THEY SAY THEY LOVE ME
but I still feel trapped
PREVIOUS: Types of Perps (Part 2b)
See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.
ABUSER TYPES (cont.)
• often have had several failed relationships, all with a history of being rescued, kept, or protected in various ways – ie. infantilized
• don’t have & don’t want outside friends, relationships, or interests
• need constant reassurance they’re OK
• expect special treatment because they’re ‘needy’, wounded, damaged, suffering….
• expect a parent figure (mentor/caretaker) to handle all areas of their life
• want to be waited on and refuses to do even basic things for themselves or help with adult chores
• claim they want/need you to do things for them because it makes them feel good. Pout or guilt-trip if you don’t wait on them hand & foot
• want you to make big & small decisions for them, be told what to do, act incompetent (they’re really not) & need direction to get anything done
• are also passive aggressive, blaming you for being controlling & complain / whine when they don’t like your choices
• underachieve to avoid responsibility or the possibility of failure.
(Modified from : “Stop Abusive Relationships“)
These are the chameleons, who can be all things to all people – smart & sneakily manipulative
• have a natural instinct for sensing people who are vulnerable or sensitive, that have low self-esteem, have weak emotional & sexual boundaries, are sexually frustrated, lonely, needy, bored, desperate for a relationship, on the rebound, ignored, wounded… so the predator can take advantage
• If you are their mark, they’ll watch your eye & body language, & listen carefully to what you say – when you’re not aware
— later use it to make it seem they magically know you right away – before spending enough time to actually know all of you.
— are a smooth talker with all the right things to say, seemingly with all the same interests as you – so they sound insightful, ‘deep’ & the soul mate you’ve been waiting for
• To sweep you off your feet – they come on fast & strong, create a lot of excitement & fun, while keeping an air of mystery about themselves
— push right away to get every detail of your life & most private info (bank accounts, family connections….)
— move in or want to get married too quickly
— fulfilling your physical, financial, emotional needs
— are overly helpful, comforting and understanding – as they take over every aspect of your life by becoming adviser, parent figure, spiritual leader, mentor
🧩 At first you feel seen, heard, understood, important – but after a while you may realize you’re caught in a web – you’re the slave, the child, the worshiper – but never an equal, never separate.
MENTALLY / EMOTIONALLY ILL
They were taken to counseling as a child with no improvement, and have not been helped or changed with adult counseling
a. Dramatic/ erratic: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Passive-aggressive
b. Fearful / anxious: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-compulsive, Paranoid, Schizoid (NOT schizophrenic)
Medical : Active chemical Addictions, Manic-Depression, Schizophrenia, or any illness used as defense, exploit someone or as a stick to keep others in line
• currently being treated for a psychiatric disorder, on any kind of psychiatric medication – with a psychiatric or personality disorder: Emotional
• on disability for a mental condition
• have been jailed for illegal or ‘crazy’ behavior &/or hospitalized for emotional problems or life-threatening acts
• have been under the supervision of a case manager with community mental-health services
• use B & W thinking, are inflexible & have trouble being spontaneous
• always bring the conversation around to themselves
• believe or act as though rules are for everyone except them
• engage in daredevil /dangerous behaviors, think they’re special, unique – and should be treated as such
• have keeping a job, relationships, a place to live….
NEXT: Partner Abuse