable we were….called Injunctions in T.A. – 12 DON’T
Y: Our Child’s Parent’s (P1) Angry/Defiant Child – the neural network holding our caretaker’s rage, reflected in our own 8 to 12 yr-old self
Z: Our Child’s Parent’s (P1) Vulnerable Child – a energy map of our caretaker’s youngest self, mirrored by our 1 to 7 yr old, carrying all their woundedness – trauma, loneliness & fear of abandonment
VERY IMP: This hidden set of E.S. (from our actual parents, now living in our PP) need to be identified & separated out from OUR actual experiences, since those which harmed our caretakers could well have been very different
EXP: A father may have been orphaned very young, or mentally / emotionally scarred by serving in a war, a mother may have been sexually molested as a child or battered in a relationship…… which didn’t happened to us. Yet their unhealed pain & resulting harsh or neglectful treatment towards us were inevitably absorbed – as if we’d lived thru those events too!
🦋 Once we’re clear about what part of the baggage we’re carrying is theirs, we can ‘pack it all up’ & give it back to them – symbolically. We have enough of our own, thank you very much!
This can be done over & over – until we’re less burdened, via visualizations, in drawings, 2-handed dialogue between Healthy Adult & PP, in Bio-energetics, Primal or Gestalt (2 chairs), psychotherapy….
SYMPTOMS of the AC
Physical – emotion expressions of being sad, in despair, having temper tantrums, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, whining voice
AND delighted, giggling, kidding around, laughter, raising hand to speak, squirming, talking behind hand, winking….
Verbal – baby talk, being literal, ‘oh no not again’, “things never go right for me, worst day of my life, I dunno”….
AND bragging, exaggerations, “I wish, I want, I’m gonna, I don’t care”, many superlatives (best, most, biggest), words to impress….
CHART: Wounded CHILD versions (Damaging Parent in “Parent – #4”)
These nuances are ways the WIC may act at WORK or in other groups, expressing “I’m NOT OK” or “I’m not OK & neither are you!” (OK Coral)
• Compliant Child ES
“I’ll do anything to please you as long as you don’t get mad at me or fire me”.
Person doesn’t make for a good team member (don’t pull your weight), & will be highly stressed if they have to manage others. Often feel depressed & unrealistically fearful
• Oppositional Child ES
“No one can control me”
Reacting against others, whether we actually agree or disagree with them – as a false boundaries & a temporary sense of power. Negative repercussions are obvious
• Reckless Child ES
“I only do things MY way”.
This type has no boundaries & does whatever it wants, no matter the consequences to self or others. The person never / rarely takes responsibility for their actions. If theyre an employee it takes a great deal of management effort to keep them focused & out of trouble. As a boss – they run roughshod over everyone.
NOTE: We can switch into whichever state gets triggered by a current situation, often related to different ages in our past (Compliant is usually the youngest – age 3-5 / Rebellious tends to be our teenager….)
NEXT: Child E.S. #2a